Her face is creepy...and he sucks.
 

Fuck you man, I'm NOT Sir Sucks-a-Lot... I'm Douchester Cogburn. Doesn't my retarded mohawk give that away?
 

when did women start waring their hair for shirts? not that i'm complaining.
 

Yeah, we really can come up with a better name than that.

He's too cool to bother flipping a proper bird, even though his rooster crest makes him, quasi-literally, a proper bird. Ironic.
 

I saw that tie at a Bar Mitzvah in Brookline, MA.



True story
 

She's oddly attractive at first glance. But if one tips their head slightly left, what gives?
 

He's got style... and possibly an extra chromosome.
 

So that's where I left my penis sheath, around her neck.
 

All right! Another celebrity sighting on HCWDB. First time, I think, that Ru Paul has been featured!
 

How about "Foghorn Baghorn"? Or has that been used?

"I say, I say, I say look here haterz, this here's my bitch, and if you don't like it, suck the dick of envy!" (Gotta get a classic HJBB&D reference in there - poet laureate and all.)

If the crest of his hair were lower, he could be Foghorn's sworn foe, "Henery Fauxhawk." Or maybe just "The Chickenhawk." Cluck him.
 

Sir Sucks-a-Lot is a wee bit strabismic.

It's from all the jizm that squirts in his face
 

He probably did the passed-out wino A FAVOR when he stole that tie.

I think the last time that tie was in style I was drinking a Billy Beer.
 

She is disgusting. He is a fucking clown.
 

If I remember correctly a few years back, when Brooklyn was infested with 'Hipsters', we used to call this the Williamsburg Taco. But a Hipsterdouche hybrid? Sporting a Valley Quail Crest?

Put me out of my misery O Furies.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

She looks a little like a Cortez Croaker.




Just don't ask for a Cortez Croaker in a Tijuana whorehouse unless you have lots of analgesic handy
 

This man has truly made a sacrilidge of all that the mohawk is meant to be.

Somewhere in Chicago, Mr. T weeps.
 

He is part Cassowary, let him be.
 

Good lord! His droopy eyes and mouth make him look like he just had a stroke. I'm guessing she's simply being a good citizen and taking him to the hospital, but laughing that really is a stupid looking tie.
 

Sir Sucks A Lot
 

this pic reminds me of an alice and chains song. i can't remember the name of it.

but i'd like to snuff this guy.

oh yeah.
 

he's gonna be pissed when he sobers up and realizes that lola here isn't what he thought.

just look at those strong man hands.

yikes!
 

You know, I heard about this motif in art class ... where different elements of a painting draw your attention and focus to other parts. So for example, the middle finger draws your attention to the hair, which points at the tie, back to the forearm in a douchy whirlpool, all consipiring to get your eyes from the hott to him.

Oh you cutie, why must you sully yourself like that...
 

@bcs -

"Would"?
"Man in the Box"?

Hmmmmm.....
 

DB1, get some choice ass in here now!
 

Hipsters still own Williamsburg. Except now the rich artsy fuckers are leaving soho and coming to Williamsburg cause its hipper. Now the poor hipsters can't afford to live in Williamsburg after the gentrification and are moving to bedford-sty.

This guy for sure , smokes dope, is in a band, and will soon be sharing a hole with some rats in Bushwick
 

The face says, "I survived carbon monoxide poisoning as a child," but the tie says, "The part of my brain responsible for dressing myself died that day on the garage floor."

What do you all suppose he's carrying on that strap?
 

Bet he never saw Stripes, the stupid assclown.
 

Her lips look like my avatar.
 

Gotta go bathe, the wretch is too much.

Out, Douchemaster Flex!

ASvB
 

Catch ya on the flip side ASvB.
 

anyone else thinking Foghorn Leghorn?
 

WTF! is Adolfs avatar! I cant figuer it out!
 

Bull shit on the new pfah deal.
 

Hey regulars, i think some one is trying to pull a fastone on pfah.

