Monday, November 26, 2007
HCwDB of the Week
We have two weeks of pics to cull from for this week's contest thanks to last week's ginormous 4-pic monthly clash, with The Limey barely beating Batbag in a smackdown douche/hott spectacular.
Speaking of that Monthly, a stellar comments thread took place in that debate. If you missed it, check it out here.
As to me, I'm flying back from a weekend of turkey, gravy and making fun of nine year old orphans on the street by denying them their porridge. Because I'm sensitive like that.
Here's your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Douche Hoagie
What do you do when facing a sandwich with a hott filling so succulent, and two moldy pimento bread loves?
Do you take a bite?
Do you strip off the foul and try to feed it to the local pigeons, hoping for one of those ex-lax urban legend reactions you used to hear about in fifth grade?
These two choads have all the requisite bling, hand gestures, douche-faces, hat tilts and fauxhauks to be award winning 'bags.
And she is perfect, if inflated, tanned perfection. I would lick her used George Foreman grill after she made a roast and note that the Snozzberries tasted like Snozzberries. Who ever heard of a Snozzberry? We are the music makers. And we are the dreamers of dreams.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Easy-Bake Oven
Every great hottie/douchey coupling, no matter how much they veer into surrealism, contains a basic gut punch of dude-duism.
Chin Lip Rat Fungus Smug Smirking Asswad With Too Many Tatts is that dude.
CLRFSSAWTMT has so polluted a Perfect Ten Hott, that she becomes lost.
Her boobs bekon.
But her hand warns us to stay away.
What to do?
That conundrum you feel, my friends, is what every great HCwDB pic offers. We stare into the douche-abyss. And we see ourselves.
And the DB1 pours another bowl of Lucky Charms. Because they're magically delicious.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Wonderbag and the Missing T
Our second bread related 'bag in the contest, Wonderbag's sullen "Blue Steel" look and Ten Degree Wonder Bread Yankee Cap Tilt both club arctic seals out of pure spite.
His "DJ" bling necklace, four layers of shirt and covert 'bag hand gesture all mock The Buddha's transcendence.
She is Gymnasium Hott, the kind on the college track team who dated that dude Chad that you always hated. Gym Hott once had a pseudo-deep conversation with you while drunk at a frat party only to forget your name the next day in Art History.
Or was that just me?
Their combo tasks the soul. It is wrong. But her hips are so, so very drinkable right. What to do? Why mock and lust, of course. Mock and lust.
So which of these three slices of doucheyness and hott rises to the top of the "wrong" pile?
That, my friends, is up to you.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Speaking of that Monthly, a stellar comments thread took place in that debate. If you missed it, check it out here.
As to me, I'm flying back from a weekend of turkey, gravy and making fun of nine year old orphans on the street by denying them their porridge. Because I'm sensitive like that.
Here's your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Douche Hoagie
What do you do when facing a sandwich with a hott filling so succulent, and two moldy pimento bread loves?
Do you take a bite?
Do you strip off the foul and try to feed it to the local pigeons, hoping for one of those ex-lax urban legend reactions you used to hear about in fifth grade?
These two choads have all the requisite bling, hand gestures, douche-faces, hat tilts and fauxhauks to be award winning 'bags.
And she is perfect, if inflated, tanned perfection. I would lick her used George Foreman grill after she made a roast and note that the Snozzberries tasted like Snozzberries. Who ever heard of a Snozzberry? We are the music makers. And we are the dreamers of dreams.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Easy-Bake Oven
Every great hottie/douchey coupling, no matter how much they veer into surrealism, contains a basic gut punch of dude-duism.
Chin Lip Rat Fungus Smug Smirking Asswad With Too Many Tatts is that dude.
CLRFSSAWTMT has so polluted a Perfect Ten Hott, that she becomes lost.
Her boobs bekon.
But her hand warns us to stay away.
What to do?
That conundrum you feel, my friends, is what every great HCwDB pic offers. We stare into the douche-abyss. And we see ourselves.
And the DB1 pours another bowl of Lucky Charms. Because they're magically delicious.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Wonderbag and the Missing T
Our second bread related 'bag in the contest, Wonderbag's sullen "Blue Steel" look and Ten Degree Wonder Bread Yankee Cap Tilt both club arctic seals out of pure spite.
His "DJ" bling necklace, four layers of shirt and covert 'bag hand gesture all mock The Buddha's transcendence.
She is Gymnasium Hott, the kind on the college track team who dated that dude Chad that you always hated. Gym Hott once had a pseudo-deep conversation with you while drunk at a frat party only to forget your name the next day in Art History.
Or was that just me?
Their combo tasks the soul. It is wrong. But her hips are so, so very drinkable right. What to do? Why mock and lust, of course. Mock and lust.
So which of these three slices of doucheyness and hott rises to the top of the "wrong" pile?
That, my friends, is up to you.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Comments:
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although Snozzberries certainly do taste like Snozzberries and wonderbag indicating the size of his penis with his left hand is certainly deserving; my vote gos to easy-bake. he was aprently too busy getting kanji tattoos on his neck to remove the label from the brim of his fitted hat.
Douchie Howser M.D.
Douchie Howser M.D.
# posted by 
: 3:04 AM
: 3:04 AM
I think this one's gonna be a landslide. Mr. Chin Lip is way too short with a goat hair 'stash to be that smug. Poor P10 Hottie. This picture will be his MySpace profile picture for the rest of the year if not longer. I've been staring at the pic for too long and now my head hurts thinking about how this happened.
Kid Dynamite III
Kid Dynamite III
# posted by : 4:16 AM
: 4:16 AM
My train of thought on this one is, as usual, completely convoluted by the overwhelming scrote presence.
Here's my thinking:
The Hoagie smacks of professionalism. She's simply too hot. Is that possible? I don't know, it hasn't happened to me before. I want to believe that she's one of those lifelike robots you can buy online for a million bucks. I think Gary and Wyatt made her while their parents were on vacation.
The Easy Bake Oven is a bastard. I think someone said he's dead, plus his hottie is famous, so they're out.
I've taken a liking to Wonderbag. I like that he's on the homeland security watchlist as well as the CJSOTF Blacklist in Afghanistan. It's the second wonder Yankee cap we've seen here, paired with the headphones bling, it puts him over the top.
I vote for Wonderbag, although I'm sure this will be the only vote he gets.
Here's my thinking:
The Hoagie smacks of professionalism. She's simply too hot. Is that possible? I don't know, it hasn't happened to me before. I want to believe that she's one of those lifelike robots you can buy online for a million bucks. I think Gary and Wyatt made her while their parents were on vacation.
The Easy Bake Oven is a bastard. I think someone said he's dead, plus his hottie is famous, so they're out.
I've taken a liking to Wonderbag. I like that he's on the homeland security watchlist as well as the CJSOTF Blacklist in Afghanistan. It's the second wonder Yankee cap we've seen here, paired with the headphones bling, it puts him over the top.
I vote for Wonderbag, although I'm sure this will be the only vote he gets.
My vote goes to Wonderbag. In taking a final gander at all the potential recipients, his picture really spoke to me. And by spoke to me I mean made me want to enter the witness protection program. The demonic look in his eyes frightened me to the point where I believe that if I do not vote for him then he wll come to my house and asphyxiate me by placing a wonderbread bag over my head while I am asleep. If his hand gesture is any indication about the size of his member then I shouldnt have to worry about him raping me... I could sleep through that shit.
