I wondered whatever happened to Jamiroquai.
 

Wow, pretty impressive Ladouche.
 

I call PhotoShop!

On the Mike Tyson Punch Out screen capture, I mean, not the Shat in a Hat.

Can't someone just kill this walking nipple?
 

Not sure, that chick looks Thicke like Alan.
 

YOU niggas mad cuz he gets more pussy in a week than you get in your whole life....... FUCk you shia Ladoosh
 

Nice work!
 

I agree with j99 -- blondie is sporting some major junk in the trunk, and she's driving a Plymouth Fury III!
 

@Anon 9:34

You got me there. I for one, haven't even fucked one feline in my whole life.

But I once banged an Alpaca. Shit was tighter than a dwarf spider’s spinneret.
 

I wonder if he can pull a douche out of a hat?

Or make all Ed Hardy and Christian Audiger T-shirts disappear. For Ever.

That would be magic!
 

@anon9:34....."he gets more pussy in a week than we do in our whole life"......really? since when is quantity-over-quality the way to tell who a real man is?

fuck you nitwit. and while you're at it, learn how to speak/type in English.
 

Unsurprisingly, Mystery began his life as a frustrated Dungeons and Dragons aficionado who never got laid. In an incomprehensible bid to change his luck, he became a Penn-and-Teller-esque magician in New York, and through thousands of trials that doubtlessly led to thousands of drinks being thrown in his face, Mystery developed what he calls a foolproof method for "getting beautiful women into bed fast."

Apparently, this involves teaching ugly virgins to insult women they want to sleep with within three minutes of meeting them to confuse and unbalance them, thereby exploiting unstable women's attraction to emotional retards and abusers.

It isn't surprising that a D&D fan/magician would come up with such a lame and trifling program. The Mystery Method lexicon includes such anti-cool terms as "Avatar" (the silly, sleazy pseudonyms Mystery and his minions self-apply, like "The Matador," "J-Dog," "Herbal" and "Ajax"), "peacocking" (dressing said Avatar in puzzling, drag-queen-ish outfits to cause women not to ogle, but rather to double-take, that have included but are not limited to chrome-framed goggles, animal-print-inspired hair-dye jobs, obsolete facial piercings and fluffy top hats), "neg" (a comment intended to demean a woman and set her about begging for approval and "qualify" for the right to fuck a clown like Mystery).

At first, mainstream normals like us had no idea who Mystery was, because having healthy sex lives and maintaining a general respect for our fellow human beings, we felt no need to explore manuals that would teach us to con drunk people into flirting with us. But now, as reality television lovers who have no choice but to lap up every single VH1 series except "Scott Baio is 45...and Single," we are thrust into merciless awareness of Mystery and his program for teaching losers how to convince themselves and others of their dominant social status in watering holes and dance clubs.

Apparently, lots and lots of nerd virgins are eager to pay Mystery to teach them what wife-beaters have known for years - that misogyny is a powerful aphrodisiac to insecure women. He's become rich selling multimedia products, delivering seminars and "in-field" evaluations of students trying to hit on drunk girls and even conducting a workshop last year at M.I.T., where nerd virgins gather to become wealthy and, inexplicably if they want to get laid, attend what must be the only other higher education institution in America besides VMI and the Citadel where male students still outnumber their female counterparts.

Mystery will get his well deserved comeuppance, however, when he loses it all after his list of prerehearsed lines (sorry, "openers") and "negs" like "Nice nails. Are they real?" become well known to women. Wouldn't it be so fucking awesome to be a fly on the wall when some drunk chick being harassed by a tubby, clammy virgin hears something she recognizes from "The Pick-Up Artist" and replies with a curt, "You're one of those mouth-breathing Mystery wannabes, aren't you?"
 

You are the MAN Shia! You are definitely proving yourself more useful than the man whom you are mocking with your screen name.

I'm still trying to figure out what is more pathetic: a man who uses magic to impress the hotts or a man who relies on his muscles and tanning to impress the hotts.

What do you guys think?
 

Bullshit on winning Punch Out
 

The only mystery about this guy is why someone hasn't pummeled his face in with a bag of rocks.

To anonymous: The point is not how much you get, it's ... can you get women without making yourself into a circus act? Can I get a witness?
 

Excellent wiki, Anon 10:00; you more than countered the dip in collective anon IQ that anon 9:34 inflicted. Or Afflicted, I guess I should say.

Seriously. Can't we kill Mystery? And by kill I mean murder. With a Jelly Dong.
 

The world in general doesn't know what to make of originality; it is startled out of its comfortable habits of thought, and its first reaction is one of anger.