Darksock? Adolf? Douchemaster Flex? Mr. White? Baron? Gajindouche? Mr. Biggs? bcs? plinky? Jean claude van douche? Vin Douchal? Dont wheeze the douche? Ronald McDouchenald? and all others, how can we confirm this stuff??
 

It's an anus!
 

I know how to do it, I sent him a message on his old blog, he should be able to confirm it that way.

Until then, DO NOT trust the new one!

ASvB
 

Where in the heck do you get a tie like that?
 

hey regs...it's me. i promise. i killed my other account so i'd have email. thanks for the concern, but i swear it's me. my wife is a hott Greek, i am bald, and i try to be generally awesome.

it's me.


and bcs smells funny.
 

Your old account is still active!
 

Choad the Chicken.

Leader in the Clubhouse for the Weekly.

Fuck Fung.
 

Riiiiiiiiiiiight
 

You NEVER address me like that!

Fake!
 

oh jesus.
 

"and bcs smells funny."

Yea, that's pfah alright.

And the manpurse this guy is wearing must be epic. Fisting sling totebag?
 

not only does bcs smell funny, but darksock lives in the deep south we call Louisiana, BvG is my hero, and i have designed many an avatar for some of you regulars.

fer fuck's sake.


that should do it.

it's me.

shut up already. heh.
 

thanks you Jean Claude Van Douche.

and thanks for the concern.


now, back to our regularly scheduled mocking.
 

pud fucking dickwad chump fucker
ahh shes ok
Turdacious
 

He looks like he got slipped a roofie instead...she has teeth like Morton Downey Junior

http://www.mortondowneyjr.com/album/mort9.jpg

(how the hell do you add a link, Im retarded)
 

somehow the link is attached to my name, so click on that...christ joke over, back to microbiology....
 

He should have dressed himself BEFORE he took all 20 of those dramamine.
 

This guy is the personification of a "cock fag" (thanks DD for my new favorite word!)

His tie looks like a bloody tampon

Is she even wearing a top or is it just that weird necklace & her hair? She also needs braces...and her roots done...and to rethink her choice in men...
 

Wow, that's one scary bitch!

++Hey, my dad used to have one of those ties!


-in 1978.
 

maybe that strap is holding his colostomy bag.
 

my dad had a tie like that too.

it also doubled as a blanket that my brother and i would take a nap under.
 

That's not fashion, Sir, it's profanity.
 

My fish had a mouth like that, then I flushed it down the toilet.
Does she have a screaming case of herpes on her upper lip or is that a mole gone ape-shit?
- ------------------------

@pfah

dude i don't remember your dome being that shiny.
 

What's the deal with this guy?...

A) the camera flash triggered a drug-induced seizure.
B) his arm is stuck like that from years of masturbation by way of anal fisting.
C)popped collar, popped wrist.
 

@plinky... your mom got me all sweaty like that.

speaking of which...how is your mom? or, should i just ask darksock.
 

It's Johnny Depp's renegade little brother, Boner Depp. He's out on the town snorting fish food and free-basing sea weed.
He's the "vegetarian" of drug addicts.

His gal-pal's name is Shanta and she's from the "dating" service Gender Benders.
 

@pfah

you can ask darksock yourself. he just went into the bedroom with her ... he'll be out in 47 seconds.
 

sweet.

speaking of bedroom...

i am off for tonight. off to give my beautiful other half the best fake orgasm she has ever had.


hehh.

seeya tommorrow shithead.
 

@pfah

shithead? that's a little strong, don't you think?

Damn man that hurt my feelings.

Oh, btw, don't get too mad if your "beautiful other half" happens to cry out "PLINKY" while ya'll are in the throes of passion.



Just sayin' ...
 

Someone has hijacked my blogger account, and changed the password.

This has me REALLY pissed off.

Whoever did this: YOU ARE A TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLE AND I HOPE YOUR ARMS SWELL UP AND FALL OFF YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.

to all: DO NOT regard anything from col.steve.zodiac from here on out. Steve Zodiac is now officially DEAD. I will make another "avatar".

