Gotta be the SmearKat...

None of these Douchebags are a standout but those BOOOBIES are defnitely a standout...
 

Sweet fancy moses. I can't even think straight after this lineup. And by think I mean boobies. Smearkat FTW. Them's real and that's worth something. He's scrote and that's worth a Louisville Slugger to the coconut. On any other week it'd be KH&TP but not against the rarity of underboob.
 

Kelly FTW. Because I want to see that stretched star shirt again in the monthly.
 

It can't be bagwatch because his face isn't exactly in focus. I don't know, maybe that's a blessing but moving on ...

Smearkat is quite impressive, and his Hott has the near-virginal look that is always preferable to the skank-whore look that is so common (just take a look at Kelly Hott).

But if we accept that the hotts associated with SmearKat and the Paw are generally even, we have to consider the douchieness of the principals.

Both have ridiculous satin ties but one is up by his neck where it belongs and the other is loosened up in a pure display of DB-ness.

But in the end, hand pose + multi-colored hair = The Paw FTW.
 

Is it really fair to put a Guidouche against the celebrity powerhouses Ty Pennington and Dane Cook?

What, that's not Ty and Dane? They are completely different douches?

I'll tell you what, if you put those pics together, with the ties and Vegas showgirl boobessness, it almost looks like a Vegas Celebritdouche Impersonator Spectacular. I would rather not get comped on this one.

Still, when I look at the golden/orange shaved belly of Bagwatch, I think "fat twelve year old girl....painted golden/orange".

When I see shoes on the beach, dog tags, smug look, smugger pose and my grandmother's capri shorts I think "So shall it be at the end of the world: the angels shall come forth, and sever the douched from among the just, And shall cast them into the furnace of Jersey Shore: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth."

When I look at the cans on Hot Cans Houlihan I think "I will start a country, she will be my queen. I will put her face on the currency. I will take that currency and buy lotion. I will jerk off with that lotion."

Bagwatch FTW
 

Kelly Hott is hot, and the Dane Cook lookalike reeks of douche, but there is something pay to play about it, shes a stripper or porn star or something...next...

Bagwatch is the quintessential Jersey Douchebag, but I cant get a good read on the hotts. Though the boobs in yellow/orange are fucking fantastic, I cant tell if they are really hott or not...next...

Smearkat, oh smearkat,
you complete douchenozzle.
Rage inspiring.
For reasons we all know, and do not need to repeat.
I would suckle those boobies until my dying day, being as glorious as they are. I mean, just look at em. And with that girl next door look, she embodies the hott. I love her.

Smearkat for the douchey, greasy, hang-him-with-that-ridiculous-tie win.

~Douchesquire
 

Bagwatch is tempting, but we don't get a great look at the hotts. On top of that, I can hear the crackling of their sun-damaged skin from here, the sound of someone balling up the Declaration of Independence to play trash can basketball. In two years, these ladies will look like they're in their early teens. Hundred and teens, that is.

Smearkat is worthy, but his hott is giving off a strong lesbian junior high gym teacher vibe, which ranks very low on the scale of hot lesbian action.

Which leaves me with the Paw and Kelly for the win. He is smirking, streak-haired douche. And although I disagree about the cheerleader part--I'm surprised she can stand up, let alone jump up and down--Kelly is cornfed, pillowy goodness.

Kelly and the Paw for the win.
 

1 vote for bagwatch nights. he's wearing socks and sneakers to the beach so you know he has no plans of getting in the water, couple that with the obtuse and angle that he chose to spread his legs.his inseam is under some intense stretching pressure and he loves it, he thrives on it. his dog-tag is of the douche-degree. the kind that is blank in the middle and lined with shiny metal on the outside, the worst kind. but don't tell him i said all this..those are his boys in the back
 

the Paw is a douche, no doubt about it, however, i smell band douche (and i know my band douches) and suspect she's a pro. nice boobies, but too much coverage o' the cleavage. for this close of a competition. he'll be bald by 30 and regret this pix

the Smearkat doesn't really exist. she is too fucking hot and by hot i mean boobies! sweet jesus she is amazing, so much so, she overpowers his burgeoning doucheosity, tie or not.

as much as it aggrieves me, i have to go with Bagwatch. if there was a douchebag SAT, this junior JP disciple would score a 1600. fake greasy burnt-orange tan (only from the waist up!), pouty poo-face, waxed doughy chest (not the legs!) complete with a-cup man boobs, bling and sneakers at the beach!
Fake juggs Betty and her stage 2 bleeth sister complete the unholy Jersey-via- South Beach cultural trainwreck that should be referenced whenever discussing western civilization's slide into the abyss.

but enough of my yammering:

Bagwatch FTW
 

The Smearkat FTW because well...BOOBS man those boobs boobs and some boobs with boobs and that is why The Smearkat for the boobs.

yeah boobs.
 

