Got to go with #3 this week.

I always thought Roger McDowell was a douche when he pitched for the Mets, and this just confirms it.

-X
 

I believe somebody mentioned "Rick" from Magnum P.I., excellent observation. Oldbag is clearly a scrote, although he isn't nearly as bad as The Mack. But Olbag's HC is soooo hot. And if I could meet her in person, I MIGHT just let her put that finger somewhere naughty. My vote goes to Oldbag, because I admire him.

-Beelzebag
 

The Mack is clearly the bigger douche. His shirt is so tight that the buttons are about to pop off. I love his bling-bling earrings too which I'm sure get him sweet tang. Frankly, Finalist #3 is a badass.
 

I'd like to buy Finalist #3 a beer and shake his hand. I'd like to do much more to his hottie. Finalist #1 however, makes me sick to even look at him. He is clearly the biggest 'bag, and the hottie on the right is showing enough cleavage to carry the weight of the girl with Down Syndrome on the left. #1 it is.
 

Excellent selection this week. Prime hotties, and prime douches to choose from.

For me, I got to vote for the Mack. That pic didn't make me violently sick at first, but it grew on me. Pinhead jersey douche is classic, plus the girl on my right is all kinds of goodness.

And I can make fun of the Mullet Toad all I want, but when I'm his age I'd love to have a hottie like that on my arm. Unless it's my daughter. Then I'd be carrying the shotgun at all times as well.
 

I believe doc said that 'Indian Meditation' was the Bagsgiver, not The Mack.

I would've liked to see Twin Baggin' It in the running but I guess the twins have already had day in the sun, and by sun I mean toilet.

I'm going to have to vote for the Mack, he is the scrotest and the hottie is so hot. Richard Dean Anderson bag does not make me angry as much as he makes me laugh.
 

Axl Rose 'Bag brings out rage of Leonidas' level. I want to take an ancient sword and cut out his stuid ass grill. Plus, leopard hottie makes jimmy dean sizzle. #2!
 

I'm voting for The Mack because of the suspenders.
 

These choice, they bottle the mind. How does one choose between the creepy old man with the chain and the ultra douche with the sweet grill. This is like deciding which is a better runner, the 100 meter world champion or the marathon world champion. Axl Rose has an unstoppable burst of douchebaggery, but Mullet Toad has unprecedented longevity. He is the Cal Ripken of douches.
While innate characteristics are virtually indistinguishable, Axl Rose has given me an out, the pose. Unless there is a doctor in the room asking to examine his tonsils, there is no reason for Axl to have his tongue out. For this reason, and this reason alone, I vote Axl as the douchebag of the week.

#2
 

Weak Class who are going to get stomped in the monthly contest.....none of the hotties are hot.....this is making me have to shit.....

#3
 

I think this is actually a damn fine class. I equally hate all three douchebags. While i really don't care for Douche Zierings premmullet. Check out pics of Steve from 90210. I sort of feel sorry for him. He just doesnt know any better but he is rich enough to get that hot skinny pornstar.

The mack is pure Jersey douche. The kind that makes my skin crawl. Call him what you will, Mini Mack, Tiny Gangsta, Mighty Mousse, Massapeqa Midget, he is a jackass. The two girls are alright but frankly are not in the class of the other contestants. So while his jersey brand douche is tops, i cant vote for the combo.

Which brings us to #2. He is an attention grabbing douche. The kind of ass who pretends he is white trash when in fact he grew up filthy rich with parents who actually had class. It reminds me of the fact that poor inner city youth wear baseball caps with the labels on them, the brim incredibly flat and looking as new as possible. In a way of saying I have so much money my hat is b rand new. The corrallary to this is the rich stuck up lacrosse playing Long Island Douchebag who will wear a white college hat that is so unbelieveably dirty a brim curved so much that it boggles the mind. This is just another form of idiot adolescent rebellion from class mores. That is why i hate this ass. Thats what i see, maybe i am wrong but who knows. His lovely honey is the exact type i date. Not qoutrageouslyt hot, but pretty enough to make you look twice. She is a bag of good times. Those eyes, that smile. She is all sorts of goodness and you know she has a freaky deaky streak.

