Monday, July 30, 2007
HCwDB of the Month
Yes kids, it's that time of month. Since the genius of Peaches has already made the Hall of Scrote, Peaches need not lend his sloping caveman brow, his fixed stare, and his Zen Douche powers of unbroken point concentration to the Monthly's festivities.
Instead we have four worthy servings of corn meal douche and the hotties that roll them on wax paper and bake for twenty minutes at 350 degrees. Four frozen digital images of a culture gone horribly wrong, a wasteland of confusion, hair gel, and most importantly, tatas I'd motorboat like a sumabitch.
Yes, it's early on a Monday morning, and the DB1 hasn't had his coffee to kill last night's hangover. So without further ado, I give you your four Monthly finalists:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Meet Joe Douche
What more can be said about Z-list celebrities attempting to score youthful balls of cotton hott while busting gel induced side-overs with their receding hairlines? A lot, actually. I could make fun of Joe Douche until the cows actually did come home. And by cows I mean hotties.
The genius of the orangutan head, the sideways hand gesture and the douche-face all contribute to the DB1's deep depression that can only be treated with extensive doses of cheap alcohol.
The hotties have that stern taskmaster quality that always makes my toes tingle with glorious anticipation. Like they're about to slap my outer thigh with a ruler and tell me God hates me for fondling myself. What can I say? I dig on dominatrix chickas. Don't count out Joe Douche as a Monthly winner. He's got the glow, got the glow, got the glow. He's the last Douche-Dragon.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: King Douchuous IV
All hail the King of Scrotuousness. And by hail, I mean mock mercilessly, then drool over the pushed together Bed, Bath and Beyond skin pillows directly to Douchuous the IV's left.
I would take my time loving each and every one of these gorgeous blond party girls in deep, nihilistic and existential ways. Just like Alvy Singer, while the Ph.Ds in the other room discussed modes of alienation, I would be in here, quietly humping.
After I stripped King Douchuousness of his power and exiled him to the island of St. Helena, that is.
What a silly douched out uberscroad King Douchuous is. It's not that I'm ragingly jealous of the king. I just want to sew up the rip in his jeans with poison ivy, then honk polka-dot's bumper like a clown horn.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Trainwreck and Snuggles
The odds-on favorite in this week's contest, The Trainwreck not only introduced us to the new douche-position of The Doggie 'Bag, but offered us a surreal cacaphony of imagery that rivals and echoes Salvador Dali's famous self portrait photograph.
Toss in Snuggles, the Fabric Softened Hot Chick, and this is one hell of an overwhelming HCwDB pic. Probably borderline Hall of Scrote in its own right. And by right I mean wrong. And by wrong I mean douchey.
Which just confirms the high quality of submitted pics over the past month. Which reconfirms that I need to stop sitting around on my floor and drooling over pink perfect derrières in pixelated frozen form and at least hit the gym once in awhile. Stupid gut.
Stupid Trainwreck. Nice douche bandana. Nice douche wristdana. Nice douche-face. Nice douche everything.
You piss me off in new and profound ways, Trainwreck. And that's impressive indeed.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Lei Hotties and the Puberchoad
What can be said about three sexy extremely feminine cuties in grass skirts? Not much. What can be said tossing in a younger brother dropping trou to douche up the pic with his scrotey charms? A lot more.
Add in his grinny best friend Potzie clutching his beer but still able to slip in the rare 'bag hand gesture #301 (the pinky finger drop), and all the elements come together for award winning cleavitey/doucheyness.
Also, blonde on the left wants me. I know I say that about a lot of cuties, but this time I can tell. It's not all a deluded and extensive fantasy narrative I've constructed out of one glance. A glance that wasn't even at me, but at a camera, which I've now projected my notion of the self into as a form of Lacanian mirror stage echo via the simulacrum. She still wants me.
I can tell. She knows she wants me.
Okay, lest my fantasies get any more absurd, I'm turning the floor over to you, the reader. Which one of these four Weekly winners combines the most toxic combination of innocent young boobaliscious flowers and greased up mackchoad halibuts?
Rage, rage against the douching of the blight.
Let your sloping brow lose all expression as you reach out and point at one of these pics to win the Monthly. Don't just do it for yourself. Do it for Peaches. Do it for Fish Slap. Do it for all previous winners who need a worthy winner to join them in the hallowed circle of Monthly winners.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Instead we have four worthy servings of corn meal douche and the hotties that roll them on wax paper and bake for twenty minutes at 350 degrees. Four frozen digital images of a culture gone horribly wrong, a wasteland of confusion, hair gel, and most importantly, tatas I'd motorboat like a sumabitch.
Yes, it's early on a Monday morning, and the DB1 hasn't had his coffee to kill last night's hangover. So without further ado, I give you your four Monthly finalists:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Meet Joe Douche
What more can be said about Z-list celebrities attempting to score youthful balls of cotton hott while busting gel induced side-overs with their receding hairlines? A lot, actually. I could make fun of Joe Douche until the cows actually did come home. And by cows I mean hotties.
The genius of the orangutan head, the sideways hand gesture and the douche-face all contribute to the DB1's deep depression that can only be treated with extensive doses of cheap alcohol.
The hotties have that stern taskmaster quality that always makes my toes tingle with glorious anticipation. Like they're about to slap my outer thigh with a ruler and tell me God hates me for fondling myself. What can I say? I dig on dominatrix chickas. Don't count out Joe Douche as a Monthly winner. He's got the glow, got the glow, got the glow. He's the last Douche-Dragon.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: King Douchuous IV
All hail the King of Scrotuousness. And by hail, I mean mock mercilessly, then drool over the pushed together Bed, Bath and Beyond skin pillows directly to Douchuous the IV's left.I would take my time loving each and every one of these gorgeous blond party girls in deep, nihilistic and existential ways. Just like Alvy Singer, while the Ph.Ds in the other room discussed modes of alienation, I would be in here, quietly humping.
