Let's see...

A Britney wanna-be

And a Douche, possibly with no teeth.

He looks like a 90 year old that just got done sucking down his dinner with a straw
 

I hear that purple Yankies hats with striped purple tie and shirt are the new douche.

The girl is cute but it's unnacceptable that she is hanging out with this 5'4" 7 degree Yankee hat tilting douchebag.
 

Tommy Lee douche! I suddenly don't know anymore who is worse: Pam's husband or this cocksucker?
 

You're not kidding. That is one heck of a beautiful woman and one hell of a giant douchebag.
 

Federbag's medulla oblongata? I sincerely doubt there's anything resembling a brain in that head of his.
 

Yeah Buoooooyyyyyy!

What a douche
 

The stinkfinger strikes again!
 

I think you mean "Menudo Oblongotti"
 

Another royal purple clad candidate steps up to the plate to express his desire to be introduced to HJBB&D's majesty.
 

And he has a Heffalump’s nose.
 

he's pointing to the place he needs to be punched.

-haberdouchery
 

If Popeye were Puerto Rican and lived in Brooklyn.
 

I'd like to wrap his tie (with him still in it) around the bumper of my hoopty and stomp the gas.

She looks like she would smell vaguely of Dorito's®.

-Douchey Smurf
 

Just curious..... Where do you find a purple Yankees hat? Flea Market? Next to the Swap Meet Louie selling knock off Louie V.
 

@b

Canal St. along with the matching heart magnetic necklaces they're both wearing.
 

This is a personal pet peeve of mine. NY Yankees hats devoid of the actual team colors. Go back home to Elizabeth and your job serving hors d'oeuvres at black tie fundraisers in Somerset County. Leave my home team out of your douche wardrobe.
Grrrrrrrrr.
 

..and no one wants to bring back miltary conscription?



really?
 

Is there a douchey award for "Douchiest Sports Team"?

Or team with the douchiest fans?
 

The GaYankees starting backstop Jorge "spike me with an " Arod with personal nurse Helga Probanus following his daily anal gland draining session
 

As smackworthy as the kissy lips are, they are only slightly more douchey than the purple Yankee hat and matching tie. And that's saying something.
 

Twix???

She strikes me more as the Kit-Kat type. Or maybe a Bit-O-Honey.
 

Trip out. I was there when this picture was taken. All night he kept saying that if boogers tasted like pizza, he'd eat alot more of them.

realmenweatpantiestoo
 

The yankees hat sucks. Does he know that the $70 he paid for that made in China for 10 cents hat goes to the non-profit (tax-free) organization known as major league baseball? So he is supporting millionaire south americans and their families who live off them and collect unemployment from us taxpaying citizens while looking like a total shithead at the same time. Stop giving your money away to these anti-american leeches! Fuck major league baseball and their teams of 3rd world pissants who refuse to learn english.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Anon 1:25pm

Do you know how much tax money these millionaire South Americans generate for the good ‘ol US of A? An athlete, whether or not they’re South American, Korean or Caucasian, making 20 million bucks a year, must still pay state and federal taxes on that income. Not to mention property taxes for their million dollar homes. Do the math on those numbers. I’d say the US of A is coming away with quite a good loot haul on these so called ‘third world pissants.’
 

pluck your head Anon 1:25

MLB provides quality entertainment for millions annually & an opportunity for many to escape the drudgery of their day to day life... also a reason to open the newspaper to read the box scores or anything other than the doom, death & destruction that is the mainstay of media.

as for the athletes, bravo for 3rd world competitors who come to this country & taste "the good life". if the ability to bat or throw a ball lifts them from the reality of dirt floor shacks, poor education systems, outdoor sewers & the cycle of poverty to bring some substantial level of life quality home, so much the better (have you been to any of these nations?). Baseball is one of the few exports to Latin America we have which endears us to our Hemispherical brethren, you think American Fruit gave a shit about these people?

it took nearly 100 years, but, at it's surface MLB is colorblind... the best succeed regardless of color, ethnicity or language, based souly on ability... yeah some fat cats are getting fatter, but some are living far better & many have an opportunity to cheer & boo daily.

It's 2008, time to leave jingoism behind!


all that & fuck fish slap
 

I think that chick is in another picture.
 

I guess it is okay to wear a Yankee's cap that low.

When you are hiding a lobotomy scar and all...
 

If you think Mexicans and South Americans are good for this country, you truly are an asshat.

