Monday, November 20, 2006
HCwD of the Week: Sandbag Edition
Not sure why these three are "SandBags." Maybe I'm running out of 'bag puns. Maybe they make me want to sandpaper my eyeballs out. Some of these aren't as truly grease drippingly scrotey a selection of douchitude as last week with White Chocolate and Socrates Douche, but still some choice douchebaggery and seriously smoking hotties to choose from this week. So without further ado, lets get to the 'baggery.
HCwD of the Week #1: Barbarino 'Bag
The urge to punt this scrote in the nads is positively transfixing. I can think of nothing else. Well, except my deep and abiding love for this candy corn Halloween treat. So clean. So perky.
I love her.
I know I've said that before. I know you think I fall in and out of love faster than a hard up Whitney Houston trying to score smack in Vegas. I know I've said it before about other hotties.
But this one is special. And she's been mauled by one of the extras from "Rumblefish." Whether this pud's real name is Billy, Barry or Bobby, I want to roll him up in a rug and dump him in the east river.
Damn this pic makes me mad.
Moving on:
HCwD of the Week #2: Alice and the Mad Hatter
This one really just kinda sorta speaks volumes without my having to say anything extra, don't it?
Well if I gotta say something, it's simply that I'd like to pluck out Mad Hatter's 'stache bit by bit with a rusty tweasers. Anyone who fondles a cutie like that while wearing the Kill Bill outfit deserves a beating. The Elvis glasses are what knocked this 'bag into the finalist category.
Not to mention the hotness of Alice here. I like.
HCwD #3: Bloom 'Bag and the Striped Raven
This is one of those rare HCwD pics where the strength of the hottie helps elevate it to the final round. Not to say Orlando Bloom'Bag here isn't the embodiment of all that is greasy wrong with culture and society in today's post-douchic world.
She is so damn fine. I know I said I was in love a few minutes ago. But now I'm really in love.
But first I would set a hungry ferret at work taking care of that boney scrod so I could get Striped Raven all by lonesome.
Special shout-out to Tux Scrote, and FootBag, both of whom just missed the cut. So what say you, people? Who's our 'bag of the week? As always, vote in the comments thread.
HCwD of the Week #1: Barbarino 'Bag
The urge to punt this scrote in the nads is positively transfixing. I can think of nothing else. Well, except my deep and abiding love for this candy corn Halloween treat. So clean. So perky.
I love her.
I know I've said that before. I know you think I fall in and out of love faster than a hard up Whitney Houston trying to score smack in Vegas. I know I've said it before about other hotties.
But this one is special. And she's been mauled by one of the extras from "Rumblefish." Whether this pud's real name is Billy, Barry or Bobby, I want to roll him up in a rug and dump him in the east river.
Damn this pic makes me mad.
Moving on:
HCwD of the Week #2: Alice and the Mad Hatter
This one really just kinda sorta speaks volumes without my having to say anything extra, don't it?
Well if I gotta say something, it's simply that I'd like to pluck out Mad Hatter's 'stache bit by bit with a rusty tweasers. Anyone who fondles a cutie like that while wearing the Kill Bill outfit deserves a beating. The Elvis glasses are what knocked this 'bag into the finalist category.
Not to mention the hotness of Alice here. I like.
HCwD #3: Bloom 'Bag and the Striped Raven
This is one of those rare HCwD pics where the strength of the hottie helps elevate it to the final round. Not to say Orlando Bloom'Bag here isn't the embodiment of all that is greasy wrong with culture and society in today's post-douchic world.She is so damn fine. I know I said I was in love a few minutes ago. But now I'm really in love.
But first I would set a hungry ferret at work taking care of that boney scrod so I could get Striped Raven all by lonesome.
Special shout-out to Tux Scrote, and FootBag, both of whom just missed the cut. So what say you, people? Who's our 'bag of the week? As always, vote in the comments thread.
Comments:
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it's obviously between #1 and #3 given #2 just creeps me out, both hatter and the chick.
i go with #3 because his chick is hotter and he's got some really douchey chains going on. not to mention a swarm of pube all over his face.
like it really matters, whoever moves on to HCwD of the month is going up against the new york yankees and boston red sox of doucheness (pat and socrates).