My vote goes to #2


SkanderDouche
 

The Mack.

the other two picts are equally disturbing, but The Mack embodies everything that is douche. and he's young, so he's got time to grow up and achieve douche status like that of Xenu or White Chocolate. the farce is strong in this one.

the crop on picture #3 leaves me wondering if this hairy-chested, mullet-sporting scrote is wearing any clothes at all. wait.......... i just threw up.
 

Mack
 

I'm going with Axl simply because he's a nice compromise candidate.
Mullet Toad's hottie is the hotest, but c'mon, can you really call him a douchebag? For what? Having a mullet? By that logic, EVERY Canadian hockey fan must also be a douchebag (there may be some merit to that argument, but we shan't go into it here).
And while the Mack is ever so much douchier than the competition, the douche faces of the girls just blow it for me. And not the good kind of blow it for me.
Which brings us to Axl. Not only does his girl have the winning smile to counter balance his tragic dental issues, but that perfectly displayed cleavite is a wonderful distraction from the blouse that douchebag stole from my grandma. Add to that the moronic hair, 'bag hand gestures and bling, plus the award winning giant dopey floating head in the background, and you have your winner.
 

Gotta agree with, Doc. While I dislike each of these scroteballs, they do not stand a chance in the monthly. I wish I could sacrifice them all on the altar of the Fish Slap.

If I had to pick one...well, like many others I have this odd sort of respect for the Mullet Toad. Of course, pfah nearly ruined it all with the "crop on picture #3" comment. Jesus Christ, that is sick.

Axl is yet another clownbag. A pretender to adulthood and not worthing of anything but a bullet. WTF shape are those grillz anyway? Is it like gold-plated hillbilly teeth? I can't tell.

Which leaves us with Sinatra's great great nephew, Mack. Yes, the hottie's are posing, and the Mack is looking silly in his shirt from the the 7th grade Homecoming dance, and yes they are all in high school and this is a prom or some such, but...

The hair. The plucked brows. The pose. His dad or a favorite uncle is douche and he has learned this from them. He is Pin Diesel's scrotey little cousin.

He is my choice for HCwDBotW.
 

Hmmmm...not the strongest ever contenders, but as DB1 wisely said long ago, there are ebbs and flows. It's actually a pretty tough choice, as each 'bag inspires rage in a different part of the brain and/or loins.

The jealousy factor I'm experiencing from Mullet Toad is going to be my guide this week. He's probably the least scrotependous of the competition, but she is mind-blowingly hot. He is by far the least deserving. Axl Rose 'bag might actually just be a trickster, though he does get bonus credit for the free-roaming Leader 'Bag in the BG. That is a serious noggin. The Mack...whatever. His girls are OK, but not amazing and I know for a fact that I could wipe him from the bottom of my shoes. Mullet Toad might be surprisingly spry. And he's got the thousand-yard douche stare.

In keeping with the marine biology theme, i vote for a leaping mullet FTW.
 

i vote for Bill engvall and his ridiculously hot little number.

#3
 

I vote for the oldbag.
 

Can I vote for Twin Bags again?

No? Ok then..#2
 

Gotta vote for Oldbag. Anyone who can rock a mullet, gold chain, hairy chest, a gut that size and STILL score a chick wins by default.

I bet she did the same thing I do when I see someone who looks like a tool and I want photographic evidence: "Hey, you look just like my Uncle. Can I get my picture taken with you? He won't believe the resemblance!"

*Click*

And that's how it goes. They always let you take their photo. Always.
 

We'll see about that in Vegas next summer, MJ. You'll be wanting the photo evidence and I won't be buying the uncle story.
 

All I can say is these candidates are ripe for the picking. And by "the picking," I mean, "the shark tank."

The only way for me to pick a winner is by thinking who makes me want to punch puppies and children more.

Let's see.....Mullet Toad is the winner! I really like his hottie. I mean, I REALLY REALLY like his hottie. She has the cutest little ties on her bikini. sigh.
As for him, all I can say is, GOLD NECKLACE and HAIRY CHEST. come on people. He doesn't deserve her!

ugh, i need to lie down....
 

BVD..I wasn't aiming that comment at you... unless you want me to take your photo?