After I stripped King Douchuousness of his power and exiled him to the island of St. Helena, that is.
What a silly douched out uberscroad King Douchuous is. It's not that I'm ragingly jealous of the king. I just want to sew up the rip in his jeans with poison ivy, then honk polka-dot's bumper like a clown horn.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Trainwreck and Snuggles
The odds-on favorite in this week's contest, The Trainwreck not only introduced us to the new douche-position of The Doggie 'Bag, but offered us a surreal cacaphony of imagery that rivals and echoes Salvador Dali's famous self portrait photograph.
Toss in Snuggles, the Fabric Softened Hot Chick, and this is one hell of an overwhelming HCwDB pic. Probably borderline Hall of Scrote in its own right. And by right I mean wrong. And by wrong I mean douchey.
Which just confirms the high quality of submitted pics over the past month. Which reconfirms that I need to stop sitting around on my floor and drooling over pink perfect derrières in pixelated frozen form and at least hit the gym once in awhile. Stupid gut.
Stupid Trainwreck. Nice douche bandana. Nice douche wristdana. Nice douche-face. Nice douche everything.
You piss me off in new and profound ways, Trainwreck. And that's impressive indeed.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Lei Hotties and the Puberchoad
What can be said about three sexy extremely feminine cuties in grass skirts? Not much. What can be said tossing in a younger brother dropping trou to douche up the pic with his scrotey charms? A lot more.
Add in his grinny best friend Potzie clutching his beer but still able to slip in the rare 'bag hand gesture #301 (the pinky finger drop), and all the elements come together for award winning cleavitey/doucheyness.
Also, blonde on the left wants me. I know I say that about a lot of cuties, but this time I can tell. It's not all a deluded and extensive fantasy narrative I've constructed out of one glance. A glance that wasn't even at me, but at a camera, which I've now projected my notion of the self into as a form of Lacanian mirror stage echo via the simulacrum. She still wants me.
I can tell. She knows she wants me.
Okay, lest my fantasies get any more absurd, I'm turning the floor over to you, the reader. Which one of these four Weekly winners combines the most toxic combination of innocent young boobaliscious flowers and greased up mackchoad halibuts?
Rage, rage against the douching of the blight.
Let your sloping brow lose all expression as you reach out and point at one of these pics to win the Monthly. Don't just do it for yourself. Do it for Peaches. Do it for Fish Slap. Do it for all previous winners who need a worthy winner to join them in the hallowed circle of Monthly winners.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Comments:
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I gotta go with The Trainwreck aka Scott Caan douche.
The dropped leftovers, the Grey Goose, the poor assaulted hottie - it just all comes together perfectly.
The dropped leftovers, the Grey Goose, the poor assaulted hottie - it just all comes together perfectly.
# posted by 
: 7:16 AM
: 7:16 AM
The Trainwreck and Snuggles.
the Lei Hotties are a close second, but the douchefactor is just off the charts with Trainwreck. and something tells me that the rest of you will agree.
i predict a Trainwreck landslide victory.
unless the voting in Florida gets fucked up.
the Lei Hotties are a close second, but the douchefactor is just off the charts with Trainwreck. and something tells me that the rest of you will agree.
i predict a Trainwreck landslide victory.
unless the voting in Florida gets fucked up.
# posted by : 7:30 AM
: 7:30 AM
I have to vote for #4 Puberchoad. The Elmer Fudd hat, concave chest, rolled-over waist band exceed normal 'bagness. And I risk vomiting in my mouth just by looking at it again, but the 'bag treasure trail combined with the apparent inbred retardism seals it for me.
# posted by : 7:33 AM
: 7:33 AM
Sorry. I am new to this, but the winner has to be trainwreck, no contest. The low rise acid-washed jeans, the boxers hanging out the top, the wrist bandana, the mandana on his head, the tats, the face, the gesture, and the shaved armpits. Ugh... he makes me want to convert to Catholicism so that I can enter a convent, take a vow of celibacy, and never venture into the outside world where I can come into contact with his douchiness.
# posted by : 7:40 AM
: 7:40 AM 
Trainwreck, by being the densest douche this month. Joe Douche and King D. might be neck and neck for "Choad-hair of the week," and puberchoad would win for "most likely to wear a McDouche hat and hand me my breakfast burrito" award. But by mass, by expression, by intention, and by the purity of Snuggles-hottie being defiled by his Doggy-bag, Trainwreck and the mandannas win.
# posted by : 7:47 AM
: 7:47 AM
Trainwreck has inspired so much disgust, hatred, and bewilderment since his debut that it would be a travesty for him not to win. Go back and check the message boards for all the vitriol that he inspired in his various appearances last week. His qualifications have been well delineated.
Joe Douche is disqualified for his quasi-celebrity status on E!.
King Douchous loses for jumping the gun and declaring himself king, ala Sean Connery in "The Man Who Would Be King." And we know how that ended for him.
As much as I loathe Puberchoad, he stands as much of a chance against Trainwreck as a white guy against 1986-era Tyson.
Trainwreck is rolling through to the year-end competition, and Vegas has him at 5-1 to win it all.
Joe Douche is disqualified for his quasi-celebrity status on E!.
King Douchous loses for jumping the gun and declaring himself king, ala Sean Connery in "The Man Who Would Be King." And we know how that ended for him.
As much as I loathe Puberchoad, he stands as much of a chance against Trainwreck as a white guy against 1986-era Tyson.
Trainwreck is rolling through to the year-end competition, and Vegas has him at 5-1 to win it all.
Trainwreck for certain. If only because his surprise assault caused Snuggles to lose her lunch.
# posted by : 7:52 AM
: 7:52 AM
Trainwreck hands down. He is the only one there who probably doesn't realize he is really a douche. The others have to know and embrace it, that is what makes them less douchey then the Wreck.