Queen Elizableeth
Queen Elizableeth
# posted by : 5:55 AM
: 5:55 AM
Wonderbag looks like he's on the H-train. Dude looks like AIDS personified. He's like 5 dirty syringes away from checking into the methadone clinic. For that he deserves pity and not mockery.
The Hoagie monkeys don't induce the kind of rage in me that makes me want to bite the throat out of a nun. Maybe cause hottie filling is too plastic, and by plastic I mean synthetic boobies.
Then there's easy bake. First off, I could care less if P10 is a "pro." What hottie girl now a days isn't? She looks like she might stab me. I find that kinda hot. Tat/mex-bag reminds me of "Frog" from the movie "Colors." Orela homes! He sucks. I'd like to finally see a latino-bag represented, so I vote for Easy Bake.
The Hoagie monkeys don't induce the kind of rage in me that makes me want to bite the throat out of a nun. Maybe cause hottie filling is too plastic, and by plastic I mean synthetic boobies.
Then there's easy bake. First off, I could care less if P10 is a "pro." What hottie girl now a days isn't? She looks like she might stab me. I find that kinda hot. Tat/mex-bag reminds me of "Frog" from the movie "Colors." Orela homes! He sucks. I'd like to finally see a latino-bag represented, so I vote for Easy Bake.
Wonderbag all the way. That skinny, agressive piece of garbage needs to win. He also needs a fucking sandwich. I hate this bastard.
# posted by : 6:33 AM
: 6:33 AM
Yeah, I would agree. Once I see a brim cover a dude's eyebrows it usually makes my 'bag radar go code orange. The fact that his tattoo work is shitty just adds more to his case.
But I think he is edged out by the two 'baggers in the first photo. The reason: 2 douche bags doubles the amount of douche that just one douche bag can achieve by himself. Plus, the hottie in the photo scares me a wee bit. It had always been my rule of thumb that any girls breasts should no broader than her shoulders. Yikes. Said boobs might fool the viewer into thinking he is not indeed seeing a triple douche bag fest. Fast girls douche twice as much!
Strong
But I think he is edged out by the two 'baggers in the first photo. The reason: 2 douche bags doubles the amount of douche that just one douche bag can achieve by himself. Plus, the hottie in the photo scares me a wee bit. It had always been my rule of thumb that any girls breasts should no broader than her shoulders. Yikes. Said boobs might fool the viewer into thinking he is not indeed seeing a triple douche bag fest. Fast girls douche twice as much!
Strong
Hrrrm.
What a heaping helping of leftover turkeys!
OK, Douche Hoagie is out for me. The hott's a pro, and frankly, despite AsianBag's poor fashion sense, I actually get the feeling he has very little bagitude, just lame friends.
I admire Wonderbag. It's nice to see that Lurch gets out of the house on the weekends and is free to express himself despite Morticia's constant demands for shrunken cocks and cunnilingus.
My vote goes to Easy-Bake. I was too busy to comment on him when he first appeared, but I knew even then that if he made it to the weeklys he'd be my choice. Just as Saruman bred the Urukhai in vats of festering rot, so too was the Easy-Bake Oven created. Some practitioner of foul arts spliced together The Leprechaun and Will Durst, stuffed him into a lame t-shirt, stuck Tumbellina's merkin on his chin and then set him free in the larger world. Despite his deformities, or perhaps because of them he manages to attract pseudo-hip-goth hotts to his side in a nauseating display of post-apocalyptic horror.
What a heaping helping of leftover turkeys!
OK, Douche Hoagie is out for me. The hott's a pro, and frankly, despite AsianBag's poor fashion sense, I actually get the feeling he has very little bagitude, just lame friends.
I admire Wonderbag. It's nice to see that Lurch gets out of the house on the weekends and is free to express himself despite Morticia's constant demands for shrunken cocks and cunnilingus.
My vote goes to Easy-Bake. I was too busy to comment on him when he first appeared, but I knew even then that if he made it to the weeklys he'd be my choice. Just as Saruman bred the Urukhai in vats of festering rot, so too was the Easy-Bake Oven created. Some practitioner of foul arts spliced together The Leprechaun and Will Durst, stuffed him into a lame t-shirt, stuck Tumbellina's merkin on his chin and then set him free in the larger world. Despite his deformities, or perhaps because of them he manages to attract pseudo-hip-goth hotts to his side in a nauseating display of post-apocalyptic horror.
Wonderbag, and I'd like an explanation for his hand gesture. Does he realize that her smile would disappear if that's his dick size?
# posted by : 6:50 AM
: 6:50 AM
These all appear to be garden variety choadwanks ... none are as awe-inspiring as say a Gator or an Ab Lobster ... and nothing to really get riled up about. Don't get me wrong: All are worthy of being smacked in the face with a bag of dead cats, but I think this one is going to be decided based on the HC quotient. That said, all three hautts are just jaw dropping. Since a choice must be made, I'm going with Easy Bake Oven for the win.
Douche Hoagie is indeed a big fat bite of a turd sandwich, and HC is the kind of mind-numbing hot that makes little Timmy (or little Batou, for that matter) chronically masturbate when he ought to be doing his homework. The two choads with her look like they just crashed a pool party in Hollywood ... I'm guessing rectal wart on the left's cousing must have been working the door. Oh wait - I better watch my mouth since he was trolling here the other day threatening to kick asses.
Wonderbag is just creepy with that look on his face ... like a meth head sizing up whether he can sucker punch you and steal your wallet before you can act. The small of his HC's exposed back is causing a puddle of drool to collect in my lap as we speak ... Please dear God tell me she doesn't sleep with that psycho. He's just too whitebread (pun intended) for the title, though.
No, Easy Bake gets my vote. Sure he's a tattooed little dwarf with a landing strip on his chin and a look on his face like "Yeah, I know what a goon I am, but look who I'm with?", but he's just another garden variety troll that wandered out from under his bridge where he lived a long life of threatening random goats that would stray across. His HC is just stupefyingly hot ... There's something about girls in those wife beaters (or spaghetti straps ... mmmm, spaghetti ...) that just sets me off, and she fills this one out so nicely it should be framed and put in the Louvre for all posterity to enjoy. You can flip me off with that scary-nailed finger of yours, girl ... just let me sniff your hair. She may be the hottest thing to ever grace this site, which is saying quite a bit. Easy Bake FTW based on her blinding hotness alone.
Douche Hoagie is indeed a big fat bite of a turd sandwich, and HC is the kind of mind-numbing hot that makes little Timmy (or little Batou, for that matter) chronically masturbate when he ought to be doing his homework. The two choads with her look like they just crashed a pool party in Hollywood ... I'm guessing rectal wart on the left's cousing must have been working the door. Oh wait - I better watch my mouth since he was trolling here the other day threatening to kick asses.
Wonderbag is just creepy with that look on his face ... like a meth head sizing up whether he can sucker punch you and steal your wallet before you can act. The small of his HC's exposed back is causing a puddle of drool to collect in my lap as we speak ... Please dear God tell me she doesn't sleep with that psycho. He's just too whitebread (pun intended) for the title, though.
No, Easy Bake gets my vote. Sure he's a tattooed little dwarf with a landing strip on his chin and a look on his face like "Yeah, I know what a goon I am, but look who I'm with?", but he's just another garden variety troll that wandered out from under his bridge where he lived a long life of threatening random goats that would stray across. His HC is just stupefyingly hot ... There's something about girls in those wife beaters (or spaghetti straps ... mmmm, spaghetti ...) that just sets me off, and she fills this one out so nicely it should be framed and put in the Louvre for all posterity to enjoy. You can flip me off with that scary-nailed finger of yours, girl ... just let me sniff your hair. She may be the hottest thing to ever grace this site, which is saying quite a bit. Easy Bake FTW based on her blinding hotness alone.