Fuckin' piss me off... like life isn't complicated enough, now I got some dickwad screwing with my virtual identity... Lame ass Bastards... DOUCHEBAGS!!!
 

$100 says he uses chicken fat in his hair.
 

Poor girl must have left her titties in her other blouse.



Anyone else catch the rock on her left hand?
 

@ Steve Zodiac

That happened to me last year. Someone took down my Gary Gnu avatar.

And I concur with your highly charged and somewhat psychotic discourse on the subject.
 

Greetings All.

Col.Steve.Zodiac was kidnapped by fuckwit douchebags, and is no longer among the living. Well, as living as pine, polyester and paint can be.

So, in keeping with the theme, Col.Steve has charged a few years into the future out of Fireball XL5 and directly into STINGRAY!!!

I am now "Troy Tempest". I look like a wooden James Garner. Sigh. It will do. It was this or Captain Scarlet, and he just creeps me out. And the Thunderbirds? Sorry - the only interesting one on there was Lady Penelope, and well, she and I don't look anything alike, much less share the same gender. Besides, Lady P was a REAL hot chick, or as real as a puppet could be, so VERY real to me...

Sigh.

"AquaMarina" is tugging at my shirt for me to come to bed... more tomorrow.

Here's a really lovely and completely weird video of me and Aqua for your perusal. Theme song and all...
 

plinky-

you have my sympathy. It is SO utterly lame when people pull that shit. It just pisses me off.
 

Tell it to my heart
 

Back in the spring of 1984 I was traveling through the Ozarks. I attended a county fair and fucked a peacock. This assbag is the offspring of that unholy union.




True story.
 

@Troy/Zodiac

For what it's worth, I like the new avatar much better.
 

Sucks-a-lot looks like he just got the douche kicked out of him by Mickey Rourke.
 

IT'S CONFIRMED!

Pfah is Pfah!

ASvB
 

Mr Baggins wrote:

@Troy/Zodiac

For what it's worth, I like the new avatar much better.

Really? Why? I dug Steverino. I'm kinda seriously bummed out about it. I suppose I'll get used to Troy.

In the show, Troy was SUCH a fucking dork. Ya see, Steve had Venus, and they were clearly a couple. But Troy - TROY - YOU MORON!!! Atlanta Shore was after him BIG TIME, and she was pretty hot. Red head. Then Troy rescues Marina, but does he EVERY close the deal? Not to my memory.

I was all of 6 years old when this came out, and I thought Aqua Marina was totally hot. And you'd see Troy and Marina staring off into the sunset and all that - but I NEVER got the impression that he really got anywhere with her.

I could understand there would be difficulties, I mean, fuck: she was mute as a sidewalk, but more scary: she could BREATHE UNDERWATER. I could see Troy, being the all american bullet headed saxon mother's son, finding that pretty weird, but I wouldn't mind. She had long blonde hair all the way to her bum, a fine figure, a kind face and was genuinely sweet.

Atlanta was mouthy, and jealous, but a good sort. Definitely doable. But did he? Hell no. GOD what a MAROON!!!

So, yeah - I'm playing it like this:

Troy wakes up to the fact that Aqua Marina's his girl, and that's that.

So, Aqua Marina's my hott, so deal with it... Mrs. Tempest won't mind. She doesn't look anything like Marina, but she didn't look anything like Venus, either, and we went as Steve and Venus for Halloween more than once...

The theme song for Marina makes me all sniffy and mushy inside...
 

Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I'm totally fucking nuts.
 

@Troy Tempest

Ok bud put the gun down. Everything's going to be alright. Take this paper bag and breathe into it. Nice deep breaths.
Just relax. We're going to put this white jacket on you now and take you to a place where you can talk to butterflies, draw with crayons, and watch tv all day from a rocking chair with warm, comfy slippers on your feet.

k?
 

It's snowing like mad out, so I need to fold. I have a pile of shovelling to do tomorrow, lord knows Aqua won't.

Good night.
 