The Smearcat may seem to be the least douchey of the three, but, his blinding greasey sheen betrays him. His kissy lips gesture in the general direction of the oblivious Hott also speaks volumes. His doucheyness is indeed formidable.

But honestly the real reason I'm going to cast with the 'cat is boobies. Those are spectacular. They have brightened my morning.

Thanks, boobies.

Amerigo Vesdouchey
 

Smearkat gets my vote.

You could run a biodiesel plant off the amount of yellow grease this scrotenozzle puts off.
 

Kelly Hott and the Paw
 

WOW!!! Total douchepocalypse!!! The thing that bothers me most about the Paw is how fake he is...a douchewannabeen as you would say. He looks like he wants to fit in so bad, with his adoucherements, skunky hair, etc...but BAGWATCH, he IS douche for life and because of his dedication...BAGWATCH FTW
 

I'm for the Paw!

Bagwatch bag looks more like a fried sausage and Smearkat's Hot has sagging tits.
 

i cannot watch the bag, night, day or twilight. black velcro shoes, white parachute shorts, in addition to all the might in his right hand he can muster to suppress the toothless barracuda. i would play beach blanket bingo with the b boys in the backround just to snort the sand off of kari's pinky toe.
 

It has to be the Smearkat. As noted above I concur with all reasons as to why corn-fed-home grown-hella-boobie-hot is positively luscious. Oh and yes he's a real twat. Smearkat for the weekly.
 

Easily the most rage-inducing is Smearkat and his naturally busty hottie pie. I wanna get on my pet burro, Chavez, and drag this raging fuckwhistle through the biggest brar' patch in Texas by that goddamn tie.
 

Bagwatch for me. There something invidious about the Jersey douchescrote that brings it to a whole different level than the other two 'Vegas' style bags.

He's like a fudgicle made out of poo.

Plus, she's got that french curve hourglass shapliness that's only found on hot babes and shapely hourglasses, which is nice.

Dexter Lake Club
 

Bagwatch FTW

melenzana ...moolie fuggitaboutit dis jagoffs goombas musta takin a few trips to Africa via boat...a cadillac boat of course.
 

Bagwatch FTW

melenzana ...moolie fuggitaboutit dis jagoffs goombas musta takin a few trips to Africa via boat...a cadillac boat of course.
 

smearkat.

boobs.

douches are irrelevant this week.

smearkat.

boobs.
 

The Smearkat. Nothing spells g-r-e-a-s-y like wearing your shirt unbuttoned with a tie. The faux hawk is just the icing on the cake.
 

Of these three pairs, anyone of them could become a juggernaut competing for the monthly...and by juggernaut, I mean pair of yuge cans.

Both Bagwatch and Smearkat have been dipped in some unidentifiable discharge. Roll them in a litter box, and you'd have the equivalent of a Zagnut Bar the cat pissed on.

To me, its Paw FTW. The pooka bracelet, the Dr. Suess hair...he's the Northgoing Zax, trying to score some world class funbags.
 

Bagwatch Nights. All the way.
 

Smearkat ftw. The wholeboobsomeness of the dairy farmer's daughter, set in glaring kontrast to the kat's dripping doucheitude, delivers the win by 31 lengths.
 

Pap-Smearkat.
 

Got to go with the Paw. Skunk strip flip up with the hair. Two finger salute, and a I just swallowed a bug face.

Close but Paw beats out smearkat.
 

Bagwatch all the way.

The concept of the douchebag has been expanded over the years to include a variety of 'bag prototypes.

But a classic Jersey 'bag in the mode of Grieco and Joey Porsche is and always will be the quintesential douchebag. The greasy Jersey 'bag is the essence of all that is douchey. The pinnacle. The top of the mountain.

Bagwatch is all that and more, plus a pair of two of the most glorious boobs I have ever seen.
 

I can't really see Bagwatch, and obvious adouchrements aren't enough for me. So jersey shoredouche gets a pass. Smearkat is obscured by the natural boobliciousness of jr high gym teacher boobies (they sag because Dr feelgood has not inflated them like beach balls, anonymous!).

For me, only the Paw induces the true righteous rage required for our weekly. Who knows, maybe Kelly will show up again sometime if we vote for her.
 

The Paw- based on the delta between hott and douche. And because Kelly Kelly Kelly.
 

as far as bags are concerned its bagwatch or kelly, but the kelly hott is pulling paw to the uberdouche status, hes a prick of ball kickin magnatude, shes hott so kelly FTW

nammer
 

Now that I have pieced my optical nerves back together, I'll attempt to make my case.

Bagwatch is out. Might he be too greasy, too douchey to win? Of course not, "too douchey" is an abstract concept. he gives it a run though. He brought his sisters to the beach, in a sad attempt to distract himself from the pile of greasy man logs behind him. His legs are asplay to relieve the tension the sausagefest behind him is causing. 3rd place.