This will probably be the only vote for the Hoagie, but my conscience forces it. I was wavering between Wonderbag and Easy-Bake--the rage building--when I decided to take a step back to cool down. I inspected the Hoagie closer. It was then that I found my winner.
To start with, Real World washout homeslice #1 on the left keeps it real with the Westside, homemade tats and hat tilt.
Then we have meaty/cheesy Hott's gratuitous display of fake boobies, the beckoning tongue, Spears shades, and gold smelting dross. Pass the deli mustard and banana peppers.
Chinstrap-to-chinpube-to-liprivet on the right completes the toasted hoagie of choad. Scrotehawk: check. Painted nails: check. Dogtag bling: check. Backpack with Grey Goose and V8 Splash: check.
Then I read the T-shirt--Cock Star Army. One visit to the website (www.cockstararmy.com) showed me all I needed to see. He is the complete douche, capable of vectoring Bleeth in all directions. Hott obviously is deeply infected.
To start with, Real World washout homeslice #1 on the left keeps it real with the Westside, homemade tats and hat tilt.
Then we have meaty/cheesy Hott's gratuitous display of fake boobies, the beckoning tongue, Spears shades, and gold smelting dross. Pass the deli mustard and banana peppers.
Chinstrap-to-chinpube-to-liprivet on the right completes the toasted hoagie of choad. Scrotehawk: check. Painted nails: check. Dogtag bling: check. Backpack with Grey Goose and V8 Splash: check.
Then I read the T-shirt--Cock Star Army. One visit to the website (www.cockstararmy.com) showed me all I needed to see. He is the complete douche, capable of vectoring Bleeth in all directions. Hott obviously is deeply infected.
# posted by : 7:07 AM
: 7:07 AM
It's actually the fourth bread related 'bag, if you count the pimento bread loaves of the Douche Hoagie. So in this special Bacterial Leavening edition of HCwDotW, there are some stale specimens that I would gladly crumble up to feed to some ducks.
For my money, the most gag/stroke-worthy is Easy Bake. He needs to be dragged behind a Buick through a cactus patch.
Incidentally, I saw a 'bag this weekend that was truly amazing: he had a hoodie with rib-cage on the chest and skull on the back of said hood, skull belt buckle offset at 35 degrees with skull shirt tucked into the buckle, skull-pocketed pants, skull shoes, an intricate fucking tribal/skull pattern shaved into his fat ass head, and the coup de gras, a cane with a skull handle which he clearly needed (unless he was affecting a limp). It was too much, thank god there were no hot chicks involved.
For my money, the most gag/stroke-worthy is Easy Bake. He needs to be dragged behind a Buick through a cactus patch.
Incidentally, I saw a 'bag this weekend that was truly amazing: he had a hoodie with rib-cage on the chest and skull on the back of said hood, skull belt buckle offset at 35 degrees with skull shirt tucked into the buckle, skull-pocketed pants, skull shoes, an intricate fucking tribal/skull pattern shaved into his fat ass head, and the coup de gras, a cane with a skull handle which he clearly needed (unless he was affecting a limp). It was too much, thank god there were no hot chicks involved.
Yes you can look at the Douche Hoagie and see the hand signs, backward tilted hat, over use of bling, and the lip licking boobs. But it just doesn't make you want to fly to LA and blow up the airport.
The Easy-Bake Oven has the tilted hat, body art gone wild, hand signs and hot blithe. But nothing you can't see in the central part of the country. Like in Minnesota.
NOW Wonderbag and the Missing T looks like a cancer patient in the movie Dawn of the Dead. This guy has no business being alive, certainly not with a hotty. He has got the fucked up hat (We should kill the guy who thought up that idea), the head phone bling, and a really stupid hand sign. I don't know if it is a hand sign or he is just pointed to his strunken balls from chemo.
The choice is an easy one Wonderbag and the Missing T. Hands down.
The Easy-Bake Oven has the tilted hat, body art gone wild, hand signs and hot blithe. But nothing you can't see in the central part of the country. Like in Minnesota.
NOW Wonderbag and the Missing T looks like a cancer patient in the movie Dawn of the Dead. This guy has no business being alive, certainly not with a hotty. He has got the fucked up hat (We should kill the guy who thought up that idea), the head phone bling, and a really stupid hand sign. I don't know if it is a hand sign or he is just pointed to his strunken balls from chemo.
The choice is an easy one Wonderbag and the Missing T. Hands down.
# posted by : 7:15 AM
: 7:15 AM
No doubt they're all douchey, but the Douche Hoagies have slight traces of smiles which subtract douche points. Wonderbag & the Missing T is more freakish than douchey. He's too bizarre to be an inherent douche. Easy Bake's tats, her bird, & smug looks all add up to the name of the site.
So...I say Easy-Bake Oven.
So...I say Easy-Bake Oven.
Easy Bake: such a confluence of inky doucheocity and Bleethed-out hott sets a new bar for aspiring Fred Durst wannabes.
# posted by : 7:42 AM
: 7:42 AM
Wonderbag for the worst variant on a Yankees cap yet. I'm convinced I could market a Yankees cap with a giant turd on the top of it, and douchebags would be lining up around the block to buy it.
# posted by : 8:27 AM
: 8:27 AM
Easybake, because his chick is the hottest, and because he is the stupidest...and that's what makes their togetherness so wrong.
Upon seeing the original posting of the Douche Hoagie, I knew immediately that I had to go get a Cheese Steak Hoagie for lunch that day. The force of that hoagie formation was too much for me. I'm voting for them, although they only squeak out the win over the Easy-Bake Oven by a jar of Cheez Whiz.
Long time lurker.
I'm giving it to the Easy-Bake Oven. His chick has a nice body..and he makes my uterus want to implode upon itself.
I'm giving it to the Easy-Bake Oven. His chick has a nice body..and he makes my uterus want to implode upon itself.
@ Oh So Bella:
Your comment is hi-larious and you are lovely.
And I meant Fred Durst earlier. Will Durst is actually in line to be the next Attorney General.
Your comment is hi-larious and you are lovely.
And I meant Fred Durst earlier. Will Durst is actually in line to be the next Attorney General.
@clementine
Thumbelina's merkin...2 questions:
1. what drugs are you on?
2. where can I purchase them?
That was frickin' awesome.
Thumbelina's merkin...2 questions:
1. what drugs are you on?
2. where can I purchase them?
That was frickin' awesome.
Hi, guys; back from the mountains; did I miss anythin...GAHHH! What the hell is THAT? Easy Bake? He looks like someone force-fed Jimmy Cagney's dessicated corpse through an ink jet printer.
I'm not even looking at the other two; Easy Bake just replaced my happy vacation memories with a mental cat-shit chimichanga.
Easy Bake, ftw...*sigh*
I'm not even looking at the other two; Easy Bake just replaced my happy vacation memories with a mental cat-shit chimichanga.
Easy Bake, ftw...*sigh*
Ezee Bake.
To say he embodies everything that should be eliminated from the human gene pool is an understatement.
To say he embodies everything that should be eliminated from the human gene pool is an understatement.