Okay, maybe Troy didn't get with Marina, but you've got to admire his balls in standing up to the Commander when he wanted to explore to the Jewel Forest.
 

Also, Troy is sporting a bitchin' hat. Not unlike myself.
 

@the real steve zodiac:
don't worry.
bad things happen to people who irritate the BCS.

-just sayin' ...
 

@the real steve zodiac:
don't worry.
bad things happen to people who irritate the BCS.

-just sayin' ...
 

@the real steve zodiac:
don't worry.
bad things happen to people who irritate the BCS.

-just sayin' ...
 

sorry for the dupes.

+++ BCS restocks his basement 'playroom' with piano wire strangulation devices every 6 months.

-and his father was the inspiration for a few of the assassins in Ian Fleming's books.


just sayin' like father, like son.
 

that hand gesture looks so limp (as well as the hand itself) a 3-year old would be able to snap it in two or more pieces. i almost feel sad for Sir Sucks-a-Lot.
 

by the way sad to hear about Col. Steve Zodiac's tragic fate, Troy Tempest.
 

Troy Tempest-what the hell are you talking about?! I'm cornfused....

That sucks about your account & my CSI skillz tell me it was either Fung, Spurs Fan or Doc.

Plinky, can you PLEASE bring back your Gary Gnu avatar?? Pretty please with sugar on it?!?! :)

I think this guy might be "special" and Janice here is taking him out of the group home to the "club" where she works. Of course, he got dressed in the dark.
 

He's an insult to banty roosters everywhere.

Rapunzel, you've got the hair.
 

@Pfah, were you talking about that one song by Alice in Chains, "Rooster"?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1A_nL0utsBM&feature=related

I mean, it just seems fitting.

@Steve Zodiac/Troy Tempest:

Steve Zodiac was much cooler of a character. Even if I have no fucking idea what you're talking about or what show you're pulling that from. I was born in '87 so it was probably before my time.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Rooster
 

Somehow that finger is meant for me... I just know it. All we can hope for is that she plans to strangle him with that tie then sell his body to be a cadaver prop on CSI...
 

Had to go back to 10th grade to remember some html code there. Looks a lot better, and works a lot easier than having people copy and paste the url. I'm just not as computer savvy as most of the regulars on here.
 

No Limerick Wednesday for anyone
And my travels for work are no *fun
I miss mocking with you
And see there’s still much poo
Being posted here that I cannot shun.

*I cannot wait for the Holidays and the Douchies... and to finish my punch list tonight and be back at it tomorrow
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

God damnit. I just found out who Katy Perry is (she was mentioned in DB1's "dating a bleeth" post). Isn't it weird when you hate someone, but you don't know who they are. I heard that shitty fucking I kissed a girl song and I immediately wanted to strangle everyone enjoying that song with heavy gauge guitar string, but I didn't know who sung it. But now, if I ever meet Katy Perry, I'm gonna give her a patented Macgyver Tornado Punch for ever making such shitty music.
 

That kind of facial pubes is called the Jizz Catcher. So not a single drop would get wasted by dripping off his chin.
 

@ Steve/Troy

A name and an avatar make not the substance of a man.

Between you and Pfah all this change has unsettled me, I'm considering only posting as anonymous until the jitters subside.

I'm kind of honored/worried that I made the list of Asshat @ 6:02. I don't possess the motivation, intellect, drive, or ability to do anything of that magnitude.
 

@crucial

good to hear from ya , was wondering where you were

@arch

DB1 linked to this video a while ago.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGmLzXWYeTY

At first I wanted to believe that the persona she created was real.

Daughter of two pastors. Started out by releasing a Gospel music album. Someone wanting freedom and to break away from some strict parents. Then turning into a wild child.

But I have a feeling that's not right. I think this shit is produced and set just right for them to attract attention and make money.

In other words, arch, they are running a business. Just like mcdonalds packages and makes big macs. These guys package and make sounds for sale. Mostly the producers though. Kate perry is just hired to sell the ads for their jingle. Following this logic, in about a year or two she will be selling big macs at my local 24 hour mcdonalds. At which point I will smell her grease laden hair as she walks away from the deep fryer and know that it is the smell of justice.
 