Blog the Douchehunter
i go with #3 because his chick is hotter and he's got some really douchey chains going on. not to mention a swarm of pube all over his face.
like it really matters, whoever moves on to HCwD of the month is going up against the new york yankees and boston red sox of doucheness (pat and socrates).
Blog the Douchehunter
# posted by 
: 9:59 AM
: 9:59 AM
I couldn't agree with you more. The chick in #1 is simply amazing, but she has an Eric Bana-douche draping off of her flashing gang signs. The hanging-open bottom lip is not only a sign of pure, unadulterated douchiness but it shows he is as confused as we are as to why he is even in this pic with such a hottie.
I vote #1.
Brad Pitt's Retarded brother
I vote #1.
Brad Pitt's Retarded brother
# posted by : 10:23 AM
: 10:23 AM
#3
I could write a paean to his douchiness, but would prefer to sum up my feelings with this statement: I fear that the last nipple I see might be his.
Double Bagger
I could write a paean to his douchiness, but would prefer to sum up my feelings with this statement: I fear that the last nipple I see might be his.
Double Bagger
# posted by : 10:48 AM
: 10:48 AM
the thought of having to actually substantiate douche as a quantity is absolutely, painfully perplexing. on this i'd have to disqualify #2 completely since his chick just isn't pulling her weight, although this guy wishes he was uma thurman. that leaves...
dah dah dahhhh...
#1 and #3. here's where quantifying must take place. at first glance, you'd expect #1 to have at least a master's degree in douchiness, what with the overly-contrived 'bagwear and dumb glasses and face...but then i notice the bottom lip hanging, and realize that he's probably standing mouth-agape in a simian attempt at breathing. he's a pre-historic fish; a bottom-feeding shark. if he stops moving, he'll suffocate. he knows not what he does. therefore, i'm compelled to think that his douche infection is so advanced, that his body is composed of over 70% douche, vice water. needless to say, his girl is a stunner...but in my opinion she can merely only approach the degree of wholesome hotness that finds herself tragically attached to greasebag #3. in spite of his exposed manmaries (obviously baring them got him his beads) and parlour jacket, he's at least capable of keeping his mouth closed AND maintain the ability to breathe. his condition is not as advanced. in my professional opinion, he's only approximately 61% douche.
although i cannot judge #3 to be the bigger douche, he definitely has the hotter chick.
dah dah dahhhh...
#1 and #3. here's where quantifying must take place. at first glance, you'd expect #1 to have at least a master's degree in douchiness, what with the overly-contrived 'bagwear and dumb glasses and face...but then i notice the bottom lip hanging, and realize that he's probably standing mouth-agape in a simian attempt at breathing. he's a pre-historic fish; a bottom-feeding shark. if he stops moving, he'll suffocate. he knows not what he does. therefore, i'm compelled to think that his douche infection is so advanced, that his body is composed of over 70% douche, vice water. needless to say, his girl is a stunner...but in my opinion she can merely only approach the degree of wholesome hotness that finds herself tragically attached to greasebag #3. in spite of his exposed manmaries (obviously baring them got him his beads) and parlour jacket, he's at least capable of keeping his mouth closed AND maintain the ability to breathe. his condition is not as advanced. in my professional opinion, he's only approximately 61% douche.
although i cannot judge #3 to be the bigger douche, he definitely has the hotter chick.
# posted by : 11:01 AM
: 11:01 AM
After much pondering, I have to go with #3. I think #1 has much more going for his douchiness, but #3 is with that red hair goddess. Ultimately, it was his showing of the nipple that did it for me: all-mighty-douchiness.
Lady Douche
Lady Douche
# posted by : 11:05 AM
: 11:05 AM
I'm goin to have to disqualify bag number 2 because he looks more like some creepy child molestor rather than a douchebag, though his outfit is just plain ridiculous. His hottie just ain't doing anything for me either.
That leaves 1 and 3. It's a tough choice but I'm going to have to vote for 1 because that turd is trying to be Fonzie and I really dig a chick in glasses. 3 was in a close 2nd with the nipple flash though. *shudders*
That leaves 1 and 3. It's a tough choice but I'm going to have to vote for 1 because that turd is trying to be Fonzie and I really dig a chick in glasses. 3 was in a close 2nd with the nipple flash though. *shudders*
# posted by : 11:26 AM
: 11:26 AM
#2 Hat-Douche is right out- more of a troll-like presence than true douchery.