KellyBelly - new profile photo...yay!!!
OK - well, I've come to the conclusion that the brunette Lei Hottie is the hottest chic I've ever seen, thought about, dreamed about, uh other stuff, you get it. She rules. Again, pfah, ian and the DB1 can fight over the blonde on the left. I'll help everyone out and take the brunette out of the equation. I would do anything to see the Lei Hotties tickle each other with their grass skirts.
That being said, Puberchoad and Potzie disgust me. Joe Douche needs to have his head shaved while passed out drunk. For that matter, so does King Douchuous.
My vote has to be for Trainwreck. This douche has affected me in ways unmatched since Donkey Douche long, long ago. I immediately couldn't stand this choad, and then to see him in the Boatwreck did me in.
Trainwreck for HCwDB of the Month, and Lei Brunette for my bedroom.
OK - well, I've come to the conclusion that the brunette Lei Hottie is the hottest chic I've ever seen, thought about, dreamed about, uh other stuff, you get it. She rules. Again, pfah, ian and the DB1 can fight over the blonde on the left. I'll help everyone out and take the brunette out of the equation. I would do anything to see the Lei Hotties tickle each other with their grass skirts.
That being said, Puberchoad and Potzie disgust me. Joe Douche needs to have his head shaved while passed out drunk. For that matter, so does King Douchuous.
My vote has to be for Trainwreck. This douche has affected me in ways unmatched since Donkey Douche long, long ago. I immediately couldn't stand this choad, and then to see him in the Boatwreck did me in.
Trainwreck for HCwDB of the Month, and Lei Brunette for my bedroom.
not to be a follower, but the TRAINWRECK is the douche bag of the month.
The reason why i feel he is the scrote of scrotes for the month of July is because of Snuggles. I wanted to rescue Snuggles from the clutches of this bastard when i first saw her. Here she was probably going to fix herself a big red cup of Goose and while trying to get the olives off the bottom shelf, this piss stain on the underwear of society pulls a sneaky donkey punch move on her. And then to make that even more fucked up, he does it again on a boat. King Douchuous IV doesnt get my vote because in his second pic he looked like he was scared to touch the chick. a real douchebag will never EVER pass up the opportunity to scrote on some chicks. I still wish there was something i could do to get snuggles out of that situation. she should be able to bend over without Mandana McTatbag sneaking up on her.
The reason why i feel he is the scrote of scrotes for the month of July is because of Snuggles. I wanted to rescue Snuggles from the clutches of this bastard when i first saw her. Here she was probably going to fix herself a big red cup of Goose and while trying to get the olives off the bottom shelf, this piss stain on the underwear of society pulls a sneaky donkey punch move on her. And then to make that even more fucked up, he does it again on a boat. King Douchuous IV doesnt get my vote because in his second pic he looked like he was scared to touch the chick. a real douchebag will never EVER pass up the opportunity to scrote on some chicks. I still wish there was something i could do to get snuggles out of that situation. she should be able to bend over without Mandana McTatbag sneaking up on her.
# posted by : 7:54 AM
: 7:54 AM
Some douchebags make me giggle... some are more nausea-inducing... and some are just plain wrong. Trainwreck goes beyond all others in a way that makes me want to switch to the other side, not only to avoid any possible future contact with His Choadiness, the 'Wreck (whether encountered on land or sea), but also to increase my chances of seeing just how snuggly-soft those pink pants really are.
Crap. Did I say that out loud? What I meant to say was my vote goes to Trainwreck & Snuggles Hottie. And now I must go renew my hetero ID card by snuggling up with hubby.
Crap. Did I say that out loud? What I meant to say was my vote goes to Trainwreck & Snuggles Hottie. And now I must go renew my hetero ID card by snuggling up with hubby.
It's ok LT sometimes the chicks get to you like that. just go with it. do whatever it takes to see how soft those pants are. And by whatever it takes i mean while he's sneaking up on her, you sneak up on him with an ether rag and some rope.
# posted by : 8:01 AM
: 8:01 AM
I gotta vote for #2... I know the popular answer is #3, but her trailer's parked next to B. Spears', so that disqualifies her IMO.
# posted by : 8:06 AM
: 8:06 AM
Trainwreck will go to the Hall. He will not be denied. Snuggles can mix me a grey goose and gatorade anytime. And by mix I mean lick it off her pink perfects.
# posted by : 8:09 AM
: 8:09 AM
I am so happy to already see so many votes for Trainwreck.
All I have to say is this: I concur.
Carry on.
All I have to say is this: I concur.
Carry on.
Though I'm a degenerate gambler, I gotta go with the betting favorite and add my voice to the Trainwreck chorus. It's definitely the complete and utter lack of self-awareness that puts him way, way over the top. Sometimes these things are just visceral. It's like vomit at first sight. You see a scrote, and you just "know." Snuggles' velour sweats and tousled just-been-fucked bedhead are just gravy. By which I mean, I'd like to pour gravy on her and serve her with a side of green bean casserole.
In contrast to our clear winner, King D is just too ridiculous to take seriously, though he's my second choice mostly because of Miss Polka Dots. She's a supporting player here, but that little reverse reacharound makes her my top hottie on here in a while.
In contrast to our clear winner, King D is just too ridiculous to take seriously, though he's my second choice mostly because of Miss Polka Dots. She's a supporting player here, but that little reverse reacharound makes her my top hottie on here in a while.
# posted by : 8:46 AM
: 8:46 AM
Trainwreck all the way. The dropped food, the gatorade, the grew goose. Not only is this slut willing to stand in a degrading manner with Psycho Mike, but she is also willing to show the camera man that she has indeed lost her mind. This picture wins extra points for creating and solidifying the sub-genre of the Doggie-Bag as well as women who have caught the Douche VD.
