Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Ask DB1

I'm starting a new section here at HCwDB where you ask me, The DB1, your humble narrator in all things douchey/hottie, various questions on the hottitude and scrotitude that plague our fair shores. And I'll try to give my best woozy and alcoholic fueled rant-like answer.
I will seek to facilitate all of our journeys down the spiritual path of douche-enlightenment. To answer the darkest 'baggiest questions that plague your soul like so many early 1990s Richard Grieco movies. Like If Looks Could Kill. Yeesh.
If you have a question regarding any and all things hottie/douchey and would like an answer, email it in to me at douchebag1@hotchickswithdouchebags.com
I'd also like to welcome all new traffic coming by way of yesterday's mention on Gawker. If you're new to the ways of 'bag hunting and hottie drooling, welcome. You'll pick up the lingo in a few days, or check out the FAQ if you have any other questions.
Also, the site was featured in this month's Rolling Stone magazine, page 42. I couldn't find an online link to the Rolling Stone feature, so you'll just have to go to the bookstore and check it out. It's the one with The Holy Proto-'Bag Who is Not 'Bag, Keith Richards, on the cover. As well as Johnny Depp, whose early douchitude gave way to actual talent.
Mmm... young Winona. I'd Heathers her Lucas while Mermaiding her Beetlejuice.
EDIT: Forgot to mention that each post will be accompanied by a random HCwDB pic, like the one featured here, which will likely have little to do with the question at hand. The reason for this partially involves monkey spittle. But also the fact I'm not remotely organized enough to tie the two together. But mostly, I blame monkey spittle.
Comments:
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Pulease! Douchebag, check. But where is the hottie? Sitting at the bar with her back turned to the camera? Hey, I'm all for an active imagination (if, by active imagination you mean drug fueled hallucination), but isn't this asking a bit much of us DB1? I mean, shouldn't we be allowed to see her face, or a shoulder, or at least some cleavite?
I can't believe the momentum this site is gaining. I even saw a plug for it in a fark thread the other day. Somebody said it was the best site ever, and even posted a pic of Pumpy. If I could stomach reading RS I would check it out. Congratulations either way though.
Dear DB1,
I am a somewhat new poster on your site and I would like to know one thing about this pic. What the fuck? Is this you? Usually all the pics have headers referring to some sort of abject malfeasance going on in the picture itself, but this one clearly has only YOUR name above. But it does'nt look like you. No Von Douche hat and shirt, no chin pubes, no exposed underwear. Perhaps it's just a simple representation of the average douche one might expect to encounter at, say the local Applebees or TGIF. Just wondering.
I am a somewhat new poster on your site and I would like to know one thing about this pic. What the fuck? Is this you? Usually all the pics have headers referring to some sort of abject malfeasance going on in the picture itself, but this one clearly has only YOUR name above. But it does'nt look like you. No Von Douche hat and shirt, no chin pubes, no exposed underwear. Perhaps it's just a simple representation of the average douche one might expect to encounter at, say the local Applebees or TGIF. Just wondering.
I'll bet you "happy endings" this is an actual photo of DB1.
(and I'll bet my bets are more fun that any of yours...just a guess)
(and I'll bet my bets are more fun that any of yours...just a guess)
Publicity is both good and bad for this site. For one, it could bring more fun to the site. It could also bring about more anonymous fucktards, and at worse - some 'bags may not like their pics online with people making fun of them, and ask they be removed.
Ok, I would love a happy ending now. Thanks
Ok, I would love a happy ending now. Thanks
Yeah, I'm all for promoting DB1's stock but lately these new posters are uninteresting, too sensitive and generally illiterate.
Then again I'm overweight, gay and illiterate.
Then again I'm overweight, gay and illiterate.
Let's just hope that when DB1 goes totally "big", he doesn't start jumping the shark like starting an advice column/thread for questions. ;) Just kidding bro. Just don't forget about the ones that have been there from the days when you were just a lonely, Train drinking, Hoho eating douchebag loser. Oh yeah. You're still one, and we are STILL your ever loyal supporters.
I also see the choad wad, but not a hot chick. She's cute though. Very lovely smile. :)
I also see the choad wad, but not a hot chick. She's cute though. Very lovely smile. :)
I've been reading this site for about a year and I just want to say that this is the first time that I've felt the urge to want to really, REALLY take a sharp cleaver to a 'bag's tounge. Right now I have that urge. Granted, he's no trophy like Pumpy or even soon-to-be trophy in Syndrome, but I just really want to take a cleaver to his tounge. For fun.
As far as the hottie goes, don't knock older women... they're sexier, more experienced and know how to keep their mouth shut about things. I'd love to show her what a real tounge can do on the inside of her leg. But that's just me.
As far as the hottie goes, don't knock older women... they're sexier, more experienced and know how to keep their mouth shut about things. I'd love to show her what a real tounge can do on the inside of her leg. But that's just me.
I had to look twice, but this choadform resembles a friend of mine almost to a T. Yeah, he's also quite the 'bag.
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