#1 Barbarino Bag seems like a wanna-be Douche, just striking the bag pose for the purpose of the picture. This guy is not a serious Douche. That is not to say that I would't assist making that Douche flavored carpet rollup and riverdump. He deserves it for simply wishing to be a Douche.
That leaves my vote for Bloom Bag, he of the industrial carpet jacket, multileveled chainy bling, man-mould facial infection and unfortunate and unnerving nippleage. You can tell this guy, unlike the other candidates this week, takes his douchitude seriously and would channel the Ur-Douche if he only could.
That this sweet, sweet red haired hotness deigns to be within 1000yards of this tool makes me wonder if a black hole should open up and swallow our section of the galaxy so we can start over with new rules.
#1 Barbarino Bag seems like a wanna-be Douche, just striking the bag pose for the purpose of the picture. This guy is not a serious Douche. That is not to say that I would't assist making that Douche flavored carpet rollup and riverdump. He deserves it for simply wishing to be a Douche.
That leaves my vote for Bloom Bag, he of the industrial carpet jacket, multileveled chainy bling, man-mould facial infection and unfortunate and unnerving nippleage. You can tell this guy, unlike the other candidates this week, takes his douchitude seriously and would channel the Ur-Douche if he only could.
That this sweet, sweet red haired hotness deigns to be within 1000yards of this tool makes me wonder if a black hole should open up and swallow our section of the galaxy so we can start over with new rules.
# posted by : 11:53 AM
: 11:53 AM
I was gonna vote for bag #1, but then i remembered the misplaced nipple. im still not convinced that its not just a creepy birthmark. Also im convinced he waxes his chest. I wish he'd wax his jaw.
so yeah #3.
But i'd like to give #1 honerable mention, for pulling the hottest chick, despite stiff competition.
so yeah #3.
But i'd like to give #1 honerable mention, for pulling the hottest chick, despite stiff competition.
# posted by : 12:35 PM
: 12:35 PM
BARBARINO BAG. although i don't think the douche is particularly douchey compared to the tongue action and the half-open shirt antics, the hottie has to be honored.
all hail the... well there's too many to name. white tank top. breast contours, cute smirky smile, the hair, the skin, fuck even her glasses are sexy. EVERYTHING WITHIN A 5-METER RADIUS OF HER IS FUCKING SEXY! (except the douchebag of course)
GRAAAAAAH I'M GONNA BE CRAZY!
all hail the... well there's too many to name. white tank top. breast contours, cute smirky smile, the hair, the skin, fuck even her glasses are sexy. EVERYTHING WITHIN A 5-METER RADIUS OF HER IS FUCKING SEXY! (except the douchebag of course)
GRAAAAAAH I'M GONNA BE CRAZY!
I'm going to have to agree with the group, #2 is just plain creepy, and his girl isn't hot enough.
#1 just looks like a complete retard. The expression on his face is almost like he accidentally tripped and ended up in that position and was caught in the photo. He's a douche no doubt, but he can't pull a hot chick.. his chick knows that too.
That leaves #3... why is he even bothering to wear a shirt? he's got his nipples hanging out and everything! The weird patterned jacket, slick hair, with equal length facial fungus and multilevel chains, in combo with by far the hottest chicks gets bloom bag the win.
#1 just looks like a complete retard. The expression on his face is almost like he accidentally tripped and ended up in that position and was caught in the photo. He's a douche no doubt, but he can't pull a hot chick.. his chick knows that too.
That leaves #3... why is he even bothering to wear a shirt? he's got his nipples hanging out and everything! The weird patterned jacket, slick hair, with equal length facial fungus and multilevel chains, in combo with by far the hottest chicks gets bloom bag the win.
# posted by : 5:01 PM
: 5:01 PM
#1 deserves The Stand treatment. Attach chains to his arms and legs and have trucks drive in opposite directions. Fantasy librarian chick will run toward me, then past me, shrieking. Who cares, it was worth it.