# posted by : 8:58 AM
: 8:58 AM
Who am I to blow against the wind? It's Trainwreck. Like a real trainwreck, you want to turn away and can't. What did it for me the most: 2 dozen eggs in the freezer for his "regimen" no doubt, the tounge, and inexplicably, the WRIST SCRUNCHY. And Snuggles has that perfect almond-shaped pooch to her tummy as a real woman should. Schmokin! Now if she could just do something about that thing on her ass...
I gotta put Joe Douche as a close second for me though. His HC's are notties, not hotties, but the self-worship that this narcissistic mental pygmy has marinated himself in the quasi-celeb fish bowl he inhabits shows through and pisses me off greatly. Fuck off, dummy; my local weatherman gets more starfucking than you do.
I gotta put Joe Douche as a close second for me though. His HC's are notties, not hotties, but the self-worship that this narcissistic mental pygmy has marinated himself in the quasi-celeb fish bowl he inhabits shows through and pisses me off greatly. Fuck off, dummy; my local weatherman gets more starfucking than you do.
I gotta go with my heart and say Lei Hotties and the Puberchoad. I know a vote for them is like voting for Ralph Nader, but I think the quality of the hotties should be considered in conjunction with the douche.
# posted by : 9:06 AM
: 9:06 AM
trainwreck was a shoe in, however after countless episodes of doucheset tan, i'm going with #1. because all of this petty talk about douchebags is high school. it has nothing to do with tanning..you know what, take that back, voting for trainwreck, i don't think there should even be a vote, he represents evil! the trainwrecks of the world need to go away, never to be seen again.
# posted by : 9:06 AM
: 9:06 AM
Trainwreck, no question about it.
Only the douchiest of the douche can be immortalized in a "Pfahvitar"
Only the douchiest of the douche can be immortalized in a "Pfahvitar"
HA! nice one douchebag out! a Pfahvitar. thanks man. i'm inspired to create a new one now. hmm.....
# posted by : 9:18 AM
: 9:18 AM
I am going to have to cast my vote for the Giant Douche known as train wreck. The other pictures lack the balance of this glorious pic. They either have not hot enough chicks(1+2) or not douchey enough of a scroad(lei hotties).
Mandana boy and snuggles, they have what it takes to win. She is all sorts of white trash hot and I would love to snuggle up to those pants. Trainwreck is just that, from the hideous tatoo buffoonery, to the dual mandanas(is he keeping one on his wrist to remember to pick up the groceries which contain two of everything?) to the douche pose and face. Classic southern cali white trash douche bag. Throw in the half eaten chicken AND THE NOW UBIQUITOUS grey goose and you have a winner.
SkanderBag
by the way i doubt either of these two Einsteins could even locate Canada on a map.
Mandana boy and snuggles, they have what it takes to win. She is all sorts of white trash hot and I would love to snuggle up to those pants. Trainwreck is just that, from the hideous tatoo buffoonery, to the dual mandanas(is he keeping one on his wrist to remember to pick up the groceries which contain two of everything?) to the douche pose and face. Classic southern cali white trash douche bag. Throw in the half eaten chicken AND THE NOW UBIQUITOUS grey goose and you have a winner.
SkanderBag
by the way i doubt either of these two Einsteins could even locate Canada on a map.
# posted by : 9:20 AM
: 9:20 AM
By the way I cry foul over the fact that those douchebags from the porno rental site are now sponsoring this site on the banner up top.
# posted by : 9:27 AM
: 9:27 AM
as douchey as king douchous really is, with his hypodermic needle-hair and double bag hand gesture, I can not ignore innovation.
Trainwreck FTW.
Trainwreck FTW.
# posted by : 9:28 AM
: 9:28 AM
Okay, let's be scientific about this, there are only two contenders: Trainwreck and Joe Douche.
King Douchuous - he's having a fun time and doesn't display the requisite evil sneer that's required for one to attain legendary douche status.
Puberchoad - people, look at that kid. The oversized hat, the lazy eyes - he's obviously retarded. Those mean chicks dressed him up like that to make fun of him. Making fun of the mentally handicapped is not cool.
This leaves us with only two contenders:
Joe Douche - He's a potent package. The lip gloss, the bling, the 'bag hand signals (seriously, WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY MEAN?), the hair spikes - you have to marvel at the way his hair spikes are actually creeping onto his forehead like some kind of alien symbiote. His douche force is indeed very strong, but...
Trainwreck - he definitely grew on me. Along with appearing in the boatwreck picture, he's the king for this month. The mandana, wristdana, pig-faced sneer, ridiculous tats, and ass-crack revealing pants. Not to mention his uber-cutie with the soft pink pants and ultra-cute toenails. He scores strong in revulsion and rage factor.
It's trainwreck for me.
King Douchuous - he's having a fun time and doesn't display the requisite evil sneer that's required for one to attain legendary douche status.
Puberchoad - people, look at that kid. The oversized hat, the lazy eyes - he's obviously retarded. Those mean chicks dressed him up like that to make fun of him. Making fun of the mentally handicapped is not cool.
This leaves us with only two contenders:
Joe Douche - He's a potent package. The lip gloss, the bling, the 'bag hand signals (seriously, WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY MEAN?), the hair spikes - you have to marvel at the way his hair spikes are actually creeping onto his forehead like some kind of alien symbiote. His douche force is indeed very strong, but...
Trainwreck - he definitely grew on me. Along with appearing in the boatwreck picture, he's the king for this month. The mandana, wristdana, pig-faced sneer, ridiculous tats, and ass-crack revealing pants. Not to mention his uber-cutie with the soft pink pants and ultra-cute toenails. He scores strong in revulsion and rage factor.
It's trainwreck for me.
# posted by : 9:35 AM
: 9:35 AM
Just the thought of a pudgy douche doing the old "in/out" with any chick makes me want to hurl, let alone pseudo-hump one.
Trainwreck.
Trainwreck.