-W. Somerset Maugham, writer (1874-1965)

If Mr. Maugham is to be believed, Mystery should piss off less people than Mother Theresa during his vacuous cancer of a life.
 

Watch me pull a rabbit out of my asshat
 

Mystery: Proof that Xenu doesn't flush.
 

Yanno, I caught an episode of "The Pickup Artist" while I was doing something else and my first thought was: "Why would anyone take serious advice from a dude dressed as Batman?" Then I felt bad for insulting Batman, and I changed the channel.

Flipping douchebag.
 

an interesting factoid:

The United States of America imports more oil from Canada than any other country.

Mystery is a Canadian.

oily coincidence?

i think not.
 

Who's the bigger narcissist: Mystery, or Mike Tyson, who couldn't stand the thought of his crudely pixelated avatar being beaten by 12-year-olds?
 

ehehehhhheh........pipe farter.
 

Where would we be without the anons?? Oh, and anon 9:34 - I'm white bitch.
 

I'm glad I have no idea who this douchebag is!!! I must be doing something right! 8)

When I first saw the pic... I thought it was of the original douche magician.... CrissAngel!!!

Here's a mystery I'd like never solved....

These two gay magician locked in a vehicle's trunk sunk to the bottom of large body of water!!!

Asshats!
 

--what darksock said. and what what significant bagtags are left? Mario Lopez taking a dump on a homeless woman? B4-4 getting gang raped in prison? The options for topping Mystery has surely shrunk considerably.
 

second furry hat this month.
new douche trend?
 

Wow, they let this crap into Center Bar these days? I tell you the Hard Rock has totally gone to shet after the construction began. Prior to, the Center Bar was a fine place to observe the Hott and mock douche. Moreover, a 'bag hunter need not pay a Rehab-like cover charge.
 

db1, I agree with you on Mystery's fundamental philosophical flaw. What allows him to get away with it is the naive innocence of the hott, who naturally turns to all glittery things. All this glittery attention being paid towards her, she doesn't realize he's doing the same thing to 100 other women, that there isn't a real man underneath, only some monstrosity trying to imitate one.
And she latches on with that delusion that she's the only woman in the guy's life and he's "really a good person."
And that's what turns a hott into bleeth.
Just some food for thought.
 

BTW I've actually known Mystery types in my lifetime. Experience has shown that their descent into douchery makes them sodomites (i.e. faggots, for the layperson) in waiting.
 

So...I guess this isn't cool of me, but who's Mystery?
 

hey, anonymous, where did you cut and paste your response from?

look, losers are losers, regardless of their hobbies. i'm a d&d playing nerd who listens to Rush, builds computers, and I regularly pound boobihottiesucklethigh fiance with my giant cock.

and no. not a douche. no sculpted chin pubes, no AXW, no AE, and no frosted tips.

i hate that fucktard Mystery as much as you do. just watch your generalizations.
 

Anon 10:00 - Wonderful comment, thank you.

I like it best when the cookie cutter recipe- following sex-only douches get older, look around and see how truly alone they are. Yes, very fun to play the hott like bonitas, but there's no "there" there, just bad karma for promising everything just to score.

There's no male equivalent term for the bitter cat ladies these "men" created by their fuck 'n chuck lifestyles.... that I know of anyway.
 

I've never heard of Mystery and now that I've read through this thread, I'm gladder than ever that I don't have cable.
 

"They're not tricks Michael, they're illusions. A trick is something a whore does for money or kids do for candy."--George Oscar Bluth

Nice coat. Why don't you get back in the Tardis and go back to before you were born and have yourself aborted. Virtual Insanity indeed.
 

Come on Mystery,

Make ten pounds disappear from the blond chick. Then I'll be impressed.
 

Dice said it best:
"I wanna see a magician eat an apple then shit a fruit salad".
 

I had never heard of this choad either. Five minutes of quality time with Google later, I want to cut his throat with a spork.

If ever there were a vector of douche, a douche disease reservoir, it is this guy and his cronies. I am a New Jersey native and I have a wry tolerance for the hair, bling, hand gestures, etc. It's lame, but harmless. But the philosophy this guy embodies is the truly malignant side of douche.

Give me a card-carrying D&D playing nerd any day and keep this waste of plasma. I love nerds. Nerds aren't afraid to get engrossed in things. They read books on the side just to keep up.

It pales in comparison to the other stuff, but the hat alone is enough to set me off as well. Honestly, how many Muppets had to die for that thing?
 

