Tuesday, March 25, 2008
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So how psyched is the bag-hunter community to know how many HCwDB photo ops there'll be after this weekend's ULTRA MIAMI?
Army of Douche-ness.
p.s. how are there not any SxSW photos on here yet?
Army of Douche-ness.
p.s. how are there not any SxSW photos on here yet?
# posted by 
: 11:11 AM
: 11:11 AM
"Excuse me, I seem to have lost my cape, can you help me find it?"
"1 Bud Light, ah ah ah, 2 Bud Lights ah ah ah"
"1 Bud Light, ah ah ah, 2 Bud Lights ah ah ah"
# posted by : 11:12 AM
: 11:12 AM
I was just neutered and this is an elizabethan collar to keep me from licking my sutures.
Could you lick my sutures for me?
Could you lick my sutures for me?
# posted by : 11:18 AM
: 11:18 AM
"Uh...yeah, Ms. Braithwaite... I know it's a school night. I never thought I'd run into you here. I swear, I got my homework done before I came down here with Brady and Shane. They're over there talkin' to that tranny hooker. Uh...sure, you can buy me a Jack and Coke. Two? Okay."
"Check it out, baby, this *voicecrack* is Christopher Walken in Balls of Fury! *goofy voice* 'I won't bite...not where it shows!' That guy's re-donk-ulous! Okay, next is my impression *voicecrack* of Ming the Merciless from Buck Rogers..."
--Gaius Douchius Caesar
--Gaius Douchius Caesar
# posted by : 11:23 AM
: 11:23 AM
hey, c'mon you guys.
this poor kid had a kidney operation and, so that he doesn't scratch at his stitches, the doctor made him wear this collar.
have some empathy for fuck's sake.
this poor kid had a kidney operation and, so that he doesn't scratch at his stitches, the doctor made him wear this collar.
have some empathy for fuck's sake.
# posted by : 11:23 AM
: 11:23 AM
"Yes I'm old enough to be in here. I mean, duh! Didn't you notice that I popped my collar?"
# posted by : 11:25 AM
: 11:25 AM
"Might I regale you with my own conjecture regarding Wittgenstein vis-a-vis his Dostoevskian influence?"
# posted by : 11:28 AM
: 11:28 AM
Girl (thinking): "If only I had asked for telepathy instead of awesome cleavage, I could finish wrapping that neck around his throat and kill him right now."
# posted by : 11:29 AM
: 11:29 AM
"I know, like, can you believe how much I paid to get these eyebrows done? I couldn't even afford a collar that folded!"
"hey baby, do you know the difference between anal sex and camping?"
"uh....no."
"wanna go camping?"
"uh....no."
"wanna go camping?"
# posted by : 11:30 AM
: 11:30 AM
Why, thank you. Yes, I AM the president of the Vince Carter fan club. Pyyyyyle!
# posted by : 11:30 AM
: 11:30 AM
"No really... plugging in my shirt not only makes it glow, but it also causes the collar stand up on its own. Now can I buy you a Schlitz?"
-Scrote and Saddle
-Scrote and Saddle
# posted by : 11:36 AM
: 11:36 AM
He says: "A black guy? Seriously? Pffht...later."
She says: "Wait it was only once in college! He was light-skinned!"
or
She says: "Your kind of cute. What's your name."
He says: "Wow....your gaydar is terrible."
She says: "Wait it was only once in college! He was light-skinned!"
or
She says: "Your kind of cute. What's your name."
He says: "Wow....your gaydar is terrible."
"Yeah, my Dad made a fortune by inventing the Ban roll-on container in the 80's, right after I was born."
*girl* "...That reminds me, I need to get my daschund fixed so he stops turtling his lipstick on my leg"
I have no idea how to satisfy you sexually, but that shouldn't stop you from letting me throw you a bone.
# posted by : 11:49 AM
: 11:49 AM
"I'm just saying, if we're gonna bone in the men's room it's gotta be now; Uncle Goolo's picking me up in an hour..."
yeah my collar's popped... cause i'm the fuckin man and everyone should know it
# posted by : 11:52 AM
: 11:52 AM
Maybe...
"Um, excuse YOU. Wearing your collar this way is COOL. My big brother told me so."
"Um, excuse YOU. Wearing your collar this way is COOL. My big brother told me so."
# posted by : 11:53 AM
: 11:53 AM
"its either this or the neck brace with the big screws that hold my head in place."
"Bite me lost Lawrence brother."
"Bite me lost Lawrence brother."
# posted by : 11:58 AM
: 11:58 AM
How 'bout...
"It's not a popped collar...it's a halo for a luuuv macheeen..."
Or simply...
"Pllleeeeeaaaasssseee?"
Ok, I am clearly out of material.
"It's not a popped collar...it's a halo for a luuuv macheeen..."
Or simply...
"Pllleeeeeaaaasssseee?"
Ok, I am clearly out of material.
# posted by : 11:59 AM
: 11:59 AM
honey even if i did blow bruce vilanch its still way better than some of the stuff i've seen you swallow
# posted by : 12:02 PM
: 12:02 PM
This outfit?
