Sunday, July 22, 2007
David Beckham is a Douchebag
Somebody needed to call out this Nordic Aryan Dolph Lundgren in drag uber-douche as the scrotey wank he is. So it might as well be me.
Here's to you, pretty boy occasional soccer playing greased up metro-douche. I've seen less oil in the United Arab Emirates. I've seen less carefully chiseled attention to detail in Rodin's "The Thinker."
You are the empty vessel of shiny pretty douchebaggery. The physical specimen with nothing to say and nothing to offer except name-brand designer douche, excessive hair-gel and annoying tats that'll be out of style by March of 2008.
Your once cute girlfriend has become so distorted by extended exposure to your Brit-douche colonial invasion that she's mutating into a smurf. You denegrate the country of Shakespeare by virtue of your vacuousness. Your opinion-free corporate hegemony would inspire Guy Fawkes to blow up a soccer ball. Your only contribution to society is having your last name in a movie that brought us Keira Knightley.
For getting off a plane last week and polluting my already shallow city with corporate sponsored pseudo-hype and brand-name manufactured media created "spontaneous enthusiasm," heres to you, Soccer Scrote. You are a douche.
Now take your soccer ball and go home.
Comments:
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poooooooooooooooooooo...the good Doctor has always been disgusted by this flamboyant, show pony, vapid and clearly a flaming homosexual, as for his pathetic wife.
I was overjoyed with glee when I read that their stupid, vapid and HIGHLY narcissistic "reality" Tv show failed.
She is the epitome of a very insecure try hard with big dumb fake tits, god she is foul...
How people celebrate these losers is beyond the good doctor.
Prescription: Public Be headings broadcast live on TV
I was overjoyed with glee when I read that their stupid, vapid and HIGHLY narcissistic "reality" Tv show failed.
She is the epitome of a very insecure try hard with big dumb fake tits, god she is foul...
How people celebrate these losers is beyond the good doctor.
Prescription: Public Be headings broadcast live on TV
# posted by 
: 2:13 PM
: 2:13 PM
David Beckham is quite the fuckstick douchebag scrote-contender. Good call, DB1
# posted by : 2:19 PM
: 2:19 PM
She was always a bagette. Jesus, do you remember the Spice girls? Before they got together he was just some kid who was a bit thick and wanted to play football (or soccer, whatever). She turned him into the monstrosity of douche that he is.
Did you know she made him stop smiling in public? She preferred him to have a douchy pout so she told him to stop smiling in public. I’m not even kidding. It was in the papers and everything.
That said, she has become exponentially more bleethed in recent years. Maybe there is some kind of Grieco loop going on?
-The Arch Douche
Did you know she made him stop smiling in public? She preferred him to have a douchy pout so she told him to stop smiling in public. I’m not even kidding. It was in the papers and everything.
That said, she has become exponentially more bleethed in recent years. Maybe there is some kind of Grieco loop going on?
-The Arch Douche
# posted by : 2:30 PM
: 2:30 PM
She struts around like she thinks she's royalty. You were just a pop star for a brief time, hoochie, and not a very good one either. If he's douche, then she's bleeth.
# posted by : 2:54 PM
: 2:54 PM
Damn, girl, eat a twinkie. She looks like Sheryl Crow's skeleton.
He looks like he's on the Karen Carpenter diet too; Scott Weiland could kick his ass. When he gets a boner his eyes suck in. They're so skinny they have to run around in the shower to get wet.
Time to put away the smokable energy crystals, EuroDouches.
He looks like he's on the Karen Carpenter diet too; Scott Weiland could kick his ass. When he gets a boner his eyes suck in. They're so skinny they have to run around in the shower to get wet.
Time to put away the smokable energy crystals, EuroDouches.
Becks may be a douchebag but late at night while he's bending it deep within PurgeSpice he's laughing all the way to the bank.
# posted by : 3:24 PM
: 3:24 PM
Oh, yeh-- go ahead, start picking on some hapless celebrity who happens to have a hyperbleethed squeeze who is an ultragoggled pleatherized washboard with a melted beercan for a beltbuckle and he's a hemp-strapbag toting scribble-tatted coaster-sized-wristwatch wearing ultimate douchebag, just because it will add some controversy-ish pizzazz to your site.
