Monday, July 23, 2007
HCwDB of the Week
It's a diverse sampling of the choad/hott in this week's Weekly douche-off. It was tougher than usual to cull down last week's submissions to a final three, but I think I've fixated on the right grouping. And by fixated I mean rub up against the coffee table when contemplating the hotties while decrying Godlessness when contemplating the wankdouche.
The DB1 had a lovely weekend involving sitting on my carpet, sipping Night Train from my "World's Greatest Douchebag" mug, and watching my bootleg VHS copies of "Cop Rock," the greatest show of the 1990s.
But you don't want to hear about my exciting party weekend of "Cop Rock" videos. You want the finalists. So without further adouche, here they is:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Fly
The Fly is a perfect sampling of next-generation douchebaggery. Note the mutating faux-hawk, the buglike sunglasses and, of course, the tonguebaguousness.
Leering Jewel has that lusty, trampy look that makes the DB1 think impure thoughts about Nuns.
Okay fine, I've admitted it.
I have a Catholic Nun fetish. I attribute it to the lack of visual stimulii. Underneath the habit? Who knows what sexiness awaits. I'm tantalized by repressed sexuality and strict formality. It's S&M by way of cloth robes and large hats. Love it.
But anyways, back to The Fly.
Rage factor? Check. Side boob? Check. Incomprehensible shirt statement? Checkmake.
Douchebaggery, thine eyes behold.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Lei Hotties
A-lo-hot, oy. A-lo-hot, oy.
Hard to argue with this intoxicating blend of three lovely perfect tequila shots and one ginormous toolbag.
These girls are in college, despite the appearance of youngness, so leering is permitted.
Choading up clouds of dust like a white Rick James is Trucker Douche. Exposed pubes? Uberdouche. It takes a lot to impress me these days, but that look definitely does. And by impress, I mean piss off.
As to the Hott, the exposed bellies are enough to set off fits of apoplexy like a flashing Pokemon cartoon.
Toned leopard on the left has he cutest tongue since Sweet Polly Purebread.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Color Him Bagg
PIC DELETED
This is one of those pics that grew on me like an alien fungus grew on Steven King in Creepshow.
At first I wasn't sure the hottie was hot enough. But although the angle isn't fair, I think she's cute enough to qualify.
And he is beyond annoying. Douche-face + cap/mandana is a dangerous combo.
The brick background evokes basement coffee shop poetry readings in the mid 1950s. But instead of Ginsberg, Kerouac and Corso we get Humpty Douchey and his blond sidekick with the munchable arms.
Definite contender for the Weekly on the rage factor alone. And the hand with the purse adds a nice narrative to the picture. Who is the purse holder? Why is he/she there?
Only the Shadow knows.
So them's your finalists. Bagg, The Lei Hotties with Puberchoad, and The Fly. Special shout-out to the genius self-submission from Douche Royale. I couldn't bring myself to give him a nom for a Weekly since he did self submit, and that kind of kills the fun of true 'bag hunting.
What say you? Pick a winner and vote in the comments thread.
The DB1 had a lovely weekend involving sitting on my carpet, sipping Night Train from my "World's Greatest Douchebag" mug, and watching my bootleg VHS copies of "Cop Rock," the greatest show of the 1990s.
But you don't want to hear about my exciting party weekend of "Cop Rock" videos. You want the finalists. So without further adouche, here they is:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Fly
The Fly is a perfect sampling of next-generation douchebaggery. Note the mutating faux-hawk, the buglike sunglasses and, of course, the tonguebaguousness.
Leering Jewel has that lusty, trampy look that makes the DB1 think impure thoughts about Nuns.
Okay fine, I've admitted it.
I have a Catholic Nun fetish. I attribute it to the lack of visual stimulii. Underneath the habit? Who knows what sexiness awaits. I'm tantalized by repressed sexuality and strict formality. It's S&M by way of cloth robes and large hats. Love it.
But anyways, back to The Fly.
Rage factor? Check. Side boob? Check. Incomprehensible shirt statement? Checkmake.
Douchebaggery, thine eyes behold.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Lei Hotties
A-lo-hot, oy. A-lo-hot, oy.
Hard to argue with this intoxicating blend of three lovely perfect tequila shots and one ginormous toolbag.
These girls are in college, despite the appearance of youngness, so leering is permitted.
Choading up clouds of dust like a white Rick James is Trucker Douche. Exposed pubes? Uberdouche. It takes a lot to impress me these days, but that look definitely does. And by impress, I mean piss off.
As to the Hott, the exposed bellies are enough to set off fits of apoplexy like a flashing Pokemon cartoon.
Toned leopard on the left has he cutest tongue since Sweet Polly Purebread.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Color Him Bagg
PIC DELETED
This is one of those pics that grew on me like an alien fungus grew on Steven King in Creepshow.
At first I wasn't sure the hottie was hot enough. But although the angle isn't fair, I think she's cute enough to qualify.
And he is beyond annoying. Douche-face + cap/mandana is a dangerous combo.
The brick background evokes basement coffee shop poetry readings in the mid 1950s. But instead of Ginsberg, Kerouac and Corso we get Humpty Douchey and his blond sidekick with the munchable arms.
Definite contender for the Weekly on the rage factor alone. And the hand with the purse adds a nice narrative to the picture. Who is the purse holder? Why is he/she there?
Only the Shadow knows.
So them's your finalists. Bagg, The Lei Hotties with Puberchoad, and The Fly. Special shout-out to the genius self-submission from Douche Royale. I couldn't bring myself to give him a nom for a Weekly since he did self submit, and that kind of kills the fun of true 'bag hunting.
What say you? Pick a winner and vote in the comments thread.
Comments:
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I'm going to go with Color him (Evening)Bagg. I hate so much about him:
1. the nonchalant "oh, is there a camera present?" look-away.
2. the fact that his trucker cap says ROCK in rhinestones. Someone take away his Bedazzler.
3. the color scheme: hat matches mandanna matches eyes matches blue in shirt - trying too hard there, chief.
4. the fact that his face shines more than his CZ earring.
