Monday, October 22, 2007
HCwDB of the Week: Taco Bell Edition
So I'm watching football yesterday, and that Taco Bell ad comes on with the annoying fauxhawk hipsters offering up witty Madison Ave focus tested repartee about the super coolness of chili con carne. Older Madison Ave created "cool guy" lectures younger Madison Ave created "cool guy" about the proper way to spread the chili on the chips.
Because nothing's quite so tasty as processed rat meat on a taco shell that was probably made by 9 year olds in giant gothic Taco Bell slave factories somewhere off the coast of Baja.
So anyways, the ad. One ad executive created hipster douchebag turns to the other and says, "Always, ALWAYS, put chili on your con carne."
And I'm thinking to myself, are they subtly ripping off, or paying some sick demented homage to Alec Baldwin's brilliant monologue in Glengarry Glen Ross? Some last, desperate attempt by a hack copywriter to pay tribute to brilliant writing and feel less awful about his lot in life? In the middle of a freaking Taco Bell ad?
I turn it over to the late, great genius, Bill Hicks.
We miss you, Bill. I couldn't have said it any better than that.
On to the finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Queen Bee and the Power Chord
There's a certain everyday rot taking place in this pic. That retro musician dude stuck in the early 1980s who still somehow manages to score the superhot sister of your best friend.
I'm looking at you, Hannah.
You flirted with me all through high school. Let me see you change by the pool and pretended you didn't know I was there. You even made out with me at your brother's party on Senior Skip Day.
Then you went off to Michigan State and two years later you came home with Power Chord douchebag. That mid 30s Ron Johnson who works at the stereo store at the Mall and drives a Camaro.
The dude who doesn't care whether she comes, stays, lays or prays, whatever happens, his toes are still tappin'.
For bringing up that memory alone, crossbred as it was in my confused subconscious with Fast Times at Ridgemont High dialog, The Queen Bee of Hott and her Power Chord of suck are a worthy finalist.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Douche or Dali
I appreciate any hottie/douche pic that vaguely resembles mid century surrealist art.
Although Peroxide Blondie is a bit too "enhanced" for my tastes, her Daisy Duke hottness still resonates.
Then there's 84 Degree Hat Tilt. Who looks vaguely anime. Or a rejected character design for Disney's "The Fox and the Scrote."
And then the shirtlessness, continuing its rampage across our culture like a swarm of killer bees.
All bad.
Very, very bad.
Make it stop. Please, won't someone make it stop.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Tony With the Car Dealership
There's a certain extra something lurking in this pic that just prevented me from not including it in the Weekly.
I think it's Tony.
But it could also be sweet perky Katie Hottie, with the sinful body that she probably hasn't remotely figured out how to use.
Like a Ferrari being driven by a 89 year old great grandmother named Claire.
Some hotties have the car, they just haven't figured out how to drive stick yet.
Or are my entendres getting just a bit too silly?
Oh, and Tony?
Shoulderpads. Are douche.
I don't know whether you should win HCwDB of the Week or donate those pads to help Cuban illegals sail across the Gulf of Mexico.
So them's your three.
In the grand tradition of Taco Bell, I put it to you like a case of the runs. Which of these three is worthy of Weekly status? Car Dealer Tony and his Sweet Cutie? Queen Bee and her Power Chord? Or the surreal Douche or Dali posse?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Because nothing's quite so tasty as processed rat meat on a taco shell that was probably made by 9 year olds in giant gothic Taco Bell slave factories somewhere off the coast of Baja.
So anyways, the ad. One ad executive created hipster douchebag turns to the other and says, "Always, ALWAYS, put chili on your con carne."
And I'm thinking to myself, are they subtly ripping off, or paying some sick demented homage to Alec Baldwin's brilliant monologue in Glengarry Glen Ross? Some last, desperate attempt by a hack copywriter to pay tribute to brilliant writing and feel less awful about his lot in life? In the middle of a freaking Taco Bell ad?
I turn it over to the late, great genius, Bill Hicks.
We miss you, Bill. I couldn't have said it any better than that.
On to the finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Queen Bee and the Power Chord
There's a certain everyday rot taking place in this pic. That retro musician dude stuck in the early 1980s who still somehow manages to score the superhot sister of your best friend.
I'm looking at you, Hannah.
You flirted with me all through high school. Let me see you change by the pool and pretended you didn't know I was there. You even made out with me at your brother's party on Senior Skip Day.
Then you went off to Michigan State and two years later you came home with Power Chord douchebag. That mid 30s Ron Johnson who works at the stereo store at the Mall and drives a Camaro.
The dude who doesn't care whether she comes, stays, lays or prays, whatever happens, his toes are still tappin'.
For bringing up that memory alone, crossbred as it was in my confused subconscious with Fast Times at Ridgemont High dialog, The Queen Bee of Hott and her Power Chord of suck are a worthy finalist.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Douche or Dali
I appreciate any hottie/douche pic that vaguely resembles mid century surrealist art.
Although Peroxide Blondie is a bit too "enhanced" for my tastes, her Daisy Duke hottness still resonates.
Then there's 84 Degree Hat Tilt. Who looks vaguely anime. Or a rejected character design for Disney's "The Fox and the Scrote."
And then the shirtlessness, continuing its rampage across our culture like a swarm of killer bees.
All bad.
Very, very bad.
Make it stop. Please, won't someone make it stop.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Tony With the Car Dealership
There's a certain extra something lurking in this pic that just prevented me from not including it in the Weekly.
I think it's Tony.
But it could also be sweet perky Katie Hottie, with the sinful body that she probably hasn't remotely figured out how to use.
Like a Ferrari being driven by a 89 year old great grandmother named Claire.
Some hotties have the car, they just haven't figured out how to drive stick yet.
Or are my entendres getting just a bit too silly?
Oh, and Tony?
Shoulderpads. Are douche.
I don't know whether you should win HCwDB of the Week or donate those pads to help Cuban illegals sail across the Gulf of Mexico.
So them's your three.
In the grand tradition of Taco Bell, I put it to you like a case of the runs. Which of these three is worthy of Weekly status? Car Dealer Tony and his Sweet Cutie? Queen Bee and her Power Chord? Or the surreal Douche or Dali posse?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Comments:
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While I could overanalyze Tony and Power Cord, only the Douche or Dali schmucks have inexplicably taken off their shirts and fallen into a douche haze, therefore they get my vote.
# posted by 
: 7:19 AM
: 7:19 AM
So many deserving finalists. This has to be one of the strongest weeklys in awhile.
My vote goes to TJ and Jessika. I feel terrible leaving out Tony and the Power Chord, but I feel like we got to know TJ and Jessika a little bit, which only confirms their complete douchebaginess. Jessika reminds me of an inflatable doll, while TJ reminds me of 1958 Edsel.
Douche or Dali, in a landslide. It's almost too easy.
My vote goes to TJ and Jessika. I feel terrible leaving out Tony and the Power Chord, but I feel like we got to know TJ and Jessika a little bit, which only confirms their complete douchebaginess. Jessika reminds me of an inflatable doll, while TJ reminds me of 1958 Edsel.