The hott was a little thick, but you can't see the front of her. She had curves that would cause a Ferrari to spin out of control into a guardrail should it have attempted to navigate her suppleness. But if you like 'em Mary Kate style, she probably wasn't for you.

But this picture is really about memorializing the King of the Douche in action. This guy is the personification of the new douche mentality; he has made a living teaching men how to manipulate and infantalize women in order to bang chicks. Nothing wrong with that of course, but it is the journey, not the end result where true satisfaction and self-worth lie.

I got a chance to watch him run his little shtick from up close, and I won't lie, the only game this guy has is with women who have serious self-esteem issues or IQ's below the freezing point of water.

So it goes for my first (and probably last... how can I possibly top this?) bag-tag.

Epilogue: Mystery did not end up with this chick despite liberal use of douche hand gesture #13 (using really puerile slight of hand tricks that take 10 minutes to master) in fact, I saw him leave the place on his own that night.

Pass the Jameson and raise a glass as I declare this photo and its aftermath a victory for all that is non-scrote!
 

Oh and props to the lovely and incomparable ENJ for identifying the Lord of the 'Bags and recommending his enshrinement to the pantheon of uber-scrote known as HCwDB.
 

Mystery is douchey beyond belief, and I was wondering when he would make this site. However, his method is based on evolutionary psychology and is not supposed to demean women. Negs are meant to briefly make the woman feel insecure, so that she seeks your validation. It's meant to only be done to the hottest of woman, who feel like they are at a higher status than you. A neg brings them down to your status. I'm not defending the entire pua community; it's filled with insecure assholes. However, much of his method is misunderstood should not be wholly discounted.
 

Anon 2:13 -

O my, Mystery made this site big-time one year ago
and kicked off an epic existential thread.
 

and scroll to the bottom to read Baron's thread-ending prose:

"Reading your rebuttals starts the same sympathies welling up inside me that I feel when I see a retard repeatedly walking into a wall, each time believing that a door will magically appear. After the humor wears thin, it becomes painful and then just tragic."

That still makes me cry a little when I read it. I promised myself I wouldn't cry. And by "cry" I mean break wind.
 

Wow. He needs a new schtick. That raggedy ass card trick is just old. And it was a dumb trick to begin with.
 

To anonymous who posted at 2:13 AM:

Yeah, he claims that it's based on evolutionary psychology, but that's just his assertion. There is no evidence that this "method" works. It's based on pop psychology and New Age bullshit like Neuro Linguistic Programming. He tries to make his product sound scientific so he can make money. Imagine that: he'll tell you anything to sell his product. Don't be naive.

Even if this shit work, it still demeaning to women. He's advertising his product as method to manipulate women into fucking you, so you can use them like a condom and move on to the next victim. It doesn't get anymore demeaning than that.
 

@anonymous 8:04

It Can be used that way, but it doesn't Have to. And Yes many ppl in the pua community use it to less than cool ends.

Ross Jeffries is really the guy who's about NLP.

There is probably a more egalitarian substitute for Negs, like Banter; -but you must admit, there are Some Hotts who do believe they stand on pedestals and walk on water.

If you use MM or P101 or Style or David D to Constructive Ends, it can be good.

You're right; it's not OK to lie to girls in the process. You should be up-front so each party knows the score.

Hell, this site is proof that not just MM does similar things to women. -Douchebags of all stripes have been since the beginning of time.

There Is a way to benefit from the Strong characteristics of Jerks, Bastards & Douchebags while taking on none of the anti-social aspects of their personality disorders.

Give MM & the other stuff a shot; -take the good bits and leave what you don't like.
 

Wow... I went to high school with this guy, and was one of the people he played D&D with. He used to hang out with my group of friends. Even back then he'd have these retarded theories on picking up women, claiming that it was a matter of "gaining points" or some bullshit. I recall telling him, "Want to get laid? Here's a pointer: Don't keep score, moron."

Odd that this is where he is now... We were all convinced he was gay.
 

I have no doubt that this guy succeeds in getting laid and that his preposterous antics (which demean him more than they could ever demean any girl) play a part in that. The thing though is that getting a girl to sleep with you is actually really easy. Chicks are actually into the idea.

So am I supposed to be impressed by this guy? That he gets women into bed with some regularity, but has to completely degrade himself in the process?

Not fucking likely. The rest of us manage just fine without all the extra bullshit.

And yes, his success and hero worship has more to do with latent homosexuality than anything else. These guys don't just want to score chicks. They want to feel connected to each other, and use heterosexual sex to make that happen. The girl is a non person to them. The camaraderie side of their sexual exploits all exists between the guys themselves. What could be more dysfunctional?