Believe me, I want to if your ass looks like the statue of David's. I have a soft spot for nice legs and butts. I'd just ask you to drop trou and turn around. :)
 

#1 is the winner

#3 is idol in my book. he is a fat dirty old man with a mullet and a super hot chick on his arm. I hope this is me in 20 years.

the alpha douche
 

I vote "Mullet Toad"
I'm not too surprised by this picture though.
I mean, if you tell enough strippers you're in the "movie" business eventually one of them will be dumb enough to believe you.
I'd be glad to demonstrate at the Vegas Douche convention next summer.
 

Mullet Toad gets my vote, also based on the fact that his hottie is SOOOOOOOO hot and lickable (and you KNOW she takes it in the....). Granted he's not exactly the text book douchebags that we've come to loathe, but as has been stated, HAIRY CHEST AND BELLY, MULLET, GOLD (or vermeil) NECKLACE, and the BEER GUT. Until I know the true story behind why these two are in the same frame of a camera lens, he's a D.O.M. Douchey Old Man......
 

I have to vote for Mullet Toad. Because his naked stomach is touching her naked stomach.
 

The Mack, for:

Suspenders = total douchebag.
 

Let's see, a little bling, check.
A douchey expression, check.
Stupid hair, check.
Hot hottie, check.
Damn, it's a 3 way tie!

As a tie breaker I'm going with amount of supple, soft and smooth young skin exposed by hottie. Mullet Toad.

And I must agree with kellybelly, those little ties are cute. And I REALLY, REALLY like that you REALLY, REALLY like her!
 

The Toad. I hate him. I feel for all of her ex boyfriends, and future boyfriends. She sleeps with The Toad.
Imagine, for a moment, walking on the beach with a few of your friends...

"Hey, there's that ultra hot girl you used to date."

"Oh yeah, she broke my heart, but boy, did we have some wild times."

(But really what you should have said was,
"When we had sex, it was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway."
Because you know that thing is used.)

Now imagine The Toad, like so many of his amphibious brothers before him, breaching the surface of the water, then lumbering over to her and putting his hand on the small of her back.

Devastating. They knew you were dating a slut, but they didn't know that you shared her insides with such vile creatures.

Sorry for the rant. I actually wanna vote for the idiot with the suspenders.
That look on his face leaves me with a rage few have known.

-That One Douchebag
 

Really don't mean to hijack the thread but I'm perplexed that all the women find Mullet Toad's hottie hot.

I already voted for the Mack partly because his hottie with the zebra(ish) print dress is by far the most delicious and least bleethed. Axl Rose's hottie is all kinds of goodness too, espetially with that knockout smile with a bazillion teeth. Mullet Toad's hottie, kinda like a stripper. Small breasts, misshapen fingers, drunk look. Yeah she's hot, but she's a mile behind all the hotties in this competition.

I know it's a matter of personal tastes, but it seems that mine is too far off the norm.
 

#2 really irks the hell out of me, what a jerkoff. His girl is sooo pretttyy, But he's not quite the classic douchebag of either #1 or #3.

#1, looks like "prom hijinks" I'm afraid. He's going for the 'stoneface douche' look a'la the Twins of late, but doesn't quite pull it off. So while he shows strong potential, and by strong potential I mean choadonic scrotenacity, he lacks some key components.

So that leaves #3, Mullet Toad Douche. A wide aesthetic discrepancy between choad and hottie plus a minamalist approach wins my vote, and by win I mean "what a douchebag, boy he will he get trounced by the stronger ones in the pipeline, so 'ha ha' in the manner of Bart Simpson".

--Vinny Scumbaglia
 

How did a scrote toad like that land on such a nice lily pad? Give it up for #3 -- he's pure Parrothead Douche.

(The cognitive dissonance from this pic is mixing all my metaphors.)

(I wish I could mix her metaphors.)

(Sigh. Sweet goddam sigh.)
 

While his female companion is all kinds of young and delectable, Mullet 'bag's 'baggery is not of the same caliber as the other two 'bags.

For me, it comes down to #1 and #2...

I'm going with #2 Axle because his hottie looks like the kind of sweety I'd like to divorce someday...And Axle's douchey attributes leave little doubt that he really is all that is douche.

Amerigo Vesdouchey
 

The thing I like about Mullet Toad's pic is it just screams the mullet motto, "Business in the front, party in the back". I can't vote for him though because that has to be his daughter, I simply can't accept any other scenario.

The Mack is a typical wannabe douche who has watched too many rap videos. He's wearing suspenders, which is particularly annoying, plus he is giving me a look that makes want want to jump over and through any barriers like a rapid dog and pummel his face until he stops moving.