Douche or Dali, in a landslide. It's almost too easy.
damn, guy beat me to the willie ames blast, gotta go with charles in charge bag by a landslide, the mix of him and cutey pie is just tooo much
# posted by : 7:26 AM
: 7:26 AM
Although we enjoyed TJ and Jessika as special guests, I just can't vote for them. Douchey? Yes, very. Hilariously so. But Jessika. Oh, Jessika. She looks like she grafted two overinflated, playground kickballs onto her chest. And then covered it with a spray-on, orange petrochemical that was outlawed by the Geneva Convention during World War II.
Power Chord for the win, for doing the worst 80s-era Robert Plant impersonation I've ever seen. And of course Queen Bee, for being ridiculously hot.
Power Chord for the win, for doing the worst 80s-era Robert Plant impersonation I've ever seen. And of course Queen Bee, for being ridiculously hot.
# posted by : 7:35 AM
: 7:35 AM
Strong field, but c'mon, are you KIDDING ME?
Douche or Dali. Look at them. LOOK. AT. THEM. That cuts to what this site is all about for me. Plus it introduced us to the passive/aggressive bipolar coffee gopher ALL CAPS RANDY.
People, because of this picture, WE ARE ALL NOW BANNED FROM B96 EXCLUSIVE EVENTS such as the annual gay pride parade and hottest same sex couple contest (not kidding, check out the site). So we have bled for this picture, folks. We have suffered at the cruel and draconian hands of ALL CAPS RANDY.
Douche or Dali. For the Children.
Douche or Dali. Look at them. LOOK. AT. THEM. That cuts to what this site is all about for me. Plus it introduced us to the passive/aggressive bipolar coffee gopher ALL CAPS RANDY.
People, because of this picture, WE ARE ALL NOW BANNED FROM B96 EXCLUSIVE EVENTS such as the annual gay pride parade and hottest same sex couple contest (not kidding, check out the site). So we have bled for this picture, folks. We have suffered at the cruel and draconian hands of ALL CAPS RANDY.
Douche or Dali. For the Children.
After seeing Wicker Man for the first time this weekend, I have faith the queen bee will successfully sacrifice this bag to a higher power. Female bag hunters are hott, but don't get my vote for the week.
Sticking with the bee theme, the hott in #2 looks like her lips have been stung repeatedly. Soon they'll start oozing puss and that's just gross. The pink hat of crucifix bag on the right and pink lipstick on bag stage right make for a knee-slapping good time, but I vote nay on #2.
Car dealers are always portrayed as bags in the cinema, but I have yet to see one out at the clubs. Ferrari needs to rebuff this guy's advances... then I'll take her for a spin and rebuff her hood and trunk Ralph Macchio style.
Sticking with the bee theme, the hott in #2 looks like her lips have been stung repeatedly. Soon they'll start oozing puss and that's just gross. The pink hat of crucifix bag on the right and pink lipstick on bag stage right make for a knee-slapping good time, but I vote nay on #2.
Car dealers are always portrayed as bags in the cinema, but I have yet to see one out at the clubs. Ferrari needs to rebuff this guy's advances... then I'll take her for a spin and rebuff her hood and trunk Ralph Macchio style.
# posted by : 7:36 AM
: 7:36 AM
I'm not sure which is worse, that the lovely Queen Bee is with Power Chord or that when people compared him to Willie Aames, I knew who they were talking about. And checked to make sure how to spell his last name. Shit, I'm cancelling my cable subscription.
I say there's no contest. It has to be Douche or Dali. They embody all that's wrong and greasy with the world and their hyper-inflated bimbo looks like the queen of all Bleeths (aside from Yasmin herself). Give her a couple of years and her lips will be half the size of her head. Trust.
Tony for the "W". Powerchord makes me feel just a bit sorry for his oldbag status and the girl is posing for the picture because she ran into her dad's creepy friend at the bar who then called her over to make fish lips on camera. Douche or Dali - what do you say to that? A bit too polished and professional for my douche-tastes. Tony is true to form. A clean classic douche. The guy you love to hate. He is a fast talking, hottie swooping, shirt unbuttoning wank. Good work Tony. Don't let the oldbags or professional choads try to tell you how to douche. You be true to yourself and grease it up like only you know how.
# posted by : 7:53 AM
: 7:53 AM
A fine collection of Hott/Scrota this week, especially on the Hott side of the ledger, DB1. But I must say this will be an easy vote for me...
Hottie #1 rocks my nethers, much the same way Pheobe Cates did in 'FTaRH'...but if douche factor enters into the equation, which it must, I have to vote for #2 Dali. Those greasey 'bags are simply abominable. 'Bag on the right is ruining my morning, which was already suck ass. Thanks, greasey 'bag on the right.
That's one for #2 Gay Oil Slick and their retarded but extremely Hott Torpedo Tit Barbie Doll lady friend.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
Hottie #1 rocks my nethers, much the same way Pheobe Cates did in 'FTaRH'...but if douche factor enters into the equation, which it must, I have to vote for #2 Dali. Those greasey 'bags are simply abominable. 'Bag on the right is ruining my morning, which was already suck ass. Thanks, greasey 'bag on the right.
That's one for #2 Gay Oil Slick and their retarded but extremely Hott Torpedo Tit Barbie Doll lady friend.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
# posted by : 7:57 AM
: 7:57 AM
Quick research:
Whassup bitchez this is TJ. IN the pictuar I am wearin the ragg. So you fucker think Im douche well faggits I score moar poontang than all you faggits put together so why you hattin on me friend you hattin on the wrong one hahahah you should lookat your self cos you aint scoring now
Fuck you
TJ
8:27 AM
----------------------------------
There's NO WAY that was TJ. 8:26 AM??? Horseshit. Nobody is that grammatically intolerable. Except Joey Porsche, which makes me think he's persona on the site is fraudulent as well.
Jessika? The name screams fake. Only in our wildest dreams would she spell her name with a 'K'.
I don't doubt their lack of literacy, but I think their posts on HCwDB are as fake as her tits.
Whassup bitchez this is TJ. IN the pictuar I am wearin the ragg. So you fucker think Im douche well faggits I score moar poontang than all you faggits put together so why you hattin on me friend you hattin on the wrong one hahahah you should lookat your self cos you aint scoring now
Fuck you
TJ
8:27 AM
----------------------------------
There's NO WAY that was TJ. 8:26 AM??? Horseshit. Nobody is that grammatically intolerable. Except Joey Porsche, which makes me think he's persona on the site is fraudulent as well.
Jessika? The name screams fake. Only in our wildest dreams would she spell her name with a 'K'.
I don't doubt their lack of literacy, but I think their posts on HCwDB are as fake as her tits.
# posted by : 7:58 AM
: 7:58 AM
Its gotta be Douche or Dali. Power Chord is a major DB, and his girl is cute. Tony is a borderline metro-douche, his girl is cute too. But Douche or Dali - come on. Although their girl is a little too plastic, I love her fine display of innerboob. Aside from their outwardly douchey appearance, these 2 remind me of the kind of 'bags that will attempt to pickpocket you in a crowded bar with some recycled, amateur bump-into-you move. I hate those guys.
Let me just state for the record that making choices like this is a crappy way to start out a Monday, DB1. Thanks.