Points off for asi-asi hottie, but still, Bagg FTW IMO.
1. the nonchalant "oh, is there a camera present?" look-away.
2. the fact that his trucker cap says ROCK in rhinestones. Someone take away his Bedazzler.
3. the color scheme: hat matches mandanna matches eyes matches blue in shirt - trying too hard there, chief.
4. the fact that his face shines more than his CZ earring.
Points off for asi-asi hottie, but still, Bagg FTW IMO.
# posted by 
: 7:20 AM
: 7:20 AM
You gotta go with The FlyBag - that classically tradouchanal pic is in the dictionary under "Choad".
# posted by : 7:24 AM
: 7:24 AM
Gotta be lei hotties. The pubes that close to a near-naked Joss Stone is just too much to bear. And by bear, I mean bear.
lei hotties. It pisses me off the most. 3 hotties make me much more jealous than just one. What makes this guy think low ride shirtless around what's mine (all women).
The Lei Hotties, or more accurately their douche counterparts, get my bile a churnin'. There's my vote. The Fly is close, but it looks like the numbers game wins, this week.
Lei Hotties.
-D'Ouchetagnan the Doucheketeer
Lei Hotties.
-D'Ouchetagnan the Doucheketeer
# posted by : 7:34 AM
: 7:34 AM
Color Me Bagg gets my vote. As always, I could vote on the strength of the HC (Lei hotties) or on the strength of the Bag..and as so often happens, the Bag wins. Plus the Lei Hotties are way too airbrushed.
Tony Curtis Bag, godspeed.
Tony Curtis Bag, godspeed.
When I see Color Me Bagg I think "The Scrote is strong in this one", but he just does not make my colon clench like Jay and Silent Douche do clinging to these hotties like hagfish. Lei Hotties win for me; t'was the over the shoulder lurking bag hand that pushed them over the top.
After careful consideration, I believe that the pic that best captures the unbelievable gulf between "hot chick" and "douchebag" is obvious. In only one picture is the uber-hottness of the ladies so far at one end of the douche-hott spectrum, and the scrotish queef snuggled in between them so very far on the opposite side of that same scale. In only one picture do you too much of the wrong nipples. In only one picture does a pudgy scrote inflict his pubes on your retinas, never to be forgotten.
And this is why my vote is for Lei Hotties and the Puberchoad.
And this is why my vote is for Lei Hotties and the Puberchoad.
I must say, nothing makes me boil with rage more than some Ameridouche wearing a shirt that says "Big in Europe". It's a self admission of a small penis, because as we all know, everything from shoe sizes to cars, are smaller in Europe. Therefore, this rent-a-date is meant only to complement himself. True douchitude is a total lack of self esteem and then projecting it to the world as faux-pride.
The Flybag wins because the above describes the total lack of self-emulation emitted by the guy wearing a "Roc-a-fella" hat as if he actually were a member of that crew himself. Color-Me-Bagg knows too well and doesn't care at all that he's a douche.
The Lei Hotties, well, that kid is more disgusting than douche. I mean, he's got a huge wide swath of Okenfenobee pubes who, like plants to sunlight, are trying to make their way into those blonde rays. That doesn't make him a douchebag, just gross.
- Ryan Seadouche
The Flybag wins because the above describes the total lack of self-emulation emitted by the guy wearing a "Roc-a-fella" hat as if he actually were a member of that crew himself. Color-Me-Bagg knows too well and doesn't care at all that he's a douche.
The Lei Hotties, well, that kid is more disgusting than douche. I mean, he's got a huge wide swath of Okenfenobee pubes who, like plants to sunlight, are trying to make their way into those blonde rays. That doesn't make him a douchebag, just gross.
- Ryan Seadouche
# posted by : 8:01 AM
: 8:01 AM
Lei in a squeaker. Any other week, purse bagg would walk over but the whiteys, douche-face and center hott's piercing are decisive. That and boobies.
# posted by : 8:02 AM
: 8:02 AM
Color Him Bagg takes it for several obvious reasons: His collar, while not inherently douchey, is clearly resisting all attempts to stay un-popped: Half of it is up, yet mysteriously the other half is folded over normally. Half an hour after this picture was taken, it's a safe bet that the entire collar was up near earlobe level.
His douchebaggery is also apparent in the fact that his greaseball chain and unneccessarily-small wife-beater are begging to be exposed from under his sherbert shirt.
And, he somehow manages to focus one of his eyes on the camera in a deadly douche-stare, while the other wanders towards the men's restroom door.
Diagnosis: This man is douche
His douchebaggery is also apparent in the fact that his greaseball chain and unneccessarily-small wife-beater are begging to be exposed from under his sherbert shirt.
And, he somehow manages to focus one of his eyes on the camera in a deadly douche-stare, while the other wanders towards the men's restroom door.
Diagnosis: This man is douche
All 3 entries are driving me to rage! Each one makes me want to club them with a Louisville Slugger! But Puberchoad is really begging for it the most. After I was done making his lazy eye straight again, I'd have to smack that smile off buttmunch behind him. The hot is 3x more than the other contenders and I LOVE Hott on far left making a facial comment as to what she thinks about lazy eyed puberchoad. She's probably thinking , "If that asswipe touches me I'll puke."
So punch a chad for #2!
So punch a chad for #2!
# posted by : 8:06 AM
: 8:06 AM
Upon further inspection, I noticed a few things.....
Is the left side Lei Hottie gagging from noticing Tim Roth's pubes? Or is she reviling from the first stages Grieco infection? Is Tim Roth flashing a subtle shocker bag hand gesture, or did he suffer from a Jerry Garcia-like injury? So many questions and so little pepper spray to hit that Wal-douche with.
- boatbutter
Is the left side Lei Hottie gagging from noticing Tim Roth's pubes? Or is she reviling from the first stages Grieco infection? Is Tim Roth flashing a subtle shocker bag hand gesture, or did he suffer from a Jerry Garcia-like injury? So many questions and so little pepper spray to hit that Wal-douche with.