Let me back this up with some FACTS:

http://www.operationbodycount.com

One more FACT for you: There are more people dead as a result of the Mexican Drug Wars in the border city of Juarez alone than the total death toll of the Iraq war. That's right, the world's most dangerous city besides baghdad is a few hundred feet from El Paso.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

@Anon 4:14pm,

I am no asshat as you suggest. Your website is nothing new to me or anyone else who has heard the same tired right wing rhetoric spewed time and again. In case your hood got in the way while you cut and pasted your retort, this is a humor based web site. I have no interest or time to go off topic on political rants with you. Go argue on Yahoo if that's your aim. Instead, I’ll explain why you came to the WRONG site making asinine comments:

I reason the regulars here at HCwDB are a sophisticated and well articulated group of commentators; however, that does not mean we eschew a delving or three amongst the realms of the bacchanal, the titillating, or the trough at which the trichinosis stricken swine of Satan dine.

Yes, select few in our number may indeed inhabit their mother’s basement; like Pfah or Orel Douchehiser. Others may be Vampires, Architects, Freelance Writers, Creature’s of unknown origin, or Bass Players. And I am positive there are also enough Thorazine prescriptions floating around here to make Syd Barrett wax erect in his grave. In other words, a diverse contingent, sharing a plethora of provoking thoughts and humorous insight would be an understatement… if you comprehend my scripted gist. We humble few quite simply scrutinize these images of grease laden, axe enveloped, and orange-hued males coupled with their ample bosomed and suckle-thighed females. The ensuing commentary, fastidious or not, merely reflects a portion of society’s opinions.

Your mission, as an anonymous observer, is to contribute a thought provoking or humorous remark; or hasten towards more juvenile websites. The wonderful world of the internet provides ample resources. May I suggest Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hantitties’ websites as an alternative?

Undoubtedly, this remains your choice.

When all else fails, know that your French Poodle’s balloon knot really can be a delightful bit of tomfoolery.
 

@crucial head

Bravo! Well said my man, now...about that bottle of absinthe and some tomfoolery....
 

My God, as somebody already mentioned, I don't know what's more deserving of a smack, or a kick, the kissylips or the fact his tie matches his goddamn hat!

The mind boggles.
 

Haha C.Head.

My mammy's basement?

Glad I still got that edge! And that edge is sophomoric, puerile, and anti-academe.

Just don't tell my tenure committee I value my acknowledgment in the HCwDB more than my scholarly publications!
 

So DB1, is the "Mendula Oblongada" an obscure Van Wilder reference?
 

Crucial, you were doing so well explaining the diverse community we swim in here; your analysis to Anon 4:14 was devoid of the daily political bullshit. Almost, right until the very end.

The thing I love about this site is it's pretty universal to pick a douche or not a douche. Democrats and Republicans can agree on "Douche or Not A Douche". Pretty funny huh? That may be the only thing that's black and white to us all(no political undertone meant).

The reason I come here is I find this site to be similar to the simple pleasure of walking on my thick green grass at night. Feeling its damp coolness sucking the days stress right out through the soles of my feet. Try it sometime; it really works. It's almost like being a kid again. Except I have a mountain of top shelf booze and a beautiful wife inside the house.


Anyway, back to my point. You can always put the pin back in a grenade even though we all love to throw them. I know, I've thrown real ones and verbal ones.

Anyway, come over here and give me big hug you crazy bastard. Anyone who can make me laugh gets a fuck'n hug.

P.S. Stanley Clarke Rules!
 

@crucial head
How typically liberal of you! I guess it's only freedom of speech for all of those "enlightened" individuals that happen to agree with you. While your arguments on this site are quite verbose and entertaining, the warrats of each come through as more of the same regurgitations and outlandish accusations that most liberals seem to share. Who the hell are you to call anyone juvenile when you spend your time on this site? When you use phrases such as "tired right-wing rhetoric", I can only assume that everything you disagree with comes from the Republican Party, and that somehow we're all racists because we're tired of seeing our country invaded by people who are breaking the law by entering this country illegaly in the first place and have no vested interest in, or concern for, its' future. I wonder where you live, and how many of the neighborhoods and small towns you knew as a child are now so filthy and crime ridden that the citizens and political leaders there have had to have FEDERAL injunctions put in place to control the spread of gangs. How many times have you heard about your high-school alma-mater being placed on lock down because of a gang war! Trust me homey, these kids aren't citizens, and they don't give a shit about destroying this country while people like you claim to care more about humanity than we knuckle dragging Republicans do. Check those facts before you dispense your "enlightened" admonishments upon those of us you would so quickly label as spewers of rhetoric. One more question, before you call me a racist: how many illegal aliens do you know? How many hours have you spent helping them? How much money, time or food have you donated to illegal aliens? My guess is that your answer would be ZERO! But for you, that's okay, because you're an internet champion of human rights! Actions truly do mean more than words, my friend, and experience is an education like no other. My advice to you, crucial head, is to experience what some of us are living with before you tell us how wrong we are.