# posted by : 9:32 AM
: 9:32 AM
Wonderbag and the “muffin” (sexual innuendo referring to her cupcakey goodness of hottie pastry like delight) definitely especially since his bag hand gesture looks like he's picking crabs outta his pubes. Those psycho eyes and imploded cheeks make him look like a freak of douche, not to mention you could go cliff diving off that jagged land mass he calls a nose. Hey girlie...me likes the dimples...NICE!
# posted by : 9:36 AM
: 9:36 AM
Well it does seem kind of EZ Bake lopsided, but I have to agree.
His 'Bag gesture reminds me of a Sufi, which is a gesture I'm surprised I haven't seen on the site yet, as it is the gesture of douche-supreme Dane Cook.
Her hot makes me wonder; if Douche is rewarded with hot, and Bleeth is the rubbed off stench of grease and Axe; does the lust of bleeth in-turn 'bag the lustee?
She would have me shirtless at the club, Sufi-ing every camera phone in the flip of a bird.
-eradicatoor
His 'Bag gesture reminds me of a Sufi, which is a gesture I'm surprised I haven't seen on the site yet, as it is the gesture of douche-supreme Dane Cook.
Her hot makes me wonder; if Douche is rewarded with hot, and Bleeth is the rubbed off stench of grease and Axe; does the lust of bleeth in-turn 'bag the lustee?
She would have me shirtless at the club, Sufi-ing every camera phone in the flip of a bird.
-eradicatoor
# posted by : 9:43 AM
: 9:43 AM
Tough choice, but I'm going LCD here and throwing my vote towards Douche Hoagie. If I were married I'd step over my wife to suckle on those silicon tetons.
Hey DB1 can we mix-and-match?
I vote for the hot chick from The Douche Hoagie beause ... well ... she made my "special purpose" jump, and I'll put her with the scabby toadstool known as Easy-bake Oven and for good measure I'll stick the psycho praying mantis known as Wonderbag in the background.
Alright, alright I'll stop procrastinating ... Easy-bake for the win. Only because of the cheesy mustache he's trying to grow.
I vote for the hot chick from The Douche Hoagie beause ... well ... she made my "special purpose" jump, and I'll put her with the scabby toadstool known as Easy-bake Oven and for good measure I'll stick the psycho praying mantis known as Wonderbag in the background.
Alright, alright I'll stop procrastinating ... Easy-bake for the win. Only because of the cheesy mustache he's trying to grow.
s'up bitches.
Easy-Bake Oven. he's a complete choad, and she's all kinds of not-take-home-to-Mom hot.
i hope everyone had a fantastic Turkey Day. i know we did, because i was there.
Easy-Bake Oven. he's a complete choad, and she's all kinds of not-take-home-to-Mom hot.
i hope everyone had a fantastic Turkey Day. i know we did, because i was there.
# posted by : 10:57 AM
: 10:57 AM
I want to vote for the Easy-Bake Oven, simply because, well, evrything. But it's too easy to make sense of this picture. She doesn't want to be pictured with him, that's why she gave the photographer the bird. So, I can't vote for it.
The Douche Hoagie can also be explained - stripper at some pud's birthday party being photoed with his still underage boyfriend. She's fun to look at, but, god, that stupid inflated hair and goddamned sunglasses make me sick.
Which brings me to Wonderbread. I mean, really WHAT THE FUCK!? Why the HELL is she being photographed with ths pile of bones? She doesn't even have a tramp stamp!
Wonderbread FTW, because that photo makes the least sense.
The Douche Hoagie can also be explained - stripper at some pud's birthday party being photoed with his still underage boyfriend. She's fun to look at, but, god, that stupid inflated hair and goddamned sunglasses make me sick.
Which brings me to Wonderbread. I mean, really WHAT THE FUCK!? Why the HELL is she being photographed with ths pile of bones? She doesn't even have a tramp stamp!
Wonderbread FTW, because that photo makes the least sense.
@pfah
That's the first a person has called me and a bunch of other people a bitch ... and I actually felt like the speaker meant it.
Thank you for that. God bless your soul.
And thank you Seahawks for covering!! Those limey bastards made me sweat it out,though.
That's the first a person has called me and a bunch of other people a bitch ... and I actually felt like the speaker meant it.
Thank you for that. God bless your soul.
And thank you Seahawks for covering!! Those limey bastards made me sweat it out,though.
hey plinky. thanks man. and may santa bless your soul this xmas.
and yeah, that game was a bit closer than i was expecting. yeesh.
Easy-Bake Oven just has to win the weekly. i mean, Jeff Goldblum is in the background for christ's sake.
and yeah, that game was a bit closer than i was expecting. yeesh.
Easy-Bake Oven just has to win the weekly. i mean, Jeff Goldblum is in the background for christ's sake.
# posted by : 11:19 AM
: 11:19 AM
The Hawk, The Tattchoad and The Mantis it's sort of like choosing which testicle I'd like to have removed in an elective cosmetic procedure.
Hott # 3 is clearly the runt of litter. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't kick her out of bed for defecating in her sleep, it's just she can't hold a candle to 1 & 2. I can't express how much joy it would give me to crush the mantis under a Nike but his hott is really holding him back for me.
Hotts 1 & 2 are overwhelming although 1 gives me the pro vibe so she and her 2 bags are out.
Which leaves the supple hott #2 and her tatted up fat frog of a pet. They are the perfect combo of repulsive bag who deserves every sneer and snigger tossed his direction in the local grocery store and bleethed out tasty treat who normal people instantly recognize as a girl who does and enjoys anal.
So here's to you Easy-Bake may your next tatt gun be infected with Hepatitis-B.
Hott # 3 is clearly the runt of litter. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't kick her out of bed for defecating in her sleep, it's just she can't hold a candle to 1 & 2. I can't express how much joy it would give me to crush the mantis under a Nike but his hott is really holding him back for me.
Hotts 1 & 2 are overwhelming although 1 gives me the pro vibe so she and her 2 bags are out.
Which leaves the supple hott #2 and her tatted up fat frog of a pet. They are the perfect combo of repulsive bag who deserves every sneer and snigger tossed his direction in the local grocery store and bleethed out tasty treat who normal people instantly recognize as a girl who does and enjoys anal.
So here's to you Easy-Bake may your next tatt gun be infected with Hepatitis-B.
# posted by : 11:31 AM
: 11:31 AM
I'd like to start off by saying all three Hott's are equally sumptuous. Thank you, DB1. The 'baggery in each pic, however, is not equal...
Shit lip overly tatted 'bag and his hottie pic #2 embodies all that makes me suicidal on a Monday. But #1, double your horror and their naughty cleavite Hott just might push me over the edge. The only hot these two deserve comes from a steaming vat of Taco Bell refried beans that needs stirring.
That's one for #1 Oily Douche Hoagie. Hold the Jalapenos.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
Shit lip overly tatted 'bag and his hottie pic #2 embodies all that makes me suicidal on a Monday. But #1, double your horror and their naughty cleavite Hott just might push me over the edge. The only hot these two deserve comes from a steaming vat of Taco Bell refried beans that needs stirring.
That's one for #1 Oily Douche Hoagie. Hold the Jalapenos.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
# posted by : 11:33 AM
: 11:33 AM
I vote for Easy-Bake Oven, he has the Fred Durst look down pat. And she has a sexy come-hither look.
# posted by : 11:35 AM
: 11:35 AM
Instinct tells me to vote for the choad in the Yankee hat - just because - but the rage factor/hott quotient CLRFSSAWTMT exudes is just something that cannot be denied. He makes me want to strangle small woodland creatures.