- boatbutter
# posted by : 8:22 AM
: 8:22 AM
Lei Hotties. That much hotness combined with that much douchebaggetry gets my vote. Pull you pants up, Dork! And the chode in the background with the gesture just makes the pic that much better. And by makes I mean it makes me want to puke. Especially when you're trying to check out the nice tanned stomachs on the hotties and you come across his pubes desperately trying to make an appearance in the pic. Damn these chicks are smokin!!
Lei hotties. Not only are the chics out of control, the brunette one's natural hair part is in the shape of a "Y". Y is for Yasmine.
The Fly. It's so unabashedly douche, like a sledgehammer hitting my chest. ColorMeDouche just doesn't have the in your face bagness and the hottie in the Fly's shot is way better (in my opinion).
Plus, you can hear him buzzing a fucking party. There's probably thousands of other fly pictures somewhere, waiting to be hunted down.
Plus, you can hear him buzzing a fucking party. There's probably thousands of other fly pictures somewhere, waiting to be hunted down.
The rhinestone hat/mandana are pretty pathetic, but not as pathetic as Big In Europe tonguebag. The Fly gets my vote.
i'm pulling for Lei Hotties just for the mear fact that his pubes are creeping out of his tighty whiteys and he's surrounded by three of the hottest high school girls that every kid would slip away and rub one out to in the bathroom during an earth science exam. so hot! that, and screech somehow made his way into this shot.
the fly somehow found his way into mary lou retton's locker and has definitely been watching too much TRL.
LEI HOTTIES!
the fly somehow found his way into mary lou retton's locker and has definitely been watching too much TRL.
LEI HOTTIES!
# posted by : 9:01 AM
: 9:01 AM
obviously, it's lei hotties in a walk. they are so incredibly smoking. just the right amount of fatty fat, and that makes mitch junior happy. then, upon closer inspection, they are lamping with what appears to be a Garbage Pail Kid. and that makes mitch senior enraged and befuddled, as the paroxysm reaches a deafening crescendo and the universe folds in upon itself.
such is the way of true hott/'baggery...
such is the way of true hott/'baggery...
Gotta go with Color Me Bagg. Despite the HC factor and the gross pube-scrote in Lei Hotties and the annoying dick factor in the Fly, the arrogant, oily douche-face and the bedazzled cap and mandanna combo make this jackass a candidate for uberdouche.
# posted by : 9:17 AM
: 9:17 AM
Ick. What a horrible round of finalists.
Kissy face makes me want to find a pair of pliers and yank, and is definitely NOT hot, so #1 and #3 are already hard to vote for. #2 would work, but the dude isn't especially douchy. Well, I guess he is if he's showing pubes.
To hell with it. #2, because of pubes and extreme hotness.
Kissy face makes me want to find a pair of pliers and yank, and is definitely NOT hot, so #1 and #3 are already hard to vote for. #2 would work, but the dude isn't especially douchy. Well, I guess he is if he's showing pubes.
To hell with it. #2, because of pubes and extreme hotness.
# posted by : 9:20 AM
: 9:20 AM
Lei Hotties, with not even a moment's hesitation. c'mon people. think about your choice. there are 3 HC's in this picture and mr. pube and his retarded friend are obviously douches. 3 HC's. i repeat.....3 HC's.
my vote's in. back to work.
my vote's in. back to work.
# posted by : 9:22 AM
: 9:22 AM
I has to be the Fly, all the way. While the Lei Hotties picture induces the most rage, The Fly stays truest (is that a word?) to the Douche modus vivendi. The bug glasses, ridiculous "I'm a Eurobag in training T-shirt", 'bag headbutt, and douche tongue, the Fly demonstrates his unflinching commitment to douchosity. You better believe that if her hand wasn't around his neck, that collar would be popped. He also gets bonus points for trying to bring back a style that Bono - even in all his self-absorbed metrocity - abandoned like what, ten years ago?
# posted by : 9:26 AM
: 9:26 AM
Since I never pick the wiener this douche can't win.
Color Me Bagg is your wiener this week.
He bedazzled his hat people.
-X
Color Me Bagg is your wiener this week.
He bedazzled his hat people.
-X
This set of nominees is fiendishly crafted, as a whole drawing from across the spectrum of stock doucheitude, yet individually each having a certain je nais se quoi... well, wait a second, I do know quoi, is douchebagitude, but anyway... each having a certain je nais se quoi that distinguishes them in their respective class and by distinguish I mean something really funny having to do with scrotiness and choadiffery.
The rest of my commentary will be sprinkled with Français, because to ensure I was spelling "je nais se quoi" correctly I came across a webpage that has a bunch of french phrases that I will copy and paste in to this billet-douche. This, however, should not be construed as guaranteeing that I actually understand what I'm saying, nor does it cement that I will spell the rest of the stuff correctly. But I will strive such that each mot will be juste, for as a bagslayer this is our raison d'être.
Let us examine The Fly. He buys into the obssession, the idée fixe, if you will, that the extended tongue is dernier cri in a photograph. Well, guess what: jamais --nevair-- mon douche.
He is a grande douchebag, a dweller in the demimonde of doucherie. His coif, an abomination I will give the nom "shaghawk", his moongoggles undoubtedly a succès d'estime among his choadleagues. There's a soupçon of Elvis in his stupid sideburns. Meanwhile, the coquette, the gamine, she is tres hottt.
But is this tableau vivant the force majeure in this week's competition? Again, jamais, mon ami. For there is crème caramel a' plenty in the tableau vivant that is #2.
Despite the fact they appear en suite, one is immediately moved to establish a cordon sanitaire between the enfant terrible that is King Pubey the XVI and les desmoiselles d'Hawaii. Even a hint of 'bag bush is de trop, and this moves me to mal de mer. Maybe choadpuber is thinking it's de rigueur, but if anything it's a bit of nouveau douche that the world can do without. I'm thinking he may be, how you say, the ree-tard, but comme il fau, he is featured herein appropriately. AS for the hotties, I would glady establish a peau de soie in any of their décolletages.