Smearkat, I love the boobs. And by boobs, I mean "Crikey. Look at those titties" But she's awfully orange herself. Might be bad lighting, but I clearly see a stage 3 bag mark on her forehead. And that has to be considered, no matter how much love goo I would so dearly love to deposit on her face and that sweet booby valley. Oh yeah, he's a douchenozzle blah, blah, blah. The mangled shocker above his head is prophetic. And Boobies (even though they may sag a bit) 2nd Place.

Oh Kelly. Why you make me feel this way? You are sooo hot. i would eat broken glass, and vomit it back up, just to sniff the seat of the cab that you leaned on while douchey mcbagerson here styled his coif and shaved those asinine chin pubes.

Kelly FTW
 

I'll take the rare "inside-side boob."

Oh, and fuck you, Smearkat.
 

kelly hott and the paw ftw
 

Smearkat because (1) his horrible attempt at fashion styling is as ill-conceived as anything that has sprung from the mind of the infamous Eric Glennie and (2) she is perfect.
 

Boobies boobies boobs
Boobies Ba Boobies Boobies
Boobs Ba-Da Boobies


Smearkat
 

Smearkat. The douche can't even stand still for a photo. No, but seriously, I say Smearkat because I think of the three pictures, the hott in this one is actually his girlfriend. And that makes me sad.
 

This is extremely difficult. Huge douches and huge boobs. Good lord.

In my mind, its really a 3-way tie. So I'll have to go with the rare tiebreaker and give my vote to Smearcat and Blue Sideboob only 'cause I sent them in.

On a side note, I'd probably get on Kelly Hott first though...
 

Smearkat FTW.
 

Smearkat, by a boobslide.
 

Pepe le Paw. The uberdouche skunk hair cinches it.
 

Very even this Week. Bagwatch has inverted Michael Jackson Disease, Smearkat has the least bleethed hott with real boobs which are spectacular and The Paw has the worst hair and the hott with the biggest boobs.

Bagwatch is out because the 'Bag to hott ratio is too low. Those two have been rode hard and put away wet if you know what I mean. And I mean if the bacteria don't get you, the crabs will from those two.

The Paw has the bad hair, multiple bracelets, too narrow tie, chin pubes, 'bag gesture and hott with bolt on boobs. But once again bag to hot ratio is not quite high enough.

Which leaves us with Smearkat. Bad hair, high grease content, fresh looking hott with GREAT real boobs. And the tie. The freakin' tie. Never was in style, so where did he get it? Tied with a crappy knot so he doesn't possess basic man skils (or a friend who does).

Oh who am I kidding.....

BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS!!!!!

Smearkat FTW
 

Very even this Week. Bagwatch has inverted Michael Jackson Disease, Smearkat has the least bleethed hott with real boobs which are spectacular and The Paw has the worst hair and the hott with the biggest boobs.

Bagwatch is out because the 'Bag to hott ratio is too low. Those two have been rode hard and put away wet if you know what I mean. And I mean if the bacteria don't get you, the crabs will from those two.

The Paw has the bad hair, multiple bracelets, too narrow tie, chin pubes, 'bag gesture and hott with bolt on boobs. But once again bag to hot ratio is not quite high enough.

Which leaves us with Smearkat. Bad hair, high grease content, fresh looking hott with GREAT real boobs. And the tie. The freakin' tie. Never was in style, so where did he get it? Tied with a crappy knot so he doesn't possess basic man skils (or a friend who does).

Oh who am I kidding.....

BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS!!!!!

Smearkat FTW
 

Smearkat. GOLD satin tie and kissy lips. And, of course, boo...
I don't even have to say it.
 

Smearkat's glistening patina of grease takes it. The douchosity is literally seeping out of his pores.

And boobs. Oh god, the boobs.
 

Kelly Hot and The Paw. Usually I can point out what makes me want to rip teh winner's face off more than the others, but I can't this time. Still, I have to go with my gut. And by my gut I mean her humongous melons of glory.
 

this chick was in playboy from sac. kelly reneee smith i think.
 

this chick was in playboy from sac. kelly reneee smith i think.
 

Bagwatch FTW.

The hott to his right has the biggest rack and the smallest waist of all this week. And that means something.
 

#1 makes me want to #2.

The two broads in the picture make me inappropriately turgid (always inappropriate when teaching Bible study to kids) and want to get a RAYC, a video camera, and some soft serve...

He makes me want to smash contents of said cup right in his fuckin face.
 

BagWatch. The jerseyguinea douche is a chromosone passed down from generation to generation since the days of the Roman Empire. Alpha and Omega; it will always be with us.
 