Easy Bake Oven FTW
Easy Bake Oven FTW
# posted by : 11:39 AM
: 11:39 AM
Pfah's right. Jeff Goldblume is in the background. Easy-bake for the win.
I would have picked him anyway, because of that thing on his chin. It gives me nightmares.
I would have picked him anyway, because of that thing on his chin. It gives me nightmares.
# posted by : 11:44 AM
: 11:44 AM
For me (first time voter) I was initially torn between the hotness that lies 'tween the hoagsters and the pure unadulterated douchitude of Chin Lip Rat Fungus Smug Smirking Asswad With Too Many Tatts. So, it boils down to "who's next?" for me. CLRFSSAWTMT's hott is a close, close second while the hoagsters appear to be merely apprentice Douches in training (keep at it boys, one day you'll make The Show).
Plus CLRFSSAWTMT has that uber-douche look that makes me want to roll up a newspaper, smack him on the head and say, "No! No."
Easy-Bake Oven gets my vote.
Plus CLRFSSAWTMT has that uber-douche look that makes me want to roll up a newspaper, smack him on the head and say, "No! No."
Easy-Bake Oven gets my vote.
# posted by : 11:53 AM
: 11:53 AM
My sister had an Easy Bake Oven. I remember once making a "cake" out of flour, mayonnaise, garlic, dill and hamster pellets. We put it beneath that searing light bulb, pulled out our Perfection game and promptly forgot about it. To this day I don't know what was in those hamster pellets but after about an hour and for four days afterwards, my mother's kitchen smelled like a truck stop men's room at high tide.
So my vote goes to Easy-Bake, because his stench touches my heart. And his hottie touches my bathing suit area.
So my vote goes to Easy-Bake, because his stench touches my heart. And his hottie touches my bathing suit area.
# posted by : 12:24 PM
: 12:24 PM
I have been witnessing the de-evolution of "CLRFSSAWTMT" for 30 years now & can finally attest that tatted up, wannabe gangsta, ese-choad douche has finally hit it's apex. He is so overun with tats that they have begun to migrate to hotts hip. She has been infected to the point that her only salvation is ritualized baptism at my hand, er, holy water wand!
# posted by : 12:40 PM
: 12:40 PM
Well, initially I would have gone with Hoagie. Two 'bags and one hott in a bikini. That puts some heavy points in their pockets. But the douchebaggery of the neck tatt is so incredibly overwhelming that i must go with him. His hott is wearing an acute side hat which takes a couple points away... but i must ultimately choose Easy Bake. His pug-like face makes me want to shit acid.
# posted by : 1:23 PM
: 1:23 PM
Leaning toward Wonderbag, if only because the other two HCs are so far gone and out in Doucheland beyond the point of no return. Whereas Wonderbag's HC hasn't yet fully fallen into the abyss (no lower-back tramp stamp tat, no hand gestures, etc). She's merely corruption-in-progress instead having already been corrupted, and that makes the pic even more frustrating to witness.
- Oucheday Agbay
- Oucheday Agbay
# posted by : 1:38 PM
: 1:38 PM
The thing about the Douche Hoagie is that the orange, over-plasticized, uber-siliconed nature of the hott brings her to be the female incarnation of douche.
I cannot bring myself to think, "why would she be with those guys?" because she looks like the kind of broad who has done no less than four gang-bang scenes with a 6'9" Eastern European guy on realitykings.com (not that I have ever seen anything on that site ... what?).
A solid weekly should infuriate us on so many levels, but she just looks like she got in that picture due to the overdeveloped lust for attention that comes with being molested by Uncle "Bad Touch" Chester so many times that she started to like it.
I doubt she even knows those guys.
The same can also be said for The Easy Bake Oven -- that bitch has a sideways hat and a smirk, too.
While I would filate a herd of yaks to rub myself on her fancy parts, she seems like the kind of retarded ho-bag who thinks Nevada borders New York and that DC Shoes is the Capitol of the US.
However, the wholesomeness and simplified beauty of the young lady who graces the presence of the splaunch-nobbling Wonderbag is enough to make a man hurl his own excrement at a gaggle of hapless elderly people.
Wonderbag, all the way to the bank -- the sucked in cheeks, the preposterous tilted Yankee hat, the mind annihilating hand signal/buttoned blazer/headphone necklace combo is enough to make even Paul Oakenfold mail this DJ a box of animal vomit.
I cannot bring myself to think, "why would she be with those guys?" because she looks like the kind of broad who has done no less than four gang-bang scenes with a 6'9" Eastern European guy on realitykings.com (not that I have ever seen anything on that site ... what?).
A solid weekly should infuriate us on so many levels, but she just looks like she got in that picture due to the overdeveloped lust for attention that comes with being molested by Uncle "Bad Touch" Chester so many times that she started to like it.
I doubt she even knows those guys.
The same can also be said for The Easy Bake Oven -- that bitch has a sideways hat and a smirk, too.
While I would filate a herd of yaks to rub myself on her fancy parts, she seems like the kind of retarded ho-bag who thinks Nevada borders New York and that DC Shoes is the Capitol of the US.
However, the wholesomeness and simplified beauty of the young lady who graces the presence of the splaunch-nobbling Wonderbag is enough to make a man hurl his own excrement at a gaggle of hapless elderly people.
Wonderbag, all the way to the bank -- the sucked in cheeks, the preposterous tilted Yankee hat, the mind annihilating hand signal/buttoned blazer/headphone necklace combo is enough to make even Paul Oakenfold mail this DJ a box of animal vomit.
easy bake broad is barrio-douchette.... hip tat, quad-colored hair, shaved & redrawn brow, bad eye make up, hat tilt & hand signal, not to mention that she is taken in by this human billboard of bile for apprentice street taggers. she is to far gone & together they beg for sterilization.
# posted by : 2:53 PM
: 2:53 PM
Wonderbag. The DJ headphone necklace is probably the worst piece of 'bag paraphernalia I have ever seen.
# posted by : 3:22 PM
: 3:22 PM
its a tite one this week. wunderbag is the f'n wiener
andre pointing out the djais necklace is the clincher
cant weight for doocheys
-X
andre pointing out the djais necklace is the clincher
cant weight for doocheys
-X
Gotta be Easy Bake. He reminds me that, though the movie sucked, there is much truth about douches in the movie "Idiocracy".
And oh, those round, mounds on the hottie. Truly impressive.
And oh, those round, mounds on the hottie. Truly impressive.
# posted by : 4:40 PM
: 4:40 PM
Wow, I didn't know it was possible to drink an entire bottle of Drano and still live, but I'm here today to tell you it's possible. After seeing this case of Mountain Dewche, I had to try to end it all.
The Chodgie really doesn't have the pull. These two colostomy bags remind me of those idiots from every vomit-inducing teen movie. They just got to their holy land and paid heavily to get there.
The EBO can be found in any shitchin (sorry, my ese came out on that pronunciation) in the Midwest. His the Hott, while proving herself of the CAPS LOCK USING INTELLIGENCE of Randy @ Chicago's blowinggoats.com, is luscious. I would let her break that nail up my ass any day. But, according to comments in the picture's first appearance, he's been removed from the gene pool (RIP, dude. Don't haunt me or anything)
Then there's Wonderbag. His heroin junkie stare, fucking Yankee's hat w/TDHT, stupid fucking gesture, and gold ear muffs bling makes me want to firebomb Sesame Street. His hott, while apparently not as lucky or into blowing a plastic surgeon as the other hotts in the T&A department, she's also the least Bleethed of the group. She looks like she could come with me upstairs to meet mom and, if she's lucky, help me burn the corns of mom's feet. After I'm done with D&D...