Some place there is a really proud father. Some place.... I'm pretty sure it's not hers. What possible reason could such a smoken hot chick want with a retarded chicken hawk? With any luck shortly after this pic he passed out, broke his finger, and choked on the contents of his man bag. most likely a mixture of redbull and scrotum flavored snapple.
 

Baggins wrote:

(statements re: Tempest's bravery)

Fer sure, dood. But when push came to shove and it was time to lip lock with Atlanta, did he? Nope. Gutless. Wonder.

Anon @9:33

suggested bcs done it.

I can't imagine why - I think bcs fuckin' rocks.

@ Archidoucheis said:

(support for Zodiac)

Much appreciated. When I find out who did this, I will put their reproductive organs in a virtual jar of formaldahyde.

Suzy said...

Troy Tempest-what the hell are you talking about?! I'm cornfused....

Sigh. I forgot. I am old.

In the 1960s and early 1970s, there were these children's sci fi puppet shows from the UK.

Fireball XL5
Stingray
SuperCar
Captain Scarlet
The Thunderbirds

The creator, Gerry Anderson, went on to create the campy 70's American TV show "Battlestar Gallactica" which has since been re-made into a very not-campy sci fi TV show. We have the maker of these shows to thank for cusswords like "frak" and "falgocarb".

Steve Zodiac was the hero and center of Fireball XL5. When I was 4 that was my FAVOURITE show of all time. So, I developed the avatar Steve Zodiac speciically for this forum.

Now someone has hijacked my Steve Account, so now I have moved on to the next program, Stingray, and it's hero, Troy Tempest, who has a cool hat, and a hottie who loves him, the amphibious Aqua Marina.

I do recommend the video I linked. Here it is again, so you can see Aqua Marina and Troy in the moving pictures by way of the interweb thingie on the youTubes.


That sucks about your account & my CSI skillz tell me it was either Fung, Spurs Fan or Doc.

I could believe spurs fan, or maybe Doc. But Fung? No way. He's dumb as a post.
 

@troy tempest...sorry to hear that news man. i just changed out of my old account for fear someone would hack into it, and BAM! they get you. and people talk about us not having lives.

anyway, like the new name my friend.
 

Rooster
 

Your accounts were hacked? Don't tell me your passwords were "popcorn?"
 

@suzy 9:50

You bet your thong I will you little vixen.
 

@massengill....nice rooster. no man, my password has always been 123456.
 

I see the douchebag rooster look has been perfected
 

@Douchemaster Flex
it would not surprise me the least bit that her whole "angle" is nothing more than a marketing ploy. I wonder how long it's gonna take till we see her clones trying to capitalize on the same success...if you can call it that. Shit like that gets me as pissed off as douchebags with hott chicks do. It's almost the same idea though.
"You suck, and you're getting rewarded."

Now I just gotta go lay down, and listen to some "Dead Flag Blues" by Godspeed You Black Emperor! Always makes me feel a little better about things like this.
 

@ pfah

That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage!
 

@massengill...i pretty much use that password for everything. bank accounts, IRAs, investments, trust funds, etc. i find it easier that way.
 

@pfah

What's your social security number, by the way? I just need to check something out for you...
 

@mr.white...a shocking as this may seem, it's actually 123-45-678.
 

and 9. the last number is a nine.
 

@ pfah

I agree, I try to use "Password1" for just about everything. It makes life easier.
 

who the fuck would hack steve zodiac's account? why the fuck would someone hack steve zodiac's account?

steve are you sure blogger wasn't just having some sort of error? i mean, it's not like you are pfah or someone with crazy anon enemies.

as for accusations of me doing it...first of all i am not some l33t haxor you all make me out to be. and if i was going to attempt to hack into someone's account it certainly wouldn't be one of the most prolific writers and great minds ever to grace this blog. it would be that guy who always wants to "pee in her butt" or someone like that.

but i really don't make it a habit of doing shit like that. that one time with scroteboy i was just really drunk and angry and had 3 hours to kill waiting on a video i was streaming to finish. shit like that is time consuming and work and so much of my goddamn life is spent on a computer that if i'm not working the last thing i want to do is fuck around on a pc.

but, if people our trying to hack our accounts i guess we are doing something right.
 