As special a place as Queen Bee holds in my heart (I want to build a small pyramid in my backyard with a throne on top for her to sit on just so I can make offerings to her), her Greatest American Hero 'Bag just doesn't hold a candle to the double the douching, double the ugh-I'm-gonna-puke teaming of Douche and Dali. Kind of like Simon and Simon, but without all that pesky heterosexuality to get in the way of them oiling up and admiring themselves in the mirror.
Granted, I've seen more sentient looks on the faces of mannequins than on their Peroxide Blondie friend with the bee sting lips, but those ginormous boobies look good enough to nuzzle my face in, tuck some nuts away into the nooks, and hibernate for the winter in. Fake shmake, I'd beat you all within an inch of your life armed just with piece of overdone spaghetti for the chance to refill the toilet paper in the bathroom stall she used once in high school.
And just look at these two winners she's with. Shaved, plucked, orange, hat tiltin', puckered, blingin' and oh so very serious looking, these two jizz moppers are the epitomy of douchedom. They're #2 for a reason. And that reason is they're poo.
Tony from the dealership just looks like a drunk schmuck with bad plugs to me.
Douche or Dali for the win.
As special a place as Queen Bee holds in my heart (I want to build a small pyramid in my backyard with a throne on top for her to sit on just so I can make offerings to her), her Greatest American Hero 'Bag just doesn't hold a candle to the double the douching, double the ugh-I'm-gonna-puke teaming of Douche and Dali. Kind of like Simon and Simon, but without all that pesky heterosexuality to get in the way of them oiling up and admiring themselves in the mirror.
Granted, I've seen more sentient looks on the faces of mannequins than on their Peroxide Blondie friend with the bee sting lips, but those ginormous boobies look good enough to nuzzle my face in, tuck some nuts away into the nooks, and hibernate for the winter in. Fake shmake, I'd beat you all within an inch of your life armed just with piece of overdone spaghetti for the chance to refill the toilet paper in the bathroom stall she used once in high school.
And just look at these two winners she's with. Shaved, plucked, orange, hat tiltin', puckered, blingin' and oh so very serious looking, these two jizz moppers are the epitomy of douchedom. They're #2 for a reason. And that reason is they're poo.
Tony from the dealership just looks like a drunk schmuck with bad plugs to me.
Douche or Dali for the win.
Power Chord, for one reason....darksock's comment: His mouth is big enough to fellate a mailbox.....That's gold Jerry! Gold!
# posted by : 8:07 AM
: 8:07 AM
Douche or Dali is pretty bad, but I think it's a promo picture for a porn film - I think the "hottie" is Jesse Jane. My vote goes to Queen Bee and Willie. His smirk and his sunglasses really piss me off!!
# posted by : 8:09 AM
: 8:09 AM
Douche or Dali. Fake or not, that chick is way too hot, and those pricks are way too douchey.
# posted by : 8:22 AM
: 8:22 AM
the chick is a GUY.. she is a transvestite, I've seen her out at these clubs. I've heard her speak, she talks like a man.
# posted by : 8:25 AM
: 8:25 AM
--snicker--...
Douche or Dali hands down. Any pictuar that can bring out the Aqua Douche Hunger Force into the comments section in full screaming Mimi mode gets my vote.
Douche or Dali hands down. Any pictuar that can bring out the Aqua Douche Hunger Force into the comments section in full screaming Mimi mode gets my vote.
# posted by : 8:32 AM
: 8:32 AM
The Dalimint Twins and Jessika Rabbit are ho-hum at this point.
Tony is sleazy and greasy, but the pic just doesn't connect with me.
"Queen Bee and the Power Chord," however, brings the deep-seated personal pain, thanks to DB1's inebriated stumble down Painful Memory Lane.
As Billy Bragg put it:
"In the end it took me a dictionary
to find out the meaning of unrequited.
While she was giving herself for free
at a party to which I was never invited."
Kym Ellen...wherever you are.
R.I.P. my heart.
Tony is sleazy and greasy, but the pic just doesn't connect with me.
"Queen Bee and the Power Chord," however, brings the deep-seated personal pain, thanks to DB1's inebriated stumble down Painful Memory Lane.
As Billy Bragg put it:
"In the end it took me a dictionary
to find out the meaning of unrequited.
While she was giving herself for free
at a party to which I was never invited."
Kym Ellen...wherever you are.
R.I.P. my heart.
I've gotta go with DoD, and I don't mean the Department of Defense, though that is who we should probably be contacting about this terrorist attack on my senses. Even though JeSSiKa is kinda rancid (nothing compared the Queen Bee, at least) those two 'bags are just begging for a steel-toe to the solar plexus.
DoD by a curled moustache.
DoD by a curled moustache.
TJ and Jessika are a good vote people, but did you read that thread?
I cant rightfully vote for anyone who defends themselves that poorly. Douche or not, hc or tranny in disguise, they are attention sucking man (or ex-man) whores. I for one wont be sucked in like a cock in TJ's mouth.
My vote goes for Power Chord and my queen.
I cant rightfully vote for anyone who defends themselves that poorly. Douche or not, hc or tranny in disguise, they are attention sucking man (or ex-man) whores. I for one wont be sucked in like a cock in TJ's mouth.
My vote goes for Power Chord and my queen.
Douche and Dali, hands down. In fact, I would go so far as to say Douche, Dali and Randy. While these two scrotes don't need any help being douche, Randy certainly upped their stock as far as I am concerned. And if the choad on the left really is Crusty, as someone said he was, would this be the first time somebody could potentially win DB of the week, and then of the month, twice?
Douche or Dali gets my vote, although I am squarely on the fence as to whether "Jessika" is a real hottie or if the rest of her is as fake as her tits. And by "on the fence", I mean willing to chance my personal safety by performing a close inspection of the inflation valves on her chest.
As for the "wonder twins", they exemplify all that is douche - no shirt, bling, orange, facial expressions that indicate their sheer lack of functioning brain cells . . . and that hat. That hat, and the drunken-lemur expression that goes with it, makes me want to stick a rusty spoon in my eye sockets to stop the pain.
As for the "wonder twins", they exemplify all that is douche - no shirt, bling, orange, facial expressions that indicate their sheer lack of functioning brain cells . . . and that hat. That hat, and the drunken-lemur expression that goes with it, makes me want to stick a rusty spoon in my eye sockets to stop the pain.
# posted by : 8:59 AM
: 8:59 AM
About 10 years ago I used to be a cook, and one evening, one of the dishwashers came to me and asked if I would set him up with a burger.
I prepared this burger like I did any other burger. To perfection. Though slightly overcooked. So to conteract the charring forces of said burger, I decided to rehydrate it by dunking it in the grease trap for a few minutes. What emerged was a shiny, moist, and still charred hockey puck of a burger.
But I was an artist. Skilled as I was, I blinged that bitch up with enough 1000 Island Dressing, pickles, tomatoes and lettuce to feed a small Canadian provence.
Turns out, all that goodness just soaked up all that aforementioned grease. The result of which led to a seriously ill migrant worker and an otherwise negative beginings to our relationship.
I guess what I'm saying is, Randi, BJ, and Hope Floats, you three are my grease-trap dipped burger. And I would smother all of you in 1000 Island Dressing, pickles, tomatoes and lettuce, and squish you between two metaphorical sesame seed, whole wheat buns.
