Thursday, October 30, 2008
Are You Ready for Some Douchebag?
Please select the following football euphemism that best summarizes this photo:
A. Is Licking a 5 yard or 15 yard penalty?
B. The padding on the left could stop a coked up 1970s Dallas Cowboy trying to knock over a liquor store at 2am.
C. When did Jim McMahon convert to Catholicism?
D. This brings new meaning to the term, "forward pass."
E. I haven't seen two Bret Farves that were that fantastically Bret Farve since my last girlfriend Bret Farved my Bret Farves.
F. The Immaculate Receptions stand the test of time.
G. I took a fend off my guernsey then chucked a spear tackle to avoid the clanger before the ruckman made a grubber kick in the forward pocket, mate.
H. Boobies.
Comments:
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The New Jersey Local Playhouse presents, "Demi Moore in Striptease 3, Down Da Shore!"
(Yeah, I know that's more of a caption than a euphemism, but I got nothin'.)
(Yeah, I know that's more of a caption than a euphemism, but I got nothin'.)
i'd give her tight end an illegal formation, flip her over and blitz her pocket. after the half, i'd get her under center and run a bootleg deep into her secondary.
TIME OUT!
did someone throw a challenge flag?
TIME OUT!
did someone throw a challenge flag?
# posted by 
: 11:02 AM
: 11:02 AM
Not down with her. She looks like she shouln't have spent the last 2.4 millennia in the tanning bed, because (to go with the whole football theme here) pigskin texture is just NOT sexy to the touch. Of course, if she ever married Brett Favre, it could be quite an event....I can see him waking up from a nightmare in which he's about to get sacked....he reaches back....grabs his (mid-dream) football, and THROWS FOR THE TOUCHDOWN!!! YEAH!!!!!
Then wakes up to see his wife clutching her bleeding chest where her left boob was.......
Then wakes up to see his wife clutching her bleeding chest where her left boob was.......
# posted by : 11:16 AM
: 11:16 AM
The Douching Zebras should really be an NFL mascot.
That reminds me: Is the Golden State Warriors' "Thunder" a douche?
That reminds me: Is the Golden State Warriors' "Thunder" a douche?
I would risk the safety to scrimmage in her end zone even if I had to take a penalty for holding her defensive end with my flexbone formation.
… hope I don’t false start!
… hope I don’t false start!
there's no way brian earlicker will be topped.
on a side note, i just ordered a 3 pack of baconnaise and some bacon salt
on a side note, i just ordered a 3 pack of baconnaise and some bacon salt
i dont care how hot my mom was, i still wouldnt lick her like that dude is licking his..
# posted by : 11:42 AM
: 11:42 AM
Earlicker or Urlacher...still a douche, as seen here:
http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2007/03/urlboob.jpg
http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2007/03/urlboob.jpg
# posted by : 11:43 AM
: 11:43 AM
It looks like Reggis BUSH will be on a post pattern until the ENDzone is reached
# posted by : 11:43 AM
: 11:43 AM
another side note, mccain is giving a speech at a high school about 5 miles away from my office. thank god my commute home is in the opposite direction. they closed down the major street that runs through the city. lovely.
I'd like to grab him by the face mask and smash his head into the turf over and over again until I hear his neck snap, paralyzing him forever.
Wait, that's not really a "euphemism," is it?
Wait, that's not really a "euphemism," is it?
Yeah, H.
Although this looks a lot like Unsportsmanlike Conduct. He should be suspended for conduct detrimental to society.
Although this looks a lot like Unsportsmanlike Conduct. He should be suspended for conduct detrimental to society.
@bcs
The beauty of living in a swing state. Luckily, the heavily Democratic leaning in Massachusetts makes the state as a whole, and my vote in particular, completely meaningless.
The beauty of living in a swing state. Luckily, the heavily Democratic leaning in Massachusetts makes the state as a whole, and my vote in particular, completely meaningless.