This week is a tough one. Bagwatch is a douche for life, for reasons previously stated by others. His hot, while the minx on his right is hard to judge, the lady on his left leaves more to be desired, yes, she seams to have great character and by that I mean a great rack, the rest, mm.. not so much.

KH & TP she also has been blessed with ample bosom, but is an infected bleeth that has yet to show major symptoms. A bit of a rode-hard look is emitted from her vacant stare that also sends the message that "I have daddy issues" and that is not hot, but still nice cans. TP needs to go wipe the poo off himself. The dyed hair, silk tie, hand gesture, plastic wristbands and MIDDLE FINGER RING? may you slip in the bathroom and drown in the toilet, you fucking douchebag.

That leaves us with my weekly vote, Smearkat. His douchness is just yuck. The reason I have to pay $4 a gallon at the pump for gasoline is because this peckerhead uses a barrel worth of petroleum products before he attacks helpless clubbers with lame pickup lines and rohypnol. An unbuttoned shirt with a loosened up tie? Is that the start of a chin strap I see? May you be the victim of some random act of violence and make the world just a little bit better.

As for Tits McGee, yum. I would gladly clean the feet of Sherpas who just climbed Mount Everest with my toothbrush just to be able to smell the cocktail napkin that she used to dry off those fine displays of proof that there is a God. I try to judge her face, but the side-under-boob shot has the visual equivalent of the gravitational pull of a black hole. Again my vote, Smearkat, due to dear TM and her amazing BOOBS.

Douche Boyardee's Cheese and Bagaroni
 

Instead of voting for, can I vote against? I'd anti-vote for Bagwatch because it's tough to choose between Smearkat and The Paw.

But if I have to choose...

I'd vote for The Paw.

At a club, I'd probably laugh at Smearkat, but I'd want to punch The Paw in the face.
 

In all of these pics
the advantage is the Chicks'
All out-shine the guy

Kelly, is Hottest
Cheap Cage punker in silk sucks
Stupid chin-pubes, die

Smearkat is 'Festive'
She smothers me with Boobs, while
I choke him with tie

Bagwatch, what is he?
explosive diarrhea
Boobies, my, oh my!

Unto Bagwatch Nights
and her big-boobied hottness
to the win, they ride!
 

Bagwatch is a burned turd.

The Paw is that creepy waiter at the Olive Garden.

But The Smearkat - he's the complete douche. Kissy face, spiked fauxhawk, unbuttoned shirt, undone tie. Rarely do the planets align to form such a piece of human waste.

The Smearkat FTW.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

I write in Zippy, whose hott melts the sun. She puts the hotts in each weekly entry here to shame, and even shame has to lick its wounds and crawl in somewhere deep, dark and cold when it considers Zippy hott to the fake-boob hott of Kelly, the droopy mature-boob hott of Smearkat, and the more common beach-boobies of Bagwatch.

Zippy may not have the hardened choadness of Bagwatch or Smearkat, but this site isn't just a called "Pics of Douchbags".

That Zippy and Zippy hott are not in the weekly is a travesty of such epic proportions that somewhere King Leonidas has dug himself out of the ground and his sharpening his sword as to get to the heart of this matter.

I call foul. Zippy hott ftw.
 

This is like picking out the most gruesome traffic fatality ... can't they all "win"? And by "win", I mean get beaten within an inch of their douchie lives behind a dumpster?

This is a hard hard week. Smearkat and the Paw are the most worthy of a cast-iron skillet to the head, if only for those haircuts.

I give the edge to Bagwatch FTW, though. I'm not sure he's the greasiest choad of the bunch, but he'll do. And he has two hotts, which is double-your-VD fun. That and I'll defer to tanned boobies like that any day of the week.

Did I mention boobies? Because I boobies. Boob.
 

this just in









boobs
 

my vote is for The Smearkat because those bOObs are fantastically and utterly hyponotizing.. and he deserves fire ants to sting 'nads mercilessly
 

Bagwatch looks like he's offering himself up for a strong kick to the beans. Perhaps a sign of penitence for his douchy guido ways. His hotts are not up to snuff, so he gets zee pass this time around.

Kelly Hott looks like she's paid to be there. She exhibits a certain Bleeth aura, but I can't tell if it's her or the toadstool douching it up next to her. The Paw irks me, but I feel no rage. I feel pity when he has to wake up and look at himself in the morning.

The Smearkat looks toxic. An unbottoned shirt with a half-assed tie, enough grease to lubricate the axles of an eighteen wheeler, and he seems to be making kissy faces at someone behind and to the left of the Hott. Oh my the Hott. I want to wear her crotch on my face like a feed bag.