I prepared this burger like I did any other burger. To perfection. Though slightly overcooked. So to conteract the charring forces of said burger, I decided to rehydrate it by dunking it in the grease trap for a few minutes. What emerged was a shiny, moist, and still charred hockey puck of a burger.
But I was an artist. Skilled as I was, I blinged that bitch up with enough 1000 Island Dressing, pickles, tomatoes and lettuce to feed a small Canadian provence.
Turns out, all that goodness just soaked up all that aforementioned grease. The result of which led to a seriously ill migrant worker and an otherwise negative beginings to our relationship.
I guess what I'm saying is, Randi, BJ, and Hope Floats, you three are my grease-trap dipped burger. And I would smother all of you in 1000 Island Dressing, pickles, tomatoes and lettuce, and squish you between two metaphorical sesame seed, whole wheat buns.
We need to go on the offensive. Somewhere, somebody has a picture of RANDY ALL CAPS. It MUST be sent to DB1 for posting AND commenting. RANDY, old boy, toss us a bone and LET US RIP YOU A NEW ASS IN HERE. I mean it would just be AWESOME. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE WITH A HOTT CHICK.
Re-reading the thread on this has made me all angry at RANDY again.
Re-reading the thread on this has made me all angry at RANDY again.
I find myself constantly re-evaluating my definition of douche according to the atrocious daily display on this fine site. And I can equivocally state that after viewing Douche or Dali I had paradigm shift in my whole douche belief structure. Rarely has a picture incited such visceral hate and general animosity in me than this one. Everyone involved in with this picture should be beaten severely and sodomized with a rusty pipe, that includes the sick fuck who decided that this was a Kodak moment. That's right Mr. Cameraman if I could turn back time I'd shove that camera up your poop shoot and give it a few good stomps before you ever got to say cheese.
Douche or Dali for the win.
Douche or Dali for the win.
# posted by : 9:27 AM
: 9:27 AM
This is like having to choose between:
A. Kicked in the balls by a mule
B. Kicked in the balls by a horse
C. Kicked in the balls by Hillary
1 & 3 have the best HC's, but the douches are harmless. Power Choad enrages me and Tony I just pitty.
The HC in # 2 is more wax then flesh although I enjoy looking at her. I kind of view her as a bowl of wax fruit, nice to look at but tastless and of no value.
So in the end I have to go with my gut, and my gut is saying "spew". The bag sandwich of Douche or Dali is just too much to keep down. Looking at them is like getting a bad case of Montezuma's Revenge. Blowing mud out your ass like a garden hose while your stomache aches from puking as though you have eaten a quart of rotten cottage cheese, large curd.
Douche or Dali in a landslide.
A. Kicked in the balls by a mule
B. Kicked in the balls by a horse
C. Kicked in the balls by Hillary
1 & 3 have the best HC's, but the douches are harmless. Power Choad enrages me and Tony I just pitty.
The HC in # 2 is more wax then flesh although I enjoy looking at her. I kind of view her as a bowl of wax fruit, nice to look at but tastless and of no value.
So in the end I have to go with my gut, and my gut is saying "spew". The bag sandwich of Douche or Dali is just too much to keep down. Looking at them is like getting a bad case of Montezuma's Revenge. Blowing mud out your ass like a garden hose while your stomache aches from puking as though you have eaten a quart of rotten cottage cheese, large curd.
Douche or Dali in a landslide.
Tony takes it for me. DaD just looks like a picture for some r-rated direct-to-dvd erotic thriller about a farmer's daughter. #1 looks like he went to 80s night at the bar right next door to whatever college is unfortunate enough to have him attend.
But, Tony. Cripes. For all I know, this could have been the next night at the same bar as Power Chord. Stumbling drunkly over to the hottie, giving a slurred "whats your sign" to her and an offer to let her massage his chest hair. She finally agrees to let Tony take a picture with her in return for him not kidnapping her cat. Tony then gets his camera back, shows the pic to the other wide-tied guys from the dealership on Monday, before uploading it to his myspace. Surely, this will get him someone other than Tom to be his myspace friend.
But, Tony. Cripes. For all I know, this could have been the next night at the same bar as Power Chord. Stumbling drunkly over to the hottie, giving a slurred "whats your sign" to her and an offer to let her massage his chest hair. She finally agrees to let Tony take a picture with her in return for him not kidnapping her cat. Tony then gets his camera back, shows the pic to the other wide-tied guys from the dealership on Monday, before uploading it to his myspace. Surely, this will get him someone other than Tom to be his myspace friend.
# posted by : 10:02 AM
: 10:02 AM
Douche or Dali by a flash fried Thanksgiving ethiopian.
Although Tony is has exponentially large shoulder pads, personally, I belive a douche that makes not.
Although Tony is has exponentially large shoulder pads, personally, I belive a douche that makes not.
Douche or Dali
I mean he's the one with the "RAGG ON HIS HEAD" and a fear of lowercase letters....power chord is close,
but he didn't write in so I gotta give it to D or D
I mean he's the one with the "RAGG ON HIS HEAD" and a fear of lowercase letters....power chord is close,
but he didn't write in so I gotta give it to D or D
Is this even a question?
DoD.
Without this trauma-inducing image, we would never have come to know and love the beautiful people that inhabit Chicago's clubland. And by clubland, I mean Roofie-mart. TJ and Jessika and ALL CAPS RANDY would be but figments of our collective imaginations; instead, because of this glorious juxtapostioning of Douche and Bleeth we have come to know that that these rage-invoking humanoids are indeed one-dimensional narcissists with the IQ of a side of Waffle House hash browns. I, for one, am glad to have known and bashed them.
Douche or Dali by an implant.
DoD.
Without this trauma-inducing image, we would never have come to know and love the beautiful people that inhabit Chicago's clubland. And by clubland, I mean Roofie-mart. TJ and Jessika and ALL CAPS RANDY would be but figments of our collective imaginations; instead, because of this glorious juxtapostioning of Douche and Bleeth we have come to know that that these rage-invoking humanoids are indeed one-dimensional narcissists with the IQ of a side of Waffle House hash browns. I, for one, am glad to have known and bashed them.
Douche or Dali by an implant.
# posted by : 10:26 AM
: 10:26 AM
D&D are too typical, if there is such a thing. A winner stands out and both the Power Chord and Tony from the car lot do just that. So what will it be? The smoothness of the well practiced Power Chord or the neanderthal bagness of Tony the car lot rat? It's a tough call but Tony is so repulsive that I find it hard to look at him with his arm draped around that blonde hott without wretching on my keyboard. I guess it's Tony for the win.
# posted by : 10:27 AM
: 10:27 AM
Dali is pure art and getting my vote. While the HCs with Tony and Power infuriate and confound me, they do not exhibit the true meaning of bag.
Tony has no jewelry, no hand gesture, no hat to tilt...nothing but his guido-ness, which is powerful, but not the epitome of bag.
Power is an Uncle Creepy. He probably sniffs panties, gropes his secretary, and masturbates in the bushes as the local high school cross country team runs by, but he doesn't strike me as true bag.
Although, it's definitely tough to pick. I am angered to the core at the attractiveness of the women and their obviously love of beastiality (or coke), but they don't hold a candle to TJ, Funbags, and Rump Roaster Randy.