@white yeah and it's funny cuz i have a reverse commute. i live in the city and work in the suburbs. so i get to see mccain signs and stickers all day, then go home to obamaville.
Well shit, since it's the Bungholes on the TV:
Kenni And'erson (thanks to anon 11:42 a.m. for the handoff)
Kenni And'erson (thanks to anon 11:42 a.m. for the handoff)
He's lining up for the blitz, here it comes.... OH NO, he's offsides.
Oh, and to answer DB1's question....
Boobies
Oh, and to answer DB1's question....
Boobies
More Bungholes:
Boobie Clark (no change needed)
Lickey Woods (already done previously)
Jim LickClear (#55 - 1970's LB)
Boobie Clark (no change needed)
Lickey Woods (already done previously)
Jim LickClear (#55 - 1970's LB)
Both are pornstars. Seriously. I recognize their tats and her face. Don't know either one's name tho.
# posted by : 12:00 PM
: 12:00 PM
Something odd about past Bengals/Bungholes: the team used to try to draft intelligent players! Now they like the thugs:
"Founder Paul Brown coached the team for its first eight seasons. One of Brown’s college draft strategies was to draft players with above average intelligence. Punter/wide receiver Pat McInally attended Harvard and linebacker Reggie Williams attended Dartmouth College and served on Cincinnati city council while on the Bengals’ roster. Because of this policy, many former players were highly articulate and went on to have successful careers in commentary and broadcasting as well as the arts. In addition, Brown had a knack for locating and recognizing pro football talent in unusual places."
"Founder Paul Brown coached the team for its first eight seasons. One of Brown’s college draft strategies was to draft players with above average intelligence. Punter/wide receiver Pat McInally attended Harvard and linebacker Reggie Williams attended Dartmouth College and served on Cincinnati city council while on the Bengals’ roster. Because of this policy, many former players were highly articulate and went on to have successful careers in commentary and broadcasting as well as the arts. In addition, Brown had a knack for locating and recognizing pro football talent in unusual places."
Is Licking a 5 yard or 15 yard penalty?
This is definitely the personal foul, 15 yard variety, licking penalty.
This is definitely the personal foul, 15 yard variety, licking penalty.
Speaking of missing posters on a side note. Where's ASvB been lately??
Adolph Skroatler von Baggenstien for those not in the know.
Adolph Skroatler von Baggenstien for those not in the know.
DeathTongue is gonna be pissed!!!
Brian Earlicker wins, but everyone forgot about Lickdanian Tomlickson, who is pictured here and in a commercial with Troy Polymammary
Brian Earlicker wins, but everyone forgot about Lickdanian Tomlickson, who is pictured here and in a commercial with Troy Polymammary
# posted by : 12:49 PM
: 12:49 PM
@anthony
Well played, although if the earlier speculation that she's a pornstar is true, I doubt this young lady has been a tight-end for quite some time. And scoring a safety means three condoms and a hefty bag.
Well played, although if the earlier speculation that she's a pornstar is true, I doubt this young lady has been a tight-end for quite some time. And scoring a safety means three condoms and a hefty bag.
Welcome back JCVD!
I know it's belated, but I'm sorry to hear about your friend's passing.
This is always a good place to vent.
I know it's belated, but I'm sorry to hear about your friend's passing.
This is always a good place to vent.
Doucheous Scrotimus wins with
Brian Earlicker; I got nothing to top that shit.
paper or plastic beat me to the "F-A-V-R-E" comment; I live 'bout 30 minutes from The Kiln, which is where the Favre's hail from.
In closing, this gots to go to the monthly; such a pure and classic example of the push/pull hottie/douche dynamic that drives this site. And by "site" I mean huge perfect titties. and by titties I mean turgid zipper-testing office boner right here in my khakis. And by khakis I mean groin.
Brian Earlicker; I got nothing to top that shit.
paper or plastic beat me to the "F-A-V-R-E" comment; I live 'bout 30 minutes from The Kiln, which is where the Favre's hail from.
