Thursday, May 24, 2007
Ask DB1

douche baggins writes in and asks:
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I was wondering if it is possible to turn your 'bagness on and off? In other words, would it be possible for a scrote to have vast amounts of douchitude one day, then the next clean up and be the Anti-Grieco, and when Friday night rolls around and a full moon imparts its light upon a Jersey boy he begins to transform into a grease-faced, porcupine-scalp, shocker-waving douche?
Or is it more like, "once a douche, always a douche?"
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When meditating and ruminating on the 'bag/not a 'bag duality, it is important to consider douchosity as a spiritual essence, and douche signifiers simply the manifestation of that essence. So once one has crossed over to 'Bag, one ceases to be un-'Bag in any meaningful way, whether the signs are there or not. Like any spiritual crossing, 'Bag remains 'Bag in either active or covert state.
There is a road back to un-'Bag for even the most polluted Jersey choad, but this process is complex and requires dedicated commitment to reform one's douchey ways. The keen 'Bag Hunter can usually spot dormant douchitude even in a scrote trying to hide. One must simply train the eye. The signs are always there.
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There was a douchebag like this at my sister's wedding last month. He was a a friend of the groom. He dressed and behaved normally at the wedding, but by the time he got the the reception, he had gelled his hair into a fauxhawk, donned some huge sunglasses (inside naturally), lost his tie and popped the collar on his white dress shirt. I'm still waiting to see if anybody snapped a photo of him, you guys wouldn't believe it.
I'd be so embarrassed if that guy showed up at my wedding. Shouldn't security have stopped him at the door?
I might actually be a little frightened of this douche if it weren't for the gay ass sunglasses. Instead I'm going to point right back and laugh/mock/ridicule him. Please tell me her hand is not touching his junk.
I can see just enough of the HC behind Douche Willis' drink glass to know that I would instantly soil myself if she fondled my junk
Of course this douchebag is drinking some cola-based beverage. Wasn't there a time when men drank beer or scotch. I guess since we get our cultural cues from MTV and the NFL everything's fair game.
I believe that a non-bag can knowingly don douche apparel (haberdouchery--I will keep using it until it catches on) for legitimate purposes--amusement, infiltration, HC poaching--without going native. It is a dangerous game. Perhaps the most dangerous.
Bruce? Bruce Willis is that you? Why are you wearing those lame sunglasses? And why in God's name are you wearing a blue satin shirt with that bad tie? Is your stylist on meth again? Is that diet you are drinking because you know how soda goes right to your belly. Did your agent tell you it would be a good idea to do Armageddon or were they on meth too? Oh that's right. It was cocaine back then. Oops! My bad.
My goodness! I noticed you sure have traded down since Demi. Isn't that Ashton character she's married to a total choad? Do you agree? Do you? Did he ever Punk you? That would be really funny if he did. Well? Did he?
Hey, quit pointing and answer me!
My goodness! I noticed you sure have traded down since Demi. Isn't that Ashton character she's married to a total choad? Do you agree? Do you? Did he ever Punk you? That would be really funny if he did. Well? Did he?
Hey, quit pointing and answer me!
Scrote-in-hiding is almost always given away by the lips.
Douchebags, when they hear something they don't comprehend or if attention is turned their way, will always give a variation of the smirk. They think it makes them look wise and superior.
It's just another assface with teeth, like Seagram's Golden Wine Cooler boy shown here.
Douchebags, when they hear something they don't comprehend or if attention is turned their way, will always give a variation of the smirk. They think it makes them look wise and superior.
It's just another assface with teeth, like Seagram's Golden Wine Cooler boy shown here.
Greetings from Middle-earth.
Thank you, Holy DB1. You've answered my question thoroughly and to my satisfaction.
By the way, that's Rick Bruiser from Super Punch Out
Thank you, Holy DB1. You've answered my question thoroughly and to my satisfaction.
By the way, that's Rick Bruiser from Super Punch Out
there was an old Simpsons episode where Bart conned his way through most of said episode with the "finger of death".
guess how things ended? ok i'm being too optimistic.
great pose from a great hottie though. grrrr...
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guess how things ended? ok i'm being too optimistic.
great pose from a great hottie though. grrrr...
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