Well: go on, go ahead.
--Vinny Scumbaglia
Well: go on, go ahead.
--Vinny Scumbaglia
# posted by : 4:13 PM
: 4:13 PM
personally, i think the most stylish person in the photo is the guy to the right with the fanny pack. BRING 'EM BACK!
# posted by : 5:13 PM
: 5:13 PM
Becks is a talented soccer player, and his wife is a hautely coutered bag of bones with cantaloupes bolted on her chest. BUT - outside of that, she's actually a good mother to her kids...but that's not what we're talking about. Maybe living in the US will fatten her up a bit. I hear that English food sucks; maybe that's why she's so skinny......
Oh thank Christ. I've been thinking about calling out this scrote pretty much since the first day I stumbled upon this site, many months ago.
You did, however, fail to mention the fact that Beckham is more or less solely responsible for inflicting the fauxhawk upon the world. A crime for which he deserves to be loaded into a capsule and fired into deep space.
You did, however, fail to mention the fact that Beckham is more or less solely responsible for inflicting the fauxhawk upon the world. A crime for which he deserves to be loaded into a capsule and fired into deep space.
Beckham isn't such a bad guy. He just looks like a douchebag but you can't hate on any guy that still brings his kids to school every day that he's able to.
Of course, his wife is responsible for making the phrase "zigga zig uh" part our human conciousness and, for that, she is to be broken down.
- Ryan Seadouche
Of course, his wife is responsible for making the phrase "zigga zig uh" part our human conciousness and, for that, she is to be broken down.
- Ryan Seadouche
# posted by : 6:46 PM
: 6:46 PM
Who pay Beckham millions to come in america? idiots who buy those stupid star magazines who are boared of Britney and Paris? Hollywood is that in need?
# posted by : 7:52 PM
: 7:52 PM
The beckhams are perfect pollution to add to L.A. Vacuous, obsessed with themselves and, as Shakespeare said " signifying nothing.."
Survey Says? DOUCHE!
Oh, by the way, here's the latest MySpace bulletin from JOEY FcUkiin CARRERA:
WHiTESTONE BABYYYY
HOllAAAAAAA
Whatever the fuck that means. Jesus what a douche.
Oh, by the way, here's the latest MySpace bulletin from JOEY FcUkiin CARRERA:
WHiTESTONE BABYYYY
HOllAAAAAAA
Whatever the fuck that means. Jesus what a douche.
# posted by : 9:09 PM
: 9:09 PM
The international spectrum of douches never ceases to amaze me. Just when you think america has corners the douche market, some arabian douche outdouches them, now a eurodouche. I'm surprised I haven't seen an asian douche on here yet. There are probably even antartican douches I don't know about, with all the cheesiest parkas and snow gear accessories smugly posing with some dumb yet hot antarctic sluts.
# posted by : 1:49 AM
: 1:49 AM
Poor douche. Why did he get the a bunch of dumb tattoos. This fish faced bitch must've tricked him. He's a "Ken Douche".
Doesn't get much hotter than Posh Spice. She looks like a combination of Nicole Richie and my great grandmother. Nice ribs, sunburn, fake tits. That's the holy trinity of skank cleavage.
I hope this guy creeping up behind them is about to clang these two idiots' heads together like Moe from the Three Stooges. He looks pretty determined to, which gives me hope.
Unless Douchevid Beckham is about to go deep sea diving AND has 20/480 vision I'm pretty sure that his watch is unnecessary.
He is wearing the gayest wifebeater I've ever seen. The purse doesn't help. If Richard Simmons were straddling him in this picture his torso would actually look less gay.
Doesn't get much hotter than Posh Spice. She looks like a combination of Nicole Richie and my great grandmother. Nice ribs, sunburn, fake tits. That's the holy trinity of skank cleavage.
I hope this guy creeping up behind them is about to clang these two idiots' heads together like Moe from the Three Stooges. He looks pretty determined to, which gives me hope.
Unless Douchevid Beckham is about to go deep sea diving AND has 20/480 vision I'm pretty sure that his watch is unnecessary.
He is wearing the gayest wifebeater I've ever seen. The purse doesn't help. If Richard Simmons were straddling him in this picture his torso would actually look less gay.