Trainwreck manages to fit in two 'danas, aimless tats and zero abs. All this, PLUS he and Snuggles have the most disgusting feet ever. It's called a pedicure -- look into it. They get my vote, all the way. And I almost had to dissent onaccounta Joe Douche and his orangeyness and Kim Kardashian-looking sidekick.
# posted by : 10:10 AM
: 10:10 AM
We're gonna have to go with the fat fu*k sucking in his gut so as to get close enough to Softy Pink Pants.
Shout out to the cameraman for being on his game in this one.
Shout out to the cameraman for being on his game in this one.
Dammit DB1, this just isn't fair.
As much as I loathe Trainwreck and all that he stands for, the one that truly leave me with the putrid taste of rising bile is Joe Douche. I agree that he has the least hottest chicks (which I know counts for fully half if not more of HCwDBotM), but his puss makes me want to get midieval with a cheese grater. My gawd, any other month he could win based on man-bling alone!
I know Trainwreck will get the prize by a landslide, but thanks for letting me get my opinion out. Now I can sleep soundly.
-Bagamemnon
Opinions are like assholes: everybody got one.
As much as I loathe Trainwreck and all that he stands for, the one that truly leave me with the putrid taste of rising bile is Joe Douche. I agree that he has the least hottest chicks (which I know counts for fully half if not more of HCwDBotM), but his puss makes me want to get midieval with a cheese grater. My gawd, any other month he could win based on man-bling alone!
I know Trainwreck will get the prize by a landslide, but thanks for letting me get my opinion out. Now I can sleep soundly.
-Bagamemnon
Opinions are like assholes: everybody got one.
# posted by : 10:15 AM
: 10:15 AM
few things i've seen in photographic form have angered me more than trainwreck. there are few more things he could be doing to appear more douchey than he already is and only seasoned vets on this site, not myself, could think of what those things were. i'm one of those guys who thinks girls look a lot hotter in pajamas than they do dressed up, so this pic just kills me. if i ever see that choad in public i will buy a gun and kill him. that said, my vote is for trainwreck.
# posted by : 10:16 AM
: 10:16 AM
Couldn't agree more with Paul Harvey and Darksock. Trainwreck all the way. He stands head and shoulders above the competition. Which must be nice for him, seeing as how he's several inches shorter than a standard (66-inch)refrigerator.
-Hardest douching man in scrotebusiness
-Hardest douching man in scrotebusiness
# posted by : 10:22 AM
: 10:22 AM
Thanks for giving us a little break with the change in avatar, ibling. The old man with the nasty l-o-n-g tongue always gave me dry heaves - kind of like train wreck.
Can i just vote for snuggles? I really hope thats her taking a swig from a beer funnel in "boat wreck"
-Lord of the Douche
-Lord of the Douche
# posted by : 10:52 AM
: 10:52 AM
Trainwreck and Snuggles. No contest, sir. They're all loathsome (especially Joe Douche) but Trainwreck is an uberchoad.
He makes me want to punch him, and I'm a Buddhist.
He makes me want to punch him, and I'm a Buddhist.
# posted by : 11:11 AM
: 11:11 AM
This one was tough for me, as I still have what can only be considered an unhealthy obsession with all 3 of the Lei Hott.
Snuggles has me on the fence, I can't decide how hot her face is with this grainy photo and the shocked expression resultant from being violated by 'Wreck. However, Trainwreck is far and away the biggest festering slab of human waste in quite some time...like a meatloaf made with shit. He's many light years beyond the douchitude in exhibits one, two, and four combined.
Gotta go with Trainwreck. If he was the one with the Lei Hott the universe would cease to exist.
Snuggles has me on the fence, I can't decide how hot her face is with this grainy photo and the shocked expression resultant from being violated by 'Wreck. However, Trainwreck is far and away the biggest festering slab of human waste in quite some time...like a meatloaf made with shit. He's many light years beyond the douchitude in exhibits one, two, and four combined.
Gotta go with Trainwreck. If he was the one with the Lei Hott the universe would cease to exist.
Raccoon for the win!!...oh gawd, where..? are these my meds? INCOMING!!! You weren't there, man! YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!
# posted by : 11:42 AM
: 11:42 AM
If I don't decide now, I will ending spending the day analyzing this decision.
Trainwreck or Puberchoad? So difficult.
Snuggles is allowing Trainwreck to pose that way, so she is definately more bleethy than Lei hotties, who posed for a random picture with Puberchoad. So while 3 hotties is more than 1 snuggles, the female battle goes Snuggle.
Now for the guys - Puberchoad has his field of screams showing - that's a big plus, but the girls probably dont know that when they toom the picture. Meanwhile, trainwreck has the tattoos, mandana, and a pose for the ages. It's close, but Trainwreck wins.
Bottom line, Trainwreck has a better chance of getting into Snuggles pants (he's already half way there). Meanwhile, Puberchoad will only be seeing his hand this evening.
Trainwreck wins!!
Trainwreck or Puberchoad? So difficult.
Snuggles is allowing Trainwreck to pose that way, so she is definately more bleethy than Lei hotties, who posed for a random picture with Puberchoad. So while 3 hotties is more than 1 snuggles, the female battle goes Snuggle.
Now for the guys - Puberchoad has his field of screams showing - that's a big plus, but the girls probably dont know that when they toom the picture. Meanwhile, trainwreck has the tattoos, mandana, and a pose for the ages. It's close, but Trainwreck wins.
Bottom line, Trainwreck has a better chance of getting into Snuggles pants (he's already half way there). Meanwhile, Puberchoad will only be seeing his hand this evening.
Trainwreck wins!!
looks i called Trainwreck's victory early on in the voting. i should go into stock market trading....or....you know, something else that involves predicting the obvious.
# posted by : 12:38 PM
: 12:38 PM
I think a valid argument can be made for all the bags this week but what puts Trainwreck's sorry ass over the top in my view is that he was cough in the douchey act not once but TWICE (see Boatwreck)!