So, Wonderbag for the win. May the pack of wolves devour you while leaving your bling-muffs to live on.
The Chodgie really doesn't have the pull. These two colostomy bags remind me of those idiots from every vomit-inducing teen movie. They just got to their holy land and paid heavily to get there.
The EBO can be found in any shitchin (sorry, my ese came out on that pronunciation) in the Midwest. His the Hott, while proving herself of the CAPS LOCK USING INTELLIGENCE of Randy @ Chicago's blowinggoats.com, is luscious. I would let her break that nail up my ass any day. But, according to comments in the picture's first appearance, he's been removed from the gene pool (RIP, dude. Don't haunt me or anything)
Then there's Wonderbag. His heroin junkie stare, fucking Yankee's hat w/TDHT, stupid fucking gesture, and gold ear muffs bling makes me want to firebomb Sesame Street. His hott, while apparently not as lucky or into blowing a plastic surgeon as the other hotts in the T&A department, she's also the least Bleethed of the group. She looks like she could come with me upstairs to meet mom and, if she's lucky, help me burn the corns of mom's feet. After I'm done with D&D...
So, Wonderbag for the win. May the pack of wolves devour you while leaving your bling-muffs to live on.
# posted by : 5:05 PM
: 5:05 PM
I like turtles.
And while Easy Bake reminds me of Chrysemys Picta or Painted Turtle, I still wouldn't swerve into the other lane to avoid running over him on a summer afternoon on a hot two-lane road. In fact, I'd probably slam on my brakes after the first pass and throw the car into reverse, just so I could do it again.
He's probably not even a "paint." Instead, he's actually a specimen of Chrysemys Tattus, a less-intelligent variety whose habitat includes bars with names ending in the letter "Z".
And like his amphibious cousin, you must take great care to thorougly wash after any kind of contact with him. Salmonellosis will result if you don't.
Easy Bake by an infection.
And while Easy Bake reminds me of Chrysemys Picta or Painted Turtle, I still wouldn't swerve into the other lane to avoid running over him on a summer afternoon on a hot two-lane road. In fact, I'd probably slam on my brakes after the first pass and throw the car into reverse, just so I could do it again.
He's probably not even a "paint." Instead, he's actually a specimen of Chrysemys Tattus, a less-intelligent variety whose habitat includes bars with names ending in the letter "Z".
And like his amphibious cousin, you must take great care to thorougly wash after any kind of contact with him. Salmonellosis will result if you don't.
Easy Bake by an infection.
And 'sock and pfah, welcome back to the fold. Now the beat-downs can continue in earnest. And by earnest I mean with a gunny sack full of month-old opossum entrails.
The luck of the draw can be cruel. I don't feel I am exaggerating when I say that either Easy-Bake or Wonderbag would have swept the last monthly almost uncontested. These are some top notch douchebags, with some A+ hotties. Yet here they both are, and one of them won't even win the weekly. It's just not right.
And yet, one must choose....
The look on CLRFSSAWTMT's face would make him a strong competitior even if he weren't covered in awful tats, sporting the worst facial hair I've ever seen outside of the Red Sox starting line-up, and ineptly flashing his nonexistent gang affiliation. But he has all those things too.
Meanwhile, "Bleethed" doesn't even begin to describe his hottie. She is nearly as reprehensible as he is. And yet she is flawless. I have a strong urge to defile her, but that urge is undone by the fact that she is already utterly without file. So, instead, I'll stare at her boob.
But, as earth-shattering as that picture is, my vote has to go for the Wonderbag. His hottie, too, is very special. I would stroke her hear clumsily while George told me about the rabbits, but not until she had been thoroughly disinfected. That's how heinous Wonderbag is.
What to say about him that hasn't already been said? Not much. But I must ask: what gang, with the backwards 'c' as its symbl, recruits at the refugee shelter?
Also, it's worth noting that the creepiness of Wonderbag is already documented at Red Meat, where he goes by the name 'Earl':
http://userpic.livejournal.com/12844482/609158
And yet, one must choose....
The look on CLRFSSAWTMT's face would make him a strong competitior even if he weren't covered in awful tats, sporting the worst facial hair I've ever seen outside of the Red Sox starting line-up, and ineptly flashing his nonexistent gang affiliation. But he has all those things too.
Meanwhile, "Bleethed" doesn't even begin to describe his hottie. She is nearly as reprehensible as he is. And yet she is flawless. I have a strong urge to defile her, but that urge is undone by the fact that she is already utterly without file. So, instead, I'll stare at her boob.
But, as earth-shattering as that picture is, my vote has to go for the Wonderbag. His hottie, too, is very special. I would stroke her hear clumsily while George told me about the rabbits, but not until she had been thoroughly disinfected. That's how heinous Wonderbag is.
What to say about him that hasn't already been said? Not much. But I must ask: what gang, with the backwards 'c' as its symbl, recruits at the refugee shelter?
Also, it's worth noting that the creepiness of Wonderbag is already documented at Red Meat, where he goes by the name 'Earl':
http://userpic.livejournal.com/12844482/609158
# posted by : 5:35 PM
: 5:35 PM
Brilliant, DB1. Brilliant.
Easy-takes it this week. Honorable Mention: Hoagie Hott's basketballs.
Easy-takes it this week. Honorable Mention: Hoagie Hott's basketballs.
# posted by : 5:37 PM
: 5:37 PM
I'm going with Wonderbag for a few reasons:
1. He looks like my brother would if he were a hopeless crank-head.
2. Where the fuck does this guy get off thinking he's the shit? Just cuz all the girls "love" you because you're their connection for illegal substances doesn't mean you're the greatest thing since sliced white bread. They're just looking for a freebie, douchebag. (Yes. Yes, I had to do that. Sue me.)
3. His hot is the hottest.
4. I can't vote for Easy Bake because the word is, he's currently baggin' it up in that great club in the sky. As Pussy L. McLover said, karma's a bitch, and I won't go there. (OK, I will a little: Say hi to Kevin Dubrow for me, Easy Bake! Party on!) If Pussy L. McLover says so, then it's certainly worth paying heed to, lest he kick my ass.
5. Ricky Williams returns to the NFL tonight. The field is horribly sloppy, and Ricky's gonna look like he just flopped around in a pig-sty when it's all said and done. Kinda like if he was wearing this bag's jacket. And face. So in honor of Dudes on Drugs Day... Wonderbag gets my vote.
1. He looks like my brother would if he were a hopeless crank-head.
2. Where the fuck does this guy get off thinking he's the shit? Just cuz all the girls "love" you because you're their connection for illegal substances doesn't mean you're the greatest thing since sliced white bread. They're just looking for a freebie, douchebag. (Yes. Yes, I had to do that. Sue me.)
3. His hot is the hottest.
4. I can't vote for Easy Bake because the word is, he's currently baggin' it up in that great club in the sky. As Pussy L. McLover said, karma's a bitch, and I won't go there. (OK, I will a little: Say hi to Kevin Dubrow for me, Easy Bake! Party on!) If Pussy L. McLover says so, then it's certainly worth paying heed to, lest he kick my ass.
5. Ricky Williams returns to the NFL tonight. The field is horribly sloppy, and Ricky's gonna look like he just flopped around in a pig-sty when it's all said and done. Kinda like if he was wearing this bag's jacket. And face. So in honor of Dudes on Drugs Day... Wonderbag gets my vote.