Smearkat this week, folks.
 

bagwatch is typical jersey douche. he brings nothing new to the look.

the paw is gay. (not that there's anything wrong with that) you can almost hear him saying "haaaayyyy" in that singsong gay voice as he strikes a pose madge style.

smearkat. oh my. how does one go out at night looking like you just dropped out of the womb? did you swim to the club? does your shower emit a steady stream of wesson? i imagine he smells like curly fries mixed with drakkar noir.

and this shaved chest look has got to stop. you aren't fooling anyone. button up your shirt, and put dad's tie back in his closet before he takes your mini cooper away.

i imagine that he's really blowing kisses to the guy standing just out of shot. at least that's what helps me feel better about the fact that Sarah McLachlan hott is hanging with this waste of carbon.

and to all those who may complain about boobsag, well, this is what real boobs look like. gravity affects them. i'll take those over inflate-a-rack any day of the week. but to each their own.
 

smearkat FTW, by the way.
 

I think the important thing here is NOT the scrote holding the boobage, but the boobage itself we need to examine.

And for that, I have to give the nod to smearkat's girl.

Why? Like so:

The breasted one in Bagwatch - her boobies are absurdly huge and clearly fake. Tits that big, if natural, would be hanging around her ankles. Instead they sit on her chest like giant luscious bowling balls that are begging for my spooge arrangement. But, that's about it. So, Bagwatch is out - they're so fakey she looks like she sat on an air pump.

Next:

The Paw. Now, the Paw's babe's bobs are totally fucking huge, and at first I wondered if they were completely fake. I am not convinced they are. Why? Look at the thickness of her rib cage and the muscles under her arms. This chick has had big boobs a long time, and she's too young to have been pumped to DDs (unless her parents have been whoring her out since she was 15). So, I am fairly convinced that these may actually be real. That said, she has this kind of "squinty dumbass giggle brained dicktease" look on her face. Still, I'd merrily love to play with her assets any day of the week.

And so I look upon Smearkat's girl, and frankly, I think she's gorneous for so many different reasons.
1. Her boobs are clearly real. They hang a bit, their not "bowling balls", they don;t have an unnatural lift, these boobs are the Real Deal. she has a big and genuine smile. The way she is looking at the camera, I get the impression that she's actually at this party with the camera man, and Smearkat is his douchemaster buddy from high school. Her eyes have an open kindness that's rather touching and her boobs are simply magnificent.

I would lick, suck, and kiss those boobs forever, if I were the lucky dog to have such an opportunity. She looks like she has something going on upstairs, unlike Paws girl, who looks like a junior level Bleethy wannabe.

Her boobage is boobtastic, and not only does she have the finest and most natural looking boobs, she is also the most appealing and friendliest looking of the three, and is certainly one of the finest looking women on this website.
 

smeakrat bra!!
 

Upon careful consideration, the weekly must go to the Smearkat.

While Bagwatch certailny has all necessary qualifications, he's really just more of the same. No creativity. It's as though he's douche by geographic circumstance, not by any real act of will.

The Paw on the other hand is that "goofy", "fun", "sweet" guy that is so attractive to bleeths. He's non-threatening and a "real" good time.

Then there's the Smearkat; tie, gel, lips and all. Look at the finely trimmed and tailored spikes. Doucheousity like that cannot be feigned. The tie with exposed chest seals the deal. And this is to make no mention of BOOBS!!!!!!!1!!
 

smearkat, no question. He's a steaming pile of scrote. He doesn't deserve to scrub her bathroom floors. Gotta remember the hott factor here, DB1: i'm sure many like myself are enraged at the site of this pic. She and him? I guess there is no God.

I feel like i'm forgetting something.


Oh yes...

BOOOOOBS.
 

I'm going with The Paw. Soul patch. Ridiculous bleached chunk of hair. Shiny tie. Great looking hott with nice boobs and not too trashy to mess with the contrast.

Going with Paw and his patch FTW.
 

1) bagwatch is just taking a break from selling sodas on the beach. the tag around his neck is his badge that allows him to do so. he has clearly asked his other soda-selling buddy to take this picture. thus, hott/douche commingling definitely did not precede, nor will it likely follow, this picture.

2) i agree that the paw could be gay, and not that this means anything, but there is absolutely no chance that kelly's boobs are real.

3)if smearkat had any balls at all, he would not be wasting his time in this picture pretending to kiss her temple while staying, still, away from her. he would be doing what any non-douche, normal dude would do: suckle, lick, and worship.

smearkat it is.
 

Smearkat FTW
 

I'll go eith Paw.
That blond swatch of hair has that ridiculous Duran-Duran look to it.

And on the Hott...those Boobies are defintely stripper quality
 

At first, The Paw was my go to guy, with his hand gesture and lamesilk tie. But upon further review, Kelly Hott seems to comfortable with TP's infamous peace sign hand gesture. I'm guessing bleeth.

Second, as wrong as Bagwatch may be with his orange tan, hairy legs, and shoes with socks on the beach. He seems to be holding the hand of the non-breasted hott in this photo. Proving that he is not a threat to mankind. He likes ugly girls. And his photo is biased, as it is a full body, unlike the others.