realmenwearpantiestoo
 

Here's the problem, and the problem is this. 2x4 pieces of wood. That's the problem. You grab a 2x4 with a nice length, say, five feet, but you can't really hold it solidly with one hand or even two. Because that 2x4, it would sound sweeeet just crash hurtling swung into this douchebag's face, but the transfer of the impact would not be as satisfying, because of the grip.

You have to modify that 2x4, taper it down to a handle. But you don't have time, it's gotta be done now, and NOT with a baseball bat, you want that nice flat 4x edge right across that mug, to span from douchechin to scrotebrow.

Freakin' lumber, it's problematic.

--VS
 

anon 4:14

just where did your people come from? may I remind you that this is The United States of America!... "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-toss to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

my people came to this country to escape a famine over 150 years ago & we were called dirty & low... it wasn't until 50 years ago that an Irishman could get a job other than janitor, cop, fireman or something menial. Italians & Jews were relegated to some food or other service & forced to create a crime underworld, while the blackman has been the most victimized of all (not to mention Asians & American Indians)... so which are you sir? did you arrive on the Mayflower (in which case I'd like to kick your ass!). America is a melting pot, assimilating the magnitudes that arrive here only looking for a better life, only to find a line of others wanting to beat them down until they can hew out their own niche by "whatever means necessary"

when was the last time you enjoyed a taco or burrito, or celebrated with a pinata? the latin AMERICAN culture has truly benefitted this great nation & it is you sir that I believe is the traitor to the ideals of this great country!

.... um, all that & fuck fish slap!
 

btw... I totally prefer Ciudad Juarez to that hulking pile of shit which is Ep Paso!
 

Manwhowearspanties –

You got me on a frisky evening didn’t you? Heh heh heh.

Funny thing is, I already took your advice. You asked me to “experience what some of us are living with before you tell us how wrong we are.” You need make no assumptions about me. I am 31 years old. I am the son of an illegal migrant worker from Michoacán who later married my mother, an United States citizen who migrated here from Croatia. My father is now a US citizen. I learned English from my mother; then went to schools throughout East Long Beach and South LA. I then went to community college, and then the University of Southern California. I have a bachelor’s degree and am a licensed Architect in the state of California. I am a registered INDEPENDENT voter in the state of California. There you have it. Flail away with your pussified fears of people who don’t look or talk like you.

I will not bore you with any other details of my life and where I grew up since those areas speak for themselves. I lived in no lap of luxury is one way to sum it up.

People like you did not and do not last long where I come from. Neither do your small minds last long in the professional world which I now inhabit. Fortunately, I never let weak, brittle brains like yours stand in my way.

You may want to pick on someone your own intellectual size and weight next time.
 

Well, I just lubricated my pet ferret’s anus. I’ll take a short twenty four hour break to master the art of ferrelatio while Anon’s type more off-topic responses. Or is it ferrelingus?
 

Awe hell, it's Wednesday so I might as well:


There once was a douche bag whose comment
Induced us to suppress our vomit
When he wrote his words
He dropped a few turds,
After which he rubbed his face on it.
 

So, creature, being of Irish descent, aren't you just a little upset that your forefathers had to come here through Ellis Island and become citizens in order for you to enjoy the freedoms of this great land, and yet millions of illegal aliens pour through our borders every year? I bet they (your forefathers) didn't get much help from the gub'ment either.

As for wanting to kick someones ass for coming here on the Mayflower, let me remind you that the USA did not exist at that time, so any claim that they were the first illegal aliens doesn't hold much water, does it? They weren't the ones who mistreated the Indians either. For that you'd really want to blame the English and the Spanish, not the Pilgrims. Oh yeah, let's not forget that there are more Indians alive today than at any time in history. Most are educated, healthy and prosperous. ALL of them have the same opportunities and the right to pursue happiness as you and I do. So much for the destruction of a culture, huh?

As far as blacks being mistreated in this country, I agree. But before you get all misty-eyed over their plight, remember that black on white crime occurs at 70 times the rate of white on black crime. Given that statistic, it appears that blacks are doing their fair share of mistreating.

