he tattooed her face on his shoulder.

that's classy.


but not as classy as having a life-sized picture of the leaning tower of Pisa inked on your dick like me. ciao bella!
 

Most unfortunate.
 

Yep. That tattoo is going to look so awesome when she wises up and leaves him.
 

She's trying for the "Douchiest HCwDB Celebrity Couple of the Year."

That said, I'd still let her look over my shoulder at NFL highlights playing on my laptop. Once I go buy a laptop.
 

What a tool. It's sad but what else did you expect?
 

She's totally over-rated anyway. I don't care at all.

Army of Douche-ness
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Everytime I see her with this douche she looks less hot and this one really knocks her down a peg. What a assclown. Surly it is only a matter of time - either that or she has to be dumb as a box of rocks.
 

1) Keffiyeh: Check!

2) Sleeveless wifebeater juxtaposed against purported "climate protection" of said keffiyeh: Check!

3) Gelled fauxhawk, in combination with neckwear leaving one to guess whether you are "fake Bedouin" or "fake Mohican": Check!

4) Almost pathologically ill-advised permanent engraving of ephemerally loyal, impossibly hott female who will dump you in a year irremovably etched onto your flesh resulting in extremely painful removal on dictum of new girlfriend: Check!
 

Samurai Scrote’s middle name is Wadsworth Longfellow.
 

^ Oh, wait:

5) Size of huge watch face in inverse proportion to actual constructive agenda to be accomplished before nightfall: Check!
 

What is it with me... been away a couple days and can't get the right threads. Oh well.

I need to visit my retarded brethren over at ∫amuя∆¥ S©rote’s thread and try to find my mojo...
 

is this scarf thing a new douchebag requirement? i see lots of these accessories on the douches wandering around atlantic station.
 

@ crucial:

The original draft of "The Wasteland" by TS Eliot contains editing notations by Samurai Scrote.
 

I got excited when I saw here that there was a What Would Tyler Durdin Do website. But, WWTDD is total Bull Shit. Celebrity Gossip? It makes me sick. Who ever created that site is the biggest douche of them all.
 

One other observation - That dude looks fucking crazy. She may be afraid to dump his skate rat ass if fear of creating a sequel to Star 80.
 

DB1 - the quality of the pics you've been posting the past couple of weeks have been top notch! Keep up the good work!
 

Wow, a Star 80 reference? Nice!

She doesn't look hot at all in this pic.

And he looks like a rockerbag who makes crappy music and probably makes way more money that his music skills would dictate. Am I right?
 

His name is Griffin Guess, and it's anyone's guess what he does outside of playing her as his sugar momma.

And she's beginning to look like Jessica Simpson here. Being with this scroadmunch makes her about as dumb, too.
 

Hes a douche for sure, her family and cousins live outside of salinas calif, nice people, i know them, she is actually a cool person. but she def married to a douche.
i'm a regular poster but will leave my name out for this one
 

we all know it's you Jay. you and your Ho-Ho's aren't fooling anyone.
 

is anyone else thinking that Marissa's other half (*vomits*) actually looks like he could be Samantha Ronson's brother?

"but who is Samantha Ronson?" you may be asking yourself.

well, she's the girl who's been eating at Lindsay Lohan's House of Fire Crotch for about the last year or so. which probably tastes like a spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's left out in the rain.


just sayin'.
 

6) "Griffin Guess"--impossibly made up "cool" alliteration name, with a surname for a first name: Check!
 

@ Bag lanta-

Atlantic Station is quite possibly one of the LEAST authentic attempts at creating an urban pedestrian culture in the history of the world. which is why Keffiyeh douchebags hang out there.

yet it's quite nice...

army of douche-ness
 

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY!

Shoot me in the back of the head, NOW!
 

She is hot and she'd look better here if some of that makeup was hacked off.

He is hard, unchewable steak.
 

Apparently that pud thinks he'll still be married to her in a couple of years. He is as dim as he looks.

AV
 

DB1 needs to start a new site called " Are you fucking kidding me and hott chicks"
start with this one and then the fucknut married to christina aguilara.
look that clop of shit up, its a capital offense
Turdacious
 

Sweet ... I hope he's wearing his black and white checkered Vans to match that dishrag around his neck.

His bandana doubles as a cum rag. He's practical like that.
-----------------------------------

This chick is a swimsuit model for Sports Illustrated magazine?!?
More like Mary Jane Rotten Crotch magazine.
 

She's quite the attractive lass, not my type, but I'd still slip her my Burj Dubai.

He caused my overactive expectorant gland to instantly discharge onto my screen. Bastard.
 

wow. all this time i never knew that this was the truth behind Marissa Miller's love life. even without Pimplebag here, however, i kind of don't see a Sports Illustrated model going into some non-douchey direction.

so remember, detonate an antimatter weapon (or better yet, anti-douche weapon) every time someone tells you some story about living happily with their high school sweetheart.
 

Fear not, noble baghunting brethren!
The sign of victory is right in front of you.
Whenever a guy/girl gets the other's ~name tattoed on them, it's the sign the relationship will be over soon.[1]


1.Merkelson, F; "Study of Tattoo 'Wino Forever'"; Adaptive Behavior; 1996 Dec 11;40(6):122-143.
 

Hey wait if Marisa can wink and point at the same time, why isn't she Vice President?
 

... And the age old mystery which has beffudled man for centuries continues to deepen and become more and more perplexing ...

it is ...


what the fuck goes on in a woman's head?!?!?!


(sorry ladies. but it's examples like these which really make me question the female sanity.)
 

@plinky

My advice? Give up. Trying to understand a woman, is like trying to figure out where shit goes when it enters her purse.