# posted by : 6:04 PM
: 6:04 PM
I must cast my vote for the Easy Bake Oven. That chick is so hot in that "she may eat a cup of some other hot chick's poo in an internet video" sort of way. The douche has the inverted kissy-lips, facial pubes, and 'bag hand gesture #37...or is it #137? Either way, I'd like to see this couple win. And by win I mean die a violent and painful death.
# posted by : 6:11 PM
: 6:11 PM
Damn. This is hard.
I'm going to go ahead and eliminate 1, as it really does smack of professionalism, despite the fact that... damn... I can't think of anything clever to say, as they're messing with my mind, so "despite her tits" will have to do.
So it's between 2 and 3...
Wonderbag is repulsive, but I almost pity him. Looked at in the right light, he's clearly some kind of wretched refuse from a tempest toss'd something or other.
So, it goes to Easy Bake. I feel like I knew that hott once. I've known, tangentially of course (her kind of hott usually knows better than to be friends with me- I wind up knowing, and lamenting, the Future-Ex-Mrs.-DB1 kind of hott), many hotts of her kind, beacons of hope to humanity that get snuffed out by the giant, warty hand of douchitude, turning them into dark towers of Bleeth. God help us all.
I'm going to go ahead and eliminate 1, as it really does smack of professionalism, despite the fact that... damn... I can't think of anything clever to say, as they're messing with my mind, so "despite her tits" will have to do.
So it's between 2 and 3...
Wonderbag is repulsive, but I almost pity him. Looked at in the right light, he's clearly some kind of wretched refuse from a tempest toss'd something or other.
So, it goes to Easy Bake. I feel like I knew that hott once. I've known, tangentially of course (her kind of hott usually knows better than to be friends with me- I wind up knowing, and lamenting, the Future-Ex-Mrs.-DB1 kind of hott), many hotts of her kind, beacons of hope to humanity that get snuffed out by the giant, warty hand of douchitude, turning them into dark towers of Bleeth. God help us all.
# posted by : 6:11 PM
: 6:11 PM
WTF?..... Same chick? Before/After Tatts?
a.k.a. "Queen Esther" from Easy Bake pic:
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/DB11107-796216.jpg
Wednesday Limerick, 11/12/07:
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/DB11032-793473.jpg
Y'all decide.
a.k.a. "Queen Esther" from Easy Bake pic:
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/DB11107-796216.jpg
Wednesday Limerick, 11/12/07:
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/DB11032-793473.jpg
Y'all decide.
I had assembled a fascinating treatise on the merits of each contender although I'm not as yet sure that the Douche Hoagie isn't a real-life Ambiguously Gay Duo. I mean, seriously...Cock Star Army?? His shirt DOES say that, I swear, there's even a website. But I digress...
As I was penning this masterpiece, I experienced what I can only describe as a douchepiphany. There is no douche, there is only douche. Profound...
I immediately deleted what I had typed and looked upon our contenders with eyes and soul unclouded by mere emotion. I, a mere mortal, let my inner Douche guide me. And in the end, there was only one.
Wonderbag. The one, the only. The elation, the revulsion. The smile, the eyes. The hott, the 'bag. Yin, Yang. This, dear friends, is pure. This, dear friends, IS douche.
Plus I'd love to see the Yanks in that uniform.
As I was penning this masterpiece, I experienced what I can only describe as a douchepiphany. There is no douche, there is only douche. Profound...
I immediately deleted what I had typed and looked upon our contenders with eyes and soul unclouded by mere emotion. I, a mere mortal, let my inner Douche guide me. And in the end, there was only one.
Wonderbag. The one, the only. The elation, the revulsion. The smile, the eyes. The hott, the 'bag. Yin, Yang. This, dear friends, is pure. This, dear friends, IS douche.
Plus I'd love to see the Yanks in that uniform.
# posted by : 6:51 PM
: 6:51 PM
What's up with these motocross douchebags? Being a generation removed, I still can't understand the appeal of Fox, dirtbikes, and high raised trucks. I term them "compensator models." The 5'7 unathletic asshats with more ink than brains really get my hide.
Therefore, Wonderbag with his deer in headlights look and Gym Hott is subpar this week. He's gesturing how long his wang is to the camera and the deer-headlights look is proof he's scared Gym Hott will fracture his cock in reverse cowgirl. His ode to Valentine's Day by sporting the New Era "Sweethearts conversation heart Fitted" is rather endearing. Thanks Wonderbag but no soup for you.
The Douche Hoagie of two IE 909'ers is far to common variety in the Rehab pics we've enjoyed over the summer. These guys haven't made it fully to the douche side. Throwing up the dub, painted fingernails, and the drinking of Cape cods as a male embody doucheosity.
However, Easy-bake is an utter waste of oxygen. Such disgraces work at the Checker Auto Parts store and use their employee discount to pimp their rides. They live with their mammies to save the scrill for their ink. And worst of all, they turn once comely coeds into Sharpie-wielding Bleeth.
My vote is Easy Bake. I hate his variety with a vengeance. So much so that I will reconsider my soul patch.
Peace,
Orel
Therefore, Wonderbag with his deer in headlights look and Gym Hott is subpar this week. He's gesturing how long his wang is to the camera and the deer-headlights look is proof he's scared Gym Hott will fracture his cock in reverse cowgirl. His ode to Valentine's Day by sporting the New Era "Sweethearts conversation heart Fitted" is rather endearing. Thanks Wonderbag but no soup for you.
The Douche Hoagie of two IE 909'ers is far to common variety in the Rehab pics we've enjoyed over the summer. These guys haven't made it fully to the douche side. Throwing up the dub, painted fingernails, and the drinking of Cape cods as a male embody doucheosity.
However, Easy-bake is an utter waste of oxygen. Such disgraces work at the Checker Auto Parts store and use their employee discount to pimp their rides. They live with their mammies to save the scrill for their ink. And worst of all, they turn once comely coeds into Sharpie-wielding Bleeth.
My vote is Easy Bake. I hate his variety with a vengeance. So much so that I will reconsider my soul patch.
Peace,
Orel
# posted by : 8:04 PM
: 8:04 PM
Wonderbag. To be honest we have all considered taking the road of the bird of paradise, that over the top flamboyance that literally says "everything I do, is done with the sole purpose of attracting your attention", but which most of gracefully abdicate from (or perhaps we are to afraid to wear our douche on our sleeves). Anyway I vote Wonderbag for being all the douche he can be.
# posted by : 8:48 PM
: 8:48 PM
So much to hate, so little time to express it.
Easy-Bake gets my vote - the kicker for me is that his awkward chin-upward pose is a display behavior for his godawful neck tatts, as if a peacock was captured in its full-tilt mating ritual by a National Douche-ographic photographer.
Easy-Bake gets my vote - the kicker for me is that his awkward chin-upward pose is a display behavior for his godawful neck tatts, as if a peacock was captured in its full-tilt mating ritual by a National Douche-ographic photographer.
# posted by : 9:09 PM
: 9:09 PM
Douche hoagy, in spite of the blow up doll, is just too mediocre. Wonderbag looks like an aids addled junkie and is punchable on any given day, but he just is not a contender here. EasyBake gets my vote. He's got all the evidence of his scrotal lobotomy right there for us to see. Plus, his hott has a rockin body fo sho. I could swan dive into her boobies. The tatted trashmaster, Easy Bake for the win.