# posted by : 5:34 PM
: 5:34 PM
#1 for sure, he's 40 lbs of douche and bones and she is waaaaaaay too hot librarian for his greasy ass
Don Jaun de la Douche
Don Jaun de la Douche
# posted by : 8:45 PM
: 8:45 PM
My vote this week is for #2, "Alice and the Mad Hatter". I'm a sucker for blondes, what can I say, but this guy is the ultimate douche (this week). The Kill Bill outfit (thats so good DB1!), the hat, the 70's glasses on the hat, and then the two cards stuck in the hat, then the fact that he's all over nice blondie here and even attempting to stick his tongue anywhere near her. He should have that tongue attached to one of those metal keys used for opening canned hams, and rolled up until he spits red juice out his eyeballs
# posted by : 5:58 AM
: 5:58 AM
Number 3, without a douchy doubt. The face pubes, the way-open shirt exposing incomprehensible hardware to cover up non-existent body, and most of all, the smug-ass look that says "hey, I deserve her" - no contest, really. The other two are just drunk, a major mitigating factor to douchy appearance. Plus, number 3 looks like charlie fucking sheen, so that alone garantees a win in the douche wars.
# posted by : 6:00 AM
: 6:00 AM
nipple 'bag #3 should go home witht the prize. I have reached this sound decision based on these three reasons:
1. bloom 'bag's greasey signs of douche are quite obvious, open and no doubt a point of pride for him. You could fry an omlette on that non-stick chest.
2. If his outward signs of ultra douche are not enough, it also seems that deep within he houses a greasey heart of douche. That look on his face is whispering: I don't know how to be anything but a douchebag, for I was born and raised to be douche. I just don't get that from 'bags #1 and #2.
3. The haymaker. The knock out blow: His HC is an angel. She sparks both pure and impure thoughts in my head. I'd like to have my way with her in an airplane bathroom; but also I'd like to marry her and treat her like a queen. She is most fine.
I am Mos' Douche
1. bloom 'bag's greasey signs of douche are quite obvious, open and no doubt a point of pride for him. You could fry an omlette on that non-stick chest.
2. If his outward signs of ultra douche are not enough, it also seems that deep within he houses a greasey heart of douche. That look on his face is whispering: I don't know how to be anything but a douchebag, for I was born and raised to be douche. I just don't get that from 'bags #1 and #2.
3. The haymaker. The knock out blow: His HC is an angel. She sparks both pure and impure thoughts in my head. I'd like to have my way with her in an airplane bathroom; but also I'd like to marry her and treat her like a queen. She is most fine.
I am Mos' Douche
# posted by : 9:17 AM
: 9:17 AM
Number 3. He needs to be eaten by cannibals and shat into a lava stream. I really don't like him.
# posted by : 1:55 PM
: 1:55 PM
oh there shouldnt even be a debate...the shades, the shirt, the puddle of drool clinging to the side of his cro-magnum mouth..a moment longer and the camera would have captured it dripping onto her amazing rack...
number 1 is it
number 1 is it
# posted by : 4:23 PM
: 4:23 PM
This week, I'm gonna have to judge solely on the 'bags merits, as I find all three ladies equally sexy and would not want to slight any of them even in my imagination.
Agree that number 2 is more dipshit than douchebag, a fine distinction to be sure. Disagree, however, that his girl is not smokin' hot. Seriously, what are you guys on?
Whilst Barbarino 'Bag is clearly caught in a statuesque moment of douchitude, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he might, MIGHT, not be an actual 'bag in real life. Something about his 'baggery seems slightly contrived and inauthentic.
However, Bloom 'Bag was clearly bottle-bred at NORAD's top secret underground douche cloning facility, to be vaporized and released into the atmosphere at the slightest hint of provocation from North Korea.
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Agree that number 2 is more dipshit than douchebag, a fine distinction to be sure. Disagree, however, that his girl is not smokin' hot. Seriously, what are you guys on?
Whilst Barbarino 'Bag is clearly caught in a statuesque moment of douchitude, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he might, MIGHT, not be an actual 'bag in real life. Something about his 'baggery seems slightly contrived and inauthentic.
However, Bloom 'Bag was clearly bottle-bred at NORAD's top secret underground douche cloning facility, to be vaporized and released into the atmosphere at the slightest hint of provocation from North Korea.
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