Yes, America is a melting pot, and God bless us for it! This assimilation is what makes us strong. What I would say is upsetting to most of us is the images we see of Mexicans marching through our streets waving Mexican flags and demanding rights that are, and rightly should be, reserved for citizens of this country. This is not an issue of race, my little ass-kicker, but rather one of law and fairness. Believe you me, I would be just as pissed off if I saw Canadians pulling this crap.

On the issue of law and fairness, I would like to add this point. There are millions of people who want to become law-abiding citizens of this country and assimilate in to this great melting pot of ours. No matter what race or color, they will be welcomed. Many have been waiting for years, and they will have to continue to wait until Congress gets of its' fat ass and protects this country from an ongoing invasion of people who have no respect for this country, its laws or its citizens.

realmenwearpantiestoo
 

Orel -

Glad someone around here GETS the sense of humor.

Heh heh.
 

"America is a melting pot, assimilating the magnitudes that arrive here only looking for a better life, only to find a line of others wanting to beat them down until they can hew out their own niche by "whatever means necessary"

when was the last time you enjoyed a taco or burrito, or celebrated with a pinata? the latin AMERICAN culture has truly benefitted this great nation & it is you sir that I believe is the traitor to the ideals of this great country!"

------------

I have no problem with legal immigrants, it is the ILLEGAL ALIENS which are ruining our country. Our beautiful cities and towns are being turned into 3rd world areas and we are now coping with diseases once thought erradicated in the U.S. and violent crimes thought unheard of.

Maybe you want to offer support for these law-breakers because they haven't taken YOUR job, but you sure as hell are paying the price for it just like every other tax-paying American citizen. They collect welfare, don't pay hospital bills and steal the identities of law-abiding Americans all the while laughing in our faces, especially at sympathizers like you!!!!


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treaty_of_Guadalupe_Hidalgo
 

You. Are. Arguing. Politics. And. Illegal. Immigration. On. HCwDB.

Quit banging your head against a wall, loosen your helmets and

Get. Lost!
 

Nice of ya to lower yourself to my level by resorting to insults, crucial head. Now I understand what an intellectual powerhouse you must be.

realmenwearpantiestoo
 

Pantyman & Anons -

Go bait and switch people into political arguments elsewhere.

Bye.
 

sorry crucial, lost my head whilst confronted by the ignorant & doblespeak... don't know what I was thinking.... uh, I would like to run a marathon, in place, wearing track shoes on Yankee douches face while motorboating America the Beautiful into blondies cleavage...

oh & pantyman & anon, fuck off!
 

Realmenwearpanties, Anon, Chowda -

Say something funny GODAMMIT!!
 

Creature -

You were a man fighting a war against boys my friend.

Take a break and have a shot of Maker's on me.
 

I just wanted to make a comment that I pointed out non-traditional Yankee hat wearers are ALWAYS douches a few days back, but now I gotta comment on all this other stuff...

I've been having this argument with my friend's who like to type things like this: 'After all, his name is Barack HUSSEIN Obama...'

I let an Irish friend know that there was once a party known as the Know Nothings and they felt that the Irish were beholden to the Catholic church and controlled by the Pope. Same scare tactics, different group. Except that Barack isn't a Muslim.

This is coming from a registered Republican, by the way. Granted, a moderate one, but one nonetheless.
 

A Perfect Douchle -

I have read nothing by Anon 1:25pm, 4:14pm, 7:53pm or Realmenwearpanties at Any pm that is funny. Furthermore, their ignorance as to the intentions of this site are baffling.

In all fairness though, Chowda has said some pretty funny shit on this site.

And Ian is funny too. We need more Ian comments!
 

@Chowda,

You're probably right. But the gloves came off in the heat of battle and I get so tired of swimming against the tide. I'm too old for this shit.

Point taken sir. A hug and a shot of Maker's to you too.

Happy hunting manana!
 

Yikees. HCwDB hijacked by politicians again. Is this the same wacko that posted the other night? Damn.

As to the picture, that purple hat and face makes me want to smash my computer. I think this should be a weekly finalist compared to the scrote minors from last week.
 

dear anon -

you must have your head shoved up a sheep's ass the way that you seem to enjoy having the wool pulled over your eyes.

if your beloved "war on drugs" went away - guess what? no more body counts. all of the awful things that you so enjoy would instantly go away.

it's as futile a war as, say, the so-called war on terrorism.

more so, because people are far more motivated to take drugs and to make money from them.

it's sad that you have a one dimensional view of the world,

however when you are that close to the floor - everything does appear flat now, doesn't it?