The Smearkat FTW. Porcupine mullett, tailored eyebrows, waxed chest, the where's waldouche-baguette?, and do you really think this is the first Cali-Beach Hott he's dont this too? He makes me want to deflate his tires in the beach parking lot, just to see the anguish in her face while they wait for AAA.
 

Smearkat FTW. He's a douche because he probably thinks his look is young and original. He also causes a large amount of rage and hate in me. I would enjoy seeing him dragged by a team of Amish plow horses by that goofy ass gay tie he has on. Fuck him.
 

Boobs. Booobs. Boooooobers. Boobies. Boobs. Breasts. Boobages. Boobalicious! Breeeaaasssts. Mmmmm. ... Oh, what?!

Oh yeah... Smearkat for the weekly.
 

Black sneakers while wearing white???? On the BEACH?!?!?

Oh..... Bagwatch FTW!!!!
 

Gotta go with #3, The Paw. While #1 is probably, at his core, a bigger tool, just look at the effort Paw is putting forth. Look at the attention to douchetails. I think that earns him extra points. As does Kelly's magnificent rack.
 

The chick from #2 is gross... #3 is barely mediocre besides her ob-knock-xious knockers.

The award goes to... Bagwatch!!
 

Tough weekly, but Smearkat has a good douche/hott balance. Seeing him in that tie makes me want to choke him to death with it. And then fondle those boobies soon after.

Smearkat FTW!
 

Man, what a booby boobsly. There's a lot of power in this weekly. And by power I mean boobs...and slime. As much as all of these doucheticles amaze and horrify, I gotta go with Smearkat. Enough gel to make Criss Angeldouche float in mid-douche. Loosened tie around way-too-unbuttoned shirt. Kissy fish face that makes me consider removing his lips and wearing them in a cannabalistic ritual while praying to the gods that created the boobs on this girl. I think she could have saved everyone on the Titanic. Smearkat FTW.
 

Smearkat, far and away.

Oh, Smearkat. You wondrous creature of the Jersey club. See how the carefully vertically combed hair sticks straight up despite hours inside a room with jungle temperatures, booze, and boobs. Observe the puffed lips, as the smearkat's mating ritual calls for. And the tie on top of a shaven chest and what could very possibly be a sleeveless button-down. Fellow viewers, you are observing Scrotus Greasebaggus in its natural habit.

And I need not mention the natural firmness and lusciousness of brunett'e massive jugs peeking out through the blue dress. I see you, mammaries.
 

Gotta go with Bagwatch Nights

I really wanted to go with The Paw, not becuase he is a douche, but because of the ridiculously hot Kelly next to him. However, we gotta vote for douche bags before we vote for busty babes. Bagwatch is that douche bag...and the one to the left of him is not doing to bad in the bust department either...
 

smearkat FTW. lovely chesticles on the hott. . .
 

A vote for smearkat, please.
 

He is orange.

He has two hotts and four boobs.

He is Bagwatch Nights.

He is a weekly winner.
 

i don't care about the guys at all. i'm going with kelly because i want to bang her the most.
 

A very tough choice. Although the boobs are uberamazing this week I must keep focus on the douche to feel good about my vote. Kelly hot is nothing but perfection on the road to bleethdom but the Paw is not even douche enough to wipe Gators taught bum. The Boobies are boobrific although i think she might be hiding something behind them like a titanic sized ass and Smearkat, although greazy as a Hatian mechanic doesn't hold a jar of vaseline to Bagwatch. His burnt umber skin tone combined with black dad sneaks and baller shorts send me into a Barbarian rage. Bikini top brings me back to reality as I drool on my keyboard, which is nice.
Bagwatch FTW.
 

Paw FTW. The hair, the gesture, the chindirt. He is a douche, oh yes. His hott is also a Barbie of perfection, and one just has the think, what in the hell? And isn't that the ultimate question we have to ask ourselves?
 

smearkat. no lengthy explanation required. i'd vote this in the hall of scrote just to have easy access to that gleevage.
 

an uninspired nod to bagwatch for the hyperscrotal pose...but props to the chestacular attempts for the the other two...wow!
 

As I am not a breast man, I don't really have a dog in this fight. However, Smearkat is the biggest douche, so my vote is for him.

More importantly, a fucking Judith Butler reference? WTF? I recall a Gramsci quote a couple of months ago. Does DB1 have a degree in Cultural Studies? There are only a few CS programs out there, and I'm in one of them.

Can we get some Frankfurt School up in this bitch?
 

Bagwatch is the only one who makes me want to rip my eyes from my skull. And by "eyes" I mean "tongue," and by "skull" I mean "boobs."
 

has anyone seen this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9doAZDSceJ0
 

Kelly Hott and the Paw. Those big ol' boobs are simply being wasted on this fuckin' lightning streak. A waste, that's all it is.
 