This guy is a repeate offender of the 'Doggie-bag'; that very same all encompassing, revolting, retch-inducing position that he has come to be known by. Honestly, the doggie-bag makes the bag-headbutt/ bag hand gesture combo look like an enlightened act of non-douchitude in comparison. So the fact that he was pictured preforming the dreaded doggie-bag move twice is akin to Wilt Chamberlin putting up 100 points on 2 seperate occasions.
The thought of little snuggles hotties or xtina-aguilera-circa-2003-boat-hotties being manhandled by this doggie-douche makes me want to hang him with a noose made of his own mandanas.
Trainwreck in a bagslide.
This guy is a repeate offender of the 'Doggie-bag'; that very same all encompassing, revolting, retch-inducing position that he has come to be known by. Honestly, the doggie-bag makes the bag-headbutt/ bag hand gesture combo look like an enlightened act of non-douchitude in comparison. So the fact that he was pictured preforming the dreaded doggie-bag move twice is akin to Wilt Chamberlin putting up 100 points on 2 seperate occasions.
The thought of little snuggles hotties or xtina-aguilera-circa-2003-boat-hotties being manhandled by this doggie-douche makes me want to hang him with a noose made of his own mandanas.
Trainwreck in a bagslide.
# posted by : 12:43 PM
: 12:43 PM
Worthy contenders all, but really only one can emerge victorious. And by "victorious", I mean wrapped in concrete and thrown to bottom of Lake Mead.
Just look at the ass on Snuggles! She brings the "hot" to hot chick. And Trainwreck? Well, he brings the douche to the world.
And for that, Trainwreck deserves the victory.
Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
Just look at the ass on Snuggles! She brings the "hot" to hot chick. And Trainwreck? Well, he brings the douche to the world.
And for that, Trainwreck deserves the victory.
Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
Lei Hotties and the Puberchoad still make me seethe with anger. I would become a pacifist before going to war against the puberchoad, just to strengthen the statement. I’d do it for them. They probably wouldn’t care.
But quite frankly I think the Trainwreck could have gone up against Peaches. I don’t know who would have won, but I think it would have been a battle of epic proportions.
Speaking of which, I think the hall of scrote needs to have a tournament of choad – A battle to decide the Douche of Douches.
I think Trainwreck should be there, so I vote for his entry, and for his victory this month.
-The Arch DOuche
But quite frankly I think the Trainwreck could have gone up against Peaches. I don’t know who would have won, but I think it would have been a battle of epic proportions.
Speaking of which, I think the hall of scrote needs to have a tournament of choad – A battle to decide the Douche of Douches.
I think Trainwreck should be there, so I vote for his entry, and for his victory this month.
-The Arch DOuche
# posted by : 1:03 PM
: 1:03 PM
King Douchuous IV is the greatest Douche ever. We can only hope that this was sometime of costumed get together, because if this is normal douchewear for the 21st century, we shall all perish.....
# posted by : 1:11 PM
: 1:11 PM
trainwreck. I am tempted to say Meet Joe Douche because we all know just exactly how much of a douche he is thanks to his douchy TV show. However, trainwreck is still a bigger douche. If he had a TV show, it would be one of the four horsemen of the douche-pocalypse.
Wow. The Douche is strong in all this month's entries. I have to stick with David Carridouche, aka Meet Joe Douche, though. Something about that Quai-Chiang headlock really bugs me.
-D'Ouchetagnan the Doucheketeer
-D'Ouchetagnan the Doucheketeer
# posted by : 1:21 PM
: 1:21 PM
The outpouring of pure hostility for Trainwreck makes me wonder: is this an early contender for Douchebag of the Year? Nay, of the Century?
Sounds like someone's getting a Time magazine cover.
Sounds like someone's getting a Time magazine cover.
# posted by : 1:34 PM
: 1:34 PM
That huge bottle of grey goose actually made me take pictures of them at a club just so I can prove to myself and others that they come in normal sizes.
Trainwreck. Cause, he really -is- a trainwreck. And by trainwreck, I mean doucheous extremus maximus.
KB, dig the cleavite.
Trainwreck. Cause, he really -is- a trainwreck. And by trainwreck, I mean doucheous extremus maximus.
KB, dig the cleavite.
Absolutely no need to analyze this one - Trainwreck obliterates all competition. I suggested Trainwreck for a Hall of Scote inductee when he first arrived on the douche-scene and I still stand by it.
Let's not Pete Rose this scrote - he has done nothing wrong. And by "done nothing wrong" I mean "done everything wrong". He is douched out to the ultimate degree with a paradisiacal hottie. Send him to the HOS ASAP.
Let's not Pete Rose this scrote - he has done nothing wrong. And by "done nothing wrong" I mean "done everything wrong". He is douched out to the ultimate degree with a paradisiacal hottie. Send him to the HOS ASAP.
# posted by : 3:34 PM
: 3:34 PM
Noone really stands out for me to hate on, #1, Meet Joe Douche looks like an asshat to me so he gets my vote...
Don Juan de la Douche
Don Juan de la Douche
# posted by : 3:57 PM
: 3:57 PM
While my heart is with the Lei hotties, I don't believe those fine specimens alone can carry that boner to of the month status. And after that ridiculous piece of hand jewelry coupled with the douche-hottie factor, my vote is for the Trainwreck hands down. What a son of a bitch.
# posted by : 4:11 PM
: 4:11 PM
I'm voting for Trainwreck, but only because of the massive amount of shredded cheese in the fridge. Mmmm, shredded cheese and Gatorade...
# posted by : 5:08 PM
: 5:08 PM
Trainwreck, for all the reasons you guys have already said. Besides, at the end of the year, he needs to be pitted against the douchiest of the douche in the HCwDB of the Year Contest. At this point, I'd have to say he's at least a 1 or a 2 seed and I think he would have crushed Peaches in the monthly.