It's called a body condem....
My name?
Richard but my friends call me....
It's called a body condem....
My name?
Richard but my friends call me....
# posted by : 12:04 PM
: 12:04 PM
The wingman for Jack Black makes eye contact with the girl who sold him the new 2008 line of one-piece
$175.00 douche-fit.
$175.00 douche-fit.
# posted by : 12:09 PM
: 12:09 PM
Yeah, I told that dude with a lot of popped collars "it's not how many shirts you wear, it's how much your collar gets air"
he says: "So I just found a cock ring the size of a Steak cut onion ring, i kid you not!"
she says: "That's Darksock's you twat. he has more manliness one dingleberry than you have in your entire hairless body."
she says: "That's Darksock's you twat. he has more manliness one dingleberry than you have in your entire hairless body."
if we weren't drinking bud light i bet people would ridicule us for allowing our hands to warm our beers
# posted by : 12:16 PM
: 12:16 PM
I'm president of the David Spade and Ryan Seacrest fan clubs of Toledo. So rock that baby.
# posted by : 12:16 PM
: 12:16 PM
he: "Dude I just saw some guy in the bathroom peeing all over some girl!"
she: "That girl was me. Mr. White has kinky fetishes."
she: "That girl was me. Mr. White has kinky fetishes."
"If this cock wrangler calls me 'bro' one more time, I'm going to impale his asshole with a broken Bud Light bottle."
# posted by : 12:18 PM
: 12:18 PM
I know you wanted a Bud Lt. but I still think it sucks that they are out of Zima and those cute umbrellas.
# posted by : 12:19 PM
: 12:19 PM
he: "I think i just shit my pants..."
she: "yeah, I some bald guy with glasses and a seahawks jersey laughing maniacally and pouring visine in your drink."
she: "yeah, I some bald guy with glasses and a seahawks jersey laughing maniacally and pouring visine in your drink."
"So, let's say you refinanced on June 1, 2006, and paid $2,400 in points. You refinanced again on June 1, 2007. You can deduct all the remaining points on the 2006 loan. That's $2,280 plus the $50 you could deduct for January through May 2007...."
"It's just an illusion, baby. My eyebrows are not trying to jump off my face in a suicidal leap."
# posted by : 12:21 PM
: 12:21 PM
Yeah, I know!!! The dudes over there i looked like Prince William. But i pop my fuckin collar
# posted by : 12:21 PM
: 12:21 PM
Bitch all I do is bang bitches and drink.
Wanna sign my friends page on you tube?
Wanna sign my friends page on you tube?
# posted by : 12:21 PM
: 12:21 PM
i will give you 50 buvks to stand by me for 10 seconds...
0r....
is, is, is that bud light? Its a pretty good beer I guess. One night my buddy and I drank like 10 bud lights huh huh
0r....
is, is, is that bud light? Its a pretty good beer I guess. One night my buddy and I drank like 10 bud lights huh huh
# posted by : 12:23 PM
: 12:23 PM
"...so since I stopped struggling halfway through, and because it was pledge week, it technically did not count as sodomy..."
Nah, sweetie, you got it twisted: Urine is actual sterile when it first comes out. It only gets bacteria if you let it sit around for a while.
Dude, Walker Texas Ranger is totally a bad ass isn't he. I'm just sayin' give props to the man girlfriend.
# posted by : 12:28 PM
: 12:28 PM
Sure baby I can drop you off on my Vespa.
We need to stop at the wal-greens to get that cream I need.
We need to stop at the wal-greens to get that cream I need.
# posted by : 12:29 PM
: 12:29 PM
I don't KNOW why the dudes on my Lacrosse team call me Timmy Turtle. My last name is Cornblatz; doesn't even SOUND like "turtle".
This outfit?
I bought it at the
Kwame Kilpatrick going out of business sale this week in Detroit.
I bought it at the
Kwame Kilpatrick going out of business sale this week in Detroit.
# posted by : 12:33 PM
: 12:33 PM
If I move my head I'm afraid this collar will shred my neck. i've been sharpening it all week.
# posted by : 12:36 PM
: 12:36 PM
@darksock......"invite you over to my horse"...i about shit myself laughing. no, wait....... hm....i DID shit myself laughing.
# posted by : 12:37 PM
: 12:37 PM
after my prolapse its hard getting used to having a bud light non-rectally i don't think i like it as much...you?
...same...
...same...
# posted by : 12:45 PM
: 12:45 PM
"So one day Eliot Spitzer, Larry Craig and Jim McGreevy walked into the bar and said they all liked my collar this way and I've been wearing this way ever since."
# posted by : 12:48 PM
: 12:48 PM
until six months ago i didn't even know they made assless chaps in khaki ...now its all i wear
# posted by : 12:51 PM
: 12:51 PM
So I told the guy "Hey yeah I gotta match your ass and my face" Hah!...no wait uh...damn!