For the finale, "Color him Bagg". Indeed, this piece of douche haute couture is building a line of prêt-à-porter scrotewear that reflects the douche savoir-vivre beaucoup. His hotchick has peau de soie, true enough, but is not in the same genre as the crème brûlée hotties.
So, let us lend a coup de grâce to #1 and #3, for, as is tres apropos, the douchebag par excellence of this week is number deux.
--Vinny Scumbaglia
The rest of my commentary will be sprinkled with Français, because to ensure I was spelling "je nais se quoi" correctly I came across a webpage that has a bunch of french phrases that I will copy and paste in to this billet-douche. This, however, should not be construed as guaranteeing that I actually understand what I'm saying, nor does it cement that I will spell the rest of the stuff correctly. But I will strive such that each mot will be juste, for as a bagslayer this is our raison d'être.
Let us examine The Fly. He buys into the obssession, the idée fixe, if you will, that the extended tongue is dernier cri in a photograph. Well, guess what: jamais --nevair-- mon douche.
He is a grande douchebag, a dweller in the demimonde of doucherie. His coif, an abomination I will give the nom "shaghawk", his moongoggles undoubtedly a succès d'estime among his choadleagues. There's a soupçon of Elvis in his stupid sideburns. Meanwhile, the coquette, the gamine, she is tres hottt.
But is this tableau vivant the force majeure in this week's competition? Again, jamais, mon ami. For there is crème caramel a' plenty in the tableau vivant that is #2.
Despite the fact they appear en suite, one is immediately moved to establish a cordon sanitaire between the enfant terrible that is King Pubey the XVI and les desmoiselles d'Hawaii. Even a hint of 'bag bush is de trop, and this moves me to mal de mer. Maybe choadpuber is thinking it's de rigueur, but if anything it's a bit of nouveau douche that the world can do without. I'm thinking he may be, how you say, the ree-tard, but comme il fau, he is featured herein appropriately. AS for the hotties, I would glady establish a peau de soie in any of their décolletages.
For the finale, "Color him Bagg". Indeed, this piece of douche haute couture is building a line of prêt-à-porter scrotewear that reflects the douche savoir-vivre beaucoup. His hotchick has peau de soie, true enough, but is not in the same genre as the crème brûlée hotties.
So, let us lend a coup de grâce to #1 and #3, for, as is tres apropos, the douchebag par excellence of this week is number deux.
--Vinny Scumbaglia
# posted by : 9:32 AM
: 9:32 AM
This is the toughest weekly I've cast a vote in. The reason: we have three entirely different types of swabs. The fly is the biggest attempted douche. The carefully sculpted faux-hawk, douche-strong bracelet he doesn't really support, fly tongue, and shirt color-coordination show he spent and unusually metro amount of time picking his "outfit." We have a disproportionate 'bag/hottie factor to say the least.
Color-me is inherently the most douchetastic. The always-dirty looking Douchek Jeter face, plaid/mandana/hat combo that fail miserably at matching, not to mention the word "rockstar." Where he fails is in the hotty ratio. She is a cute, senseless blonde lacking in hott factor.
Which leads us to our winner, "Puber-choad." You really piss me off. You've never worked out a day in your life, yet proudly display your waxed chest, "stylish" white underwear, exposed pubes, and try the tough guy look. You are as tough as a middle-aged bar-fly being hit on by an 18 year-old coed. The hottie/douche factor here is ridiculous. 1,200 virgins in a parallel universe were sacrificed to counter the atrocity done by this combo of 'bag-gesturing gooberdouches molesting my future roommates. I may have to start using a 3-t'd hottt for these vixens.
The vote: Puber-douche, whom I christen Lobster-pube, by a landslide.
Color-me is inherently the most douchetastic. The always-dirty looking Douchek Jeter face, plaid/mandana/hat combo that fail miserably at matching, not to mention the word "rockstar." Where he fails is in the hotty ratio. She is a cute, senseless blonde lacking in hott factor.
Which leads us to our winner, "Puber-choad." You really piss me off. You've never worked out a day in your life, yet proudly display your waxed chest, "stylish" white underwear, exposed pubes, and try the tough guy look. You are as tough as a middle-aged bar-fly being hit on by an 18 year-old coed. The hottie/douche factor here is ridiculous. 1,200 virgins in a parallel universe were sacrificed to counter the atrocity done by this combo of 'bag-gesturing gooberdouches molesting my future roommates. I may have to start using a 3-t'd hottt for these vixens.
The vote: Puber-douche, whom I christen Lobster-pube, by a landslide.
# posted by : 9:34 AM
: 9:34 AM
Long time reader. First time voter. It's been a long time since something moved me so greatly that I felt compelled to take keyboard in hand and air my grievances to the internets.
But my God THAT HAT. Rhinestone-rocking, lip-pursing, bulbous-nosed, faux-distracted-look-giving choad gets my scrote. I mean, vote. The fact that such an item can be worn unironically, or even exists...sweet Jesus. THAT HAT must be acquired and thrown into the depths of Mordor. As it is written: One douche to rule them all, one choad to bind them, one scrote to bring them all and on the dancefloor grind them.
Lei guy looks simply more drunk than douchey, but that's just my opinion.
But my God THAT HAT. Rhinestone-rocking, lip-pursing, bulbous-nosed, faux-distracted-look-giving choad gets my scrote. I mean, vote. The fact that such an item can be worn unironically, or even exists...sweet Jesus. THAT HAT must be acquired and thrown into the depths of Mordor. As it is written: One douche to rule them all, one choad to bind them, one scrote to bring them all and on the dancefloor grind them.
Lei guy looks simply more drunk than douchey, but that's just my opinion.
# posted by : 9:37 AM
: 9:37 AM
color me bagg, because i'm voting for that huge pile o' douche. who the fuck gets their hat bedazzled?!? the girl may not be as hot as most on this site, but the scrote sure makes up for it.