Lei Hotties should win.
Because this site is Hot Chicks with Douchebags, not Douchebags with Hot Chicks.
Because this site is Hot Chicks with Douchebags, not Douchebags with Hot Chicks.
# posted by : 6:00 PM
: 6:00 PM
Gotta go with the Trainwreck and Snuggles, too.
Lots of things have been pointed out about Trainwreck that makes him a particularly revolting specimen of a douchebag. One thing I can't recall having been mentioned - probably because there is so much that is existentially WRONG with this photo - is that the guy shaves his pits, too. It seems he has a fine collection of sharp razors and he uses them everywhere... except on his face.
Poser, douchebag, uber-scrote. Trainwreck gets my vote, and an un-Christian wish that he experiences a nick down below the likes of which makes him really think twice about his manscaping regimen.
Lots of things have been pointed out about Trainwreck that makes him a particularly revolting specimen of a douchebag. One thing I can't recall having been mentioned - probably because there is so much that is existentially WRONG with this photo - is that the guy shaves his pits, too. It seems he has a fine collection of sharp razors and he uses them everywhere... except on his face.
Poser, douchebag, uber-scrote. Trainwreck gets my vote, and an un-Christian wish that he experiences a nick down below the likes of which makes him really think twice about his manscaping regimen.
# posted by : 7:13 PM
: 7:13 PM
gotta go with trainwreck. he has so much going for him! the wristdana, the matching bandana and boxers, the collarbone tat, the scary thing he's doing with his tongue... but the kicker is the latitude of his pants. if we were seeing this horror from another angle, we'd be getting an eyeful of asscrack. the very thought brings tears of horror to my eyes.
# posted by : 7:43 PM
: 7:43 PM
For me, it was a toss-up between Trainwreck and Lei Hotties. I was back and forth, but I go with Trainwreck. On the hottness factor, Lei Hotties take it in a landslide. Plus, I'm still hoping that those guys in Lei Hotties just stopped to pose with the babes. None of them appear to actually be with him, or the choad behind them.
But Trainwreck appears to have cornered his hottie, and that just makes me ill. And by ill, I mean projectile puking in the can I've set up beside my computer while I carefully study my choice for a winner. And as I sit and stare at the DOUCHEY factor of Trainwreck, it's overwhelming. The tats, the fatness pose, the man-danna, the inevitibility of a plumbers crack, and the fact that Grey Goose makes an appearance closely relates him to Mr. Ya Digggggggg. Also, the Jaws speech in his other pic, Boatwreck, is absolutely a classic. This one goes in the record books for me.
Deuche Baggilo
But Trainwreck appears to have cornered his hottie, and that just makes me ill. And by ill, I mean projectile puking in the can I've set up beside my computer while I carefully study my choice for a winner. And as I sit and stare at the DOUCHEY factor of Trainwreck, it's overwhelming. The tats, the fatness pose, the man-danna, the inevitibility of a plumbers crack, and the fact that Grey Goose makes an appearance closely relates him to Mr. Ya Digggggggg. Also, the Jaws speech in his other pic, Boatwreck, is absolutely a classic. This one goes in the record books for me.
Deuche Baggilo
Puberchoad, simply because of the douchey/hottie contrast....those lei hotties are outstanding, and he is such a total puber-douche.
Close honorable mention to Trainwreck....man what a douche! but that girl with him is just really hot, where each of the three lei hotties are smoking hot on their own.
Close honorable mention to Trainwreck....man what a douche! but that girl with him is just really hot, where each of the three lei hotties are smoking hot on their own.
# posted by : 9:08 PM
: 9:08 PM
The more I read the thread postings the more i realize that Trainwreck is a bonified Hall of Scrote contender. I never thought i'd say this but those people who have said Peaches may not have faired so well in the monthly might be right.
Don't get me wrong Peaches place in history is secure. He's got his Bag Gesture handprint in the walk of Douche and the concrete has long since dried but the difference between Peaches and Trainwreck is by the end of the Peaches phenomina I was left thinking "hey, behind the icey stare and pointing finger this guy isn't so bad". That thought never crossed my mind with Trainwreck. Infact each time i look at those pics i get more and more enraged. He's the only bag on this site that makes me doubt the presence of god.
Rumple Scrote-skin.
Don't get me wrong Peaches place in history is secure. He's got his Bag Gesture handprint in the walk of Douche and the concrete has long since dried but the difference between Peaches and Trainwreck is by the end of the Peaches phenomina I was left thinking "hey, behind the icey stare and pointing finger this guy isn't so bad". That thought never crossed my mind with Trainwreck. Infact each time i look at those pics i get more and more enraged. He's the only bag on this site that makes me doubt the presence of god.
Rumple Scrote-skin.
# posted by : 10:23 PM
: 10:23 PM
The King is the Obvious Choice...not only does he handle himself so well as the king of douche...he is just sooo consistent!! You cannot the deny the consistancy of uncomfortable outfits, corny platinum jewelry, and his gasoline covered hair...This man obviously spends far too much time creating his douche-crown to be accepted as a human being. Long live the King!
Sir Douche-A-Lot
Sir Douche-A-Lot
# posted by : 10:57 PM
: 10:57 PM
The Trainwreck and Snuggles.
For me, the trainwreck is everything I have been brought up to loathe and despise. For that, he gets my vote.
For me, the trainwreck is everything I have been brought up to loathe and despise. For that, he gets my vote.
for no reason whatsoever, i decided to flip a coin between Trainwreck and Joe Douche.
and the verdict is: Trainwreck. if only because it's rarer to find pics of people douching it up in their irritable flats as opposed to some equally irritable club or vacation setting.
and the verdict is: Trainwreck. if only because it's rarer to find pics of people douching it up in their irritable flats as opposed to some equally irritable club or vacation setting.