# posted by : 1:00 PM
: 1:00 PM
Woah, I like totaly saw Keanu Reeves wearing his shirt just like this!...I shit you not...No seriously...Keanu Reeves...
# posted by : 1:05 PM
: 1:05 PM
This color?
My sister Monica used to work in Washington had a dress this same color.
This stain?
This past summer I was a page for..
Uh..you know what else you can do with a cigar?
My sister Monica used to work in Washington had a dress this same color.
This stain?
This past summer I was a page for..
Uh..you know what else you can do with a cigar?
# posted by : 1:08 PM
: 1:08 PM
my mom says i need to be more assertive, so, i'm gonna go buy you a drink.
hey, where you goin?
WAAAIIIT!!!
hey, where you goin?
WAAAIIIT!!!
What BCS said, DB1; Caption This Tuesdays (CTT) please.
Because it's just more feasible than Epic Poem Thursdays.
Because it's just more feasible than Epic Poem Thursdays.
This little Hot blonde has walked into a scrote like tworp.
The 15 year old teeny bopper with his big brothers shirt on, with the very scrote like popped collar I may add, and probably his big brothers fake ID has spotted the dazed and confused freshamn in college.
Scroted collar makes his move with a look on his face like I may have a shot at the drunk freshman girl, oh my god its about to happen!
Drunk freshman girls face is priceless though, shes looking like aren't you one of my little sisters friends?
This is a case of a sad patheic Douche head in training. In a few more years he will be poppoing his collar and have at least 2 buttons on his shirt un-buttoned and higher spikier hair, and an orange glow to his skin that will put an oompa loompa to shame!
The 15 year old teeny bopper with his big brothers shirt on, with the very scrote like popped collar I may add, and probably his big brothers fake ID has spotted the dazed and confused freshamn in college.
Scroted collar makes his move with a look on his face like I may have a shot at the drunk freshman girl, oh my god its about to happen!
Drunk freshman girls face is priceless though, shes looking like aren't you one of my little sisters friends?
This is a case of a sad patheic Douche head in training. In a few more years he will be poppoing his collar and have at least 2 buttons on his shirt un-buttoned and higher spikier hair, and an orange glow to his skin that will put an oompa loompa to shame!
"Did you hear the one about why blondes wear hoop earrings? Me neither, my collar was blocking my ears."
# posted by : 1:20 PM
: 1:20 PM
and when i woke up, all i remember was the smell of ether. and i walked funny for like a month.
hey, what did i say?
come back!
hey, what did i say?
come back!
"...so I said "Jeez Louise, Timmy, you ALWAYS want to play a half-elf Ranger/Cleric. Just roll up a Human Fighter; that's what we need to take on the Bugbear king..."
"Sorry 'bout the Pizza Hut sign on the car; my dad put in on for me and it's a bitch to get off. At least I had it turned off..."
You know that I would be untrue, you know that I would be a liar, If I were to say to you "Girl we couldn't get much higher"
# posted by : 1:24 PM
: 1:24 PM
Oh I misunderstood I thought you said I looked like "I could use another beer!"
# posted by : 1:29 PM
: 1:29 PM
Please call 911, somebody put this bomb collar around my neck and forced me to rob Urban Outfitters.
# posted by : 1:31 PM
: 1:31 PM
"Look my dad will get rid of my trust fund if I don't prove my heterosexuality, can you do me a favor?"
# posted by : 1:35 PM
: 1:35 PM
...so then I hit 'enter' and, like, ZAP! Nobody's gonna post shit about me on any blogger sites anymore.
"No, seriously, it keeps my neck warm when I'm driving my Porsche with the top down. Did I mention I've got a Porsche?"
# posted by : 1:38 PM
: 1:38 PM
I shaved my head because I want to be born again. Backwards. With youuuu bebeeee
# posted by : 1:39 PM
: 1:39 PM
Hey, did you ever see those pics of the jersey guidos on that Barstool Sports website?
# posted by : 1:39 PM
: 1:39 PM
"Hi, my name is Jay and I'm writing a book."
Dazed look from Hott.
"No really. It's already on pre-sale over at Amazon."
Franticly looking for her girlfriend at the bar.
"I think it's going to be big with the serial killers and molesters."
UFOD
Dazed look from Hott.
"No really. It's already on pre-sale over at Amazon."
Franticly looking for her girlfriend at the bar.
"I think it's going to be big with the serial killers and molesters."
UFOD
# posted by : 1:41 PM
: 1:41 PM
@duke of douchester...a mrs. pfah? dude, there's already one of those. and i'm not mormon.
the tool in this picture stole my fucking haircut. it's mine. i invented it.
the tool in this picture stole my fucking haircut. it's mine. i invented it.
# posted by : 1:43 PM
: 1:43 PM
Look, if you just pretend to talk to me for a minute, it'll make my ex-girlfriend in the flower shorts jealous.
"Yes, I am sorry you're having a terrible bout with cancer, but the Make-A-Wish contract I signed said nothing about letting you touch me."
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# posted by : 1:44 PM
: 1:44 PM << Home