DoD by a Massengale.
Tony has no jewelry, no hand gesture, no hat to tilt...nothing but his guido-ness, which is powerful, but not the epitome of bag.
Power is an Uncle Creepy. He probably sniffs panties, gropes his secretary, and masturbates in the bushes as the local high school cross country team runs by, but he doesn't strike me as true bag.
Although, it's definitely tough to pick. I am angered to the core at the attractiveness of the women and their obviously love of beastiality (or coke), but they don't hold a candle to TJ, Funbags, and Rump Roaster Randy.
DoD by a Massengale.
# posted by : 11:08 AM
: 11:08 AM
Queen Bee and the Power Chord.
He reminds me of the Jere Burns character in the late 80's NBC sitcom, Dear John.
He reminds me of the Jere Burns character in the late 80's NBC sitcom, Dear John.
# posted by : 11:09 AM
: 11:09 AM
Queen Bee and the Power Chord.
He reminds me of the Jere Burns character in the late 80's NBC sitcom, Dear John.
He reminds me of the Jere Burns character in the late 80's NBC sitcom, Dear John.
# posted by : 11:09 AM
: 11:09 AM
While Tony's Hott is the hottest of the three, the awkwardness of their coupling outweighs any rage. She's doin' him a favor by getting her pic taken.
Douche or Dali... those are four of the biggest boobs ever featured on this sight!
BUT
My vote goes to QB&PC, or as I like to call him, The Greatest American Douchebag. Chins like that only belong on Bruce Campbell. His see-through shirt doesn't help his cause: we can all now see his man-girdle. He needs to take off the glasses, put down the drink and drive his roommate's sister's kid back home. Now.
Douche or Dali... those are four of the biggest boobs ever featured on this sight!
BUT
My vote goes to QB&PC, or as I like to call him, The Greatest American Douchebag. Chins like that only belong on Bruce Campbell. His see-through shirt doesn't help his cause: we can all now see his man-girdle. He needs to take off the glasses, put down the drink and drive his roommate's sister's kid back home. Now.
For every curl in Power Chord's hair, another piece of my soul dies. And there's not much left in there.
# posted by : 11:37 AM
: 11:37 AM
Douche or Dali I say. Every time I look at it I feel like insects are crawling all over me. I have a very real fear that that image is so imprinted on my brain that it will be the last thing I see before I die.
Douche or Dali because these three have so much plastic surgery going on I just can't see anything else beyond implants, botox, and collagen.
Egad. They better stay away from any nearby flames or else they'll melt.
Egad. They better stay away from any nearby flames or else they'll melt.
I vote for #1. He's like a douche version of Robert Plant circa 1985 or something
# posted by : 11:51 AM
: 11:51 AM
Douche or dali is a fake photo. Cant vote for that. Bibleman Willie Aames it is!!
# posted by : 11:53 AM
: 11:53 AM
No way do any of these choads beat Power Chord. Anyone that thinks otherwise is an idiot and that's all I have to say.
POWERCHORD
POWERCHORD
I retract my initial vote for Tony! Toni! Tone'!
a. Dexter is lurking in the shadows to kill this car dealer.
b. RANDY
I recast my vote to put RANDY! in the limelight. That guy's going somewhere!!! (DB1's tome of Douche)
Darksock and Squatch deserve to have their comments reread. These two repeled RANDY! on there own and gave him quite a lashing.
Final Note:
Randy is 21, going somewhere, and has children.
Randy @ Chicago's B96 - 96.3 FM said...
Wow, can you guys say anything inteligent without using Foul Language??? I would never talk like that around my Kids or Coworkers!!!
and a little later said...
IN A FEW YEARS YOU'LL HEAR **A LOT** ABOUT ME. I'M ONLY 21.
a. Dexter is lurking in the shadows to kill this car dealer.
b. RANDY
I recast my vote to put RANDY! in the limelight. That guy's going somewhere!!! (DB1's tome of Douche)
Darksock and Squatch deserve to have their comments reread. These two repeled RANDY! on there own and gave him quite a lashing.
Final Note:
Randy is 21, going somewhere, and has children.
Randy @ Chicago's B96 - 96.3 FM said...
Wow, can you guys say anything inteligent without using Foul Language??? I would never talk like that around my Kids or Coworkers!!!
and a little later said...
IN A FEW YEARS YOU'LL HEAR **A LOT** ABOUT ME. I'M ONLY 21.
# posted by : 12:02 PM
: 12:02 PM
Remember Randy from B96 in Chicago? I think this is him, LOL (below). It explains a lot. I can't wax too eloquent after seeing that crap.
www.myspace.com/djrockinrc
Anyway, I'm not into the gay douche-buggery. "Douche or Dali" is more like oil and water, or maybe a phosphorous flare burning underwater, or maybe even matter and anti-matter. Regardless, the douching / hottiness factor cancels itself out. It's only the permanent shadow left by a nuclear blast. And now I'm blind. Thanks, assboilbags.
Even in my impaired voting condition, I can see that Tony (Danza) of car dealer fame looks like he's out on the town with the wife away. I can't stomach voting for the slight hint of bucktoothed, apple-cheeked lament for lost guido youth that is "Stand By Me" in that pic (the Stephen King version, not the song). Lame-arino. Badabing, bababooie.
So Queen Bee and the Power Chord, it is. For some reason he reminds me of the brother of a 'tard my sister liked in college. Oh, those were the days. Geez sis, what were you thinking?! Looks like Reefer Madness has finally taken its toll, huh brutha 'tard? Ugh. *rolls eyes*
--the Douche-osopher
www.myspace.com/djrockinrc
Anyway, I'm not into the gay douche-buggery. "Douche or Dali" is more like oil and water, or maybe a phosphorous flare burning underwater, or maybe even matter and anti-matter. Regardless, the douching / hottiness factor cancels itself out. It's only the permanent shadow left by a nuclear blast. And now I'm blind. Thanks, assboilbags.
Even in my impaired voting condition, I can see that Tony (Danza) of car dealer fame looks like he's out on the town with the wife away. I can't stomach voting for the slight hint of bucktoothed, apple-cheeked lament for lost guido youth that is "Stand By Me" in that pic (the Stephen King version, not the song). Lame-arino. Badabing, bababooie.
So Queen Bee and the Power Chord, it is. For some reason he reminds me of the brother of a 'tard my sister liked in college. Oh, those were the days. Geez sis, what were you thinking?! Looks like Reefer Madness has finally taken its toll, huh brutha 'tard? Ugh. *rolls eyes*
--the Douche-osopher
# posted by : 12:19 PM
: 12:19 PM
Douche or Dali.
because the girl in the picture is actually a 19-year-old Puerto Rican boy.
because the girl in the picture is actually a 19-year-old Puerto Rican boy.
# posted by : 12:24 PM
: 12:24 PM
I refuse to believe the "dolls" in Douche or Dali are real so I'll say Queen Bee and Power Chord.
# posted by : 12:35 PM
: 12:35 PM
I vote Ricky.
Until he makes the HoScrote, I must continue to use a bookmark to his page in order to brighten my Mondays.
