Maybe they are not with him at all.
It looks like he's trying to blow bubbles out of his ass and mouth simultaneously or something.
 

The pointer's not curled, DB1. She's showing you the love, not the bird.
 

Don't forget the facial hair and bling (not as loud as usual, but still, bling) being sported by the dude on the left. And $4.99 is WAAAAAYYYYYYYYY overpriced.
 

Id like to play Duck, Duck, Douche with these three, and by three I mean her, and by play I mean lather her up with a honey comb and cover her with frosting....
 

It's so weird. I mean, I like asses. I like salami. Why these two things don't work when combined is beyond me. But this Ass Salami is quite possibly the most repulsive thing I've seen in a long while.
 

I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that these dudes are actually taking themselves seriously. I'm gonna go listen to some Neil Diamond to ease my thought pains.
 

total ASS SALAMI !!!
 

Ass Salami is $3.99/lb in Hoboken.
 

Amanda the Bleeth has her arm around goofy boy. He's a dork, but NOT a douche. Ass Salami however, is a serious douche - top drawer.

Orange tan, kissy face, waxed brows, necklace bling, ear bling. He spins the world into a vortex of hell, only Xenu can undo.
 

also - badvlad - your blog is fucking awesome. I laughed so hard I almost peed.
 

Thank you, kindly.
 

i don't get the douche kissy face. what are they thinking?
 

He must be afflicted with the Grieco Flu, a conjoined mutation of both Grieco and Bird Flu viruses, that cause the 'bag to constantly crow like a rooster on crack. And this guy is most assuredly a cock.

Dude gets a pass, he's just kinda dorky.

The big top in my groin must mean the circus is in town, either that or Pouty Hott has teleported the Washington Monument into my pants.
 

Ass Salami's eyebrows. WOW!
 

His lips look like my ex wife's vagina.
 

@anon 1:47

Your ex has the mangled taco huh?

Or is it more of the meaty quahog look?

Either one is grounds for dismissal.
 

no one with a shirt that squiggly and hair that spiky can earn a nottadouche pass. See Model Rules of Douche Procedure, 43.1(a).

in law we call this an "irrebutable presumption of doucheness"
 

I won't make fun of Right Choad. I've had severe constipation before too; it hurts.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

Tammy was the first to realize that Vincent had just lost his silent, raging five-minute battle for control of his sphincter...
 

Dude in the back is so fly he even corn-rows his shirts.
 

She is a hott hottie indeed, but this is a more interesting phenomenon than merely a dude, hott and a festering, douchelipping, orange dye #6 dyed Ass Salami.

It is my contention that the Dude is in a projected psychical "douchelganger" relationship with the Ass Salami. Jungian psychology describes the "shadouche" or "shadouche aspect" as a part of the unconscious mind, consisting of repressed douchebaglionic weaknesses, particularly douchetitude and scrotitrocity.

For some reason that I'm too tired right now to convincingly make up, the Dude has come to grips with his Shadouche, engaging him in real life, even to the point of letting him lean in to his hott.

Fascinating.

--VS
 

Fish lip face combined with Grieco wannabe suffering acid reflux facial expression = makes me want to slice his ear off a la Mr Blonde and sing "Stuck In The Middle With You" to Contessa.
 

I hate you for reminding me how bad IJ4 sucked.
 

My shadouche
Change is coming
Now is my time
Listen to my muscle memory
Contemplate what I've been clinging to
Forty six and douche ahead of me


Yeah, he's a tool.

She, on the other hand, is all that should be right with creation, but has gone terribly, terribly wrong.
 

You know those dumps when you feel like you're going to blow out your o-ring and you have to put your hands on the floor to brace yourself? How you get that feeling of bliss and relief when you have such a massive bowel evacuation?

I think Ass Salami is experiencing that feeling for the first time, dropping a big log of stink loaf into his 150 dollar, no doubt distressed, designer jeans.
 

Isn't that Joey Porsche?
 

I slept on it. You know, just in case we were being too harsh.

In the morning light Ass Salami is even more revolting.
 

I can't bear to look at this dude's pouty lips anymore. Will some brave knight save me from this douchy horror before I castrate him with an old rusty butcher knife? I'd hate to have that on my record...

Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
 

I keep expecting a state fair sized turd to come exploding out of Salami's lips
 

State Fair sized turd?

heh heh
 

i cant stop laughing
 

Wow. I didn't know they'd found a way to recycle shit into a person.
 

Thanks for reminding me that I live in Bay Ridge.

I need to get the hell outta that place...
 

I just want to shoot this guy point blank in the face with a shotgun. Thanks.
 

"He is pure Ass Salami. Sliced and for sale at $4.99/lb in Bay Ridge."

Ohhh DB1 some of your finest work....
 

Gee whiz, if Ass Salami poos a state fair sized turd, then Dude must poo just a county fair sized one. And that makes Hott cunty-fair bleeth.

And there is something about Ass Salami that reminds me of a very disgruntled Adam Arkin.
 

awful lotta turds plopping around these folks, better get out the poop-bags or there'll be fines to pay for not picking up after the dogs.

you ever smell a salami turd? mind you, it reeks of garlic....

state fair sized turd???
 

I could imagine what a point blank shot gun blast would do to a face like that. And then I shudder when I realize it's an improvement. The pouty lips make and excellent place for the barrel of a gun.
 

Dude seems reasonable - just enough minor scrote to fit in.

Hott looks all kinds of bitch and way too much work.

Ass Salami; is his bottom lip pierced? And he looks like he's trying to squeeze a big poo out into his diaper. Which would be appropriate.
 

Okay, I kind of want to fuck the dude on the left. Not gonna lie to you. But it would have to be sans gel and shirt...
 

Thats guy on the right looks like one of the orange prompas
 

KILL YOURSELF! BOOM!!!