Bagwatch Nights. Yum.
 

in a contest between smearkat and kelly hott, i have to go with kelly hott- because the paw is a bigger douchebag. i mean, they're both douches worthy of many tauntings, but come on. that hair mocks me from the void.
 

Boobs if I know.

Bagwatch Nights. Douchiness is the same in every pic, but this one features the biggest boobs AND legs. When there is a tie for douchey-boobleocity, the tiebreaker goes to the legs.
 

blue wrapped boobie goodness
 

Bagwatch Nights FTW.
He is Jersey douche protoplast in IBS formation between such scrumptious Chi-Chi's, he looks to be developing Hepatitis.
That may explain the peculiar pigmentation and MedicAlert necklace. Nonetheless; he is Guido vaginal irrigation with a slice a lime, and I can list 4 other reasons why this pic should win.
BOOBS.
 

Kelly Hott and The Paw.

She's just so much hotter than the rest.

And he reminds me of überdouche, Dane Cook.

'nuff said.
 

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While they all share those certain qualities, my vote's going to The Paw and his wonderful Kelly Hott.

Is the HCwDB philosophy not summed up perfectly in this pic with all its fantastic femininity and the ungodly scrotal swagger?

I think it most certainly is.
 

Kelly is super-hott and Paw is a genuine douche, but someone else pointed out that she's a pro and thus is disqualified on a technicality.

Even though no one despises guido-douches more than I, I have to pass on Bagwatch for one simple reason - Smearkat.

Smearkat - because I would never pull my face out from between those fantastic boobies long enough to have my picture taken in the first place.

Smearkat FTW.
 

Gotta be bagwatch FTW!
 

smearkat for sure, what a turd.
 

sneakers on the beach? seriously?
 

Interesting week this, trying to sort out the fakes from the real in about 1000 senses of the word. However, for me, it's Bagwatch Nights rocking it steady for the week.

Kelly Hott is rocking it Sacramento style which should get her about 1000000 bonus points for putting up with that waste of land. However, she's a pro (Playboy - big ups to whomever came up with her name), and he is just too much to deal with. Other than the skunk-do and the soul patch, this guy doesn't kill me too much. His tie is tied and not dangling, and he's not trying too hard. She's not having any of it, and neither is he, so they're out.

Smearkat, this gentleman put up quite a fight. First to his lady friend, she's not really that pretty, she just has a few accessories which make us stand at attention, but without those she'd be out. As for Smear himself, he's rocking a tie without a shirt, but to me he is a cheap rip off of the Rooster Wank. So we have faux Rooster Wank and OK looking girl, I'd MUCH rather see the real Rooster and HBT.

Now for my good buddy Bagwatch. I'm not going to comment too much on his girls, though I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt to the girl on the right, she appears to be smoking hot. The reason I love Bagwatch is threefold, one, the dogtags on the beach. Two, the shoes on the beach (black even). Three, and most importantly, he's a Joey Porsche wannabe. Joseph fcukin Carrera is being a role model to these young bags, probably a "Big Brother" type program. So he can rock his skinny-ass legs, his socks and shoes on the beach all while listening to 6 boys in the back rocking it Kumbaya style.

So, Bagwatch is the winner with an honorable mention to the hotness of Zippy's girl (he'd get my vote solely because of her), only because the Joey Porsche Tree seems to be sprouting some more branches, and when the time is right, we can chop it down and set fire to it, thus destroying the legacy of our man Joseph.
 

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Bagwatch is holding down his boner, which is what I would be doing in his situation. He is everyman.

Paw looks like Mr. Mistoffeles from "Cats", so he is gay, probably her gay cousin.

Give us Smearkat - preferably the largest .jpg you can - I have a big monitor.
 

Paw. For sure Paw.
 

smearkat is most appalling and his hott has the best and most realistic-looking boobs. fucking christ, his tie is awful.
 

Bagwatch is your typical Jersey scrote, washing up by the hundreds on the shore every summer with the illegally dumped medical and industrial waste. Like a red tide or a massive jellyfish die-off, the stench is unbearable. And trying to roll the mass of choad back into the surf is futile without a backhoe and degreaser. And one of the "hotts" contains a pickle surprise. I know this.

Smearkat is the kind of guy who works part time at FYE and tells everybody he's a player in the entertainment/multimedia/marketing business. He's actually second generation douche; his dad probably met his mom one night on Two For Tuesday Jello Shots at Paunchy Pete's Margarita Grill and fell in love listening to Richard Marx' "Right Here Waiting". You know his dad was wearing his best shit from Chess King, Drakkar Noir, and a molestache. And his mom looked like a broke-ass Jamie Gertz in stirrup pants, a baggy sweater, and jelly shoes. Anyway, as DB1 pointed out, the boobies also boobies from a boobies with an incredible boobies in boobies. She boobies to wildly boobies unless blue boobies, but boobies won't boobies most of the time. So boobies for boobies FTW. Thank you jeebus.