DoD is running away with this, and that is a shame. If only Power Choad had thrown in Bag Hand Gesture #39, devil horns while cup holding, he would definitely be getting the respect he deserves.
So, while my write in ballot remains Ricky, I've got to vote with Power Choad, combining classic bag (protruding chin and perm) with new wave bag (pouty lips and shaved chest). In D Minor...
Until he makes the HoScrote, I must continue to use a bookmark to his page in order to brighten my Mondays.
DoD is running away with this, and that is a shame. If only Power Choad had thrown in Bag Hand Gesture #39, devil horns while cup holding, he would definitely be getting the respect he deserves.
So, while my write in ballot remains Ricky, I've got to vote with Power Choad, combining classic bag (protruding chin and perm) with new wave bag (pouty lips and shaved chest). In D Minor...
Douche or Dali.
I actually think those two are in hibernation right now until late spring when Rehab starts back up.
I actually think those two are in hibernation right now until late spring when Rehab starts back up.
# posted by : 12:52 PM
: 12:52 PM
A nod to the boys in Boston;
Tony with the Car Dealership.
Off route 9 near Framingham. Go Sox!
Tony with the Car Dealership.
Off route 9 near Framingham. Go Sox!
# posted by : 1:17 PM
: 1:17 PM
Tony for sure. His douchebaggery/choadness must be broadcast to serve as a warning for other greased-back dago wop 40 year olds to STOP STEALING MY GIRLS.
# posted by : 1:21 PM
: 1:21 PM
pfah @ 12:24
I can't stop laughing!!! my co-workers must think I have mental problems. I just want to rip her/his wig off. I don't think he/she can go into direct sunlight for fear of melting.
I can't stop laughing!!! my co-workers must think I have mental problems. I just want to rip her/his wig off. I don't think he/she can go into direct sunlight for fear of melting.
# posted by : 1:23 PM
: 1:23 PM
Gotta go with douche or Dali. That fitted cap wearing failure's nipple is like the eyeballs of some creepy painting in my grandmothers den. It just follows me around, always watching. I hope his color contacts get lodged in his skull.
It's hands down douche or dali. These two pukewads make me want to gouge out my eyes with a rusty pair of nail clippers. At the same time hottie's magnificent rack of the future (with tiniest hint of nipple) forces all of the air out of my lungs in one manic blast, cartoon style.
Douche or Dali, no doubt. The other two guys are pretty douchey and hottie number 1 is my favorite, but come on, let's be reasonable!! Just look at those guys faces for 2 seconds and if you don't die a little inside... look at their shaved chests, exposed abs and the girl in the middle, then your insides will certainly be murdered.
# posted by : 3:05 PM
: 3:05 PM
It may be a coincidence but yesterday I watched Ghostbuster's on cable because this week we have a couple stay-puffed marshmellow bags, one slimer and a douche who is stuck in the late 80s.
Douche or Dali - I have a pretty good feeling that this pic will win but after all the shirtless muscle-bags we've seen lately I just don't care anymore.
The Powerchord Douche much like Bag Islanders before him is a Douche that grows on you like a bad bout the plague. His hair says "Party" his face says "Douche". I really hate this guy. Hannah is everything I long for - she is imaculate. She should be in Noxema commercials splashing water over her flawless pours. In any other week this one takes the cake but not this week...
Tony With the Car Dealership - I said in the comments that we should crown Tony because he is a world class sleezebag. He probably just ripped this young blonde off on a 94 Ford Taurus with a bad accident record and rust on the underbody and a clutch that slips like Yao Ming trying learning how to skate. And now Tony is taking the hottie out on the town to "celebrate her new purchase". This guy is a king dirtbag.
I vote Tony from Framingham.
but still that blondie is no Hannah.
Douche or Dali - I have a pretty good feeling that this pic will win but after all the shirtless muscle-bags we've seen lately I just don't care anymore.
The Powerchord Douche much like Bag Islanders before him is a Douche that grows on you like a bad bout the plague. His hair says "Party" his face says "Douche". I really hate this guy. Hannah is everything I long for - she is imaculate. She should be in Noxema commercials splashing water over her flawless pours. In any other week this one takes the cake but not this week...
Tony With the Car Dealership - I said in the comments that we should crown Tony because he is a world class sleezebag. He probably just ripped this young blonde off on a 94 Ford Taurus with a bad accident record and rust on the underbody and a clutch that slips like Yao Ming trying learning how to skate. And now Tony is taking the hottie out on the town to "celebrate her new purchase". This guy is a king dirtbag.
I vote Tony from Framingham.
but still that blondie is no Hannah.
I retract my earlier vote for DOD and I would like to submit The Official "Time To Get Drunk, It's Friday" Pic as my vote for every Weekly, Monthly or Yearly vote until I expire at which time my vote will continue by proxy. Any reason to view that ass on a recurring basis is a good enough reason for me and shame on every bag hunter for not calling DB on this one!
Don't really want to start a debate here but I feel I have to represent since the team full of the biggest douche bags in the sport is getting propped up on this site. Rawks in 6 at home.
Don't really want to start a debate here but I feel I have to represent since the team full of the biggest douche bags in the sport is getting propped up on this site. Rawks in 6 at home.
# posted by : 3:38 PM
: 3:38 PM
Douche or Dali! The piercing blue eyes with nothing behind them, the shaved chests, bling that is noticeable-yet-doesn't-overshadow-pectoral-development, and the lips, the pursed lips. Combined with their facial expressions, you can hear the "mmm" emanating from the depths of their shallow souls, probably only overpowered by the Axe that is no doubt also emanating from their shaved chests. The man pubes are a added bonus.
Two gay guys and a porn star do not "Hot Chicks with Douchebags" make. While the photograph is indeed an atrocity, I think it should be disqualified for off-topic-ness.
Queen Bee's smile lights up my cubicle. And if that were not enough, Power Chord slams it home with his corset (although I prefer to think he has his pants pulled up to his nipples, Simon-Cowell-style).
Queen Bee's smile lights up my cubicle. And if that were not enough, Power Chord slams it home with his corset (although I prefer to think he has his pants pulled up to his nipples, Simon-Cowell-style).
# posted by : 4:17 PM
: 4:17 PM
Douche or Dali. period. Diamond stud earrings, shirtless, silly hat at dumb angle,... ah, that guy alone would win this by a landslide. throw in stupid Scrote Patch McChain Necklace, and wrap them around a massive sideboob.... you're looking at douche immortality.
# posted by : 4:28 PM
: 4:28 PM
GOT to be Queen Bee & Power Chord, because the stark contrast between her hotness and his notness is making me hemorrhage.
great lineup, and by great i mean my eyes, the goggles they do nothing.
queen bee & power choad is the wiener.
-X
queen bee & power choad is the wiener.
-X
There is no doubt in my Night Train addled mind that this week's title belongs to Douche or Dali.
To be sure, all of this week's contestants are prime contenders. No 'bag before his time like Ricky or TDWALOPC who clearly isn't ready for prime douche yet.
No, here we have the real thing.
Three of them. Make that four.
Pink hat. Side boob. I rest my case.
To be sure, all of this week's contestants are prime contenders. No 'bag before his time like Ricky or TDWALOPC who clearly isn't ready for prime douche yet.
No, here we have the real thing.
Three of them. Make that four.