But I am throwing in my vote for the underdog, Axl Rose 'bag. He has shown tremendous versatility in his two pics, showing two pretty different, equally douchey looks. I didn't give him credit with his first pic, since I was certain it was Halloween or something, but his second pic confirms that he looks like a retarded choad on a regular basis. Plus, pinky rings make my soul hurt.
 

Axl Rose bag does not take me down to Paradise City. The pinky ring and stupid glasses seal this pick for me.
 

I have a dream.
I have dream that someday -someday- all men -all men- shall know restraint.
That temperate men shall not need to denigrate their brothers; judging one another brother for the audacity of his bling.
That all men shall walk humbly before the hotties.
But until that day -until that day- let us all pray:
O Lord, let mild-mannered programmer '92 Civic-hoopty-driver white-boy behind Rose-Bag draw his Bic from his pocket-protector and stab that abomination, that affront to meeker man in the back... repeatedly.
And then let him proclaim, loudly, and proudly -from the mountain-top- "YOU! YOU, are HOT CHICK with DOUCHEBAG of the WEEK!"
 

el doucheablo is outta his friggin mind. sure, she's not leaving much to the imagination. i fail to see how this is a bad thing.

tell you what, me, jailergrrl, kellybelly and mistress julie'll stomp Mullet Toad, steal his morsel, and drink a couple bottles of 'train. whatever happens happens. you can hang out with Axl 'Bag, the girl next door, and hydrocephalic david cross.

Then we'll compare notes.
 

Finalist #1 gets my vote.

Sit him down with 2 hotties and he's a douchebag.

Stand him up with 2 hotties and he's a douchebag.

Take away the hotties and he's a douchebag.

See him walking down the street and he's a douchebag.

See him across the counter making sandwiches at Quizno's and he's a douchebag.

Hanging out on the corner with the rest of his Jersey douchebag friends and he's still a douchebag.

#2 comes close on all accounts, but the final factor that swayed the vote was his chin. All shined up and ready to go, a shiney Jersey chin trumps chin pubes in this case.

#1.
 

Much better dream, Mitch.
Salud.

... cue sound of 'Train goin' down.
 

It is a weak field of scrote this time. Compared to last week's brawl-o-douche. But, nonetheless we need to fairly evaluate the contestants. And by "evaluate", I mean shoot paintballs into thier balls at point blank range.

The Mack does nothing for me. He does not inspire rage. Maybe it's because of the extremely bleethed out chicks yanking on his suspenders. Chicks making douchey faces does not help a candidate. I will grant you that his shirt is classic douche - get one that fits! But he's not popping his collar, has no visible bling or tats. He is making a douche face, but his is tame compared to the ones being made by his chicks. I just get no rage here. They deserve each other.

Axl Rose 'Bag, however, does inspire the rage. I want to yank his facial pubes out with a sledgehammer. His Veronica Mars chick is just as cute as they come, all kind of short, blond goodness. I'd club her over the head and drag her back to my cave! *ugh* *ugh* *ugh*

Mullet Toad. Sweet Mother Of God, what is this? There's only one thing to say about him. He is pressing bikini-hottie into his massive hairy blubber. And notice how she is smiling and not vomiting?

This gives him the win.

Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
 

Rose bag, all the way!!! #2, since that is what he is.... a big pile of number two.
 

It's Mullet Toad for me.

#1 and #2 upset me a little but Mullet Toad make me furious. His expression plus the saucy little hottie just put me over the top.
 

I vote for the raccoon ... err, I mean, the Mack, with the hopes that the hotties released their grips on his suspenders immediately following this photograph, creating a delightful slingshot action, and leaving him with much chestal bruising.

bonus points for zebra-print hottie, who bruises my heart.

#1.
 

Mitchy baby...I am sending you my RSVP on that party train. ;) I'll keep the tire irons hidden in the trunk until we need them
 

I think i can actually smell Mullet Toad's cologne. This is truly a silverbag gorilla stare down. The look on his face is the equivilant of a very intimidating chest pound.

He may only be seconds away from peeing on her to stake his territory--or he could just like water sports.

Either way, he is the type of fat old man that licks the foil lid to his ranch dressing.

