Monday, July 23, 2007
Reappraising the Chinbag
In our recent discussions of 'bag subgenre, I'd like to return to a discussion of the Chinbag for a moment.
We've established facial 'bag classifications as diverse as the tonguebag, the facial pubes and, of course, the douche-face.
But Chinbags occupy a strange sort of nether-region of 'bag classification. Like Kevin Spacey's predilection for 19 year old French boys, it's ambiguous, confused and smells vaguely like halibut.
If we classify douchebaggery according to performativity, is it fair to lump Chinbags into their own distinct category? Unlike the douche-face, the facial fungle or the tonguebag, a chinbag cannot control the doucheyness of his jawline. It is there from birth.
So is it fair to mock the chinbag as a category of douche? Or must we factor in ancillary factors, like, in the example provided here, the dogtags, poof hairstyle and overall 'bag demeanor? Not to mention inverted 'bag sandwich formation.
So is the Chinbag an official sub-category of douchebaggery? Or does a Chinbag require other signifiers of douchebaggery to qualify as legit on the scrote scale?
Yup, these are the questions that plague me. That, and why my refrigerator smells like gouda.
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I say it is not a subcategory. There must be more than the chin to a douche make. Douchositt cant be acheived purely through DNA, there must be some choice involved.
The state of "douchebag" cannot exist on chin alone.
The dog tag, unintelligible T-shirt, and grease-ball hair suggest a certain low level of choadity, but the scruffy chin alone doesn't make him a bag.
Paris Hilton is not hot in her sack-cloth pool wrap and pissed-off hottie looks like an unfortunate cross between Steve Nicks and Amy Fisher.
The dog tag, unintelligible T-shirt, and grease-ball hair suggest a certain low level of choadity, but the scruffy chin alone doesn't make him a bag.
Paris Hilton is not hot in her sack-cloth pool wrap and pissed-off hottie looks like an unfortunate cross between Steve Nicks and Amy Fisher.
# posted by 
: 11:49 AM
: 11:49 AM
Agreed.
Douchebaggery may be a lifestyle choice, but it is in fact a choice. This isn't homosexuality ... one can not be born a douche (nor can one be born a gheybag). One becomes a douche through the exercise of will.
To douche or not to douche, that is the question.
Genetics and upbringing play a role, I'm sure, which is for smarter men (with more time on their hands) to someday prove. When you look at a jackass like Prompa or Joey Porsche, one instinctively wonder if this smacktard ever had a chance, but I'd bet his mother never told him to spike his hair into quills and make smoochy face for the camera, ya digggg? He could have stopped the madness, and may still do so at some point in the future, but as yet he has not, thus deserving all the pointing and ridicule he gets.
The point being, you can't be a douche because your chin looks like someone's ass, just as you can't be a douche because you have a big nose. One must apply chin pubes to said butt chin, or massive quantities of gel to spike one's hair in a blatant display of peacockery to become the douche.
Douchebaggery may be a lifestyle choice, but it is in fact a choice. This isn't homosexuality ... one can not be born a douche (nor can one be born a gheybag). One becomes a douche through the exercise of will.
To douche or not to douche, that is the question.
Genetics and upbringing play a role, I'm sure, which is for smarter men (with more time on their hands) to someday prove. When you look at a jackass like Prompa or Joey Porsche, one instinctively wonder if this smacktard ever had a chance, but I'd bet his mother never told him to spike his hair into quills and make smoochy face for the camera, ya digggg? He could have stopped the madness, and may still do so at some point in the future, but as yet he has not, thus deserving all the pointing and ridicule he gets.
The point being, you can't be a douche because your chin looks like someone's ass, just as you can't be a douche because you have a big nose. One must apply chin pubes to said butt chin, or massive quantities of gel to spike one's hair in a blatant display of peacockery to become the douche.
The key item you'll find on this sub-scrote's chin are his life partner's balls.
Lurch can have these Ann Coultier clones. Is the one on the left a double amputee or is she standing in a manhole?
Lurch can have these Ann Coultier clones. Is the one on the left a double amputee or is she standing in a manhole?
geez! what a square head. it looks like his father was dylan (from 90210 fame) and his mother was a jewelry box.
if the girl on our left were a bit shorter and the top of her head was flat, she'd be perfect for football parties.
see? that was sexist. i'm sure she's a very nice girl with a heart of gold. and also loves it in the ass.
just a guess.
i am not diggin' the molly sims wannabe.
if the girl on our left were a bit shorter and the top of her head was flat, she'd be perfect for football parties.
see? that was sexist. i'm sure she's a very nice girl with a heart of gold. and also loves it in the ass.
just a guess.
i am not diggin' the molly sims wannabe.