# posted by : 2:01 AM
: 2:01 AM
I've followed Beckham's career since he was brought onto Man-U (Machester United Red Devils. I'm an IPL Soccer fan, so sue me). He's got mad talent on the pitch, but yeah. He's douche.
Victoria was crazy hot before going Skeletor on us.
-D'Ouchetagnan the Doucheketeer
Victoria was crazy hot before going Skeletor on us.
-D'Ouchetagnan the Doucheketeer
# posted by : 5:59 AM
: 5:59 AM
Ole! Hey guys, here's a couple bucks....stop in Mickey D's and get a couple cheesburgers, Skeletors.
Deuche Baggilo
Deuche Baggilo
Such good parents! Never mind that they just did a dual nude photo spread for W Magazine. Women who pose nude might not be the greatest moms in the world, but daddies who pose nude are just plain douchebags. That they are toying with Scientology is fascinating. Their best buds for life, Tom and Katie, are fast headed to the trash heap of American fame, and maybe they will drag their no talent British friends down with them. These two overhyped nobodies are going down in flames, and the over/under for them fleeing mean ol' America is 30 months from today. I say "under"...they'll be gone from here by Jan. 2010. And the $200 million they'll leave with just further illustrates that P.T. Barnum sure was right about suckers.
Thanks for the forum and the opportunity to vent, DB1.
Thanks for the forum and the opportunity to vent, DB1.
# posted by : 8:38 AM
: 8:38 AM
This looks like it might be pre-boobjob. She's got missle-titties. And you'd think dave would have thought to mix in a little bench-press work...his chest is practically concave.
Victoria was indeed hot when she weighed more than a kindergartener.
Still, from interviews and such, she's sort of a good mom, and he's sort of a down-to-Earth cool guy when not in the spotlight, which begs the question: Why pretend to be a douchbag with a vapid bleeth wife if you aren't really like that, you stupid douchebag?
Victoria was indeed hot when she weighed more than a kindergartener.
Still, from interviews and such, she's sort of a good mom, and he's sort of a down-to-Earth cool guy when not in the spotlight, which begs the question: Why pretend to be a douchbag with a vapid bleeth wife if you aren't really like that, you stupid douchebag?
# posted by : 8:44 AM
: 8:44 AM
soo many things to address:
1. no asian douches...
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2006/12/enter-douchebag.html
2. posh is a good mother... What kind of mother names her kids 'Brooklyn' 'Cruz' and 'romeo'? Is she TRYING to make them drag queens? seriously, you only meet guys named like that in a tijuana gay brothel.
3. Becks... yeah he's a douche, granted, but he's getting paid potentially A QUARTER OF A BILLION DOLLARS to play SOCCER in AMERICA. The average player salary in MLS is 130k. You gotta give him some cred just for having an agent smart enough to broker that deal.
4. as for us being suckers for taking him, well, all but 20 mil of his 5 yr deal is in profit sharing, which means if he doesn't fill the seats he doesn't get it. As for the bit he gets either way, the league has already made that back in jersey sales alone, and all of his games are already selling out months in advance, even the away games. (This is in a league where some teams cant even fill 1/4th of the stadiums they play in)
1. no asian douches...
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2006/12/enter-douchebag.html
2. posh is a good mother... What kind of mother names her kids 'Brooklyn' 'Cruz' and 'romeo'? Is she TRYING to make them drag queens? seriously, you only meet guys named like that in a tijuana gay brothel.
3. Becks... yeah he's a douche, granted, but he's getting paid potentially A QUARTER OF A BILLION DOLLARS to play SOCCER in AMERICA. The average player salary in MLS is 130k. You gotta give him some cred just for having an agent smart enough to broker that deal.
4. as for us being suckers for taking him, well, all but 20 mil of his 5 yr deal is in profit sharing, which means if he doesn't fill the seats he doesn't get it. As for the bit he gets either way, the league has already made that back in jersey sales alone, and all of his games are already selling out months in advance, even the away games. (This is in a league where some teams cant even fill 1/4th of the stadiums they play in)
# posted by : 10:21 AM
: 10:21 AM
Did anybody else laugh when they first heard David Bagham's voice? He sounds like a 8 year old.