Um... Is there a third choice?
 

Kelly Hott and the Paw
 

NOTHING compares to last week. With no Bra! or Still Life in the pictures, I'm just so...so disenchanted with the douches of today. Sigh.

Regardless, I have to go with Smearkat. He has that distinct "I'm a Bri'ish rockstah, doll, love me, let's go shag." And between that and the tie, it's just...egh. The grease is dripping off this man, not to mention the hair gel. I am repulsed. Smear for the win.
 

Smearkat does more with less. He's a Douches Douche. He knows his place in the Pantheon of Scrotes. Understated economy of douche attributes focus his 'bagness like a laser.
But megods the boobs on the Hott...................
Smearkat FTW
 

Bagwatch Nights, hands down.

The Paw just doesn't do it for me. Maybe it's because he reminds me vaguely of Nick Swardson.

Smearkat is douche, to be sure, but something tells me his hott is wise to his douchey ways, and won't be in such nauseous proximity to him for very long.

Bagwatch Nights wins for one reason and one reason only. Fake tan at the beach.
 

The Smearkat
 

Smearkat FTW.

He is totally oblivious to those two wonderful globes and more attached to how he looks in public.

Fuck that douche.
 

Another vote for boobs. I mean Smearkat. FTD.


IFYM
 

Smearkat.

I had to put a post-it note on the screen to block out the hot. I was medically incapable of even seeing the douche with those mountains of mam right next to him. Even without the jugosaur next to him he's a greasy filth-ridden douchebag.
 

I vote for boobs.

-Boobs.

P.S. Boobs
 

i dont remember who said it, but kelly hott's "zeppelin chest" takes my vote.
 

Is there any way to vote for all 3? There's no way in hell that me and my boobs would EVER get that close to these douches!
 

Looks like The Paw is smoking an invisible... 12 inch... cock?

...

I'm too bedazzled by the beachwanker's ballroom to vote.
 

I've got to go with the homegrown douche this week, Bagwatch Nights.

Kelly Hott's not, and Smearkat incites no rage in me.
 

The Paw and Kelly FTW!!!
Kelly is so hot...Smearkat's babe looks like she just did a whippet.
 

Kelly Hott and The Paw FTW. I couldn't decide who I wanted to strangle with his own tie, the Paw or SmearKat, but Kelly's massive missles won me over, the Paw must die and as a consolation prize for him, he and his hott should win the weekly.
 

Although bagwatch nights might be the objectively better pic...

I have to vote for smearkat, even tho this is clearly some celeb walkway thing. Because ties without shirts are inexcusable... but more importantly this is may be the first hottie here that really made me wanna jerk it... i mean really.
 

In both the Weekly and in our country's general elections, I vote for Boobs!
 

Smearkat. Because her boobs remind me of my wife's.


Yay.
 

Hope I'm not too late for this, but fuck it: I've gotta go with the three-way tie. It's just too close to call.

And by "three-way," I mean "boobs."
 

It took me many hours to add up each scrotes tallies. And by tallies, I mean boooooobs. However, Bagwatch FTW.

Why? It really has nothing to do with the Jersey version of Phil Mickelson's man teets. It's about the long Saturday night of Grey Goose bottle service and a half kilo of coke which Bagwatch uses to get the hotts to the beach with no sleep.

How do I know?

His big friend with the black shirt in the background who holds the aforementioned coke so Bagwatch does not go to jail when the cops ID the 13 year old hotts.
 

With the bag it is too tight a race to call, they all suck ass! Kelly got the million $ cans, got to go with #3.

First time I made my decission by the hott, not the douche!
 

The paw.

Multi colored hair, Red necktie, multiple plastic bracelets, hand pose, and douchey expression all add up to a winner for total douche of the week.

And Kelly Hott is way hotter than the other girls in the race.
 

I must be swift.......Smearkat for the win.
 

Smearkat FTW. Why? 1) Those boobs are going to force gestational evolution just because babies are going to want to get to them 2)Because Paw is gay, and while I do detest Bagwatch the hotts seem to be his sisters rather than females that are interested in him.
 

Easily the Smearkat just for those glorious mamms.
 

PAW FTW
 

I say Bagwatch because of that ridiculous tan. Who thinks that looks good? It looks awful.

Maybe this guido fuck is part eggplant.
 

It's actually HEATHER Renee Smith from Sacramento. I've been to Playboy mansion parties and she's been there. She's a very sweet girl - I'd never imagine her to be hip to the HCWDB site. I wonder who sent this in...

Love it!
 

+1 on Kelly Hott and the Paw!!