# posted by : 12:05 PM
: 12:05 PM
oh, and a chinbag should not be a subcategory DB1. darksock said it best.
my 2 cents.
my boxers smell like gouda.
my 2 cents.
my boxers smell like gouda.
# posted by : 12:06 PM
: 12:06 PM
oops. i meant to say iDouche said it best. instead i said darksock. they both are fantastic comments gentlemen.
i'll stop posting for a while and get back to designing things.
i'll stop posting for a while and get back to designing things.
# posted by : 12:08 PM
: 12:08 PM
Toungebag, facial pubes, poofy hair, dog-tags, face/neck/excessive tats, plucked eyebrows and glossed up lips are all choices. Getting saddled with a dimple the size of a small third world country is not a choice. So I don't think you can fairly lump them into their own category.
Instead, let it be the first step identifier into all choads worldwide. For example: "Holy shit, do you see the the size of that dimple on that guy? Oh, and look at the dog tags, the purposefully ripped jeans and the hair! What a douchebag, we need to save those hotties ASAP!"
Instead, let it be the first step identifier into all choads worldwide. For example: "Holy shit, do you see the the size of that dimple on that guy? Oh, and look at the dog tags, the purposefully ripped jeans and the hair! What a douchebag, we need to save those hotties ASAP!"
# posted by : 12:25 PM
: 12:25 PM
The dude looks like the manager of an Emo Rock band or something...doesn't strike me as a douche, though. He's "scruffy cute", not "douchey nasty".
There's nothing overly original or special about these two chicks.....they look rather vapid and full of themselves. Ok, so does he, but he doesn't annoy me AS much as the Double Stick Twins do.
There's nothing overly original or special about these two chicks.....they look rather vapid and full of themselves. Ok, so does he, but he doesn't annoy me AS much as the Double Stick Twins do.
Ya know what, I wrote a long response and then decided, fuck it, what I really want to know is this:
Why the FUCK do these people look so sad and melancholy? Did they just find out that video killed the radio star?
Fuck them. It's a picture. Smile even if it makes you look like you enjoy your insipid, shallow lives.
Why the FUCK do these people look so sad and melancholy? Did they just find out that video killed the radio star?
Fuck them. It's a picture. Smile even if it makes you look like you enjoy your insipid, shallow lives.
# posted by : 12:35 PM
: 12:35 PM
Smiles are forbidden in the land of anorexia.
The chick on the left is looking right at you and is considering grabbing that camera and sticking the zoom lens up your sphincter if you dare tell them to say "cheese".
The chick on the left is looking right at you and is considering grabbing that camera and sticking the zoom lens up your sphincter if you dare tell them to say "cheese".
Tall right looks somewhat like Kristen Wiig from SNL. Perhaps her and her little sister on left have been up really late with chin douche. Judging by his facial hair, he's been out and about a full day or two without the chance to shave. Atleast he's not flicking me the bird, or making some face. One of the nicer douches indeed.
Dibs! I bang the tall one while the little one scuttles underneath the lap up the fallen fluids.
Dibs! I bang the tall one while the little one scuttles underneath the lap up the fallen fluids.
Dead on, Anon 12:35; they look like the photographer was castrating their chihuahua as he snapped the photo.
I think he must be the manager of an emo band, JG. Emo was invented so shallow people could feel deep about themselves.
I think he must be the manager of an emo band, JG. Emo was invented so shallow people could feel deep about themselves.
Also! I'm grateful that ghese girls aren't enjoying themselves, or forcing enjoyment with alcohol, or trying to relax with cigs. They are high tense bitches, and I love them. I will marry both of you. kthnx.
Being somewhat short of wits today, I merely second the comments made by batou. That's all for now. (Oh, and love the avatar, iDouche.)
They are sending a grim reminder that douchebaggery is serryus bidness...
I too concur with iDouche et al. By itself, a peculiar genetic predisposition to a certain mandibular configuration doth not a douchebag make.
But toss in stringy bangs (which dollars to dustbunnies conceal The Mark) serving to make the lower half of that mug look like Jaw of the Undead, garnish with landscaped unibrow, 6:13 o'clock shadouche, top with douchetags
and...
Voila! (whups, sorry that's french)
and...