# posted by : 11:43 PM
: 11:43 PM
Wonderbag is pure evil. I understand a small percentage of hotts think tatty douches are hot, but Wonderbag's success defies all logic.
# posted by : 12:20 AM
: 12:20 AM
Much as I'd like to give some credit to the guy with the 'If I Ran the Zoo' Yankee cap, my vote must go to the Littlest Durst.
The Easy-Bake Oven by a 40 watt bulb!
The Easy-Bake Oven by a 40 watt bulb!
# posted by : 6:19 AM
: 6:19 AM
As we once again go to battle, fighting douchebaggery with the zeal of Mel Gibson in Braveheart/Malibu in an antisemitic drunken tyrade, I find myself confused. For this time the battle lay not at the feet of the 'Bag. Nay you say? Follow my friends, as I select not from an extreme level of 'Bagging, but instead from a level of Bleethe that is surpassing level three and into oblivion.
Each 'Bag here has uber-sack qualities. Choice #1 enjoys a domination of the chin pube with Bag signal #23. Bikini 'Bagsucker is more than delicious - she's the Everlasting Gobstopper of Bleethe's. I would suck her for eternity, as an EG suggests. But I digress. Sheer worship-worthiness does not set one into Bleethe status.
Option #3, too, is filled with enough Bag to make me want to enslave the women of Rwanda. As the 'Bag ever so surreptitiously points to his crab-ridden crotch, he Porsche-pouts to a level left usually for crack-addicted runway models. But his Bleethe is hardly level one. He loses.
But, oh, Bag #2, you restore my faith in the universe. And by faith in the universe, I of course mean hatred for all things organic. Your plethora of pastel tats makes me yearn for your drawing and quartering. But, OH, your Bleethe. That young mound of lovehappy makes me want to thank my dad for not monofrolicking that cool February night and instead defiling my mother. Those slugs. That heart-stopping stare. But, as this lost and irreparable Stage 3 Bleethe, with multicolored hair, coupled undoubtedly with 'Bag stains in said hair, my hatred of New Jersey makes me want to pick up a Delorean, go back in time, and punch my father in the face as he spunks, solely for throwing me into this paradox of gorgeous and suckass. I feel ill.
Eazy-Bake, I hope gonorrhea and your family. Again.
-Sir Douche-a-Lot the Third
Each 'Bag here has uber-sack qualities. Choice #1 enjoys a domination of the chin pube with Bag signal #23. Bikini 'Bagsucker is more than delicious - she's the Everlasting Gobstopper of Bleethe's. I would suck her for eternity, as an EG suggests. But I digress. Sheer worship-worthiness does not set one into Bleethe status.
Option #3, too, is filled with enough Bag to make me want to enslave the women of Rwanda. As the 'Bag ever so surreptitiously points to his crab-ridden crotch, he Porsche-pouts to a level left usually for crack-addicted runway models. But his Bleethe is hardly level one. He loses.
But, oh, Bag #2, you restore my faith in the universe. And by faith in the universe, I of course mean hatred for all things organic. Your plethora of pastel tats makes me yearn for your drawing and quartering. But, OH, your Bleethe. That young mound of lovehappy makes me want to thank my dad for not monofrolicking that cool February night and instead defiling my mother. Those slugs. That heart-stopping stare. But, as this lost and irreparable Stage 3 Bleethe, with multicolored hair, coupled undoubtedly with 'Bag stains in said hair, my hatred of New Jersey makes me want to pick up a Delorean, go back in time, and punch my father in the face as he spunks, solely for throwing me into this paradox of gorgeous and suckass. I feel ill.
Eazy-Bake, I hope gonorrhea and your family. Again.
-Sir Douche-a-Lot the Third
# posted by : 8:53 AM
: 8:53 AM
It looks like he's sizing himself ( gave himself an extra inch or so )Looks like Finding Nemo on Sour Keys. He's got a look that would confuse Confucius or in this case Condouches. This guy is the Bilbo BAGGINS of the ring trilogy except his pursed lips act as the evil ring that can damn mankind forever.
# posted by : 10:42 AM
: 10:42 AM
Wonderbag's sullen "Blue Steel" look and Ten Degree Wonder Bread Yankee Cap wins hands down. What a fucking tool. I mean who in the fuck does he think he is impressing with his "I was attacked by a squad of bingo dauber wielding grandmas, and all I had to defend myself was a hat". It just goes to show that some women will date pure patheticness to ensure that some other insecure wench won't try to take her "man".
# posted by : 2:09 PM
: 2:09 PM
Another vote for the Wonderbag. Is it me or is he channelling Pookie's semi-retarded crackhead gait in New Jack City?
# posted by : 2:10 PM
: 2:10 PM
Tough choice, as always, but I'm going with Wonderbag ... his icy cold serial-killer stare is the perfect compliment to the honey-sweet smile of the victim-in-waiting hott on his left, and further suggests that anyone voting against him will dead by morning. I was tempted to go with Easy Bake, but I'm convinced that's really Jack Black immersing himself into character for a role in "HCwDB: The Movie" (hey, if there's a book coming out, can the screen adaptation really be that far behind?).
# posted by : 3:00 PM
: 3:00 PM
@5:38pm
Fuck the Douche Hoagie. Have you not looked at the god damn Wonderbag? How can anyone in their right mind not vote for that piece of fucking shit? Like.....FUCK man. *Rampage chances rising* I can't look at him anymore. I want to seek and destroy. No; seek and fucking torture. Fuck you Wonderbag......Fuck you. I hope you get brain cancer. No spine cancer......No EVERY CANCER plus M.S. Please die. Please, Please die wonderbag.
Fuck the Douche Hoagie. Have you not looked at the god damn Wonderbag? How can anyone in their right mind not vote for that piece of fucking shit? Like.....FUCK man. *Rampage chances rising* I can't look at him anymore. I want to seek and destroy. No; seek and fucking torture. Fuck you Wonderbag......Fuck you. I hope you get brain cancer. No spine cancer......No EVERY CANCER plus M.S. Please die. Please, Please die wonderbag.
# posted by : 6:29 PM
: 6:29 PM
Unlike so many here who felt this was a neck to hat race here, it was nolo contendre for me. The uber-hott standing alongside Easy Bake is incredible but entirely too Bleeth. He, while worthy of spontaneous bleeding on sight, just doesn't inspire rage to strangle chihuahuas. Plus, Karma IS a bitch and I hear he is no longer stealing oxygen from us good baghunters. I'm not going to waste time on #1.
But Wonderbag...oh Wonderbag. The hat, the stare, the sunken in cheeks, tilted Yanks cap that looks like it was given to a kindergarten class full of down syndrome kids, the earmuff bling, and the covert reference to the size of his clit are too much. This amount of baggery puts this choad hat and shoulders above the rest. He makes me want to eat my eyes from their sockets with sporks, while the creamsicle standing next to him induces thoughts of licking till I get to the creamy center. The vote has to go to Wonderbag FTW.
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But Wonderbag...oh Wonderbag. The hat, the stare, the sunken in cheeks, tilted Yanks cap that looks like it was given to a kindergarten class full of down syndrome kids, the earmuff bling, and the covert reference to the size of his clit are too much. This amount of baggery puts this choad hat and shoulders above the rest. He makes me want to eat my eyes from their sockets with sporks, while the creamsicle standing next to him induces thoughts of licking till I get to the creamy center. The vote has to go to Wonderbag FTW.
# posted by : 5:35 AM
: 5:35 AM << Home