# posted by : 9:53 AM
: 9:53 AM
@pocket douches, great first post and welcome. The LOTR references almost made me blow diet coke through my nose.
ok lei hotties are by far the hottest chicks, color him bag is by far the douchiest. The fly is a nice middle ground.
as much as i love scantily clad hotties, i gotta vote fo ch bag. the matching grey 'rockstar' rhinestone cap combined with the freddy kruger face and the mandanna just wins it all for me, despite the sketchy hc.
as much as i love scantily clad hotties, i gotta vote fo ch bag. the matching grey 'rockstar' rhinestone cap combined with the freddy kruger face and the mandanna just wins it all for me, despite the sketchy hc.
# posted by : 10:26 AM
: 10:26 AM
The pubes are really so infuriating theres really not much left to say.
Lei hott in a walk.
Lei hott in a walk.
# posted by : 10:30 AM
: 10:30 AM
My penis has informed me that if I don't vote for Lei Hotties he will go on a spank strike, and I CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN!
I couldn't decide between Lei Douch and Color Me Bagg. What gives the edge- the pubes, or the mandana/bedazzled hat combo? I have decided to use my point of view as a female. Which one of these guys would I run furthest from if they approached me in a bar-- its gotta be Color Me Badd. After I spit my drink out lauging at him.
# posted by : 11:17 AM
: 11:17 AM
Normally I'm all for pushing the frontears of Bagdom. I want original choads because I am easily bored.
Bagg is, however, a Douche of the old school, but a fine one. He has a trucker cap with "ROCK" written in sequins upon it, like jewels adorning a crown. Who knows what scraggy, wretched kingdom he would rule? I for one would not like to visit it.
The only other competition comes from Lei hotties, who are more than a little stunning, and the rage foctor caused by their association with with someone who can't even pull up his trousers.
Also his coady friend in the back pulling hand gestures and grinning like a fool.
Yeah, screw Bagg, The lei Hotties have my vote.
-The Arch Douche
Bagg is, however, a Douche of the old school, but a fine one. He has a trucker cap with "ROCK" written in sequins upon it, like jewels adorning a crown. Who knows what scraggy, wretched kingdom he would rule? I for one would not like to visit it.
The only other competition comes from Lei hotties, who are more than a little stunning, and the rage foctor caused by their association with with someone who can't even pull up his trousers.
Also his coady friend in the back pulling hand gestures and grinning like a fool.
Yeah, screw Bagg, The lei Hotties have my vote.
-The Arch Douche
# posted by : 11:31 AM
: 11:31 AM
1. Color him bag is the biggst douche, but his HC is more like a DC or Dodgy Chick.
2. Lei girls are hott. But the bag's biggest fault is being so drunk that he forgot to pull up his pants and his pubes are showing. Plus i doubt he got lei'd, pardon the overplayed/obvious pun.
3. Fly bag is total scrote. But his HC would be labeled "Medium" if she were a salsa.
My Vote: Fl--ah fuck it... boobies.
The Lei Hotties
2. Lei girls are hott. But the bag's biggest fault is being so drunk that he forgot to pull up his pants and his pubes are showing. Plus i doubt he got lei'd, pardon the overplayed/obvious pun.
3. Fly bag is total scrote. But his HC would be labeled "Medium" if she were a salsa.
My Vote: Fl--ah fuck it... boobies.
The Lei Hotties
Lei Hotties, no doubt. Seeing this pudgy bastard's pubes so close to the three of them made me throw up in my mouth a little.
# posted by : 12:20 PM
: 12:20 PM
Lei Hotties. As others have said, it's the one that pisses me off the most. Between their soft-lens (airbrush?) sweetness that stirs fires in my loins, contrasted with the slackjawed yokel with his gumpy expression and the peek of pubes (why in the blue hell?!?)....I just want to reach through the photo, strangle him, and then have my way with all three Hott. And by have my way I mean sex them up.
Lei Hotties
6 young succulent boobies plus 1 lazy eye divided by bag pubes = RAGE
A bedazelled, tilted, and matching trucker hat is uberdouche, but who is the chick with the silver bag that got cropped out of picture? Too many questions.
Bdub
6 young succulent boobies plus 1 lazy eye divided by bag pubes = RAGE
A bedazelled, tilted, and matching trucker hat is uberdouche, but who is the chick with the silver bag that got cropped out of picture? Too many questions.
Bdub
# posted by : 1:20 PM
: 1:20 PM
In memory of Don Ho, for the Three Hos in this picture:
Tiny boobies
Please be mine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine
Tiny boobies
I will spooge all over
With a feeling that I'm gonna
Bang you till the end of time
So here's to Pube Buffoon
And here's why he angers me:
Looks like he ate too much toast,
We all agree.
So here's to the hate-filled lay
I'll give to you today,
And here's a kiss
That will not fade away,
Tiny boobies...
Seriously, this guy has a physique I haven't seen since the amorphous blob that ate those kids who swam too far off the dock in Creepshow 2. And by pure hotness factor, any of the 3 lei hotties blow away the other female contestants. Add them together and it's an unstoppable juggernaut of "cumoniwannabangya."
Tiny boobies
Please be mine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine
Tiny boobies
I will spooge all over
With a feeling that I'm gonna
Bang you till the end of time
So here's to Pube Buffoon
And here's why he angers me:
Looks like he ate too much toast,
We all agree.
So here's to the hate-filled lay
I'll give to you today,
And here's a kiss
That will not fade away,
Tiny boobies...
Seriously, this guy has a physique I haven't seen since the amorphous blob that ate those kids who swam too far off the dock in Creepshow 2. And by pure hotness factor, any of the 3 lei hotties blow away the other female contestants. Add them together and it's an unstoppable juggernaut of "cumoniwannabangya."
Cannot vote lei hotties b/c the overwhelming heat doesn't compensate for the merely whelming choad. Plus, the weird coloration of the pic reminds me of the "3D" baseball cards Kellogs used to make, and that's just unnerving.
So I vote Color Me. As Daniel noted above, he does have a latter day Tony Curtis qua scrote thing going. To paraphrase Sweet Smell of Success, cat's in the douchebag and the douchebag's in the river.
So I vote Color Me. As Daniel noted above, he does have a latter day Tony Curtis qua scrote thing going. To paraphrase Sweet Smell of Success, cat's in the douchebag and the douchebag's in the river.