Shazzam!
You gotch yerself a Douchebag.
--Vinny Scumbaglia
I too concur with iDouche et al. By itself, a peculiar genetic predisposition to a certain mandibular configuration doth not a douchebag make.
But toss in stringy bangs (which dollars to dustbunnies conceal The Mark) serving to make the lower half of that mug look like Jaw of the Undead, garnish with landscaped unibrow, 6:13 o'clock shadouche, top with douchetags
and...
Voila! (whups, sorry that's french)
and...
Shazzam!
You gotch yerself a Douchebag.
--Vinny Scumbaglia
# posted by : 12:53 PM
: 12:53 PM
That looks like a lighter, or something other than dog tags to me. I see an un tag-tag like shine eminating from it.
Molly Simms, Ann Coulter, Paris Hilton: am I the only one looking at this runway stick insect that sees Crispin Glover in drag?
# posted by : 1:28 PM
: 1:28 PM
Douchebags who suffer from a lack of self-confidence (and who can blame them, when they are compared to Pumpy's physique?) often try to compensate for their genetic deficiencies by either getting chin implants or by puckering, thus making their lips fuller and "fishslappier."
In the kingdom of douchebaggery, it is survival of the fittest. With so much competition, douchebags must either adapt to their environment or die off. These environmental adaptations are then passed down to their offspring, who will inherit what their ancestors struggled to achieve.
In the kingdom of douchebaggery, it is survival of the fittest. With so much competition, douchebags must either adapt to their environment or die off. These environmental adaptations are then passed down to their offspring, who will inherit what their ancestors struggled to achieve.
Wow, he's got what I'd term a "strap on chin", that'd help him do some work down south, if you know what I mean...haw!
I doubt he's doing any work down south on the Spy vs. Spy stick figures, too much worry about the weight gain physical happiness might give.
I doubt he's doing any work down south on the Spy vs. Spy stick figures, too much worry about the weight gain physical happiness might give.
I would have placed him in the catagory of hipsterbag. While he does have a big chin/jaw combo; he's not bad looking and with some soap and water, he might clean up nicely.
I assume this thread was a morphology discusion. But what are those two ugly girls doing? While getting posted on HCwDB's may have been the highlight of their day; they are not hot.
-Bagwan Singh
I assume this thread was a morphology discusion. But what are those two ugly girls doing? While getting posted on HCwDB's may have been the highlight of their day; they are not hot.
-Bagwan Singh
# posted by : 3:12 PM
: 3:12 PM
Smile anyone? Something tells me these two girls would have looked a lot better with a tan to highlight the peroxide blond hair color. Chinbag looks like he is about to fall asleep.
Low entry douche. Not a subspecies.
Low entry douche. Not a subspecies.
Hmm. I see tall & white indicating the essence of purity. Notice, also, the absence of color in her skin. On the other side, short, dark and hostile; a troll-like connotation, if you will. The guy in the middle? Just their unhappy pimp before he bitch-slaps and them and says, "Where's my money, you dirty ho?!" Maybe when they pay him, he can buy a decent hair cut. Some blind guy with dull scissors and a grease-pack to keep it nice and clumpy doesn't really cut it for modern style. At least I hope not.
# posted by : 8:49 PM
: 8:49 PM
i checked the dictionary and found out that "performativity" is not a word DB1. i also looked for "performativeness" but it appears that the word "performative" doesn't have a noun form.
oh and where was i...?
DOUCHEBAG! how dare you sweeping up Dr. Hot and Mini-sexy?! i weep.
oh and where was i...?
DOUCHEBAG! how dare you sweeping up Dr. Hot and Mini-sexy?! i weep.
I actually am fairly certain that the genetics that involve having an absurdly jutting chin are very colsely related to the genetics that create a natural born douchebag. Go find you're nearsest big chinned acquaintance or stranger and evaluate the validity of their douchiness. I predict it will be quite high. Much like 4 out of 5 dentists recommend using crest 4 out of 5 big chinned people are douchebags. Tell me I'm wrong.
# posted by : 11:17 PM
: 11:17 PM
i have mixed feelings. I mean there can never be enough categories of douche, but the sub categorize because a guy has the "Brady" chin may be a bit of overkill. DB1 i leave it up to you to figure out. I'm with you either way.
why are such hot girls posing with this dude anyways? looks like they need to find someone who looks more like david beckham and then maybe they'll smile for the pic....
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# posted by : 5:53 PM
: 5:53 PM << Home