With that said i have nothing against the man. Because while most men were busy at a job they don't like, with a woman they, "settled for," or no woman at all, he's made himself millions and landed a girl most men would kill for--all by doing what he loves.
There's something to be said for anyone who achieves that.
With that said i have nothing against the man. Because while most men were busy at a job they don't like, with a woman they, "settled for," or no woman at all, he's made himself millions and landed a girl most men would kill for--all by doing what he loves.
There's something to be said for anyone who achieves that.
While it apears that you broke several of your own rules DB1; this is obviously a unique example of the rare female Douchebag in the company of another douchebag.
@boingy
God Bless him and his Agent! But when your salary is paid by every team in the league; and the team you are on has the worst record in the league both on the field and in the box office; It sounds like a sinking ship to me. Yes, he's here to sell tickets, just like Pele was brought in to sell tickets for the Cosmos. The truth is, the bulk of the deal is cash from endorsements.
The problem with an American Soccor League is that the best players come from abroad. As such, all of the good players go home whenever there is a tournament or other large scale regional match and the U.S. employer/fans is left hanging, no if, ands or buts; FIFA Rule.
I agree with Anon 8:38; these two douchebags will be out of here in three years. And depending on real estate market conditions the Toolbox will be torn down and redeveloped as a mixed use housing/office luxury developement as the Galexy's Owner has done in the past with large tracks of underutilized real estate.
-Bagwan Singh
@boingy
God Bless him and his Agent! But when your salary is paid by every team in the league; and the team you are on has the worst record in the league both on the field and in the box office; It sounds like a sinking ship to me. Yes, he's here to sell tickets, just like Pele was brought in to sell tickets for the Cosmos. The truth is, the bulk of the deal is cash from endorsements.
The problem with an American Soccor League is that the best players come from abroad. As such, all of the good players go home whenever there is a tournament or other large scale regional match and the U.S. employer/fans is left hanging, no if, ands or buts; FIFA Rule.
I agree with Anon 8:38; these two douchebags will be out of here in three years. And depending on real estate market conditions the Toolbox will be torn down and redeveloped as a mixed use housing/office luxury developement as the Galexy's Owner has done in the past with large tracks of underutilized real estate.
-Bagwan Singh
# posted by : 2:55 PM
: 2:55 PM
Say what you want about BeckBagg, his SugarMama would get bent over my oldsmobile and have more beef in her than the whole town of Hamburg! I would eat the butt out of a dead skunk just to have ten minutes with her soiled holly hobbies! This hooker wouldn't just get dry-humped on Thanksgiving morning...she'd get her turkey stuffed, and by stuffed I mean nutted-on!
# posted by : 6:00 PM
: 6:00 PM
I wish I could fully agree with this, I really wish I could. But it is because I love the beautiful game so much, and because I know for a fact that Beckham is still good at what he does that I cannot fully agree. It is true that when not on the pitch Beckham presents to the world a 1st edition hardback cover of a douchebag. It is also true that he is no Kaka, no Ronaldo (the Portudouche one), no Steven Gerrard (You'll never walk alone), but as I said, he is still good at what he does and Real Madrid winning La Liga is a just a bit of proof. So is his recall to England. So is his dead ball ability. It's pretty easy to label many a pro atheletes as douchebags. For the jock element is a major part of a douchebag. Remember that folks. Anyway, so I guess Becks is a douche, but if some how soccer in America can gain from his presence than let him play the beautiful game.
# posted by : 7:12 PM
: 7:12 PM
The douche-loving whore beside Chancellor Scrotebeam look like an emaciated coke whore who takes fashion tips from the Olsen Twins. They both provoke my impulse to vomit upon myself with an intense fervor.
# posted by : 9:15 PM
: 9:15 PM
Bagwan Singh...
Real Salt lake has the worst record in the league. They've won 1 whole game this year. (galaxy is a close second) and LA's games are actually well attended, especially compared to other teams in the league, like kansas city.
Real Salt lake has the worst record in the league. They've won 1 whole game this year. (galaxy is a close second) and LA's games are actually well attended, especially compared to other teams in the league, like kansas city.
# posted by : 3:08 PM
: 3:08 PM
beckham is a ledgend. his wife is a tool. thus the reason he cheats on her on regular ocasions
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# posted by : 10:24 AM
: 10:24 AM << Home