# posted by : 1:29 PM
: 1:29 PM
I'm going with #1, The Fly, he just screams "Look at me I'm an asshole!"
Don Juan de la Douche
Don Juan de la Douche
# posted by : 1:36 PM
: 1:36 PM
Cripes. I'm having a hard time picking between pics #1 and #2. And by hard, I mean like my nether-regions after staring at navelicious pic #2 for too long. #1 out-douches #2 whereas #2 way out-hotts #1. That did it, gotta cast for Lei Hotties. Would three perfect navels and a pubey douche steer me wrong? I think not.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
Amerigo Vesdouchey
# posted by : 1:43 PM
: 1:43 PM
Heeelp meeee! HEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEE.......find Geena Davis a shotgun.
The Fly, hands down.
The Fly, hands down.
# posted by : 1:53 PM
: 1:53 PM
Initially, it was Puberchoad, but he and his hottie brigade seem too young to know the douchery of their ways. So I'm going to reserve judgment for a few years.
Therefore, it's Bagg all the way. The moment of truth occurred when I realized that the purseholder was another chick who made up the final third of the Bagg sandwich. Here's to hoping she's hotter than the girl shown.
Therefore, it's Bagg all the way. The moment of truth occurred when I realized that the purseholder was another chick who made up the final third of the Bagg sandwich. Here's to hoping she's hotter than the girl shown.
# posted by : 2:08 PM
: 2:08 PM
I can not believe the Lei Hotties and Pubebag aren't air brushed, yet the airbrusher totally missed the pubes, so they must really be that smooth. I hate them all too much for them to earn my vote.
No vote either for Color Him Bagg, his douchanimals wardrobe is too easy, and I think he's got a real cool lazy eye.
Thumbs up to The Fly!! He is so cool with that eurotrash running jacket and indoor sunglasses. I see just a hint of greasy foreheadpenis, and that fauxhawk is to die for! His tongue rays alone have gotten this hottie to at least a stage 2 bleeth...TAKE OFF HIS PUKA SHELLS GIRL and shove those douchey fishlips right back in your ginormous handbag so you can return to the important task of drinking.
No vote either for Color Him Bagg, his douchanimals wardrobe is too easy, and I think he's got a real cool lazy eye.
Thumbs up to The Fly!! He is so cool with that eurotrash running jacket and indoor sunglasses. I see just a hint of greasy foreheadpenis, and that fauxhawk is to die for! His tongue rays alone have gotten this hottie to at least a stage 2 bleeth...TAKE OFF HIS PUKA SHELLS GIRL and shove those douchey fishlips right back in your ginormous handbag so you can return to the important task of drinking.
I'm troubled by this week's selections. Color me bagg's hat amuses me, but nothing about him enrages--as douchey as he is, he looks a bit forlorn, like he's slowly coming to realize that he's doubled down on douchiness, without getting any HC action to compensate.
Each of the Lei Hotties alone totally outhots the other chicks, which moves them into pole position.
The Fly leaves me speechless, and by "leaves" I mean "makes," and by "speechless" I mean "want to flatten his shaghawk with a cast iron frying pan," but his chick, although lusty, can't close the gap with the lei hotties.
Obv: by "close" I mean: "overcome my desire to fill" and by "the gap with," I mean, "the gaps of"
--The Hardest Douching Man In Scrotebusiness
PS: I weep that the four chicks from "Where's Lei Hottie" and their bald douche with Gorbachev dick birthmark didn't make the competition.
Each of the Lei Hotties alone totally outhots the other chicks, which moves them into pole position.
The Fly leaves me speechless, and by "leaves" I mean "makes," and by "speechless" I mean "want to flatten his shaghawk with a cast iron frying pan," but his chick, although lusty, can't close the gap with the lei hotties.
Obv: by "close" I mean: "overcome my desire to fill" and by "the gap with," I mean, "the gaps of"
--The Hardest Douching Man In Scrotebusiness
PS: I weep that the four chicks from "Where's Lei Hottie" and their bald douche with Gorbachev dick birthmark didn't make the competition.
# posted by : 2:50 PM
: 2:50 PM
Gotta go with The Fly. I just keep seeing these wings grow out his back, an extra set of arms and antennas sprout forth, then he nabs the woman and flies into the darkness, cackling away. Only to be smashed by a giant fly swatter.
Color him bag because he spent the most time on his douchefit. Crobagnon should be fired for letting this prick in.
If we consider that the name of the game is "Hot Chicks with Douche Bags", (and it is) then there is no possibility of topping the incredible Lei Hotties and they are in FTW.
However, some commentary could usefully be directed at the following questions, which have given me night sweats:
1. If gorgous blondie on the left were to encounter the Fly, would he do a Creeper on her and suck her soul out through her tongue? Or would her obvious sense of ironic disgust with DBs explosively short circuit the contact and fling him across the room into the nearest Raid strip?
2. Is the Lei Hotties photo more disturbing than the Bagsgiver HOS photo because there are three Lei Hotties in danger? Or does BG win because his two endangered HCs are completely bag-merized, and odds are the Lei Hotties were in their dressing room for de-douching before the light from the camera flash had faded?
However, some commentary could usefully be directed at the following questions, which have given me night sweats:
1. If gorgous blondie on the left were to encounter the Fly, would he do a Creeper on her and suck her soul out through her tongue? Or would her obvious sense of ironic disgust with DBs explosively short circuit the contact and fling him across the room into the nearest Raid strip?
2. Is the Lei Hotties photo more disturbing than the Bagsgiver HOS photo because there are three Lei Hotties in danger? Or does BG win because his two endangered HCs are completely bag-merized, and odds are the Lei Hotties were in their dressing room for de-douching before the light from the camera flash had faded?
# posted by : 4:47 PM
: 4:47 PM
What a collection of oddballs, I mean douchebags. I hate all three of these guys.
The Fly is your typical cheesey douchebag that shows up at the club in athletic apparel. Otherwise he has a lot of the characteristics common amoung these dirtbags: Sunglasses, facial pubes, tongue out, faux hawk and very hot chick.