HOWEVER, the silverbag has commanded my respect. UNLIKE Axl,
who I want to smash in the face with a very old hammer, and then mary his HC. She is my fave H.C. yet. She is a golden god.

my vote: Axl Rose.
 

I am torn between #1, the more classic douche stylings of Jersey and #3, a different sort of douche. However, I choose #3.

For those disinclined to vote for #3 on the grounds of envy/admiration, I think you are underestimating one simple douche factor. This guy is not wearing a shirt. Think about that. And don't come back with a "but it's a pool themed party" or some feeble retort. It may be. But if so, this merely emphasizes the fact that this guy thought it would be a great idea to not only attend such a party, but to show up without any trace of a shirt, despite his Homer-esque (Simpson, not the Greek poet) gut and vestigial arms lacking any discernible muscle tone. Lest you think that is the sum of his transgression, remember that he decided to accessorize his disturbing chest/gut hair pattern with a gold chain that should have faded into the twilight along with the Village People and the Pinto. In combination with the hairdo he dropped on the crowd, I have a suspicion that an archaelogical expedition of his abode would yield some fresh shag carpet (of a nice burnt orange color), pressed wood wall paneling, and some sweet Peter Frampton tour posters, complemented by advanced macrame accessories. But I digress.

The point is, this guy went way beyond "innocent and respectable old dude fighting the good fight" and crossed into "absurdly self-oblivious paunch-bag" when he left the shirt at home. This week, #3 is more than just a Fish Slap dogtag or a Twin Bag rugby shirt.
 

Got to be Axl 'Bag. He looks like he's been down to Douchebags R Us and bought the complete starter package (hottie sold seperately).
 

If stereotypes have taught me anything, it's that the Mack could have me killed by calling any of his cousins, all of whom are named Petey. We shall discuss him no further. Hottie to our right, however, is utter yumminess. Her bathwater tastes like sweet sweet Kool Aid. Oh yeah! She is oddly offset by the femmunculus on the left. What. the. fuck.

Mullet is a sight, but since he is pounding that ass right this moment, he gets respect. She's not as hot as Mack's hottie, but the lady has knowledge. Godspeed, Mullet.

That leaves Axl. Douche wah diddy, diddy dum, diddy douche. Axl gets my vote.
 

I'm of the opinion that once you turn 40, you are no longer a douchebag. You turn into a pervert or a jackass at that point. I believe the douchebag designation is for anyone from 16-39 who clearly should know better.

That being said, normally I'd vote for Jamie Gillis (#3), but I have to go for Axl on principle.
 

The Mack reminds me of Pin Diesel. Same greased back Jersey Italian hair, similar douche qualities.

Normally he would get my vote, I mean the suspenders and the shirt so tight the bottom buttons are nearly popping, c'mon.

But I gotta give it up to Oldbag with the mullet. His HC is better, he's rockin the gold chain and his pose into the camera just states "I've been a douchebag all my life and I'm still rocking it, gettin greasy with a chick half my age."

That kind of lifetime baggery deserves respect from DB's and Baghunters alike. The Mack is a fine young baggling who may grow to expose a hairy chest and fat belly while latched on to a HC, until that day he should bow down to Mullet Toad. A true douche pioneer in his field.
 

Definitely #1 for motherfucker of the week...


Don Juan de la Douche
 

#3 Hands down... the chic is SOOOO the hottest... Ghaaaa!
BUB
 

definitly old bag...this country of ours has shunned our elderly for too long! it's time to turn back the clock to a time when old bags were treated with a level of reverence and respect greater than that of the loathesome young bag. at least old bag is comfortable with the fact that he's a bag and accepts his lot in life. go tom berenger...proud of you buddy!
 

After careful summation, I see it like this. . .

#1: The pertinence on the left looks likes she's squeezing out a greasy fart. Know why? CoOOOOOcaine!

#2: WTF is going on in that guy's mouth? Is he some kind of deep space X-ray receiver? And she teaches special-ed typing at the Las Vegas Upper Lower Middle High School. Too nice to be with this. . .oh wait, I see it now. . .CoOOOOcaine!!!

#3: Hot hoochie + fat hairy old guy + porn = CoOOOOcaine!!
 

And after careful examination and consideration of my own comments, I submit that the winner is THE ROOSTER!

Even though that was weeks ago.
 