I personally believe there's a miniature dimensional wormhole built into them when they're made (the purse you pervs). And that is why women can get away with murder. They can just kill you, stuff your body into their purse, and you will never be found.

Hell hath no fury...

(apologies to you few ladies out there who are immune to the schizophrenic effects of estrogen)
 

@Turdacious
Yea that dude is @#$^*, WTF is wrong with her.
Christina is hott when shes not fat, He musta snuck up on her then
 

He needs to be encased in stone washed denim and set afire
 

Normally I would say that what goes on in a woman's head is unfathomable in any sort of linear logic sense, since they are reacting to thousands of millenia of Darwinian conditioning in the Hunter/Gather Period--and seek the alpha males who appear would have been the best providers in that evolutional time period.

The only thing wrong with my theory is that Griffin Guess would have been BAIT in the Hunter/Gatherer Period as opposed to one of the actual hunters.

I guess I am going to have to revert back to my standard, "Neo-Freudian overcompensation to revulsion caused by the Electra Complex resulting in 'opposite of dad'-mate selecton choice."

Both theories are faulted and if I ever sort this $h!t out I will definitely write a book on it.
 

@ anon 11:02.

At least Aguilera's husband is intelligent and educated, just ugly and not really a DB...

I dont think she's attractive, but her being with an ugly jewish boy should give hope to us all..

Army of Douche-ness
 

@Army of Douche-ness
Still could and should go into.
www.areyoufuckingkiddingmeandhottchicks.com
shes hott enough for me, and to me he don't need to slop on the grease, bling, tats and do hand gestures to be a douche....hmmm maybe i'm into her more then i think and am just jealous.....
nahhhh...hes a douchebag
Turdacious
 

I had to look up this tool to see what he's done. He's at a record label and is involved with huge acts such as Metallica, Kanye, Velvet Revolver amongst other rap and rock performers.

Since all these folks were established prior to his arrival his job would seem be to try to keep the momentum going, in other words, "Don't screw the pooch, Griffin".

But, he is screwing the delicious Marissa.

For this I have firmly embedded a staple in a pre-existing paper cut on my index finger and am now pouring a packet of Del Scorcho hot sauce into it.

Yee-ouch
 

Marissa on Jimmy Kimmel .

It's worth watching just to see her amble out in a sparkly dress....
 

@ Turdacious-

oh i do agree. no doubt.

Army
 

wow. she must have physiological problems is she is married to that scrote-wank. he looks like the 17 year old high school kid that works at the KFC by my house.
 

The sad thing is, I was friends with her ex, Jimmy. Super cool guy and she is (or is that was?) as well. He was a surf instructor and event promoter and definitely nottadouche. If I knew where they lived I would go to the house and rescue her from further Bleething...so sad, so sad...
 

Marissa, we have trying to move away from the Dumb Blonde stereotype for the past couple of years now, but you just had to go and set back progress!

Ah well; I personally prefer sapphire-eyed brunettes like her coworkers Adriana Lima and Miranda Kerr to begin with, so it's not much of a loss for me.
 

That's like $6 an hour.

And it was Idaho.

We here in the gem state have a little something called 'pride'.

I'm probably totally wrong, it wasn't a Napoleon reference at all and I am an ass, but I'm willing to live with that.

I would so love to follow a parade of elephants scraping up dung as long as one of those elephants carried on it's back a Buddhist priest that her photographer once snapped a photo of for Travel magazine in the late 90's.
 

There's just no accounting for taste.

Bad taste in men.

Marissa is dummbchicka.
 

I honestly thought this was a picture of Travis Barker and Fergie "celebrity" impersonators.
 

This guy just gives me the creeps.
When we were kids, if our hair did that we were having a bad hair day. I'll NEVER understand why any man would do that to his hair. He needs to join the Navy and then have a band of marauding Marines do unspeakable things to him.

That's just how creepy he is.
 

She is a douchebaguette--far beyond "turning into." The NFL commercial mentioned above by Don't Wheeze the Douche! nauseates.

She reads the SI with herself on the cover (so we all know who she is) and nods dismissively in disbelief when joe notadouche won't let her look at his laptopped NFL highlights.

She makes me not want to watch football or drink beer anymore of a Sunday, just so I won't see the douchebaguette's comm.
 

I thought it was the lead singer from Maroon 5
 

Jean Claude, the age old question that you asked "How does a hot chick like her get that douchebag?" is an interesting one for us ladies. Unlike men, women look at the "entire package" (heh) to decide if a potential mate is attractive & analyze their personality, their sense of humor, their background, etc.

Now, I'm not saying that all men are pigs & only look for hot girls. However, in defense of Marissa, maybe her hubby has a sparkling personality, or they have similar backgrounds, or he's great in bed, and that's what makes him attractive to her.

Okay, I'm done being nice...I think she has some serious "daddy issues" that lead her to marry guys who are the complete opposite of her three-piece-suit-corporate-america-control-freak father. In other words, marrying this pinhead is a big "FU" to ol' dad.

The final word? Her husband is a GIANT douchebag & she needs therapy.
 

I live in NJ and I am a frequent visitor to this site. Perhaps no one hates all that is wrong with these couplings more than me. However, Marissa Miller and Ass Pimple are so absurd and make so little sense, that Ass Pimple actually inspires hope in the average man. I mean seriously, I see the uberdouche in him, but if Ass Pimple's situation is possible, then I might have a foursome with Megan Fox, Jessica Biel and Peyton List this weekend. In short, Ass Pimple is so douchy, that he's inspiring...
 

There is no God.
 

There is no God.
 

Griffin Guess bangs her every night and has his own record label...looks like you guys are HATERS.....hahaha