*****

YDD is wearing a ball cap with a dress shirt and tie. nuff said.
 

Fuck Tommy LeeDouche and his oversized yankee hat.
 

Realmenwearpanties asked:

"One more question, before you call me a racist: how many illegal aliens do you know? How many hours have you spent helping them? How much money, time or food have you donated to illegal aliens? My guess is that your answer would be ZERO! But for you, that's okay, because you're an internet champion of human rights! Actions truly do mean more than words, my friend, and experience is an education like no other."

Crucial Head answered:

"I am the son of an illegal migrant worker from Michoacán who later married my mother, an United States citizen who migrated here from Croatia. My father is now a US citizen. I learned English from my mother; then went to schools throughout East Long Beach and South LA. I then went to community college, and then the University of Southern California. I have a bachelor’s degree and am a licensed Architect in the state of California. I am a registered INDEPENDENT voter in the state of California. There you have it. Flail away with your pussified fears of people who don’t look or talk like you."

Ladies and gentlemen, that is a BURN!


-And no, I am not Crucial Head's stalker.
 

I think I've seen this cat on:

Faces Of Meth

Crucial I'll enjoy some Makers this weekend in honor of you my friend.

ned's thanks for the props. Whatever happened to the Dustbins?

Now back to bag'n.
 

One time I put a bar of soap in my asshole.
 

hey anonymous, fuck you.

my girlfriend is mexican.

and this girl isnt really that hot. i mean it might be the picture, but i dont know. i would do her, but wouldnt put any effort into the doing.
 

Dammit.

Tommy Lee Hook-Nose escaped while you fuckknots were spatting about politics, just like Bin Laden at Bora-Bora.

Now no one is safe.
 

Stanley Clarke would play Vulcan Princess with Dandy's lips as he stretched them out in perfect E-A-D-G tuning with a table vise holding one end of them and his foot on the other.

Alembic. And by Alembic I mean I would clean the spit out of Wynton Marsalis' trumpet with my eyelids to lick the bottom of Caroline's feet after she did some gyrating to Jazz Rock Fusion.


Signed,

A Stanley Clarke Fan
 

Funny image Vin! So there's at least two of us here.

If anyone could palm the globe it would be Stanley Clarke. Might be a cool album cover if it was still the 70's.


RTF/SWV
 

I come back to witness Crucial Head rippin it up. Didn't expect this to proceed as it did.

Geez anon people, if you want your political jones rubbed I suggest you go elsewhere.

Here we mock douche and lust after hott. And yes, many of us HCwDB fan *could* go mano a mano on these internets. It doesn't mean we will waste our energy to entertain and play with you as I do my young puppy.

Dark Sock at 7:09 summarized my sentiments exactly.

And I shat out the Irish Spring.
 

@ perfect douchle 8:25, I went back through this specific thread and I noticed there are at least 12+ regs here that have made me laugh out loud at least more than once, actually many times. Funny thing is, your name doesn't show up on my list. Not just for this thread but anywhere?

You have a pretty thin resume for keeping score on what's funny.

Empty D-Bagger!
 

I too am sick and tired of illegals coming to our country and stealing our murders. There are plenty of able-bodied American murderers who could have committed those murders. Let American murderers murder American citizens!
 

Nevermind that you're a rascist twat: for saying the MLB is a non-profit organization: go kill yourself. The MLBPAA is a non-profit organization, but the MLB is decidedly NOT non-profit. My advice would be to start getting information from REPUTABLE sources.
 

this just proves the fact that the yankees suck and will always suck. every douche wearing a hat....is wearing a yankees hat
 

"You see this finger? It is for NOSE PICKIN'! And BOOGER EATIN'!!!
 

Dam, I thought the New York Yankees fans had some class, no longer. Looks like a douche who got got hit by a F350!
 

*sigh*

The picture made me sad, then mad, then sad again.

After a second wave of anger washed over me, a calm entered my heart at the realization that despite my failings I am still 300% more successful in life than this puss-leaking hemorrhoid will ever be. My heart lept with joy when I realized I have never met this particular spoogehandle and probably never will.

Then I read the politicorants in the comments section, where I am usually lifted to a euphoric state of near self-actualization brought on by pointed poetic musings of good, pure gleeful humanity, and was sad again.

-John in Japan
 

Wow, Kevin Dubrow lives...