In closing, this gots to go to the monthly; such a pure and classic example of the push/pull hottie/douche dynamic that drives this site. And by "site" I mean huge perfect titties. and by titties I mean turgid zipper-testing office boner right here in my khakis. And by khakis I mean groin.
I agree on the nomination for the weekly/monthly. She is luscious implant-bikini-clad goodness. He is zebra-striped-rosary-festooned earlick scrotewank.
FFS
Fuck DJ Blowme
FFS
Fuck DJ Blowme
in other news:
Samürai Scröte has passed 5,300 comments and may actually break 6k before it all ends on November 1.
Samürai Scröte's dick is flared to the right so badly when he gets morning wood he wakes up with it in his own ass, and from above he looks like a human engagement ring.
Samürai Scröte has passed 5,300 comments and may actually break 6k before it all ends on November 1.
Samürai Scröte's dick is flared to the right so badly when he gets morning wood he wakes up with it in his own ass, and from above he looks like a human engagement ring.
Wait, when did Samurai get umlauts in his name?
I would agree on the case for weekly/monthly on these two...unless they are indeed porn stars. It's not so much an issue of professional douche as much as it is that they're both paid to be together. It makes me uneasy. And by "uneasy," I mean, "want to paw big fake boobies."
I would agree on the case for weekly/monthly on these two...unless they are indeed porn stars. It's not so much an issue of professional douche as much as it is that they're both paid to be together. It makes me uneasy. And by "uneasy," I mean, "want to paw big fake boobies."
@darksock, 1:27 p.m. -
".....before it all ends November 1."
Over? Did you say "over"?
Nothing's over 'til Samurai Scrote decides it is.....or 'til he removes the "October 2008" archive link to the left of the main page.....
".....before it all ends November 1."
Over? Did you say "over"?
Nothing's over 'til Samurai Scrote decides it is.....or 'til he removes the "October 2008" archive link to the left of the main page.....
Good point.
Samürai Scröte got umlauts because he is Samürai Scröte, muther fuckers. Go back about 500 comments, I think...it's all a blur now, like rabid ferrets jacking off in front of a strobe light.
Samürai Scröte got umlauts because he is Samürai Scröte, muther fuckers. Go back about 500 comments, I think...it's all a blur now, like rabid ferrets jacking off in front of a strobe light.
Thanks crucial! And yes indeed, I'd like to relieve some stress betwixt those fine silicon ma marries...
@don't wheeze
"the umlaut" that made me lol and knock my ink bottle over and onto this guy's shorts.
@don't wheeze
"the umlaut" that made me lol and knock my ink bottle over and onto this guy's shorts.
On a side side note:
Has anyone been able to confirm that they are indeed porn stars as yet?
I'm at work, and can't safely do a search.
And by safely, I mean visiting the Executive handicapped restroom.
Has anyone been able to confirm that they are indeed porn stars as yet?
I'm at work, and can't safely do a search.
And by safely, I mean visiting the Executive handicapped restroom.
@darksock 1:36 both comments
Where the hell do you come up with that shit?
I regularly scare the shit out of my co workers when I burst out laughing at your comments. They often say "So who wrote what now?"
BTW, I can't stay away from those wonderful specimens of mammary goodness.
Where the hell do you come up with that shit?
I regularly scare the shit out of my co workers when I burst out laughing at your comments. They often say "So who wrote what now?"
BTW, I can't stay away from those wonderful specimens of mammary goodness.
Yea, verily I would slay this douche with a heavy swipe of my sword. Then I would take this beauty by the hand and slay her with my heavy sword, in the name of the great King Douchus.
# posted by : 1:59 PM
: 1:59 PM
That is the hottest hott these hollowed pages have seen since the advent of hott.
I would gladly learn to be a rosemary wearing, shades-indoor wearing douchebag for a chance to get slapped after licking her ear for the camera.
I would gladly learn to be a rosemary wearing, shades-indoor wearing douchebag for a chance to get slapped after licking her ear for the camera.
what's up with the bunny ears near her ha-ha area?
is that some kind of stencil that reveals itself after days under a sun lamp?
is that some kind of stencil that reveals itself after days under a sun lamp?