Pink hat. Side boob. I rest my case.
# posted by : 6:24 PM
: 6:24 PM
This is stiff competition, indeed. It is undeniable that the "Douche or Dali" boys adhere most strictly to classic 'Bag classification standards; hat, bling (both sacred and profane), inexplicable shirtlessness, lip puckering that is soft and feminine yet fails to alleviate the feeling that either or both of them will kick the shit out of you for no reason. I even hereby allege that it is only liberal dodging in Photoshop that has removed the Mark of the Bag from their foreheads. And yet...
I have to go with Power Chord. Look at how totally he believes in his own 'Baggery! He loves being who he is. For him, masculine cool reached its apex with the lead singer of Loverboy. He is working for the weekend and makes no apologies. Plus, the glasses and translucent shirt have to count for something. He deserves the title.
I have to go with Power Chord. Look at how totally he believes in his own 'Baggery! He loves being who he is. For him, masculine cool reached its apex with the lead singer of Loverboy. He is working for the weekend and makes no apologies. Plus, the glasses and translucent shirt have to count for something. He deserves the title.
# posted by : 6:47 PM
: 6:47 PM
I have to say that even though Im a girl, I'm still moved by the hotness of Queen Bee. Damn, what a beautiful girl. I wish my friends would look more like her so I didnt have to do all the "chick magnet" job. An the Powerchoad..Ugh. His curly hair and obnoxious sunglasses make him the Douche of all Douches.
Honorable mention to DoD though. It almost melted my eyes. Are those blue things on the guy to the right his eyes or just contacts? Either way, they are disturbing me.
Honorable mention to DoD though. It almost melted my eyes. Are those blue things on the guy to the right his eyes or just contacts? Either way, they are disturbing me.
# posted by : 7:06 PM
: 7:06 PM
I have to say that even though Im a girl, I'm still moved by the hotness of Queen Bee. Damn, what a beautiful girl. I wish my friends would look more like her so I didnt have to do all the "chick magnet" job. An the Powerchoad..Ugh. His curly hair and obnoxious sunglasses make him the Douche of all Douches.
Honorable mention to DoD though. It almost melted my eyes. Are those blue things on the guy to the right his eyes or just contacts? Either way, they are disturbing me.
Honorable mention to DoD though. It almost melted my eyes. Are those blue things on the guy to the right his eyes or just contacts? Either way, they are disturbing me.
# posted by : 7:06 PM
: 7:06 PM
Power Choad is the villain from half the early Eighties teen flicks. Die Choad Die.
# posted by : 7:07 PM
: 7:07 PM
Queen bee and the power chord! That smug look has to win every time surely!?!
(Barf!)
(Barf!)
# posted by : 7:38 PM
: 7:38 PM
Queen Bee and the Power Chord.
With Douche or Dali, I just can't get mad with jealousy about two guys with a blow up doll. Tony is a close second. Go sox!!!
With Douche or Dali, I just can't get mad with jealousy about two guys with a blow up doll. Tony is a close second. Go sox!!!
# posted by : 8:15 PM
: 8:15 PM
@--the Douche-osopher 12:24 PM,
Oh my God. Do NOT screw with me like that.
If that really is Randy's page - and it would make sense since the guy is 'DJ Rockin RC', in Chicago and works for B96 - I will have a fucking stroke and coronary. Then I'll get up, and have another stroke and coronary, just to make sure. I'll even do it in public.
If THAT guy is the guy who was talking the shit he was in the comments section - with baloney tits like that - ... Holy. Shit.
http://www.myspace.com/djrockinrc
Oh my God. Do NOT screw with me like that.
If that really is Randy's page - and it would make sense since the guy is 'DJ Rockin RC', in Chicago and works for B96 - I will have a fucking stroke and coronary. Then I'll get up, and have another stroke and coronary, just to make sure. I'll even do it in public.
If THAT guy is the guy who was talking the shit he was in the comments section - with baloney tits like that - ... Holy. Shit.
http://www.myspace.com/djrockinrc
# posted by : 8:40 PM
: 8:40 PM
Whoops. Sorry. 12:19 PM.
My vision was blurred and I'd bitten clean through my upper lip.
I think I cracked a tooth...
My vision was blurred and I'd bitten clean through my upper lip.
I think I cracked a tooth...
# posted by : 8:53 PM
: 8:53 PM
It's hard not to pick Queen Bee...everyone knows of a girl as hot as she is. And everyone hates whoever she is with. Usually they look like Power Chord...visions like that cause men to break down and cry in public. But I have to pick Douche or Dali. It's classic hcwdb. Pictures that don't seem real are the hallmark of this site. And pics like that should never, ever, ever happen. I'm surprised the camera lens didn't break.
I'm not attracted to hottie at all, which usually means I don't like the pic...but here it doesn't matter...the overwhelming surrealism of the pic makes it win. And the douches.
I'm not attracted to hottie at all, which usually means I don't like the pic...but here it doesn't matter...the overwhelming surrealism of the pic makes it win. And the douches.
You know what i loves.... the faint outline of her thong underwears. Thats dope yo ...
Signed, Temple of the Douche.
Signed, Temple of the Douche.
# posted by : 9:25 PM
: 9:25 PM
My vote goes to "Queen Bee and the Power Chord."
She fills my stomach with butterflies while he makes me vomit them out of my system.
She fills my stomach with butterflies while he makes me vomit them out of my system.
BTW, I'm just funnin'.
I'd never take an Internet argument into meatspace. It's just the friggin' Internet.
I'd never take an Internet argument into meatspace. It's just the friggin' Internet.
# posted by : 11:24 PM
: 11:24 PM
Got to go with Douche or Dali. Ever since I first saw this picture I've been having nightmares about their man nipples.
Balki Bartokadouche
Balki Bartokadouche
# posted by : 11:54 PM
: 11:54 PM
@ Squatch 8:40 PM--
http://www.myspace.com/djrockinrc
You guys gotta read the description of this guy's Bio. He graduated from Illinois Center for Broadcasting. WTF?! I did college radio back in the 90s, and even then I realized then it was a dead-end job: you make about $20K if you're lucky, starting in some backwashed, vomit-stink booth in a backwater market ... or in this case, Douche Central. What can they teach you after showing you the PSA rack, the mixer board, and the CD changers? "How to Make Witty Banter 101?" And now, it's even easier since the playlists are programmed into a computer.
So if that's reallllly Randy (with an "R" for "aa-nduh" and a rating to match), he should count himself lucky that B96 hasn't sent him to the tower shack to throw the breakers after a storm knocks out the ground-fault protection. You don't need the rubber boots and gloves, Ran-duh, no realllly. And be sure to stand in that pool of water over there.
Not only the pics, Squatch, the thing that really kills me are the male strippers and the map of places he's travelled (which is exactly ... nowhere). And then there's the house mix. Holy crap, I almost peed my pants when I heard that stuff. It's got "Gay Mafia" written all over it.