If anyone would like my password
it's pfahisaraginghomosexual.
 

@bcs

I'd pee in your butt.

Wait...what's this weird error message I'm fjeio3f88d89###*3#32@21...
 

i hope my account stays safe. i have a bunch of nude pictures of bcs that are stored in there. if they ever were made public........oh man....it would be hilarious.
 

aw, thanks plink.

i'll be changing my password today.

it will now be:

plinkyluvsmenudo
 

It's true folks, I do. I love Menudo. I've got each of their faces tattooed on my ass and the life-sized poster hanging in my cubicle.

Thank you pfah for helping my express my love for Menudo to the world.
 

bcs said...

who the fuck would hack steve zodiac's account? why the fuck would someone hack steve zodiac's account?

steve are you sure blogger wasn't just having some sort of error? i mean, it's not like you are pfah or someone with crazy anon enemies.

I still can't get into the account, so if it's an error, it's a long standing one.

My guess: spammers.

I wouldn't be surprised if, in the next week or so, I start getting spam from col.steve.zodiac@gmail.com trying to sell me a lifetime supply of v1agr4, c14L1s, and the ability to make millions by sending thousands to one Colonel Stephen Zodiack of the Nigerian Internal Security force.

Fuck. I hate people sometimes.
 

I would say, "FUCK MENUDO", but given Plinky's done plastered them on his butt, I think I'll pass on that sentiment.
 

@arch

Yah I think I understand. I get the same type of calm after listening to mogwai or sigur ros. Instrumental prog rock, sometimes chaotic, helps out drown out the other shitty vomit noise of kate perry after a slight meth overdose.
 

Douchemaster

Exactly my point. You gotta purge your ears out by listening to a band with talent. And I love me some post metal/rock/shoegaze/metalgaze/prog rock. Or whatever the kids are calling it these days.
 

@Steve/Troy4:23
Nonono, that's not what I meant. I was saying the bcs go find anti-steve bad guys using CSI skillz & lay teh interwebs smackdown on 'em.

All the hcwdbers are love the Steve/Troy. (except for puds like spursfan, etc.)

sry for cornfuzion
anon9:33
 

It will take more than some hokey photo of David Cross to fool me! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE REAL PFAH?

RIP Steve Zodiac.

I was the pee in her butt guy on 2 occasions; once because I think that's hilarious, and once because I'd Pee In Her Butt.
 

I love this guy.....for all the wrong reasons. He looks like he has a bloody skunk on top of his head. Hell, he looks like he's an extra in a low-budget zombie slasher flick.

Dawn of the Douche...

Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
 

David Cross?!??


heheh....you kill me darksock.
 

@ Troy Tempest

I'm surprised at you, sir. Gerry Anderson created Space:1999, not BSG. I would think a supermarionationsketeer like you would have his bio memorized.
 

BVG-

You are correct.

I dig the puppets. G.Anderson I couldn't really care less about.
 

Once again, the subject becomes the bloggers and not so much the douche of the thread. But I'll allow for total irritation on Zodiac's part. Some folks just like to mess with things. Anybody see even a faint resemblance to Prince William of Wales in this Sir SucksALot photo? I sure do.
 

At least you can say his outfit is functional. I mean, that tie can be used for a noose to hang that guy, which would be helping us all clean up the earth of one more loser!
 

plinky thanks, baby...smooches :)

My new password is Iloveplinky!11!!

Thanks for explaining the sit, Steve-O, makes more sense, now. Oh and spammers are complete fuckers.

On topic, this guy is still a douchebag...
 

i think they are married, the baby chicks are on the way