# posted by : 2:22 PM
: 2:22 PM
Brian Earlicker FTW. Now all this douche needs is for her to make an onside kick in his T-formation for me to feel that there is something right in the world.
@ darksock
Thanks and you're welcome, you've provided me with many laughs yourself. I thought your Pfeiffer/Lemur line was more astute.
Saturday Night Beaver
Thanks and you're welcome, you've provided me with many laughs yourself. I thought your Pfeiffer/Lemur line was more astute.
Saturday Night Beaver
I'm pretty sure she is a pornstar and stripper. I can't remember her porn name, however. The bunny tatt is her trademark. She's done a lot of gonzo stuff if I recall. That's also a pretty expensive rack job she had done, not something you see on girls from Bayonne.
He looks like the rather endowed porn stud with the pronounced gap in his teeth whose name I cannot remember. It's hard to tell for sure with the sunglasses, tho.
He looks like the rather endowed porn stud with the pronounced gap in his teeth whose name I cannot remember. It's hard to tell for sure with the sunglasses, tho.
@hypersexualgirl....i hate to correct you here kiddo, but....
that fucking stupid reverse bunny tatt is a trademark of many a hooker out there.
and keep up your great writing.
that fucking stupid reverse bunny tatt is a trademark of many a hooker out there.
and keep up your great writing.
# posted by : 5:43 PM
: 5:43 PM
@pfah, 5:43 p.m. -
But is the location of said bunny mark where most hookers put it? We might need to do some, ahhhhh, "scientific research" to unlock this mystery. It'll require copious amounts (there we go again) of coffee or other caffeinated beverages, extensive tape/DVD watching, and lots and lots of lubricant and tissue.
We should get a federal grant for such research.....as well as a few hearty pats on the back for stimulating the economy. That's a lot of "consumer spending" for those supplies.
But is the location of said bunny mark where most hookers put it? We might need to do some, ahhhhh, "scientific research" to unlock this mystery. It'll require copious amounts (there we go again) of coffee or other caffeinated beverages, extensive tape/DVD watching, and lots and lots of lubricant and tissue.
We should get a federal grant for such research.....as well as a few hearty pats on the back for stimulating the economy. That's a lot of "consumer spending" for those supplies.
@pfah
I bow to your expertise. I know porn stars and strippers and escorts but not too many hookers.
I wrote about you today in my blog, pfah sweetie, which will go up later tonight (tomorrow in your time zone).
Flattery is the easiest way to get into my knickers. ;)
I bow to your expertise. I know porn stars and strippers and escorts but not too many hookers.
I wrote about you today in my blog, pfah sweetie, which will go up later tonight (tomorrow in your time zone).
Flattery is the easiest way to get into my knickers. ;)
"Flattery is the easiest way to get into my knickers."
You are an absolutely outstanding writer, hypersexualgirl, and it is certainly my loss if you are still involved with that lucky "James" fellow.
Shamelessness doesn't dock me any points, does it? If so, I have no chance. ; )
You are an absolutely outstanding writer, hypersexualgirl, and it is certainly my loss if you are still involved with that lucky "James" fellow.
Shamelessness doesn't dock me any points, does it? If so, I have no chance. ; )
@hypersexualgirl....actually, 'hookers' is the wrong word. they aren't hookers. they are business women. in 'the' business. my bad.
really? about me? sweet! now i am anxiously awaiting to read what you've written. even if it ruins my street cred.
have a great night.
really? about me? sweet! now i am anxiously awaiting to read what you've written. even if it ruins my street cred.
have a great night.
# posted by : 6:47 PM
: 6:47 PM
@ don't wheeze 6:14 PM
I have spent the better part of this afternoon looking for that gal in websites as far ranging as MilfHunter , Milf Diaries, Pussy Orgasm, Cumshot Movies and Porn Gals 4 You so I could be the first to post her name and receive the "attaboy".