Puberchoad, the lucky lad scored an invite to the Alpha Xi Delta Hawaiian Night. From his eyes, I thought he was retarded and was going to cut the kid slack. But than I saw IT! It looks like this kid is sporting Wood.
Color Him Bagg - The matching mandana/hat combination is nothing new. But the fucking Rhinestones. Something tells me there were a few people at the club that night who left early after wetting their pants from laughing at this douchebag.
This is a hard decision. CHB's chick is not that good looking. Puberchoad pulls a trifecta and I love the girl in the middle. The Fly is not interesting enough.
I have to go with PubeChoad.
The Fly is your typical cheesey douchebag that shows up at the club in athletic apparel. Otherwise he has a lot of the characteristics common amoung these dirtbags: Sunglasses, facial pubes, tongue out, faux hawk and very hot chick.
Puberchoad, the lucky lad scored an invite to the Alpha Xi Delta Hawaiian Night. From his eyes, I thought he was retarded and was going to cut the kid slack. But than I saw IT! It looks like this kid is sporting Wood.
Color Him Bagg - The matching mandana/hat combination is nothing new. But the fucking Rhinestones. Something tells me there were a few people at the club that night who left early after wetting their pants from laughing at this douchebag.
This is a hard decision. CHB's chick is not that good looking. Puberchoad pulls a trifecta and I love the girl in the middle. The Fly is not interesting enough.
I have to go with PubeChoad.
Lei Hotties are definitely the best, but I can't get past the amazing amount of airbrushing that appears to have taken place. And yes, having your pubes poke up is gross, but if his pants accidentally sagged down, that's not douchey. That's unfortunate. His boner could have pulled them out and away from his body too.
Without explaining any further, I'm just going to have to say....oh god....either Fly or Bagg....both did that on PURPOSE to themselves...shit! Um.....ok. Bedazzled hat with mandana gets it.
Color Him Bagg is the Winner/Loser for me......
I challenge the authenticity of Lei Hotties....
Without explaining any further, I'm just going to have to say....oh god....either Fly or Bagg....both did that on PURPOSE to themselves...shit! Um.....ok. Bedazzled hat with mandana gets it.
Color Him Bagg is the Winner/Loser for me......
I challenge the authenticity of Lei Hotties....
Lei hotties. but this is douchebag vote as much as it is a hottie vote. my rationale? i'm not sure. just... um... hottie.
I vote Color Him Bagg for entry into the monthly where he will get pulverized in the Monthly by the Future HOS, unstoppable douchtrosity known as The Trainwreck. Although the Trump vodka with bedazzled hat screams of a trip to the monthly though for Colorbag.
The Bleehologist
The Bleehologist
# posted by : 10:24 PM
: 10:24 PM
Color Me Bagg, he's the only douche to use a bedazzler. That alone gives him the win.
# posted by : 11:07 PM
: 11:07 PM
been away from the site for awhile, and would've thought that DB1's good efforts would've chased all the 'bags out there into hiding. But, they apparently have hands too sticky with gel and axe residue to surf over to the hcwdb.com and realize that their days are numbered.
on to the important stuff -- it flies in the face of all that is the code of bag to give a vote to PuberChoad, for all this trainee 'bag has done is take off his clothes, and push his shorts down -- where is the gel, the orange self-tanning lotion, even a lame hand gesture? Pubes, you are a mockery to the pantheon of scrote gods that walk amidst us -- Oompa, Douche Lee and Glinty, just to name a few. Granted, Puber's choadacity is formidable in view of how little he brings to the table.
My vote must needs go to the Bagg, however, for he has spent time with the Holy Vedas of Scrote and shopped for the perfect number of 49 days (Old No. 7 x Jersey #7) in order to color coordinate his garanimal club outfit. And yes, his hottie is right -- I would gladly massage mango puree into her cheekbones, drizzle guava nectar down her neck, and give her a chance to view my hairy potter.
Mickey O'Douche
on to the important stuff -- it flies in the face of all that is the code of bag to give a vote to PuberChoad, for all this trainee 'bag has done is take off his clothes, and push his shorts down -- where is the gel, the orange self-tanning lotion, even a lame hand gesture? Pubes, you are a mockery to the pantheon of scrote gods that walk amidst us -- Oompa, Douche Lee and Glinty, just to name a few. Granted, Puber's choadacity is formidable in view of how little he brings to the table.
My vote must needs go to the Bagg, however, for he has spent time with the Holy Vedas of Scrote and shopped for the perfect number of 49 days (Old No. 7 x Jersey #7) in order to color coordinate his garanimal club outfit. And yes, his hottie is right -- I would gladly massage mango puree into her cheekbones, drizzle guava nectar down her neck, and give her a chance to view my hairy potter.
Mickey O'Douche
# posted by : 12:01 AM
: 12:01 AM
The Fly: Lamehawk and those ridiculous shades at night do not a superior douchebag make. After the brain damage that The Creeper caused, his tongue flashing just makes me think "pffff".
Lazy Eye & The Lei Hotties: The puke factor is high on this one for obvious reasons, but I think I have this kid figured out. He knows he has a fucked up head. Maybe he got into an accident or something. He has trouble getting laid by real Hott so he thinks that showing his pubes is his way in. WRONG. There's no way he actually poked any of these babes. Yes, he's disgusting, and yes, he needs a solid beating. The combination of his pubes and the young hottie trio would normally make this a winner to me, but I rather pity the 'bag. Of course, that only leaves...
Color Him Bagg: The grease. The smug. The mandana. The earring. The hat. We can't see the other side, but rest assured that those sparkly letters spell "ROCKSTAR". On top of that, it looks like it's spattered with jizz. Would some female reader please explain to us why women find this stupid poser shit attractive?
Color Him The Weekly Winner
In answer to your question last Thursday, DB1, I'm starting to believe that the Hott really are dumbasses.