Joe Douche: Joe is a pro, he's a smelly old pro, and a greasy old pro is he. On one hand, he gets points deducted because he's on TV. On the other hand, one must consider the mastery of his moves. E! can't teach you that. They're stupid. They don't create; they find and exploit. If we had a photo of him in action before his trivial show came out, we'd be able to see just how much more, if any, he's douched out. Unless that evidence surfaces we can only speculate, but in my opinion he's a black belt.
King Douchuous IV: I still firmly believe he was the rightly winner of his weekly, but to quote the character Jack Wilson, "You gotta be durable." We haven't seen enough footage of his reign, and therefore he remains a provincial king.
The Trainwreck: At this point it's almost impossible to find anything original to say about this one, but I think I see something. I don't remember anyone pointing this out, but if I'm stealing it I'm sorry in advance. It's another small dash of folly. It's bad/good enough when we add the 'danas, tatts, jeans, nipple piercings, pose, hottie, goose, gatorade, assload of cheese, dumped food, and his goddamned tongue, but also, in the door of the fridge partially covered by her goose-choking hand is.......a package of jumbo hot dogs. Rather premonitory of events to come for the young lass, no?
Puberchoad: No way dude. I'm sorry about your head. I really am. But c'mon man, showing your pubes? That's just not fucking cool. It finally hit me that blondie's tongue-sporting look is out of disgust and nothing else. She's saying she wants to puke. And so do I.
This train ain't stoppin'. Joe is speeding alongside in his car and King D. is running his horses to death in his chariot, but we've lost the brakes on this one, folks.
King Douchuous IV: I still firmly believe he was the rightly winner of his weekly, but to quote the character Jack Wilson, "You gotta be durable." We haven't seen enough footage of his reign, and therefore he remains a provincial king.
The Trainwreck: At this point it's almost impossible to find anything original to say about this one, but I think I see something. I don't remember anyone pointing this out, but if I'm stealing it I'm sorry in advance. It's another small dash of folly. It's bad/good enough when we add the 'danas, tatts, jeans, nipple piercings, pose, hottie, goose, gatorade, assload of cheese, dumped food, and his goddamned tongue, but also, in the door of the fridge partially covered by her goose-choking hand is.......a package of jumbo hot dogs. Rather premonitory of events to come for the young lass, no?
Puberchoad: No way dude. I'm sorry about your head. I really am. But c'mon man, showing your pubes? That's just not fucking cool. It finally hit me that blondie's tongue-sporting look is out of disgust and nothing else. She's saying she wants to puke. And so do I.
This train ain't stoppin'. Joe is speeding alongside in his car and King D. is running his horses to death in his chariot, but we've lost the brakes on this one, folks.
If the Trainwreck and his alter ego the Boatwreck are like matter and anti-matter and if there were some way to put them both in the same particle accelerator and make them collide, I'm pretty sure you'd discover the very elemental building blocks of douchery.
My vote goes to the Trainwreck.
My vote goes to the Trainwreck.
Trainwreck is the little douche coupe d'etat. For a minute I thought he also had a waistdana, but I guess those are boxers. Still.
# posted by : 2:57 PM
: 2:57 PM
I wake up in the morning, I have breakfast, I shit, shower, and shave, clothe myself, and head off to work. This is rational, logical and pretty normal beginning to an otherwise mundane life.
Therefore, I see these four pictures and it is equally logical to me that Trainwreck wins.
- Ryan Seadouche
Therefore, I see these four pictures and it is equally logical to me that Trainwreck wins.
- Ryan Seadouche
# posted by : 8:47 PM
: 8:47 PM
Not as close as you guys make it to be. How does King Douchous not run away from this one. A sole glance at that tie has necessitated a change in my contact lense prescription, not to mention of the rest of the borderline queer douche-ccessories. And just try and fathom the amount of time greasy Muhammad here spent on that hair, and I can show you some time that he could have better spent throwing rocks at Israelis or eating Lamb. The hand gestures really make this pose though, as he solidifies his domain over the hotties which he wishes to cloak i burkas and make them do his bidding. I am sorry, enough Muslim jokes for tonight.
And the hott. The hott here takes it to a new level. What's not to like. Polka dot here is clutching the ass of her fellow sorority sister. And the girl to his left (the good money would say her name is something like Mindy or Tania, something real trashy) looks like she has had enough of the sauce to take a second glance at me. And me likey second glance. Me also likey ginormous boobies that look like they could trap a dime in between them. The weakest hottie is on his far left, and even her leopard print makes my cheetah spring to life. Such hotness is seldom gathered, except in the presnce of such scrote.That chin-pubed grin will not leave my nightmares for quite some time. Thanks DB1, and I was just starting to get over The Raccoon (yea, i still remember that travesty, on so many levels)
I vote for the King
And the hott. The hott here takes it to a new level. What's not to like. Polka dot here is clutching the ass of her fellow sorority sister. And the girl to his left (the good money would say her name is something like Mindy or Tania, something real trashy) looks like she has had enough of the sauce to take a second glance at me. And me likey second glance. Me also likey ginormous boobies that look like they could trap a dime in between them. The weakest hottie is on his far left, and even her leopard print makes my cheetah spring to life. Such hotness is seldom gathered, except in the presnce of such scrote.That chin-pubed grin will not leave my nightmares for quite some time. Thanks DB1, and I was just starting to get over The Raccoon (yea, i still remember that travesty, on so many levels)
I vote for the King
# posted by : 9:19 PM
: 9:19 PM
so many grammatical errors above I wont even attempt to correct it. these douchebags have started to make my brain rot.
# posted by : 9:21 PM
: 9:21 PM
Long live King Douchous IV! Long may he reign! Though Puberchoad is vintage douche, said pic looks Photoshopped - yes, the hotties are, well, HOT, but they're also Photoshop enhanced...that dewiness is not authentic, despite their utter, almost underage lickability.
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# posted by : 11:53 PM
: 11:53 PM << Home