All I have to show for it is a calloused palm and weak knees.
I can tell you this, it's not Catalina Cruz.
I have spent the better part of this afternoon looking for that gal in websites as far ranging as MilfHunter , Milf Diaries, Pussy Orgasm, Cumshot Movies and Porn Gals 4 You so I could be the first to post her name and receive the "attaboy".
All I have to show for it is a calloused palm and weak knees.
I can tell you this, it's not Catalina Cruz.
Love that robin's egg blue rim-trim titties bikini. Oh, and the boobies and tainted bum it showcases.
If it's ear-rimming he's into, she could probably teach him about some other rims.
And by rims I do not mean tire, or the Kaibab Plateau on the north rim of the Grand Canyon.
Answer is E, but spelled like Favre, although for the record, DB1did spell the pronunciation phonetically correctly. Go figure.
If it's ear-rimming he's into, she could probably teach him about some other rims.
And by rims I do not mean tire, or the Kaibab Plateau on the north rim of the Grand Canyon.
Answer is E, but spelled like Favre, although for the record, DB1did spell the pronunciation phonetically correctly. Go figure.
# posted by : 9:31 PM
: 9:31 PM
hey gang...hypersexualgirl gave the site, and several of us, a nice shout out on her blog. thanks!
a "cut John Krasinski type", eh? well, i always hate to disappoint the ladies, but Krasinski has hair. and he's also not almost 42. but, i'm still putting your compliment up high on my shelf.
plus, you said you have a crush on me, which is totally sweet. what i find odd though, is that i've seen your nipple, but we've never even shaken hands. ah, the beauty of the internet.
keep up the great work.
time to go get some coffee and work on my next IOB.
a "cut John Krasinski type", eh? well, i always hate to disappoint the ladies, but Krasinski has hair. and he's also not almost 42. but, i'm still putting your compliment up high on my shelf.
plus, you said you have a crush on me, which is totally sweet. what i find odd though, is that i've seen your nipple, but we've never even shaken hands. ah, the beauty of the internet.
keep up the great work.
time to go get some coffee and work on my next IOB.
# posted by : 6:10 AM
: 6:10 AM
Hottie looks unimpressed by TongueBag's attempts. I say she should kick a field goal with his nuts as the ball.
# posted by : 8:22 AM
: 8:22 AM
Yeah, HyperSG used my air pump/blow up doll statement but didn't attribute it to me.
I guess only her "crushes" get a shout out.
I guess only her "crushes" get a shout out.
hey isn't she actually a fem douche. She's got that damn playboy bunny tanned into her torso. Pretty douchie if you ask me
# posted by : 12:51 PM
: 12:51 PM
Is it me or is she a dead ringer for SideBurnHarry's mom - I mean Hott http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/SideburnHarry2-761782.jpg
# posted by : 8:57 PM
: 8:57 PM
That's not a tattoo on her. That's one of those stickers they give you at the tanning salon so you get a little tanline thingie of a playboy bunny. I think a wiser idea would be a biohazard symbol.
And I would like to thank my sharp-eyed coworker, "Scrotisserie Gold", for pointing out that Brian Earlicker is the same scrote that is in the Friday Haiku photo. Same vein popping out of his shoulder. Same ear bling. Same rosary around his neck. Which, for Catholic kids would get you beaten senseless by a nun. But let's talk about my sex fantasies later. Same zebratool shorts, even! I hope he washed them first.
And I would like to thank my sharp-eyed coworker, "Scrotisserie Gold", for pointing out that Brian Earlicker is the same scrote that is in the Friday Haiku photo. Same vein popping out of his shoulder. Same ear bling. Same rosary around his neck. Which, for Catholic kids would get you beaten senseless by a nun. But let's talk about my sex fantasies later. Same zebratool shorts, even! I hope he washed them first.
@medusa oblongata....uhmmm...thank you? that video was hilarious. thanks for that too.
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# posted by : 5:04 PM
: 5:04 PM << Home