Lazy Eye & The Lei Hotties: The puke factor is high on this one for obvious reasons, but I think I have this kid figured out. He knows he has a fucked up head. Maybe he got into an accident or something. He has trouble getting laid by real Hott so he thinks that showing his pubes is his way in. WRONG. There's no way he actually poked any of these babes. Yes, he's disgusting, and yes, he needs a solid beating. The combination of his pubes and the young hottie trio would normally make this a winner to me, but I rather pity the 'bag. Of course, that only leaves...
Color Him Bagg: The grease. The smug. The mandana. The earring. The hat. We can't see the other side, but rest assured that those sparkly letters spell "ROCKSTAR". On top of that, it looks like it's spattered with jizz. Would some female reader please explain to us why women find this stupid poser shit attractive?
Color Him The Weekly Winner
In answer to your question last Thursday, DB1, I'm starting to believe that the Hott really are dumbasses.
I only have time to say this:
Lei hottie is airbrushed crap to me. More like Lame hottie.
If only Color Him Bagg's hottie was hotter, then they would get my vote. Unfortunately it has to go to The Fly because it combines both the hottness factor and the total retarded asswipe factor.....wait....is his hat BEDAZZLED? Fuck it, I'm voting for Color Him Bagg... more like Cockstar.
Lei hottie is airbrushed crap to me. More like Lame hottie.
If only Color Him Bagg's hottie was hotter, then they would get my vote. Unfortunately it has to go to The Fly because it combines both the hottness factor and the total retarded asswipe factor.....wait....is his hat BEDAZZLED? Fuck it, I'm voting for Color Him Bagg... more like Cockstar.
Color Me Bagg.
...and the girl he's with IS hot. This douche looks just like a douche I went to high school with. Extra points for matching everything in that ugly grey color to go with his fake tan.
...and the girl he's with IS hot. This douche looks just like a douche I went to high school with. Extra points for matching everything in that ugly grey color to go with his fake tan.
# posted by : 7:00 AM
: 7:00 AM
Fly - classic. Brings nothing new to the table but does it well. His faux hawk is looking a bit droopy - his douche apex has come and gone. He is on the downward and douchward slide...
Lei - doesn't curdle my blood as much as it does the rest of you I see. I feel sorry for him. He looks like he belongs in a zoo. Hawaiian Tropic models x3 are unreal. The sack squeezer here for me is Where's Waldouch in the background. He's diplaying shit-eating grin, Bag hand gesture #152 (aka Devil Horms, "Whoa dude! Douch on!!") and the omnipresent "red cup" (yes I see it's orange but you get the point). This guy puts the lei in "lei right here while I roundhouse kick you in the penis".
Color Him Bagg - Isn't this what it's all about? A-t-t-i-t-u-d-e. Sure the basic elements are there - hatdana, CZ on the earlobe, grease, matching gear from shitty mall store - but the kicker is the rediculous look off into douche space. No one exists but him. We can get into a philosophical debate over his hottie but let me pose this - If Bagg was placed in with the Hawaiian Tropic killers or on Boatwreck's slut yaucht, do you think he would care he is surrounded by heaven that he doesn't deserve? The answer is no. No one exists but Bagg. He is the batboy on the 1923 Yanks but he thinks he is Babe Douche. This is what grabs my left testicle with a rusty pair of pliers and this is what earned him my vote in this week's competition.
Lei - doesn't curdle my blood as much as it does the rest of you I see. I feel sorry for him. He looks like he belongs in a zoo. Hawaiian Tropic models x3 are unreal. The sack squeezer here for me is Where's Waldouch in the background. He's diplaying shit-eating grin, Bag hand gesture #152 (aka Devil Horms, "Whoa dude! Douch on!!") and the omnipresent "red cup" (yes I see it's orange but you get the point). This guy puts the lei in "lei right here while I roundhouse kick you in the penis".
Color Him Bagg - Isn't this what it's all about? A-t-t-i-t-u-d-e. Sure the basic elements are there - hatdana, CZ on the earlobe, grease, matching gear from shitty mall store - but the kicker is the rediculous look off into douche space. No one exists but him. We can get into a philosophical debate over his hottie but let me pose this - If Bagg was placed in with the Hawaiian Tropic killers or on Boatwreck's slut yaucht, do you think he would care he is surrounded by heaven that he doesn't deserve? The answer is no. No one exists but Bagg. He is the batboy on the 1923 Yanks but he thinks he is Babe Douche. This is what grabs my left testicle with a rusty pair of pliers and this is what earned him my vote in this week's competition.
# posted by : 8:04 AM
: 8:04 AM
Cockstar. Good call. I'd like to extend my question again to the ladylurkers here. If you have an answer, please speak up.
Bonus points for spelling.
Bonus points for spelling.
I vote Lei Hotties. The contrast between douchiness and hott is most marked in this one. In fact, there's an element of the dramatically ironic here, with the Pubedouche blissfully unaware of the humor inherent in the situation. Left Lei Hottie is certainly registering her recognition of the douchiness with her wonderful tongue expression. Maybe this photo doesn't get to the essence of what this site is about, i.e. hotties willing for some reason to be with the 'bags (this seems to me like a vacation photo in HI where the girls are probably waitresses at a resort or something), but I love it just the same.
# posted by : 11:46 AM
: 11:46 AM
Lonestar, I am by no means one of the "ladylurkers". However, I'm going to venture a guess (not an answer because I obviously don't know) that they do not find most of these guys attractive. Otherwise, they might not be on this site assaulting them with words like "Cockstar" and "instadouche".
# posted by : 12:06 PM
: 12:06 PM
I've got to vote for finalist #2. I'm not sure if the dipshit with the plaid shorts and curlies or the smiling jackass behind him is the bigger douche, but those are some hot chicks. As is said around here, I'd eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from, and that applies to all three of these little hotties.
# posted by : 1:53 PM
: 1:53 PM
Lei hotties by far. I mean, the guy is shirtless, but has no definition in his body. Thinking you are all that when you look like a 2x4 screams douchebag.
Plus the loser in the back puts this one over the top.
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Plus the loser in the back puts this one over the top.
# posted by : 2:23 PM
: 2:23 PM << Home