As a woman, for me the choice is simple. Yes Axl Rose bag is incredibly douche: the face, the hair, and do I spy a grill? Oldbag....ehhh, not so much. Yes the bling is ever present, but other than that I don't see the level of douchesity that I need. I do agree that the hc's in #2 and #3 are at a higher level, although #3 has that can't get clean kind of look. For me the clear choice is The Mack. Girl on the left doesn't exactly qualify as a hc, but the one on the right has an Olsen Twin kind of thing happening, but with a bigger rack. Then there is the scrote in the middle, the fact that he probably orchastrated that pose, the too tight shirt, the suspenders (wtf?), and the smug look on his face--that's the clincher for me. He is eau de douche, the essence of douche if you will.

***The Mack gets the vote for me***
 

I nominate #1...Gotti Jr. Douche.


And Mullet Toad is a legend NOT a Douche....unless that's his daughter or another relative..then he is a douche

Snoop Doggy Douche
 

The Mack: Chalk up two more young neighborhood Italian girls lost to the influence of slimebag mini-crooks. This photo makes me think one thing: reload.

Axl Rose 'Bag: Is that a real grill or just a tin foil mockery? Either way, he looks like a Greg Behrendt clone who watched Salem's Lot a few too many times.

Mullet Toad: I can't stop punching myself in the head trying to figure out what's going on here.

All three of these make me sad in one way or another. The hotties make this a really close one, but I vote for The Mack.
 

Oooooooooooooooooooold Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag.
or otherwise Mullet Toad.

when a hottie points at the photo and dares you to vote for her man, you have to oblige. RIGHT?

oh and the blog of this lady Norelle is causing all my blood cells to crystallize.
 

The Mack....no question
 

#1 - The Mack
 

#2, Axl Rose 'Bag

Aside from the fact that his shirt looks like he vomited vegetable soup all over it, his douche credentials have already been well established in previous pics. The pinky ring puts him over the top. Plus, his hottie and her toothsome smile brings me to my sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-knees.

23 Skidouche
 

Does it take 63 comments? Mullet Toad, by a pondful.
 

this week is an easy one - there is only one true douche in the running.

first, much respect to willie aames' mullet and gut - a fierce combo indeed. one can only dream to have hotties like that at that age while in that shape.

axl is more of an asswipe than anything. doesn't cheap dental bling disqualify you? it does in my book.

the mack screams "start spreading the douche, i'm 'bagging today"...and 2 hc's seals the deal.
 

Fat Greg Kinnear, a.k.a. Mullet Toad, doesn't piss me off enough. Besides, I loved him in Mystery Men.

Nope, gotta go with Axl Bag. His hottie makes me warm in my nethers and his grill sends a chill across my heart.

Number 2.

Scooby Douche
 

Dushbag #1. Only douchebags where suspenders.
 

Axl has the hot chick. But I'm going with Mack
 

david 3:22 gets it this week for his spelling.
 

Mr. Mega Douchesaurus is obviously hiding his gayness behind that Wank-u-For-A-Dollar skank babe who's holding him up.

Jesus he looks like he just finished giving head to the 'Jaws' guy in the old James Bond movies.
 

Well played to art of the douche for "vestigial arms"--that's definitely one of my favorites!

I want to clarify two things:

First, Mack is a gifted douche-in-training. One of the first things I ask when I look at a new picture is, "Is the douchebag paying any attention at all to the hot chick(s)?" This douche is not, and they're TAKING OFF HIS CLOTHES. Whaddadouche. His master must be proud of how far he's come in such short time.

Second, Zebra Girl on Right: very cute face, fantastic breasts. Just amazingly succulent. Sweet, sweet peace flows over me as I gaze into the valley of cleavite.

I'll throw in a vote for #1, if I'm not too late.
 

When I was 39, it was a very bad year,
It was a very bad year for small-town girls in leopard-print tops,
And scrotes with Austin Powers mops,
I'd bet his after shave is Tag,
I vote for Axl Rose 'Bag.
 

Axl, I'm too fucked up for an explanation
 

If it's not too late, you can mark me as voting for Mullet Toad. I've tried to rationalize it for two days now and have failed. If I can't explain it to myself, how can I hope to explain it to the assembled witnesses here today.

Some things are beyond reason.
Things like Mullet Toad.
Christ I'm drunk.
 

Axe body spray and Ex is a helluva drug.