Well, I may be wrong, but nonetheless it makes for an educational *cough* experience. Now, I must go ravish my incredibly sexy fiancee before I lose my manhood and it permanently retreats up into my body cavity like two figs and a cashew.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
--Douche-ospher
http://www.myspace.com/djrockinrc
You guys gotta read the description of this guy's Bio. He graduated from Illinois Center for Broadcasting. WTF?! I did college radio back in the 90s, and even then I realized then it was a dead-end job: you make about $20K if you're lucky, starting in some backwashed, vomit-stink booth in a backwater market ... or in this case, Douche Central. What can they teach you after showing you the PSA rack, the mixer board, and the CD changers? "How to Make Witty Banter 101?" And now, it's even easier since the playlists are programmed into a computer.
So if that's reallllly Randy (with an "R" for "aa-nduh" and a rating to match), he should count himself lucky that B96 hasn't sent him to the tower shack to throw the breakers after a storm knocks out the ground-fault protection. You don't need the rubber boots and gloves, Ran-duh, no realllly. And be sure to stand in that pool of water over there.
Not only the pics, Squatch, the thing that really kills me are the male strippers and the map of places he's travelled (which is exactly ... nowhere). And then there's the house mix. Holy crap, I almost peed my pants when I heard that stuff. It's got "Gay Mafia" written all over it.
Well, I may be wrong, but nonetheless it makes for an educational *cough* experience. Now, I must go ravish my incredibly sexy fiancee before I lose my manhood and it permanently retreats up into my body cavity like two figs and a cashew.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
--Douche-ospher
# posted by : 2:36 AM
: 2:36 AM
Aaand, I'm back ...
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's Randy at B96. Take a look at the slides again, he's posing with a lot of the B96 staff. Yeah,they seem REAL thrilled.
Again, for those of you that don't know, Randy is a favorite Bag Defender who trolls here occasionally.
Well, Randy, don't let fame hit you on the ass on the way out. I hear she's a real bee-otch.
http://www.myspace.com/djrockinrc
--Douche-osopher
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's Randy at B96. Take a look at the slides again, he's posing with a lot of the B96 staff. Yeah,they seem REAL thrilled.
Again, for those of you that don't know, Randy is a favorite Bag Defender who trolls here occasionally.
Well, Randy, don't let fame hit you on the ass on the way out. I hear she's a real bee-otch.
http://www.myspace.com/djrockinrc
--Douche-osopher
# posted by : 3:02 AM
: 3:02 AM
D or D without debate or question. Hell, choad on the right is HoS worthy alone. Mix vigorously with guidouche on the left and stage 5 Bleeth and there can only be one.
# posted by : 9:53 AM
: 9:53 AM
nice Bill Hicks reference, DB1. "It's always funny until someone gets hurt; then it's just hilarious".
While the Twins Douchetacular do infuriate me more than a new Star Wars film written, directed and produced by George Lucas... They have the same overall aftertaste: ponderously manufactured and devoid of any merit. That is to say, I don't believe they offer any real caloric value. They're 100% phony. They suck. A lot. But I feel I must vote for what genuinely threatens the Fanfare for the Common Man.
I am, therefore, left to choose between Power Chord and Tony.
While Tony offers up the most scrotacular of the terminus of Jon Cryer's tragic career, he doesn't really offer any offense to my every-man sensibilities. He's undoubtedly doucheriffic. But neither he, nor his pairing of hott inspire as much contempt as Power Chord.
Queen Bee and Power Chord have it all. From her disarmingly charming smile, lovely eye(s) and Veronica Lake effect, to his bagtastic 1980's pr0n-star-frollet. This asswipe, given the three from which to choose, most earnestly believes his appearance, douche-inspiring expression, and tea-bagging goggles makes him special. He guy stinks of post-frat-midlife crisis. He is "Aqua Velvaman" (apologies to Skunk Weed). Should Queen Bee succumb to his "charms" she will likely be sorely disappointed to find that he stuffs his crotch, drives a calico and wrecked IROC and lives not in his mother's basement but in his younger, cute sister's former bedroom in all its pink and pony decorated glory.
Power Chord FTW. And please. PLEASE. Someone slap that choad smoking grin off his face with a chainsaw.
I am, therefore, left to choose between Power Chord and Tony.
While Tony offers up the most scrotacular of the terminus of Jon Cryer's tragic career, he doesn't really offer any offense to my every-man sensibilities. He's undoubtedly doucheriffic. But neither he, nor his pairing of hott inspire as much contempt as Power Chord.
Queen Bee and Power Chord have it all. From her disarmingly charming smile, lovely eye(s) and Veronica Lake effect, to his bagtastic 1980's pr0n-star-frollet. This asswipe, given the three from which to choose, most earnestly believes his appearance, douche-inspiring expression, and tea-bagging goggles makes him special. He guy stinks of post-frat-midlife crisis. He is "Aqua Velvaman" (apologies to Skunk Weed). Should Queen Bee succumb to his "charms" she will likely be sorely disappointed to find that he stuffs his crotch, drives a calico and wrecked IROC and lives not in his mother's basement but in his younger, cute sister's former bedroom in all its pink and pony decorated glory.
Power Chord FTW. And please. PLEASE. Someone slap that choad smoking grin off his face with a chainsaw.
Don't have time to see which way the crowd is going. Guessing it's power chord because that guy needs to be bitched slapped and that little pixie by his side is fantastic.
Power Fag in a wash.
Power Fag in a wash.
It's Douche or Dali.
People ... it brought RANDY IN ALL CAPS into our lives. And it introduced us to Chicago's b96.
This picture transcended our standard pitch and catch format of 'bagging on douchebags. It gave us freakin' RANDY and made this joint truly interactive.
Plus it gave us a chance to watch darksock AK-47 another man's ass. Errrrr, bad choice of words. To AK-47 someone in text. There, that sounds better.
People ... it brought RANDY IN ALL CAPS into our lives. And it introduced us to Chicago's b96.
This picture transcended our standard pitch and catch format of 'bagging on douchebags. It gave us freakin' RANDY and made this joint truly interactive.
Plus it gave us a chance to watch darksock AK-47 another man's ass. Errrrr, bad choice of words. To AK-47 someone in text. There, that sounds better.
Queen Bee and Power Chord!
The shirtless douches look much worse, but platinum blonde matches them too well. Queen Bee and Power Chord is the picture of corruption!!
The shirtless douches look much worse, but platinum blonde matches them too well. Queen Bee and Power Chord is the picture of corruption!!
i got no clever things to say. Queen Bee and Power Chord should win for the weekly.
# posted by : 3:08 PM
: 3:08 PM
Power Chord is barely even a 'bag. His collar is not popped, no tags, no gestures, no hat, no oil. His claim to infamey is based entirely on stupid sunglasses indoors and a stupid smirk on his face, although I will give you the unproven possibility he is wearing a bearskin girdle.
On the other hand, JUST LOOK at D & D. There is TWO of them. Nuff said - D & D for the landslide win they started with.
Pants are Just a Suggestion
On the other hand, JUST LOOK at D & D. There is TWO of them. Nuff said - D & D for the landslide win they started with.
Pants are Just a Suggestion
# posted by : 4:07 PM
: 4:07 PM
Gotta be number 2...nothing quite sweats douche like those two 'bags along with their very plastic friend.
# posted by : 9:00 PM
: 9:00 PM
ROUTE 9 Tony with the car dealership! live near there and almost pissed myself it was so perfect!
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# posted by : 7:54 PM
: 7:54 PM << Home
